Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

Ask David: How to Stop Giving a Crap Motivating a Procrastinator . . . and More The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the podcast for a more in-depth discussion of each question. Today's questions. 1. Chris has a question about Positive Reframing and the Magic Dial. 2. Joe asks: What method would be best to stop giving a crap? 3. Ollie asks: How do you motivate a procrastinating patient to do the hard work of facing the task they've been putting off? 4. Owen asks: Should I complete a full Daily Mood Log each day? 5. Owen also asks: Is it okay to copy the positive reframing from a previous DML when relevant? 1. Chris asks about Positive Reframing and the Magic Dial. Hi David! I'm currently on my third re-read of "Feeling Great" and want to thank you for the positive changes and progress I have experienced in my life as a result of the techniques and information present in the book. My question is, when you use positive reframing, and identify all the advantages of a negative thought, but still decide, "Hey I would still like to reduce my suffering, in spite of all these good things. But I would love to keep the advantages too." Does this mean my conviction for change is not strong enough? Or is this when I should transition to the magic dial technique and try to keep the best of both worlds ? Thank you in advance, Christian David's reply Thanks, do the Magic Dial and you can have it both ways. However, keep this in mind, or perhaps discover it later on. Once you start to challenge your thoughts successfully, and your belief in your negative thoughts diminishes substantially, you may decide to lower your feelings even further, possibly all the way to zero. And at that point, you're probably ready for Relapse Prevention Training as described in the book. The Feeling Great app is free this summer if you're in the US, so that might help you along the trail if needed. Warmly, David Can I use this as an Ask David question on one of our Ask podcasts? d Christian responds Hello David, Thank you for your in depth response, that's really handy. Part of me is really hoping I'll want to lower my ratings even further, but I think as you have outlined many times, honoring my resistance is important if I want to get to that point. It's weird isn't it, I know at an intellectual level I want these things to happen, but at the gut level part of me is still holding on. I would love to use the app, however I'm based in the UK and it isn't available to me, I saw on the FAQ on the website that it may be getting released in other parts of the world soon ? I also hope there will be more and more TEAM-CBT therapists available in the UK in future too ! Absolutely, I would love for my question to be featured in the podcast ! Warm Regards, Christian 2. Joe asks: What method would be best to stop giving a crap? Hey Dr. Burns, Your two most recent webinars have been very helpful, especially Overcoming Perfectionism, yet I still struggle hard with perfectionism. [To be specific, I put a video out there that people enjoyed (internally) and that I spent a month on, only to get mostly ignored, and I feel defeated.] What method would be best to stop giving a crap? Thanks! Joe David's Reply As I have said so often, I don't recommend "methods" for "problems." I use TEAM, a process. I sometimes have the same problem with media interviews. I am often asked to give three tips on this or that problem, like gaining self-esteem or whatever. For example, a Chinese interviewer asked for "tips" on overcoming depression, like spending more time in nature or more time with friends and the people you care about. I am not happy about such questions, as my answer is that I'm a no tips please type of guy. I have developed many powerful processes for dealing with a variety of common problems. For example, for individual mood problems I find it extremely useful to start out with a partially completed Daily Mood Log, and for a relationship problem a partially completed Relationship Journal can lead to some fantastic and revealing work. But as far as general "tips" for not "giving a crap" if you're struggling with perfectionism, I can only quote what the Buddha said nearly 2,500 years ago: "General tips suck! Give me something specific and real, please!" Best, david 3. How can you motivate someone who procrastinates? Dear David, I have a question but first I'd like to tell you and the team just how much I'm loving the app. Especially since you gave the AI a voice so now we can speak with it rather than typing out responses. Now it feels so quick and easy. Sometimes, I find it can be hard to motivate myself to do the self-help work but talking to the app makes the process effortless. It really does feel like having a friend who's got your best interest at heart, and they're available to talk to you whenever you need them. My question is about the role of therapists when it comes to patient motivation. I was hoping

Ask David-- The Fear of Happiness! Although we had five questions for today's Ask David episode, we spend the entire podcast on the first question from a man with an intense fear of happiness. He wrote: How can I use exposure to overcome my fear of happiness? Hi David, How would you do exposure for the fear of happiness? Whenever I feel happy I immediately feel afraid because I had a very strict religious upbringing where many harmless forms of fun and enjoyment were completely forbidden. Even though I'm no longer a religious believer, the fear remains. Feeling good then makes me afraid, anxious and insomniac. This often goes on for days after something good happens and it almost seems as if I AM being punished after all! How can I recover when feeling good makes me feel so bad? Love your work and all that you do. Best regards, Tomas David's reply As I have said on numerous occasions, I do NOT recommend "methods" (like exposure) for "problems" (like your "fear of happiness.") I think your problem is very treatable, but I work with patients systematically, and that doesn't mean starting out with a "method," like exposure or any other method. I use a step by step approach, using T = Testing, E – Empathy, A = Assessment of Resistance, and M = Methods in a sequence. In addition, when I work with anxiety, I always incorporate these four approaches with every patient I work with: The Motivational Model: I bring Outcome and Process Resistance to conscious awareness and melt them away, if possible, using a variety of TEAM CBT approaches. The Cognitive Model: This involves a well-done Daily Mood Log to identify and challenge the distorted negative thoughts at one moment in time. The Exposure Model: Facing your fears, or testing them with an experiment. This is frightening, but required of every anxious patient. The Hidden Emotion Model: This is based on the idea that only "nice" people struggle with anxiety, with only a few exceptions, and that an unacknowledged problem is often hiding right behind the anxiety. The cure requires the Detective Step: identifying what the hidden emotion or feeling is. The Action Step: Expressing the suppressed feeling and or dealing with the problem you are avoiding. Your fear of happiness is an interesting problem for sure. One of my favorite movies, "Babette's Feast," involves this theme. If you want some help, you could send me a partially completed Daily Mood Log. You will discover that you are the only one who is doing the punishing! It is that belittling, intimidating voice in your own head that is causing 100% of your suffering. I look forward to helping you challenge those voices! In the meantime, I'll add this to the latest Ask David podcast questions, in the hopes you might send the DML, and then Rhonda and I can comment in greater depth on the live program. Best, david Tomas kindly sent a Daily Mood Log, which you can see if you CLICK HERE As you can see, the Upsetting Event is simply "studying mathematics," something he loves. However, he has the belief that if he allows himself to enjoy this or any activity, something terrible will happen to him. He traces this to a strict religious upbringing, and perhaps also to bullying he endured as a kid. You can see that this is intensely upsetting to him. If you look you will see that in 8 of the 9 categories of emotions on his Daily Mood Log (DML), he scores in the range of 80 to 100, which is intense and severe to extreme. The only emotion category that is not extremely elevated is the anger cluster, which he rated at only 40. You can see as well that his negative thoughts all involve the theme of punishment and destruction if he allows himself to feel happiness and enjoyment of life, or if he advances himself in life. In some of the emails he sent me, he traces this back to being bullied when young. . . possibly by kids who were jealous of his high IQ. As mentioned above, I don't throw methods (like exposure) at people based on a problem or diagnosis (in his case a phobia, the fear of happiness.) I also mentioned that I go through the T E A M model in a sequence, starting with Testing and Empathy, followed by the Assessment of Resistance and culminating in Methods. In addition, I always treat anxious patients with four powerful models, including the Motivational Model, the Cognitive Model, the Exposure Model, and the Hidden Emotion Model. I described these models above. The Motivational Model The Outcome Resistance has to do with the fact that Tomas may resist treatment because of his fear of the consequences of successfully achieving happiness. We will deal with that with Positive Reframing, including the Miracle Cure Question, the Magic Button, Positive Reframing, and the Magic Dial. In addition, we'll have to deal with Process Resistance. At some point, we will have to use exposure techniques, and we will want to find out if he's WILLING to do exposure even though it may be extremely anxiety provoking at first. We can dangle t

Part 2 of Our Personal Work with Rhonda The Surprising Conclusion of Rhonda's Session with Matt and David Last week, you heard Part 1 of our personal work--a single two hour therapy session--with Rhonda, focusing on her recent shocking diagnosis of a cancerous and potentially fatal lymphatic tumor in her neck. We did initial T = Testing and E = Empathy. Today we do the A = Assessment of Resistance and the M = Methods, and of course, the final assessment of symptoms and teaching points. A = Assessment of Resistance How DO you help someone facing a terrifying diagnosis of cancer? What's the best method to use? How do you cheer them up, or is it impossible to do so and foolish to try? Or is there no correct answer to these questions? Well, there IS a "correct" answer, at least according to the gospel of TEAM. You ASK the person if they want help, or if listening is enough. And if they want help, you ask them what they want help with. This personalizes the treatment and brings it alive for the patient. Rhonda said she had difficulties accepting help, and extreme fears of being a burden on others. She specifically wanted to stop comparing herself to her friend, Jack, who has so far survived for four years after a severe diagnosis of disseminated cancer requiring whole body radiation. She also wanted help feeling less guilty about her anger and her complaint about pain and side effects. Because we didn't want the session to run overly long, we did some streamlined Positive Reframing, listing 11 positives embbeded in her negative thoughts and feelings, such as "I have no right to complain." What does each negative thought and feeling show about her that's positive and awesome? And what were some benefits of them? The we asked Rhonda about her goals for each negative feeling on her DML, which you can see if you CLICK HERE As you can see, her desired reductions for most of her negative feelings were only modest, perhaps indicating some acceptance of her situation and the negative feelings that seemed inevitable. However, this can sometimes indicate some residual resistance that has not been addressed. We'll have to wait and see what happens next to find out! M = Methods We worked with Rhonda using several methods, especially the Externalization of Voices with frequent role reversal until she got to huge. My memory of the session is that the Counter-Attack Technique compared with the Acceptance Paradox got her to HUGE wins. You can see Rhonda's ratings for each negative feeling at the end of the session if you CLICK HERE And were these rating genuine? Or was she just being "helpful" to us for the sake of the podcast? At the end, Rhonda estimate her gratitude was 1,000,000%! Thank you, Rhonda. We all love you for your incredibly important gift to all of us today, teaching us how to love, and to laugh, when we all have to face our inevitable fate of letting go and experiencing the "true Great Death" of the "self." And we are 1,000,000% grateful to your wonderful doctors at Stanford that this cancer will NOT get the last word! Teaching Points The first take home message is that you can't effectively treat anyone with any kind of emotional problem without asking them to write down their negative thoughts. If you do this, you can find out exactly what's going on, and you'll know the only real cause of all the negative feelings that person is struggling with. That's why you can't treat depression with "tips" or advice, like "spend time in nature," or "spend time with friends." That's just junk and cheap advice and it will not work, above and beyond a possible placebo effect. Second we don't treat problems, like "cancer" or "depression" or any "mental disorder" with packages developed for just that problem. We treat people who are struggling, and find out what their negative thoughts are! You CANNOT know what someone is thinking without asking them. Everyone's thoughts are different and unique. That's why packages, including ALL the so-called "schools" of therapy, will ALWAYS fall short. There are, of course, common themes, like "I'm not good enough," but we all put our own unique spins on these themes when we're hurting. And third, measure what you're trying to treat, with brief accurate scales worded in the hear and now at the start and end of each session. That's the ONLY way to know if you've been effective. And finally, events no matter how traumatic, do NOT cause feelings. Only your thoughts can have impact on how you feel about yourself, other people, and the world. That statement is not intended to blame you for how you feel, but to liberate you from the traps you've fallen into. Thanks for listening today! Matt, Rhonda, and David

Part 1 of Our Personal Work with Rhonda The doctor said I have cancer! Are feelings of depression, fear, anger, hopelessness, and more inevitable if you have experienced a severely traumatic event? Nearly all human beings would say it IS inevitable. But are they right? If your doctor just told you that you have a serious form of cancer, is it possible--or even desirable--to avoid intense distress and despair? Today, Matthew May MD and I sit down with our beloved Rhonda who was diagnosed roughly six weeks ago with a cancerous follicular lymphoma. This is a type of lymphatic cancer that allows for a reasonably long life expectancy, but is almost universally fatal. With one exception—if you find and treat it super early. And that is where Rhonda finds herself. And today, she received her (hopefully) 12th and final radiation treatment to her neck, right under her right ear. She was told that the probability of a cure is 95%, but the effects, including painful side effects, of the radiation would be cumulative and increasing for a while after the series of treatments has been concluded. And she IS in considerable discomvort. Which was good news, great news, actually, for all of us! Still, it's been a rocky and highly emotional road for Rhonda. So Matt and I sat down with her early this morning to see if we, with the help of TEAM CBT, might be able to bring her some accurate empathy and comfort. In the session, Matt and I went through the T E A M sequence with Rhonda. T = Testing You can see Rhonda's initial Brief Mood Survey if you CLICK HERE As you can see from her Brief Mood Survey, which was completed before the session began, she was only mildly elevated in depression, anxiety, and anger, but her positive feelings of happiness were very low (only 8 our of 20, with 0 being not happiness at all in any category and 20 being the highest possible happiness. in all categories.) E = Empathy However, as Matt and I empathized with Rhonda, we reviewed her partially completed Daily Mood Log, which you can see if you CLICK HERE This tool painted a radically different picture. Rhonda's scores in nearly all categories were extremely elevated, indicating about the most intense feelings of depression, anxiety, guilt, shame, inadequacy, hopelessness, frustration, anger, and shock, as you can imagine. She was also moderately self-conscious and embarrassed. Four radically important question came to mind: What was causing these intensely negative and almost unbearable feelings? Is there any realistic hope of reducing them during today's session? And if you did want to "help," how in the world would you attempt to do this? And how much "help" could you realistically hope for? If you're serious about these topics, I would strongly recommend that you take a piece of paper and jot down your answers to these questions right now, before you listen to the rest of session. Then, after you listen to the conclusion next week, you can compare what happened with your own ideas about the situation. , During the empathy phase, Matt and I used the Five Secrets of Effective Communication to understand exactly how Rhonda was think, and how she was really feeling inside. We also did a What-If / Downward Arrow Technique to find out what she was the most afraid of. If you haven't already listened to that portion of our work with her. What do you think she was most afraid of in having cancer? And why, do you suppose, she was feeling so guilty? And so angry? We also explored the impact of the side effects of the radiation therapy, and the impact of the cancer on her personal and family relationships, the errors others made in trying to "help" when she was feeling down, and her fears of the future. At the end of the empathy phase, we asked Rhonda to grade us in three categories: How well did David and Matt understand your thoughts? How well did David and Matt understand how you were feeling inside? How well did David and Matt so in creating an atmosphere of trust, warmth, and acceptance? If you're a mental health professional and you do psychotherapy, I have another question for you before we continue: What % of your patients do you ask these three questions part way through your sessions? Raise your hand if the answer is "most, if not all, of my sessions." Yikes! I don't see many hands going up! I don't want to upset you, and you may not take me seriously, but you might be missing the boat! At any rate, Rhonda gave us a triple A +. That's definitely a passing grade, and she gave us the green light to go on to the final two steps of the TEAM session(/the A and the M steps), which you'll hear in their entirety on our very next podcast! Thanks for listening today! And make sure you tune in next week for the awesome conclusion of our work with our beloved Rhonda! Rhonda, Matt, and David

Ask David: Chasing, Commitment Problems Sadness as Celebration Is Autism Increasing? The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the live discussion for a more in-depth discussion of each question. Today's live podcast discussion with Rhonda, Matt, and David was very energetic and hopefully inspiring for all of you! Today's questions. Aurora asks about a dating problem—the guy I'm dating doesn't want to "commit." What should I do? Ana asks: I'm 48 now, and about 25 years ago, I was diagnosed with infertility—a devastating moment for someone who had dreamed of becoming a mother since childhood. Through therapy, prayer, and especially your book Feeling Good, I've done deep healing. I truly feel at peace most of the time. My life is full and joyful. But I've noticed that certain dates—especially Mother's Day and Christmas—still bring sadness. Not overwhelming or constant, but a familiar ache that surprises me even now. I use my CBT tools and move through it, but part of me wonders: should I be "over this" by now? Brittany asks: Is autism really on the increase? The following questions will be included in the next Ask David podcast. We did not have time to include them today. Ollie asks: How do you motivate a procrastinating patient to do the hard work of facing the task they've been putting off? Owen asks: Should I complete a full Daily Mood Log each day? Owen asks: Is it okay to copy the positive reframing from a previous DML when relevant? Zainab asks: Is friendship a basic human need? 1. Aurora asks about a dating problem—the guy I'm dating doesn't want to "commit." What should I do. Hi Doctor Burns, I have been dating a guy exclusively (both only seeing each other) but he doesn't bring up wanting commitment to being in a relationship. He wants to see me in all his free time but tends to plan dates last minute if he does and assumes we will hang out at his place when we get together. He knows I'd like a relationship but said we are working towards that and that it's putting unnecessary pressure when I mentioned it. I'm not sure how long to wait and asking directly for what I'd like (him planning dates in advance) doesn't really help as he quickly got defensive and I then went to using the five secrets. Any advice? Thank you for everything you do, I love your books and podcast so much. They have truly changed my life. You and Rhonda make me smile every day that I listen. If you do by chance use my question would you not include my name? Aurora David's response Yes we can address this during an Ask David. It's great timing since we just had several podcasts on dating questions, Quick answer, and we'll go deeper in the podcast, but it sounds like you're being a bit too available and letting him use you and take you for granted. Remember the Burns Rule: "People ONLY want what they CAN'T get, and NEVER want what they CAN get!" So being more unavailable, letting him know you have other plans (which may simply be not to see him at the last minute), all the while being sweet. When he says he is not interested in a commitment just now, you can use the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, and play the role of "shrink," not "available lady." Ask him about that, express curiosity, encourage him to talk. These methods (5 secrets) are an art form, spelled out pretty clearly in Feeling Good Together. Pressing him for a commitment is guaranteed to drive him away. You want HIM to be the chaser, and YOU to be the chased. Also, a Daily Mood Log on thoughts that make you anxious about him, and working toward letting go of "needing" him. Warmly, David Aurora responds to David This is amazing Dr. Burns, thank you so very much! I am so humbled you took the time to read my email, use my questions, and give such a helpful reply. And yes how about the name Aurora! Thank you and Rhonda. Your work has truly changed my life and I am so deeply grateful for all you do. Aurora 2. Ana asks about living with infertility. Hi Dr. Burns, I hope you're well. I had the honor of corresponding with you and Dr. Rhonda last year about my relationship with my mother, and I'm still so grateful for your generosity and the space you gave me on the podcast. Today I write about a different part of my story. I'm 48 now, and about 25 years ago, I was diagnosed with infertility—a devastating moment for someone who had dreamed of becoming a mother since childhood. Through therapy, prayer, and especially your book Feeling Good, I've done deep healing. I truly feel at peace most of the time. My life is full and joyful. But I've noticed that certain dates—especially Mother's Day and Christmas—still bring sadness. Not overwhelming or constant, but a familiar ache that surprises me even now. I use my CBT tools and move through it, but part of me wonders: should I be "over this" by now? Or is it normal that something so deep still stirs, even after years of healing? I sometimes question whether I'm simply very good a

Ask David: The Fear of Being Abandoned Living with Someone Who's Depressed Can Someone Else's Depression Depress You! The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the live discussion for a more in-depth discussion of each question. Today's questions. Negar asks: How can I overcome my fear of being alone or being abandoned? Stan asks: What are your tips on living with someone suffering from anxiety or depression? They can sometimes be demanding or argumentative! Stan Asks: How can we protects ourselves from not feeling down during and after spending social time with anxious and / or depressed people because they express anxious or depressing thoughts to us. It seems to me that we must start to believe the distorted negative thoughts that the anxious or depressed person transmits to us, so we start to feel the same negative emotions the other person feels. 1. Negar asks: How can I overcome my fear of being alone or being abandoned? Thank you very much You know, doctor, one of the problems I have had since childhood was that I always worry about being alone and losing the people I love. My mind becomes conditioned and a lot of negative obsessive thoughts come to my mind, even the smallest irrelevant and random external events create a sign and increase stress But I will not stop trying But I am very eager to know what you think about the mind and the irrelevant and random patterns that it relates to negative events and how to get out of this cycle You can even put this as a podcast or clip on YouTube, I think it would be very welcome because I have seen many people who have this problem🙂😇 David's response Hi Negar, Sure, we can have a question on the fear of being alone / abandoned, and the many ways of overcoming this problem. Copying Rhonda, my co-host. It is covered in detail in the first part of my book, Intimate Connections. Methods we can discuss include: Dailly Mood Log Empathy Positive Reframing Deserted Island Fantasy Cognitive Flooding Please Predicting Sheet Experimental Technique Examine the Evidence Downward Arrow / Identify Self-Defeating Belief(s) (SDB) Cost-Benefit Analysis for SDB Hidden Emotion Technique Externalization of Voices (with Acceptance Paradox, Self-Defense Paradigm, and CAT, or Counter-Attack Technique) Identify and Explain the Distortions Warmly, david Dear Dr Burns Thank you for all the effort you put into the podcasts, video clips and other material, which I find so helpful. They are a great addition to the books you have written. They are very inspiring and life changing in my case. I have two questions that I would be very grateful if you would discuss in one of your ask David podcasts, if you think they are worth discussing. 2. Stan ask about living with an anxious or depressed person who can sometimes be argumentative or demanding. Do you have any advice for family members or housemates that live with a person suffering from anxiety or depression. No one wants to make the situation worse and maybe there are some suggestions. I know it can be very difficult living with someone who is anxious or depressed. An anxious or depressed person might sometimes be very demanding or argumentative. They might also sit around doing almost nothing all day or they might have odd sleeping hours for example. They may make unreasonable requests or be overly sensitive and when hurt lash out at others for example. David's Reply I would strongly recommend the podcast on "How to Help and How NOT to Help!" Will explain a bit more on the podcast. David 3. Transference of Negative Emotions? Why do we feel bad and how can we protects ourselves from not feeling down during and after spending social time with anxious and / or depressed people because they express anxious or depressing thoughts to us. It seems to me that we must start to believe the distorted negative thoughts that the anxious or depressed person transmits to us, so we start to feel the same negative emotions the other person feels. When this happens we might start to avoid contact with the other person which might make them feel worse. As always I would really appreciate your thoughts on the above two matters, if you think it is worth an Ask David question Thank you again. Kind regards Stan David's Reply Negative feelings do not "transfer" between people. Only your own thoughts can affect the way you feel. Will explain more on the show! If you've been making the mistake of trying to "help," it would make sense that you would feel upset, frustrated, maybe even angry. But it is your own dysfunctional way of interacting with the depressed or anxious person, and your own negative thoughts, that are 100% responsible for how you feel! But I will need to spell this out on the show! Thanks for listening today! Matt, Rhonda, and David

Dating, Part 3 Flirting Secrets, Safety, and More! Today we feature, Dr. Leigh Harrington and Dr. Angela Krumm, who will tell us how to flirt and date skillfully. Both Leigh and Angela are highly advanced TEAM CBT therapists and beloved friends and long-time members of our TEAM Community. Bio sketches for both go here. Include the idea that Leigh is a psychiatrist who specializes in social anxiety, relationship problems, bad habits, and depression, as well as traversing difficult situations with grace. Angela is a clinical psychologist and co-founder of the Feeling Good Institute in Mt. View, California. She specializes in social anxiety, teaching flirting skills, treating phobias, as well as health and lifestyle changes. Leigh and Angela, let me know what you want for your contact information at the end of the show notes, like email, website, whatever you prefer in case listeners want to contact you. Also, if you have recent pics we can use in the show notes, that's cool, too, but not required. Rhonda began the show, as usual, with a warm-hearted endorsement, this one from a fan who greatly appreciated Dr. Taylor Chesney's recent podcast on how to communicate with teenagers who may seem rebellious and out of control. The listener said it helped tremendously in her interaction with her 15 year old stepdaughter. I was not surprised, as Taylor is always filled with great wisdom and awesome advice in her teachings—something I also appreciate tremendously. The take-home message was to use the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, instead of trying to control them. Form a meaningful and loving relationship. It will pay off in the long run, and in the short run as well! Leigh began today's podcast with a focus on safety when dating strangers, having fun on your dates, how to avoid dating the "wrong" people, how to tame your "dating addiction," and how to set yourself up for success. Angela then taught us how to generate a fun and meaningful conversation with people you meet, and how to flirt and get things started in a positive direction. She explained that she went through a divorce when she was still young, and got lots of help in her flirting skills from several dear colleagues, including Maor Katz, Jacob Towery, and Stephen Pfleiderer. Mastering these skills was very helpful, and is now more than happy to share the incredible tips she picked up at that time, as well as her personal experiences, which culminated in a successful second marriage and family with an awesome hunk of a guy she met, using these skills. Leigh described how she works with patients who are shy by going out with them to public places where they can encounter and interact with strangers so as to confront and overcome inhibitions and intense anxiety. She said this kind of dramatic experience can have a sudden beneficial impact. She described taking a patient to a drugstore to ask a clerk about the best products for a toenail fungus. The clerk was exceptionally helpful and friendly. Leigh emphasized the power of sharing vulnerabilities to enhance connection with others. Angela said she does the same, going out with patients to approach strangers on the street with innocuous "openers" like asking questions, asking for recommendations, asking someone to settle a debate or something you're puzzling over, finding a connection/something in common, or giving compliments. Although these things may seem overly easy to folks who have never struggled with social anxiety, they can be huge accomplishments for people who have struggled with social anxiety. For example, if you're at the grocery store, you might position yourself near someone new and make a comment that seemingly could be directed at them or at no one at all. Something like, "There are so many types of apples. How does anyone pick?" These types of openers are low stakes and give the other person a chance to respond and strike up a conversation or simply move on. In general, she reminded us that it's a cognitive distortion to assume that people will find out attempts to talk to them irritating or burdensome. Most people appreciate positive attention and like being helpful. Or, if you're at the grocery store, you might say "Oh, there are so many types of apples here today. I'm not sure which type to buy." You can also ask strangers for advice; this can be effective because people like to be helpful and it sets them at ease. Angela has prepared a guide describing many valuable flirting skills which you can see if you click here! She also included some invaluable dating tips on avoiding dating the wrong people, safety, and more, which you can see if you CLICK HERE Angela explained many additional key concepts, like Angela explained many additional key concepts, like False time-constraints (taking the pressure off others by keeping initial asks for time short; keeping initial dates short to leave others wanting more) How to decide how much to share when deciding to try to deepen emotional i

Dating, Part 2 Do you need some love? Expert dating advice today! Today we feature two of our favorite people, Dr. Kyle Jones and Dr. Carly Zankman, who will discuss many aspects of dating. Both Kyle and Carly are advanced and highly effective TEAM CBT therapists with tons of experience in dating, and of course, in treatment. They share their personal experiences, as well as their considerable therapeutic expertise, in this highly energetic podcast. They cover a wide range of topics including ghosting, dealing with people who give you the run-around, negative self-fulfilling prophecies, Rejection Practice, how to avoid "chasing" (which Kyle calls the "Temptations Trap") so you can be the one who's being chased instead of the one who's doing the chasing, the importance of being playful and how to make dating fun. The also encouraged avoiding some of the common kinds of negative self-talk, like "This date will suck," or "I'll always be alone," or "People shouldn't be so superficial," etc. Kyle and David discussed Kyle's first Sunday hike. Kyle had just been rejected by his boyfriend, and was feeling super down, telling himself he was a reject and a loser. They describe how Kyle change his internal dialogue during the hike, and began to talk to himself as a winner, as an awesome, hot, sexy guy, which lifted his mood tremendously. Then David suggested a strategy designed to turn the tables on his ex-boyfriend: "Just go to a gay singles bar tonight and pick up some good looking guy and get laid! If you do that, I can guarantee your Ex will come crawling back, and then you can kick some sand in his face!" Abd that's exactly what happened! David emphasized the importance of looking your best, in terms of clothing and appearance, when dating, as well as the resistance that some people have (mostly men) who insist they "shouldn't have to play the gain." I described my collaboration with a salesperson at the King of Prussia Bloomingdale's named Kuniko Finkelstein when I was in clinical practice in Philadelphia. I used to refer my single guys to her for a "sex uniform," and she would select extremely sexy and appealing outfits for them. We highlighted the self-centeredness and foolishness of telling yourself that women or men should love me for the way I am. They say, "I shouldn't have to play the game." Of course, you DON'T have to play the game, but if you don't, you may and probably will end up alone! And once you DO learn how to "play the game," your chances of finding a deep and meaningful love relationship go way up. About Kyle and Carly Kyle Jones, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with a private telehealth practice serving clients throughout California. He is a Level 4 Advanced TEAM-CBT therapist and trainer. Kyle specializes in helping individuals navigate anxiety, relationship challenges, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), with a warm, and evidence-based TEAM approach. In addition to his clinical work, Dr. Jones co-leads The OCD Consultation Group, a monthly peer forum for clinicians dedicated to enhancing their skills in treating OCD. He also serves as adjunct faculty at Palo Alto University, where he teaches in both the master's and doctoral programs in clinical psychology. A proud alumnus of UC Santa Barbara, Dr. Jones recently joined the alumni council for the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences, mentoring students and supporting the next generation of mental health professionals. Carly Zankman, PsyD., is a Clinical Psychologist and Level 4 Advanced TEAM-CBT therapist and trainer based in Mountain View, California. She specialized in working with younger adults and teens, helping them recover from anxiety and other mood challenges, such as social anxiety and fears of rejection and vulnerability, low self-esteem, trauma, and relationship issues. Carly loves using TEAM-CBT and Exposure Methods to help her clients overcome their fears, create deeper, genuine connection, and live more authentic, joyous lives! Since 2021 the Feeling Great Book Club has been a way for people across the world to come together in learning and practicing powerful self-help CBT Tools in a group book club format guided by your transformative book Feeling Great and facilitated by Brandon a Vance and Heather Clague, two psychiatrists expert in TEAM CBT. The Awesome Feeling Great Book Club Returns! It includes: - Large Group Demonstrations - Small Group discussions and practice, facilitated by former book club members. - Some small groups specifically for those using the Feeling Great App - Two 12 week online groups starting mid September and going until the first week in December, - meeting 80-minutes a session - either Mondays at 4pm or Wednesdays at 8:30am Pacific Time so they can be accessible to people all over the world. Cost is $240 for the series, sliding scale down to whatever you can afford. For more detail and to register, go to www.FeelingGreatTherapyCenter.com/Book-Club

Dating, Part 1 Navigating the Dreaded (But Sometimes Needed) Dating Apps! Today we started a series on one of my favorite topics: dating. When I was in clinical practice in Philadelphia, a large proportion of my patients self-identified as single, without partner, so this was one of my favorite problems to help people with, and why I wrote the book, Intimate Connections, which included my some of my personal experiences learning about dating during my medical school days at Stanford. Our special guests include our own TEAM CBT expert, Jacob Towery, MD, who presents the free annual two-day marathon on shyness called "Finding Humans Less Scary." He will be presenting this program at Esalen as well from September 8 – 12, 2025. Check out the September 8 - 12 shyness workshop at the beautiful and dramatic Esalen in the Big Sur! We are also joined by two wonderful young ladies: Sydney, who graduated in 2024 from University of Santa Cruz, and Sophie, who recently graduated from UC Berkely. They will give us some first-hand experiences and suggestions in the navigation of dating apps. Jacob said that after his divorce in 2012, until 2020, he went on a lot of dating apps and met nearly 200 women this way, exploring both short and long-term types of dating. He said it is sometimes difficult to figure out what someone is really looking for on an app, whereas in person it is easier. The group described the tendency to treat people as objects and ghost them when you decide you're not interested. He recommended, instead, to treat people with dignity and care, even if you're not romantically interested in them. He said that whether you've been on one or many dates, don't just ghost someone. Instead, you can let someone down gently if you aren't interested. For example, at the end of a first date in which you don't find yourself attracted to the other person, you could say "I didn't feel a spark but I enjoyed our time together. Thanks for hanging out with me." This will make it clear to the other person you won't be asking for another date, but in a kind way, and prevents them wondering for days if you will ask them out again. In addition, he advised that initially, don't just text people back and forth endlessly. Instead, get into real life ASAP. Meet them for coffee or ice cream or whatever would be fun. That way you can find out whether or not there's a spark of interest. Jacob also recommended using a recent photo of yourself. If you use an older photo of yourself, the other person may be disappointed when they meet you! Jacob recommended being honest about what your interests are, and what you are looking for. Are you just looking for casual dating? Are you only looking for something that may evolve into a long term relationship? Are you interested in having children? What are your interests or hobbies? The group discussed many topics, like is it okay for a woman to take the initiative and ask people out they are interested in? It's easy to get overwhelmed by having too many offers, too many to select from. And the whole process can be incredibly exhausting. How do you make conversation in a way that will turn the other person on and make them interested in you? What's the secret? How do you overcome the fear of rejection? And what if you protect yourself from the fear of rejection by hiding personal information about yourself. For example, you may think that if you didn't really open up to the other person, their rejection will be less painful because they didn't see your so-called "real" self. Jacob emphasized the importance of being playful and creative when dating. People really like to have fun. Being overly serious or heavy can be a turn-off. Thanks for listening today! Future topics will include how to flirt, how to change the way you think when you're rejected, making people chase you, how to get close, and more! Rhonda, Jacob, Sydney, Sophie, and David

What's the Latest on The Feeling Great App? Featuring Jason Meno and Adam Holman Adam Holman and his loving cat! The featured photo is Jason Meno, also a cat lover! Today we focus on a number of exciting updates in the Feeling Great app, and are delighted to be joined by our esteemed colleagues, Jason Meno and Adam Holman who have recently created and launched to new V2 version of the Feeling Great chatbot, which includes greatly increased horsepower, in terms of rapid and dramatic reductions in 7 negative feelings, including feelings of depression, anxiety, guilt / shame, inadequacy, loneliness, hopelessness / discouragement, and anger. The latest data indicates reductions of more than 60% in all of these feelings within the first 90 minutes of chatbot use in most new users, and more than 70% reductions in repeat uses in the same amount of time. This is absolutely phenomenal and far surpasses my expectations 50 years ago when I first imagined and visualized this app. In addition, the new version of the app also causes fairly dramatic increases in seven positive feelings at the same time--a highly desirable feature that was lacking in most previous versions of the app. Jason and Adam also described a number of exciting, user-friendly features like two-way verbal communication with the app so you no longer have to type your dialogues (although you can if you prefer that mode.) Another new feature is long term memory, so the bot will remember you and be able to summarize your previous sessions, and more. In addition, to illustrate exactly HOW the app works, we did a live demonstration with Jason, who has been struggling with several of his negative thoughts, like "This app might not reach the hundred of millions of people around the world who need it." His belief in this thought was 80%, and the thought triggered strong feelings of hopelessness, sadness, guilt, anxiety, frustration, anger, and inadequacy. This is a valid concern since we must rapidly boost sales if we hope to break even and stay in business, We tried a number of methods that weren't effective, following the app's philosophy of 'failing as fast as we can," including Positive Reframing and Paradoxical Magnification, that did not help at all. In fact, Positive Reframing simply triggered increased resistance. Then we tried a method that has been really helpful for Jason in the past, Externalization of Resistance, and he was able to successfully challenge all the really GOOD reasons to cling to his negative thoughts. At the end, his belief in the thought was reduced from 80% to 20%, which was satisfactory to Jason as he said that some worrying is realistic and keeps him on his toes continually adding amazing new features to the app. If you've been struggling with low self-esteem or negative feelings or low self-esteem, you might want to check the latest version of the Feeling Great app. You can take a free ride and check it out. You've got absolutely nothing to lose but a couple hours of your time, and a life of greater joy and happiness to gain. Rhonda, Jason, Adam, and I appreciate all of you, and thank you for joining us today!

Teen Troubles? Don't Freak Out! Featuring Dr. Taylor Chesney Today, we are thrilled to welcome Dr. Taylor Chesney to our podcast on troubled teens—what actually works! Taylor has been on a number of previous podcasts, and has been a beloved member of the TEAM community for many years! We were lucky to have her here in person as a member of our weekly TEAM CBT training group for several years until she and her husband finally returned home to New York in 2014 where she established her booming clinical practice working with kids and teens. She and her husband, Gregg, have four children of their own, ranging from 11 to 2 ½, so she brings a great deal of practical experience to complement her brilliant technical skills. Taylor will teach us how parents can deal effectively with troubled and impulsive and often smelly and irritating teens. I think you will find her message highly practical and inspiring, and perhaps the opposite of the ways you may have reacted to frustrating teenagers in the past. She says her goal is to help parents feel more confident in dealing with their teens and to teach them how to develop greater teamwork, love and understanding by integrating the Five Secrets of Effective Communication into their daily parenting toolkit. She says that "teen brains are different. They act out impulsively when angry, and can be hard to tolerate at times, or even often." The goal is to learn to see the world through their eyes, and to become comfortable with being uncomfortable with their behavior. Remember that teens are supposed to be irritable and angry as they grow more and more independent, which is healthy. Compared to an adult brain that is more developed, has better impulse control, and "should be" able to tolerate emotions better. She thinks that parents can often do a great deal more than a shrink, especially if the parents are willing to learn how to listen and connect more effectively with their children. She says, "teen brains are changing constantly. Teens are frustrating. They are angry, disorganized, and want more than anything to spend time with their friends. They often complain, and might say that a party they went to was "lame and it sucked because the parents were there, constantly hanging around. They don't trust us!" Don't argue or contradict them, or try to teach them "good lessons". Instead use Thought Empathy, Feeling Empathy, and Disarming. Summarize their words and feelings, and find truth in what they are saying. For example, you might say, "That does sound disappointing, having the parents there supervising all the time. I wouldn't be surprised if you feel frustrated and ticked off." You want them to talk! And they WILL talk if you listen instead of trying to fix or control them. Suppose your teen says, "My teacher sucks. I turned my homework in late, so he deducted 5 points. But I was up late helping my friend on the phone, and I forgot." You could say, "That sounds super frustrating. I know how much you care about your friends, and would do anything to help them out. It sounds super frustrating that you got marked down on your homework. I know that school is super important to you, too." In other words, your goal is to provide support and warmth, rather than trying to discipline or scold them. They want to please you, but if you put them down when they are complaining, that will push them away and will cast a shadow on your relationships with them. You'll get frustrated and the tension will escalate, and you may end up shouting at them in exasperation. Then you'll get down on yourself as well, and you may feel like a bad mom or a bad dad. Taylor points out that if we can't model calmness at those moments of tension, then our kids won't learn how to be calm in the midst of conflict, either. They'll just learn to shout and argue—the very behavior that you're modeling. Suppose you ask them to do the dishes, but 30 minutes later they still haven't started. They got distracted. The idea is to use "Gentle Parenting," showing some patience, warmth and understanding instead of flying off the handle. This does NOT mean giving in, but rather showing kindness when you have to remind them to do their chores. You might say, "I know you've got so much going on, and it can be hard to keep up with everything." Your kids will become more and more independent as they gradually evolve from grammar school, where they are highly dependent on you, to middle school and then to high school. During this process, you gradually evolve from being highly controlling and protective to being more of an influencer and creating a loving relationship, a friendship, with your child. At the same time that you attend to changes in your "outer dialogue" with your child, it's important to notice your "inner dialogue." This refers to the way you talk to yourself about our child, and these messages can sometimes be huge barriers to using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. For example, if you tell yoursel

450: ASK DAVID, Featuring Dr. Matthew May "All About Anger" Is resentment ever rational or logical? Are perceptions of injustice always present when people feel angry? What's the best way to respond to an angry criticism? The following answers were written prior to the show. Tune in for the in-depth, live discussions of these cool questions. 1. Mark asks: Is RESENTMENT ever RATIONAL? Is there any rational, logical reason to hold a grudge? Hey David: I often have interesting thoughts at night – especially after consuming gummies or cannabis cookies before bed! Of course, it's logical to learn from experiences and refuse to trust or give more money, time, labor, loan possessions, and so forth to someone that screwed us over. We don't ever want to be deceived, ripped off, etc., multiple ties, but beyond self-protective behaviors and assertiveness, is there ANY logical, rational reason to hold a grudge or maintain resentment? David's reply: Thanks Rationality is not one of the strong cards in dealing with any form of anger. Motivational interventions are usually more effective, at least initially. That's because when we're angry we usually WANT to feel angry and we won't take kindly to anyone telling us that our thoughts are WRONG! David 2. Mark asks: Are perceptions of injustice always present when people feel ANGRY? It seems to me that there is almost always some self-talk related to feeling unjustly treated – whether road rage, marital/couple conflicts, etc. I am eager to hear your thoughts/feel free to use any of this in your writings, podcast, blogs, etc. David's reply: Yes, most if not all, feelings of anger are associated with thoughts of injustice, unfair behavior and similar kinds of thoughts. 3. Rhonda's 5-Secrets question. In the course of a conversation that I was having with a colleague of mine (not a TEAM therapist), she told me that she felt I was criticizing her. I immediately went into a 5-Secrets frame of mind and tried to disarm her…saying, "Well you are right, I am feeling critical." I also used the other 5 steps except I did not offer any stroking because I was not feeling very positive toward her. She said, "Then if you are being critical of me now, you must be critical of me ALL the time." How would you respond to that? Thank you! Rhonda David's response We role-played this in real time, and discussed the power and challenge of genuine disarming, and illustrated it. Matt, Rhonda, and David thank you for joining us today, and hope you enjoyed the dialogue!

Stories from My Hippy Days, Part 2 Featuring David and Rhonda A year or more ago we did a Part 1 podcast on stories from my days as a Stanford Medical student in the late 1960s. This was the Hippy Era and the famous "Summer of Love." A young man, Clyde, recently asked if we'd do Part 2, since we didn't get to all the stories the first time around. As an aside, there are more stories, so if you like them, we'd be happy to do a Part 3 as well. 1. Husain Chung and the crazy teen from LA: When a stallion wants to run, you run with the stallion!" 2. A frightening encounter with Vic Lovell: And a mentor's advice on how to handle it. 3. Bar next to the Free University Coffee House: Outrageous works, even with the Hell's Angels. 4. The bearded man on the quad near the Stanford Student Union—Telling me to "sit with open hands" 5. Ken Kesey and his merry pranksters walked into the Stanford Student Union—they were dressed in pajamas or clown outfits and Neil Cassady was juggling hammers. 6. The tape recorder experiment: Bizarre week, unexpected conclusion. 7. Encounter at the Medical School: "Psychiatry and Psychotherapy—Are they Relevant or Obsolete?" Featuring Hussain Chung 8. Missing the medical school graduation ceremony: Didn't pick up my diploma until years later. 9. Homeless in Carmel Valley: Saved by Ramadan, Subud and Bapak. Thanks for tuning in today! And keep your requests, questions, and feedback coming. Your satisfaction and happiness are our top goals! Rhonda and David

448: Ask David, featuring Adam Hollman Relationship woes--what should I do? How can animals have feelings if they can't think? How often should I fill out the Daily Mood Log? Why can't husbands express their feelings? Today we are joined by Adam Holman, LCSW. Adam has recently left his full time clinical practice in Arizona to join our Feeling Great app team here in San Francisco. I think you'll be delighted by his warmth and wisdom. Although he works with us full-time, he still practices one day per week and specializes in X depression, anxiety, and screen addiction(e.g. video game addiction and more.) He has appeared on two previous Feeling Good Podcasts, # X and # Y. We are delighted to have Adam as the honored guest on today's Ask David podcast! Here are the questions for today's Ask David. They were all written before the podcast. If you listen to the podcast, you will get much more information and perspective. The Questions Hello Dr Burns. I hope you are doing well. I participated in the webinar held on 18th of April. It was a good experience for me and I would like to thank you and your team in arranging for that. Far asks: if You have a relationship problem, but also feel inadequate. Should you use the Daily Mood Log for the internal problem of inadequacy and the Relationship Journal for the actual dialogue? Moritz points out that animals, who don't think in words, still have intense emotional reactions, including fear and anger. For example, when a deer spots a predator, like a cayote, it feels terror and instantly runs to get away. Doesn't this prove that terrifying events can cause feelings directly? In other words, that makes it seem like thoughts or cognitions are NOT necessary to feel emotions. What do you think? Rob asks: How often do you fill out your own daily mood journals? Do you do one every day? Would you be willing to share recent examples of your own journals with podcast listeners? Brittany asks: Why won't my husband share his feelings? (Or, we could ask, why can't men express their feelings?) The Answers 1. Far asks: If you have a relationship problem, but also feel inadequate. Should you use the Daily Mood Log for the internal problem of inadequacy and the Relationship Journal for the actual dialogue? Hello Dr Burns. I hope you are doing well. I participated in the webinar held on 18th of April. It was a good experience for me, and I would like to thank you and your team for arranging it. May I ask a question? When there is a relationship problem it should be addressed by the relationship journal and interpersonal downward arrow and not by the cognitive method as far as I know. What about when there is a relationship problem together with strong feelings of depression and frustration as a result of an internal dialogue of being inadequate and defective. Should this component be addressed by the cognitive method and straightforward technique? Thanks a lot. Far Kom David's Reply This one just came in, so we'll answer it live. 2. Moritz: Are thoughts REALLY necessary to have emotional reactions to events? Hi David, first of all, thank you for the podcast, and in particular for answering my question about how you help people with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, which came out a few weeks or months ago. I just finished listening to episode 430, where you stated that that negative thoughts can cause negative emotions (this part I'm totally on board with), but also hypothesized that probably only negative thoughts cause negative emotions. Did I understand that correctly? (If not, please ignore the rest of this email, it won't make any sense). I'm kinda confused about this claim. This is totally not my area of expertise, but I'm under the impression that fear is much older and more "primitive" than (at least conscious) thought, from an evolutionary point of view. It would seem unlikely that an old evolutionary feature in the brain would only be triggered from a newer feature. My other source of confusion comes from my own comparison with animals. It is my impression that basically all mammals show some kind of fear response, but we don't attribute thoughts to all of them, never mind full-blown self-reflective, conscious thoughts. So at least in the mammals with simpler brains, it seems likely that fear (and other negative emotions) could be triggered pretty directly without going through negative thoughts first, and it would also be quite surprising if we didn't all contain the same mechanisms, since we share most of our neural architecture with all mammals. Do you think these considerations are valid, and if yes, are they compatible with your approach? After listening to your podcast, my own mental model of negative emotions is something like this: stimuli can cause negative emotions directly; this happens in all mammals when the stimulus goes away, negative emotions also ebb and go away after a certain time, unless something keeps them alive in humans (and likely in at least some mamm

Perfectionism Update Featuring Adam Holman Today we are joined by Adam Holman, LCSW. Adam has recently left his full time clinical practice in Arizona to join our Feeling Great app team here in San Francisco. I think you'll be delighted by his warmth and wisdom. Although he works with us full-time, he still practices one day per week and specializes in X depression, anxiety, and screen addiction(e.g. video game addiction and more.) He has appeared on two previous Feeling Good Podcasts, # X and # Y. We are delighted to have Adam as the honored guest on today's Ask David podcast! Today's questions come all the way from North Macedonia! Dear Dr. Burns, Thank you so much for your kind response. I'd be truly honored if my questions could be considered for a future episode of your Ask David podcast. Your work has been a key influence in my research on perfectionism and its cognitive-behavioral aspects. Here are a few brief questions I'm currently exploring: How has your view of perfectionism evolved since Feeling Good? What strategies have you found most effective for challenging perfectionistic thinking in therapy? Is perfectionism often rooted in a fear of not being "good enough"? How does it typically manifest in academic or professional environments? If you happen to include any of these in a future episode, I'd be grateful if you could let me know so I can tune in. Thank you again for your time and for the lasting impact of your work. Warm regards, Mitko Toshev Doctoral Student Faculty of Pedagogy University "St. Kliment Ohridski" – Bitola North Macedonia David's Reply Yes, this will make for an excellent podcast with a refresher on perfectionism, featuring questions from Mitko and a spirited discussion with Adam, Rhonda and yours truly! We had an in depth discussion of all the latest bells and whistles in the treatment of perfectionism with TEAM CBT. This included the two very different but complementary approaches to treating depression or any of the 23 common Self-Defeating Beliefs. So, if you've ever struggle with the thought that you're not good enough, or that you SHOULDN'T have made this or that mistake, this podcast will be right up your alley! Thanks, Mitko! david

446 Who am I? Medical Help that Saves Children's Lives Featuring Dr. Rachel Sewall: "I want to shout from the mountain tops!" Today we hear from Rachel Sewell, M.D., a Stanford pediatric endocrinologist who provides medically necessary care for transgender and gender diverse young people. She shares how in a time when there is a lot of inaccurate information being spread about this vulnerable population she will continue to advocate for them by providing education and accurate information, including by being a guest on this podcast. She says: When I was a medical student, I wasn't initially sure what type of medical practice I would pursue. However, I always knew I'd be an advocate for LGBTQ+ patients . As a first-year medical student, I trained and worked in the emergency room. I quickly realized, as did my mentors, that I enjoyed and was excellent at working with children, so I focused on pediatrics. That summer I had the chance to do research in endocrinology which is the study of all hormones. Think of hormones as messages that travel throughout our bodies delivering important information. Hormones are responsible for so many important functions including keeping our bones healthy, helping us grow, using the energy from our food, and causing kid bodies to change into adult bodies. My work with transgender and gender diverse children and teens involves providing evidence-based holistic care with a skilled team of clinicians. More than anything, my patients want to be respected, heard, and allowed to thrive. . In providing them care,I bear witness to intense conversations, emotional highs and lows, as well as the purest examples of joy. Throughout it all, it is my privilege and pleasure to provide them gender affirming care. During this episode we reviewed definitions of gender identity vs the sex assigned to someone at birth. We review the common times when young folks share their gender identity with the people in their lives as well as what it means to be cisgender vs transgender. We discuss sexual orientation and gender identity and how these are complicated and independent aspects of everyone's sense of self. Rachel continued, Medically necessary care for transgender and gender diverse patients is life-saving. Imagine, you know you are male but your body has a period every month. This can be profoundly distressing and results in gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is the intense discomfort that results from your identity not aligning with your body and negatively impacts people's everyday lives. Now imagine being told that there are safe and effective ways to avoid experiencing that distress. I have had numerous patients say that the care they receive has saved their life. When people hear gender affirming care it often leads them to think of care provided to transgender and gender diverse people but everyone deserves access to gender affirming care. Because it is simply a model of care that recognizes the importance of and validates people's identities and experiences. Other examples of gender affirming care include being able to take a medicine to help prevent hair loss on your head or undergoing a breast reconstruction surgery after having breast tissue removed in the fight against cancer. When discussing possible ways to support a patient's identity I tell families that there is no one size fits all. Everyone's journey is completely unique. For some patients, having their legal documents align with their chosen name is the most important thing. For others, they alter their gender expression, aka the way they present themselves to and interact with the world around them with things like hair changes, makeup, clothes etc. to align with their identity. For some folks it is important to pursue hormone therapy. And for some they will end up pursuing surgical interventions when they are adults. I also discuss that the timing of sharing your gender identity if it does not align with your sex assigned at birth varies tremendously. But regardless of age, gender-affirming medical care always makes a tremendous difference in peoples' lives! Rhonda and I are deeply grateful to Rachel for giving us this wonderfully patient and clear education in a field that was not even covered, to the best of my knowledge, when I was a medical student at Stanford. We hope your voice today, Rachel, will be heard by many, and will hep to bring greater peace, acceptance, love and understanding to our many podcast fans. Thanks! Rachel, Rhonda, and David

Secrets of Superb Interviewing-- How to Be Everyone's Number 1 Choice! Today we feature our beloved Kyle Jones, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist who suggested we might do a really cool podcast on the interviewing skills featured in Chapter 16 of my Feeling Good Handbook. Rhonda and I are absolutely delighted to welcome Kyle for his third appearance on to the Feeling Good Podcast. (Rhonda had to excuse herself after introducing this episode because she was not feeling well) In that chapter on interviewing skills, I listed the five basic principles of successfully interviewing for a job, for admissions to a school, or really almost any type of interview at all. I have to warn you that these ideas may be unfamiliar, and will definitely be quite different from what you've been taught about winning interviews. #1: Be personable and friendly. Don't try to impress the person who's interviewing you! #2 Make them sell themselves to you. #3 Be honest, but present yourself in a positive light. #4 Don't get defensive. #5 Punt when you don't know the answer to the question. To illustrate the first idea, I told a story from Dale Carnegie's book on How to Win Friends and Influence People, in which he describes his interview with a wealth and powerful man in the hopes of soliciting a donation for the Boy Scouts of America. This was back in the era many years ago when the Scouts were still very popular. The receptionist who made the appointment warned Dale Carnegie that he would have only 15 minutes, and emphasized that her boss was 100% meticulous about time. He started exactly on time, and ended exactly on time, whether or not you were done, so he better talk fast once the interview started. When the time came, and Dale Carnegie entered the office, the receptionist again reminded him that he'd be kicked out after 15 minutes no matter what! As he walked in, Dale Carnegie spotted a trophy fish proudly displayed on the wall above the rich man's desk, and asked, if the wealthy man he'd caught it. himself, The rich man said he had caught it in lake so and so. Dale Carnegie got excited and said, "I fish there too. Where, exactly, were you fishing on the lake when you caught this fish?" The man told him where his favorite fishing hole was, and they become engrossed in a vibrant conversation about the joys of fishing. Suddenly, the office door opened, and the receptionist appeared and said the time was up. On the way out, the wealthy man said, "Oh, I forgot to ask you what the purpose of the interview was." Dale Carnegie said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to mention that I am trying to raise money to support the Boy Scouts of America." The man replied, "You'll receive a check in the mail tomorrow for a million dollars." And those were the days when that was an enormous amount of money. What's the moral of the story? Relate to the person who's interviewing you as a person, and show an interest in them, instead of pitching your talking points and trying to impress them. People usually make decisions influenced greatly by how much they like the person they are talking to. Don't try to be impressive. Aim for friendly, real and human. How do you do this? Well, let's say that you have an interview with a law firm, hoping to get hired, and you're just out of law school. I used to be the shrink for the University of Pennsylvania Law School, and at the time there were too many law school graduates looking for too few job openings, and almost no one was hiring. They referred despondent and panicky students to me who'd had a string of rejections. At the time, the top firms had at least 50 to 100 top notch candidates for every position. Was there any hope of starting their careers? I told them to do some research on the person who was going to interview them, or on their firm. Find something interesting about them. Then, at the start of the interview you can say something like this: "I'm so excited to meet you because I've been following your work for some time. I was amazed and blown away by your strategy in the X, Y, and Z case, and I was wondering if you're still using that approach in litigation and how it's been working out? I'd love to hear more about your work, and how you came up with the approach you're using, and what you like the best about this firm." This will get them to talking about themselves. DON'T try to impress them with how great you are . That will just bore them, or turn them off, and it will certainly put you under pressure to perform. This pressure will probably make you anxious, and your anxiety and insecurity will show. Instead, impress them with how great THEY are. They'll love you! I trained the students in this doing role-playing of imaginary job interviews. Every student I trained in this approach became the #1 choice at every firm they interviewed at! This approach is not just for law students, it's for every type of job, as well as interviews for college, graduate school, and more. Here's the underlying idea. People

I'm angry! A Once-UndocumentedImmigrant Speaks from the Heart-- Live Work with Sunny, Part 2 Last week you heard Part 1 of the Live work with Sunny, who's struggling with radically conflicting emotions. On the one hand, he has finally achieved his dream of an incredibly happy and fulfilling life, but he is frequently plunged into profound despair, fear, and anger because of the increasingly adverse political climate for people who are "different"—in gender identity, sexual orientation, nationality, political beliefs, skin color, and more. And he is shocked, fearful, and angered by the mean-spirited treatment so many are receiving—and which Sunny has endured throughout much of his life as well. Today, you will hear about how we set the A = agenda for our session with Sunny, along with the M = Methods we used. You can find Sunny's goals for each negative feeling at the end of the Positive Reframing, and at the end of M = Methods, if you Click here His scores on the Empathy and Helpfulness Scales in the Evaluation of Therapy Session were perfect. Here are some of the take-home lessons from this session with Sunny. 1. Unhealthy negative feelings result from distorted negative thoughts, like "I'll be miserable forever." Healthy negative feelings, in contrast, result from thoughts that are realistic and, for the most part, undistorted. Healthy negative feelings do not usually require any kind of "treatment," but skillful empathic listening and support will nearly always be appreciated. 2. Empathy can be very powerful, and it is absolutely necessary for a meaningful therapeutic relationship, but empathy alone is not enough to change the way someone feels. 3. Finding compassion for someone who has harmed you, while extremely challenging, can also bring you peace. 4. Emotions such as anger, sadness, and anxiety are important protective instincts. And one can feel these emotions and be compassionate and loving at the same time. 5. As a therapist it can be tempting to either assume that you can't help a patient because their feelings are "normal," or to try to cheerlead or problem-solve for a patient to cheer them up, but the TEAM-CBT model allows us to collaborate with the patient, understand when and how they want to change, honor their resistance to change, and offer them the tools they need to change in a way that honors their values. Thank you so much for listening and joining us. Rhonda, Jill and I are deeply indebted to you, Sunny, for your courage and vulnerability last week and today, letting us into your world on such a personal level. We love you and will always be grateful to have you in our lives, both professionally and personally! Sunny, Rhonda, Jill, and David

I'm angry! A Once-UndocumentedImmigrant Speaks from the Heart-- Live Work with Sunny, Part 1 Sunny Choi is a beloved member of the TEAM community. He grew up in Hong Kong before emigrating with his family to the United States when he was 11 years old. He graduated from UCLA with a major in engineering, completed a master's degree in Engineering Management at Stanford, and developed a successful career in high tech Silicon Valley companies. However, he left his work to pursue additional graduate training in clinical social work because he discovered that his strongest call was to help individuals who were being marginalized by American culture and suffering. He then obtained an MSW degree with a specialty in Community Mental Health from California State University. We were fortunate when Sunny discovered and joined our free Stanford TEAM CBT training group, and blossomed into an expert TEAM therapist and beloved colleague and friend. Today, Dr. Jill Levitt and I worked with Sunny because he requested a session to work on his own troubled feelings concerning the recent political developments. He emphasized that he wanted to do personal work, rather than focusing too heavily on the current political controversies and battles. You can find the Daily Mood Log (DML) that Sunny prepared just prior to his session if you click here As you can see, at the top of his DML, he described the upsetting event as tearing up when he was teaching a class and discussing a case of a transgender Mexican American man, and he began reflecting on his own memories of growing up as a gay male and undocumented immigrant. Sadness and anger were the two strongest negative feelings (rated 70 and 80, respectively on a scale from 0 to 100), although he was also moderately anxious, guilty, rejected, hopeless, and frustrated. You can also see the ten negative thoughts he recorded on his DML, and how strongly he believed each one, on a scale from 0 (not at all) to 1000 (completely.). During the session he added three more thoughts: 11. I (shouldn't be) living such a happy and pleasurable life when others are suffering. 70% 12. I should be helping others more. 80% 13. I have to figure out the correct way to be thinking and feeling. 50% At the start of the session, he said that he felt vulnerable and nervous discussing such personal feelings, memories, and thoughts. He also said that after doing much personal and professional work, he was generally happy and loving, but felt profoundly disturbed when he thought about so many people who are suffering. He said, "Many of my clients are being deported. And those who are gay are worried that they'll lose access to their medications." These were the kinds of thoughts that triggered his feelings of guilt. During the empathy phase, Jill mentioned that she felt honored to be talking to Sunny today and proud to be a member of a community where you can reach out when you're suffering. She added that she felt torn, as I did, because it seemed to us that many of his negative thoughts were realistic, and not distorted, and that it makes sense to feel sad, anxious, worried, and angry. For example, his first negative thought on his DML was, "The world is much more unstable and dangerous now." Sunny emphasized that most of the time he does feel happy, especially when involved with friends and family, and doing the things he loves. But then he gets confused and guilty, wondering if it is right to feel happy when things are looking so dark for so many people. It certainly makes sense to feel unhappy when, as Sunny said, some of his clients and friends have lost their jobs and people in the LGBTQ+ community are afraid they'll get deported. And we're all afraid to speak up and talk about diversity, which has become a dirty word that can get you into trouble. And when Sunny thinks about this, he feels profound sadness and compassion. But as previously noted, this has caused confusion for Sunny, and he struggles with feelings of guilt about the fact that he is truly happy so much of the time. He's happy about his beautiful life, his marriage, and more—this, in fact, is his happiest he's ever been. Here's how he puts it: "I used to be undocumented. The experience and the hostility and bias I confronted traumatized me. And when I heard Trump talk about all the 'murders and rapists' invading our country from Mexico, I became tearful. I feel angry—they don't think we're human. "I want people to be more compassionate. . . . To say we're rapists and criminals, it's not okay. . . it's mean, and it's very harmful to mental health. . . . It's like repeatedly poking at someone who is recovering from a terrible wound, and it hurts." Jill was touched, and found Sunny's vulnerability heart-warming, beautiful, and refreshing. Rhonda reminded us that unless we are Indigenous Native Americans, all Americans are descended from immigrants. In my own case, all my ancestors came from Sweden in the late 1800s during the potato famine. Su

Ask David: The Awesome Hidden Emotion Technique Featuring Matthew May, MD with Rhonda and David The following answers to Ask David questions were written prior to the live podcast where Matt, David, Rhonda, and others discuss the questions in real time. Their answers may differ from Dr. Burns responses listed below. 1. Michael asks: How did you invent the Hidden Emotion Technique? It's been incredibly helpful to me! Hello, Dr. Burns, Your lifelong work continues to be invaluable to me and so many others, and I apologize if this question was answered on a previous podcast. To my knowledge, it hasn't been. I was wondering how you discovered or created the hidden emotion model? I recently struggled with inexplicable death anxiety that came on every night since college started back up, and I was at a loss, until I remembered the hidden emotion model and wondered if there was something I wasn't acknowledging? Sure enough, I discovered I was actually quite resentful of my new schedule not allowing me to easily fit the gym into my schedule unless I wanted to forgo valuable sleep. Once I had addressed this resentment, the death anxiety vanished. I would love to know how this wonderful technique became part of your phenomenal practice! -Sincerely, Michael Polus. David's reply You can read all about it in When Panic Attacks, when I learned about it accidentally based on an interaction with a patient who was stuck. Perhaps we can answer it on a podcast. Thanks! david 2. Janie asks: How can I help a patient who ruminates? My client ruminates, that is she experiences repetitive thoughts about conversations and gets stuck in the negative feelings that come from dwelling on those thoughts and conversations. She has referred to it as repetitive thinking about conversations that were distressing in some way. She replays the conversation in her head, and evaluates and re-evaluates her responses. She then plays the conversation using possible different responses she COULD have used and worries whether these would have been better responses. The first individual is a friend where the friendship is very challenging and interwoven into many parts of my patient's life. My patient ruminates about conversations and wonders over and over if she said the right thing or wonders how the friend took what was said. It is a loop that my patient often gets stuck in for long periods of the day. The second individual is my patient's husband. With him, she ruminates about how to say things to him so she can motivate him to be involved in the ways she wants him to be. We will work on these relationships using the 5 secrets eventually, but first she'd like to work on the rumination because it takes up so much of her time. How can I help her? David's Reply I would recommend TEAM CBT in a step-by-step manner. I do not, in general, like to throw techniques at people based on a description of a problem. Motivational techniques to reduce resistance and bring resistance to conscious awareness. Paradoxical Cost-Benefit Analysis Dangling the Carrot / Gentle Ultimatum / Sitting with Open Hands The Hidden Emotion Technique What If / Downward Arrow Technique ERP (Exposure plus response prevention) Many other techniques inspired by methods a and b above (TEAM CBT) Feared Fantasy: confronting her worst fear Five Secrets of Effective Communication Work on acceptance: she is perfectionistic and self-critical Hidden Emotion: anger Thanks for listening (and reading the show notes), David, Rhonda and Matt

Ask David My friend won't say thank you! Dating Anxiety Religion vs. Psychotherapy We want to remind you about an awesome virtual workshop on habits and addictions that Dr. Jill Levitt and David will be presenting on March 28, 2025 We will feature powerful new paradoxical techniques that will blow your socks off. It will be from 8:30 to 4:30 and you will earn 7 CE credits while having fun and learning how to heal yourself AND you patients. Check it out! It's less than two weeks away, some check it out while you still have time! You'' LOVE it and LEARN a LOT! Registration and More Information Here! As is so often the case, the answers to these questions that appear in the show notes were email replies to the person before the show. To get the full discussion, make sure you listen to the actual podcast, as the answers often evolve in unexpected ways when the "experts" hash it out! Today's episode is chock full of personal stories (some racy), expert Five Secrets advice and demonstration, philosophical / spiritual discussion, and secrets of successful (and racy) dating. 1. Brittany asks: What can I do say to a friend who does not say "thank you" when I pay for our meal or drive a long distance just to see them? 2. Jaydipe asks: How can I get over my anxiety around attractive women? 3. Ali asks: Can religious beliefs cause or intensify feelings of anxiety? (David will talk about the synergies between TEAM CBT and spirituality in all religions. He will also mention the potential antagonisms.) 1. Brittany asks: What can I do say to a friend who does not say "thank you" when I pay for our meal or drive a long distance just to see them. Hello David and Rhonda, I have a friend who typically does not say thank you to me when I pay for a meal out or drive us a long distance. I am someone who always says thank you even if the other person just bought us $10 worth of fast food or gave a short ride. I find myself feeling resentful towards my friend for not saying anything when I pay and drive us around all day. It makes me feel like they don't appreciate it. At the same time, talking about it and sharing my feelings would then feel like I'm asking them to say it, and then it would not feel authentic. I have said something about it in the past, and they were like I'm sorry, thank you. But it didn't mean much at that point. Is this one of those annoying traits I just learn to accept? Thank you, Brittany David's reply Well, you could just use a gentle I Feel statement, which might be paradoxically stronger, but combined with Stroking. Like this, "Jennie, you know I think the world of you, and greatly enjoy our times together, but when I pay for lunch, or drive a distance to hang out with you, you rarely ever say "thank you," and then I feel hurt and unappreciated." Something like that combines Stroking with I Feel and might be effective. But I always rate myself on what I do, or say, and not so much on how the other person reacts. You could, perhaps, also ask if they are upset with you about something that they've had trouble expressing to you. Best, david 2. Jaydipe asks: How can I get over my anxiety around attractive women? Hi David Many thanks for the podcast I'm struggling with social anxiety and talking to attractive women and I've watched all the podcasts relating to it. I think deep down I have a shame around finding women attractive, so I find it difficult to express interest in them. I find that I can talk to them easily during activities like climbing or co workers, but even on dates with women I can't seem to take things forwards playfully like you'd expect on a date. I'm too serious and I think that turns people off. I feel like I'm under the spotlight and I have to impress them otherwise they won't like me. I know this isn't true and I've been trying to get myself to do exposure therapy by asking girls for their numbers and being rejected so it helps with that. Also, I struggle with societal expectations, I hear women say that they don't want to be approached or talked to or anything so I just end up avoiding them because I don't want to annoy them, but it holds me back from getting the sex and relationships I want Any help much appreciated Thanks, Jaydipe David's Reply I have included your excellent question on an upcoming Ask David. In the meantime, have you read my book on dating, Intimate Connections? Best, david PS Should I use your first name, or a fake first name? 3. Ali asks: Can religious beliefs cause or intensify feelings of anxiety? Dear Dr. Burns, After reading your books, I've started to recognize that many of my anxious beliefs seem to have a religious background. For example, in the Bible, there's a verse from John 5:14: "Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, 'See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.'" Here's where I struggle: I want to live my life freely, which includes things like being with different girls before marriage (something I alread

Getting to Know David David Answers Personal Questions! We all know David Burns as the creator of TEAM-CBT, but not many people get to know David, the person. It is fun to know David the person, because he is just like all of us. He is a real person (not a robot), full of life and love. I want everyone in our audience to be able to relate to David on a deeper level, to feel a sense of connection with him, and hopefully for all of us to build our sense of community with each other. Thanks so much to Stan Dickens, TEAM UK, for submitting these questions and sparking this discussion. The complete list of questions was much longer, but I (Rhonda) have selected the ones listed below. I hope you like listening to this podcast, Rhonda The questions are not necessarily in the order listed below, but all are answered on this podcast. David's answers are all 100% spontaneous, and you will hear them on the podcast! Music & Entertainment 1. Which band do you like most, the Beatles or the Rolling Stones? (David, please say The Beatles!) 2. Following on from that, what kind of music do you listen to? Can you tell us about some of your favorite musicians, bands, or composers? Here are some links to just a few of a great many favorite songs of mine. David Tom Waits Never Let Go (of your hand) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pROjyuj2P8k&list=RDpROjyuj2P8k&start_radio=1&rv=fGe2igm7Ieo Rickey Nelson It's Up to You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsBP5P0Xe2c&list=RDvsBP5P0Xe2c&start_radio=1 James Brown Please Please Please https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vruy2GRUsV8 Mick Jagger and Muddy Waters Please Don't Go! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mbao_laqF8E Jim Croce I'll have to say I love you in a song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WB6FQBp-YwU Last Train Home Pat Metheny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goXJTv_U-PM Lucy Thomas "Hallelujah" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLk9pzmaFHY 3. If your life were turned into a film, who would play you? 4. Can you speak with an English accent? Would you be brave enough to give it a try right now? Career & Professional Reflections 5. If you hadn't dedicated your life to cognitive behavioral therapy and mental health or authored Feeling Good, what might you have done instead? 6. Is there a common misconception about you or your work that you'd like to clear up? Personal Insights & Philosophy 7. If you could have dinner with three historical or modern figures, dead or alive, who would it be and why? 8. If you could give your younger self just one piece of advice, what would it be? 9. How did you meet Melanie, and what do you love most about her?

Vaping--Why and How I Quit. Featuring Dr. Kyle Jones Today we feature a beloved friend and esteemed colleague, Dr. Kyle Jones who will talk to us how he escaped from his vaping addiction. Kyle is a clinical psychologist in private practice, now residing in Los Angeles. However, he works virtually throughout California. He co-leads the OCD Consultation Group, a monthly consultation group for clinicians wanting to improve their competence in treating OCD. He also servs on the adjunct faculty at Palo Alto University where he teaches in the clinical psychology masters and PhD programs. He's recently joined the alumni council in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of California, Santa Barbara. This is the fourth in our recent series on TEAM CBT for habits and addictions (431, Screen Addictions with Brandon Vance; 437, Porn Addiction with Thai An Truong; 438, Overcoming Habits & Addictions with Jill Leavitt). We want to remind you about an awesome virtual workshop on habits and addictions that Dr. Jill Levitt and I will be presenting on March 28th. We will feature powerful new paradoxical techniques that will blow your socks off. It will be from 8:30 to 4:30 and you will earn 7 CE credits while having fun and learning how to heal yourself AND you patients. Check it out! Registration and More Information Here! Today, Kyle gave a brief history of vaping, which entered the scene around 2010, and described the experience as pleasurable and addictive. An estimated 3 million teens are addicted, and the flavored versions are quite tasty, but banned in California. He described his first exposure to smoking when he was 19, and living in Paris. It was "the" thing to do at that time, but he eventually gave it up, but later began to take a hit or two of vaping at a party, and then purchased his own vaping device in 2023. "Shamefully, he says, I tried to hide it from my partner and from other people, and I would vape in the bathroom." He vaped for most of 2024, but explains that eventually, it got out of hand. At New Year's 2025, he listed the advantages versus the disadvantages of vaping, and made the decision to give it up. This was difficult because of the withdrawal effects that lasted for several weeks, including intense cravings, fatigue, difficulty sleeping, irritability, anxiety, and the urge to overeat. The TEAM CBT technique that helped the most was HAL, the Habit and Addiction Log, and we demonstrated the Devil's Advocate Technique. Rhonda and David played the role of the Tempting Thoughts and Kyle bravely battle back. Here's the list of thoughts: 1. I'm driving, so I can just vape in the car. 2. Here's a chance for a nice break. I can vape right now!\ 3. I can take another hit, no problem! I'll just get a little feeling of pleasure. 4. I need It tastes sooo gooood! We translated the "I" statements into "you" statements to maximize the temptation, and were as seductive as possible. But no matter how hard we tried to tempt Kyle, he won "huge" and hit it out of the park. We discussed Relapse Prevention, and Kyle described being at a party on Friday where some people were vaping and sharing the vape. We also described and illustrated the powerful Triple Paradox, which works paradoxically. I have personally trained Kyle in TEAM CBT, along with many other fine TEAM teachers, and he was always brilliant, compassionate and extremely effective in his therapy work. He works with the full spectrum of mood and anxiety disorders, and has a bit of a specialty in the treatment of OCD. Thanks for listening today!

Episode 438 The TEAM Approach to Habits and Addictions Powerful New, Radically Different Approaches that Can Help! Today, Dr. Jill Levitt joins David and Rhonda to discuss and illustrate the TEAM CBT approach to habits and addictions and give a little promo for their upcoming online workshop on Habits and Addictions on March 28, 2025. You can sign up for the workshop here: cbt-workshop.com Although the workshop is for mental health professionals, participants will have the chance to work on their own habits and addictions during the workshop in order to gain a more in-depth understanding of the new treatment methods for: Overeating / binging / restricting Drugs Alcohol Procrastination Doomscrolling Excessive cell phone use Internet addiction Excessive use of social media Shop-a-Holic Biting fingernails Video games Gambling And more David emphasized that nearly all current treatment methods frequently fall short because they focus on control of symptoms using behavior modification rather than the cause. He describes a research study at the Stanford inpatient unit that indicated that 50 common DSM Diagnoses (such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, personality disorders, and more) were not significantly correlated with any of the DSM addictive / misuse disorders including drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, and gambling, which was not really consistent with the beliefs of many that emotional factors play a central causal role in addictions. In fact, the only significant correlation he noted was between depression and overeating, but the correlation was in the negative direction—in other words, higher levels of depression were associated with weight loss, not weight gain. And, in addition, the magnitude of the correlation was extremely small, indicating that other factors play a far more important role. So, what is the explanation for this puzzling and anti-intuitive finding? David described a 5-item survey he developed which asks about temptations in use or give in to your habit / addiction in the past week. This tool, in contrast to all of the DSM diagnoses, was very strongly correlated with all the addictions. This suggests that we give in to our habits and addictions for one simple reason--they make us feel great! At least in the short term! 150 years ago, they didn't have an epidemic of obesity in America. Why not? Life was likely just as stressful as it is now, maybe even more so! But what they didn't have was all the fast food restaurants and all the gooey, tasty foods that are abundantly available today, and they didn't have the resources to purchase them, either. This doesn't mean that behavioral models or diets or other tools have no value. But the TEAM CBT model focuses first on assessing the patient's motivation for and resistance to treatment using a variety of powerful and innovative new techniques, including: The Triple Paradox The Ten Positive Distortions The Habits and Addictions Log (HAL) The Devil's Advocate Technique The Five-Minute Rule The "I Stubbornly Refused" Technique The Anti-Procrastination Sheet Relapse Prevention Techniques utilizing The Externalization of Voices The Acceptance Paradox Stimulus Control And more They emphasized that these are methods, but not in the ordinary sense, because they rely heavily on the use of paradox, which is unfamiliar to many therapists, and require a great deal of skill. Jill and David first discussed the nature of tempting thoughts and how positive distortions work. Then, they illustrated the Devil's Advocate Technique with Rhonda who volunteered to work on her temptation to overeat chocolate, and especially chocolate chip cookies with peanut butter, and listed several of her tempting thoughts, including: 1. A little chocolate chip cookie can't hurt. 2. I have to keep them in the house because my husband loves them. 3. Just one cookie. It will taste SOOOO Gooood! 4. I can always work out a little more. 5. That cookie smells Sooo Good! I just CAN'T resist. Jill and David played the tempting part of Rhonda's brain, and she played the part that resisted the temptations. She started strong, but her conviction seemed to weaken on the third thought, and she didn't win "huge." Instead of doing a role reversal to "help" or "save" her, David said that perhaps that wasn't really something she was willing to give up, and perhaps we could work on something else instead. She INSTANTLY did a complete turnaround and won "huge" when they gave her another chance to defeat the tempting voice. David and Jill emphasized that paradox nearly always wins, and "helping" nearly always fails. But this is why these methods are so challenging—because the therapist's well-intentioned attempts to help nearly always backfire, and yet are extremely difficult to resist. Jill and David emphasize that prior to doing this type of role-playing method, it is crucial to find out if this is something the patient really wants help with, and Jill emphasized that we rarely or never impose a

Overcoming Your Porn Addiction Featuring the Awesome Thai-An Truong! 🎙️ Hosts: Dr. David Burns, Creator of TEAM-CBT and author of Feeling Good Rhonda Barovsky, Co-Host and Therapist at the Feeling Great Therapy Center 🎉 Special Guest: Thai-Ann Truong. Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor and a Superb TEAM-CBT Teacher, Trainer, and Super-Shrink who specializes in the treatment of Trauma, OCD, and marital / relationship dysfunction, including the impact of a porn addiction on couples In this jam-packed episode, of the Feeling Good podcast, David and Rhonda welcome Thai-An Troung, Level 5 TEAM therapist and trainer, licensed professional counselor, licensed alcohol and drug counselor and expert in addictions, to discuss the complex issue of pornography addiction. Thai-An shares her insights on the rising prevalence of porn use, its impact on relationships, and the psychological and physiological effects of addiction. The conversation delves into the symptoms of porn addiction, the importance of psychoeducation, and the application of TEAM therapy methods to help individuals and couples recover from the negative consequences of porn use. Thai-An emphasizes the need for awareness and understanding of how porn can affect brain chemistry and relationship dynamics, ultimately offering hope for recovery and healing. This conversation delves into the complexities of addiction, particularly focusing on porn addiction and its impact on pleasure and motivation. We discuss the importance of understanding the psychological aspects of addiction, including the loss of pleasure and the role of motivation in recovery. We explore various TEAM tools, such as the triple paradox, to address motivation and cravings, and emphasize the significance of social support in the recovery process. The discussion also touches on the nuances of sexual identity and the importance of abstinence when overcoming porn addiction. Finally, we highlight the need for specialized training for therapists working with couples facing these challenges. Key Topics Covered: * Porn addiction is a growing concern in modern society. * There is no moral judgment on porn use; it can be healthy for some. * Statistics show a significant rise in porn use among young people. * Abstinence from porn can improve relationship satisfaction. * Porn addiction can lead to sexual dysfunction and intimacy issues. * Sexual conditioning can alter attraction to real-life partners. * Psychoeducation is crucial for understanding porn addiction. * Brain chemistry is significantly affected by porn use. * Withdrawal symptoms from porn can include flatlining and social paralysis. * Porn addiction can lead to a depletion of pleasure and joy in life. * Understanding motivation is crucial for overcoming addiction. * The Triple Paradox can effectively address motivation in therapy. * Social support plays a vital role in recovery from addiction. * Abstinence is often necessary for healing from porn addiction. * Therapists should explore the benefits of addiction with clients. * Clients may find deeper connections through shared experiences in therapy. *Therapists need to be aware of the complexities of sexual identity. *Training and resources for therapists are essential for effective treatment. * Therapists can help clients find sustainable satisfaction beyond addiction. Listener Challenge 🌟 Try Out the Feeling Great app! Want to experience TEAM-CBT's transformative power? Download the Feeling Great App or join an upcoming beta test to see the magic of its AI-driven mood and self-esteem coaching. You'll find it all at FeelingGreat.com! 💬 Feedback: We love hearing from you! Share your thoughts about today's podcast. Send us your questions for an Ask David diopside 🛠️ Get Involved: Interested in joining a Feeling Great App beta? Reach out to Jason Meno at [email protected] 📚 Resources Mentioned: Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns Learn more about TEAM-CBT and the Feeling Great App TEAM-CBT at FeelingGreat.com. ✨ Don't forget to subscribe to the Feelinggood.com or Feelinggreat.com YouTube channels, and rate, and review! Thank you for listening! Thai-An, Rhonda and David

Swimming in an Ocean of Gold-- The Unique Magic of TEAM-CBT! 🎙️ Hosts: Dr. David Burns, Creator of TEAM-CBT and author of Feeling Good Rhonda Barovsky, Co-Host and Therapist at the Feeling Great Therapy Center 🎉 Special Guests: Jeremy Karmel, CEO of the Feeling Great App Jason Meno, AI Content Lead and Developer of the Feeling Great App Episode Summary In this jam-packed episode, the Feeling Good team dives deep into the groundbreaking elements of TEAM-CBT. From rapid emotional transformations to the app's jaw-dropping AI breakthroughs, this conversation will leave you inspired and ready to explore how TEAM-CBT can transform lives. Whether you're a therapist, someone seeking self-help, or simply curious, this episode delivers gold at every turn. Key Topics Covered 🧪 T = Testing: Why measuring emotions and progress at every session is a game-changer. How testing reveals what therapists often miss and ensures rapid results. Hear Dr. Burns' incredible stories, including how testing saved a life. 💛 E = Empathy: Busting myths about cold, clinical therapy. How warmth and deep connections are at the heart of TEAM-CBT. Rhonda shares her powerful story about learning empathy and its transformational effects on her practice and personal life. 🧠 A = Assessment of Resistance: The revolutionary concept of honoring your "resistance to change." Why it's essential to embrace the positive aspects of negative feelings. Jason shares how paradoxical agenda setting melted years of stuckness in minutes. 🎭 M = Methods: The unparalleled arsenal of 140+ techniques to tackle every problem. Role-playing methods like Externalization of Voices and Feared Fantasy—how they create breakthroughs in minutes. Jeremy explains why therapists need to match the right tools to the right problems. Fun Highlights Money-Back Guarantee for the Podcast (It's free!) Jeremy's hilarious take on "jiggling your eyes into happiness." The "critic from hell" gets crushed in real-time role-play. Why TEAM-CBT Stands Out Rapid, measurable results – No more endless talking without change. Powerful empathy – A therapy that connects deeply with your emotions. Resistance embraced – Discover the beauty in your struggles. Diverse methods – 140+ techniques tailored to every unique challenge. Listener Challenge 🌟 Try It Out! Want to experience TEAM-CBT's transformative power? Download the Feeling Great App or join the upcoming beta test to see the magic of its AI-driven mood and self-esteem coaching. Next Week 🎙️ Tune in for Episode 437: Breaking Free from Your Porn Addiction, with Thai-An Truong from Oklahoma City 💬 Feedback: We love hearing from you! Share your thoughts about today's podcast. 🛠️ Get Involved: Interested in joining the Feeling Great App beta? Reach out to Jason and the team! 📚 Resources Mentioned: Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns Learn more about TEAM-CBT at FeelingGreat.com. 👉 Quote of the Week: "TEAM-CBT isn't just therapy—it's swimming in an ocean of gold." ✨ Don't forget to subscribe to the Feelinggood.com or Feelinggreat.com YouTube channels, and rate, and review!

Hypnosomatic Therapy Featuring Erik Burns In this episode of the Feeling Good podcast, we hear from another David Burns—not me (David Dean Burns), but rather David Erik Burns, my wonderful and beloved son. Erik discusses his journey in creating BloomHarmony.org, his new clinical practice that integrates hypnotherapy with somatic work. To kick things off, Erik shares personal stories about his relationship with his father, David, including the story of his birth and struggle to breathe in the pediatric intensive care unit, and how touch has played a significant role in his life and healing journey. He emphasizes the idea that words alone sometimes fall short in attempts to convey love or transmit healing. A loving touch, in contrast, can make an immediate and profound impact. Today's conversation delves into the mind-body connection and the importance of emotional expression in therapy. Erik calls his innovative approach hypnosomatic healing, which involves a combination of guided hypnotic imagery with massage. The mind/body connection refers to the dynamic relationship between your thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and attitudes (the mind), and your physical health and bodily functions (the body). Erik emphasizes the transformative power of touch and the need for openness in therapeutic settings, exploring how these elements can lead to a profound healing experience. Erik also discusses the tremendous value of longer therapy sessions as well as the powerful role of trance states in therapy and in life. They also discuss the ethical balance between therapist livelihood (which naturally requires charging for sessions) and the therapist's genuine commitment to the relief of suffering, regardless of the patient's financial resources. Both Erik and his dad, David Sr., agree that in an ideal world, health care would be free and available to all, and regret having to charge for treatment. Erik always takes the needs of his clients into account and works for a reduced fee or for free if needed. Erik explains how and why the mind-body connection is so crucial to genuine healing and describes the importance of energy management during sessions Here's how he explains it: Energy management is about showing up with the proper state of consciousness for a session. Transpersonal work relies heavily on the therapist interpersonal relationship, so the state I am in has a huge influence on the outcome. We teach a 3-sided model: emptiness, awareness, and love. "Energy" management would be the preparation I do to both Empty myself from pre-conceived notions (AKA getting out of my own way), to step into observer consciousness, and to become rooted in love. I guess a simpler way to describe energy management would be to become an open unconditional channel and to silence the monkey mind as much as possible. I believe I may have been referring to the inner child dialog I often do before a session to help achieve this state. The dialogue also explores the transformative experiences clients can undergo in therapy and the tools therapists can use to empower clients who feel helpless, hopeless, or defeated. The personal connection between therapists and clients is highlighted as a crucial element in the healing process. While gut problems, such as irritable bowel and chronic abdominal complaints are important targets for hypnosomatic therapy, Erik emphasizes the potential value of his approach for a wide variety of complaints, including Emotional problems Depression, grief, despair Loss of motivation, pleasure or satisfaction in life Anxiety / stress / worry / panic / fear Recent or past trauma Feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, worthlessness Feelings of hopelessness, discouragement, and frustration Interpersonal difficulties Anger Relationship conflicts Loneliness Feeling isolated, unlovable, unloved Blame, bitterness and resentment Physical / somatic complaints Chronic belly pain, back pain, chest pain, headache, etc. Chronic fatigue / exhaustion / burn out Dizziness Spiritual Feeling empty, rudderless and lost Wondering, "Who am I?" Wondering, "What's the meaning and purpose of my life?" Wondering, "Why am I struggling and suffering?" Here are Erik's actual words, from his website, BloomHarmon.org: I Hi, I'm Erik. I believe in your potential to live a pain-free, vibrant life. Why do I believe in you? Pain relief is not just my profession — it's also my personal journey. I've lived with gut disorders for most of my life, including food allergies to wheat and milk, intermittent pain, and ulcers. I sought help from Western doctors but never received much relief. Modifying my diet provided some improvement, but it never fully addressed the underlying issues. Finally, I discovered hypnotherapy, and my life really started to change. As an undergraduate at Stanford University, I studied neurophysiology and deepened my understanding of the mind-body connection. I also trained in deep tissue and polarity massage, which showed me how treating

David, Matt, and Rhonda Answer Your Questions! What's the One-Minute Drill work? How does it work? What's Memory Rescripting? How does it work? How can I endure boring and irrelevant college work? Aaron asks: How do you do the One Minute Drill? Aaron asks how and why Memory Rescripting helped a college student overcome her fears of public transportation (e.g. agoraphobia). Gray asks: How can I endure having to do boring work in college and beyond? Two questions from Aaron W. C. who is a Licensed Master Social Worker in Idaho, and said, "I look forward to the podcast." 1. Hi Dr. Burns, Can you share how you do the one-minute drill? In When Panic Attacks, you only mentioned the name but not how it works. Thank you, Aaron W. California David's reply We'll explain and demonstrate it on the podcast. It's a partially helpful tool for troubled couples who argue and fail to listen. 2. Hi Dr. Burns, I completed rereading When Panic Attacks yesterday night. I have a question about one of the case examples you mentioned. In the book, you mention a patient that has a phobia of taking public transportation. She did the reimagination exercise of picturing herself castrating the men that harmed her roommate and branded the man that hurt her as a child. If remember right, the book does not link using the "reimagination exercise" to overcoming her fear of taking public transportation. How did the reimagination exercise help her overcome the fear of taking public transportation? I have reread the book two times this year! Thank you, Aaron W. California---LMSW (Idaho) David's reply I am happy to include your question on an upcoming Feeling Good Podcast. Can I use your first name? Thanks! I can answer two of your questions, and can even demonstrate the one-minute drill, and discuss its uses and limitations. Best, david 3. Gray asks about feeling better about post-secondary education Hi David, I struggle with intense anger, frustration, and depression while doing college coursework, with recurring thoughts like, "This is pointless," "This work is for nobody, " "I'm just working to work," "I'm being hazed," and "I profoundly don't care!" I'm interested in law school because I'd love being a lawyer, but I worry that I won't be mentally healthy in that environment. Many lawyers say 80+% of law school is irrelevant and doesn't adequately prepare you to practice law or even to pass the Bar, so I expect similar frustrations would resurface. I've looked into this very carefully and I'm convinced that the basic substance of my thoughts has bulletproof empirical grounding (outside of STEM, for sure). How could I manage these distortions when I'm in the midst of law school homework? P.S. I'm quite hostile to appeals about how I would actually learn important things in class or about developing resilience for its own sake, so I'd prefer to avoid that line of thinking unless it's really important. Thank you, Gray David's reply Can you give me an example of one of your negative thoughts. They always contain some truth, by the way. Perhaps you're trapped in a Hidden Should Statement. Are you wanting to feel happy about having to do boring homework, or are you wanting not to have to do boring homework? What's your goal, in other words. All therapeutic failure, just about, is due to a failure of agenda setting. In other words, reducing resistance is the key prior to crushing distortions. Warmly, david There is certainly a great deal of irrelevant stuff one has to plow through to get a college or graduate degree, for sure. So there seems to be a lot of wisdom in your negative thoughts and feelings. I guess my question would be, what type of help, if any, are you looking for? Best, david Gray responds Subject: Re: Feeling better about post-secondary education My hidden should statements are something like "I shouldn't have to do this." and" I should be able to prove myself by doing real work instead". I am hoping to be able to do lots of boring/irrelevant homework and be okay about it, not even necessarily happy. Then I could go to law school and be in passable mental health. Thanks again! Gray David Replies Well, you're right on all counts, including "I shouldn't have to do this." In fact, you DON'T "have to" do it. And if you do stick with it, there's no rule that says you have to stop whining and complaining! I made the choice of going to medical school and hated it. Worst medical student they had. But I had to complete medical school and psychiatric residency in order to become a psychiatrist. Don't think I learned much of anything in medical school or psychiatric residency that ever really helped any of my patients at that time. But now I have a life I really enjoy, although there are still negatives I have to put up with. Warmly, david One last thing to add. The boring, trivial work does not upset you. Only your distorted thoughts can upset you. The truth in your thoughts is real but does not upset you. You are saying that you SHOULD NOT h

David, Matt, and Rhonda Answer Your Questions! 1. How can I help my depressed son? 2. What can you do on a boring first date? 3. Are depression and anxiety genetic and hopeless? 4. What do scary, intrusive thoughts mean? The answers to this week's questions were written by David prior to the podcast. The live discussions will add greatly to the comments below. Get consent on first question, or change name. In fact, I'll just change her name to Henrietta. Henrietta asks how she can help her son who's been severely depressed for nearly 20 years and rejects all suggestions. Julia asks what to do on a boring first date. Negar asks if anxiety and depression are genetically caused and therefore hopeless . Negar asks about scary intrusive thoughts. 1. Henrietta asks how she can help her son who's been severely depressed for nearly 20 years and rejects all suggestions. Dear Dr David I discovered you years ago due to my son's depression. I purchased your book for him, but he not reading it. He thinks he is too far gone for any self help and has been on anti depressants for years. I appreciate all your hard work , the blogs and the app. I have my hopes up that one day he will listen to you or download the app. This depression has been going on more than 18 years now. Do you have any ideas on how I could get him to listen to you on You tube? God bless you and your team. Keep up the good work! Best regards Henrietta David's reply Hi Henrietta, I'm so sorry he's struggling. I do have a clear recommendation, clearly spelled out in the podcast of a couple years ago, "How to help. And how NOT to help." You can easily find it on the list of podcasts on my website. I'm sure that his depression has been heart-breaking for you. But there is a radically different strategy / direction one can pursue when efforts to "help" are 100% rejected. LMK if I can use your question on an Ask David podcast. Then you'll get input from several of us. Warmly, david 2. Julia asks what to do on a boring first date. Dear David Just saw that you published a podcast about how to give negative feedback, absolutely cannot wait to listen to it. I'm afraid I fall in the category of people who tend omitting opinions and this is going to be of great help! Now to my question: how do I get more excited in dates with guys ? I would like to date more and have a more active sexual life but I find myself getting bored in dates and this affects also my libido. I will have thoughts like: this is boring he is not that attractive I won't be turned on sex won't be good I obviously then don't end up having sex with the guy and try to have a date with someone else. In the date I don't feel anxious but I'm not excited physically and mentally. The anxiety plays a role before I go to the next scheduled dates, because with time I start thinking this feeling of boredom will never go away. I have tried to work on the thoughts myself with little results and I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how I could be less bored and anxious and enjoy myself. Thanks you for your answer and your amazing work! Best wishes, Julia David's Reply Great question, and I have an answer. Can we include this in the next Ask David, using your first name or a fake first name? Thanks, Warmly, david You are viewing dating as a shopping expedition, trying to "find" the best item to purchase, and finding your shopping boring, which it is. But you are forcing it to be boring because you are not being open with your feelings. You are foolishly trying to hide your feelings of boredom, whereas they are really the door to fascination and a most interesting and dynamic exchange. Let me show you what I mean. You can, instead, view dating as forming a relationship, being open, and genuine, and a little flirtatious, and seeing how things unfold. So, or example, you might say something along these lines, "You seem like a really neat and interesting person, but I notice that our conversation is not very open, or vulnerable, and that makes it way less interesting. Have you notice that, too? Tell me how you're feeling." If you express this, things will instantly get very interesting! You are not trying to hurt their feelings, but rather open up a conversation about feelings, by encouraging them to be real. They may also be feeling bored, or anxious, or whatever. As a psychiatrist, I find that when I explore the feelings and insecurities of my patients, it is always interesting. And when there is tension, including boredom, I acknowledge it to find out what's up, and how is my patient experiencing the session and our interaction, and that is interesting 100% of the time, without exception. Warmly, david Dear David, Thank you for such an amazing answer! I have listened to the podcasts so many times and I am familiar with the concept of sharing the tensed feelings like boredom, to not force the other person to be boring. However I had never thought to apply it to dating!! It is such a foreign concept to how

Jacob Towery, MD Michael Luo, MD Finding Humans Less Scary The 3rd Annual Triumphant Return of the Incredibly Popular and Awesomely Effective Social Anxiety Marathon Two Full Days of Unbelievable-- and Incredibly Cheap-- Help for You! Featuring Two Super-Shrinks--Drs. Jacob Towery and Michal Luo March 29-30 2025, Palo Alto, California (In-Person Only, No Zoom) 9:30 AM - 5:30 PM Saturday and Sunday Today we interview two eminent and fantastic psychiatrists, Dr. Jacob Towery and Dr. Michael Luo, who describe their upcoming and mind-blowing two-day social anxiety weekend marathon, This intensive experience is dedicated to addressing and drastically reducing feelings of social anxiety. What's that? Social anxiety simply refers to the intense discomfort that so many people struggle with in social situations and interaction's with strangers. This will NOT just be some kind o head trip or motivational talk, but rather a fabulous experiential journey into a new and more confident you! Do you want freedom from your fears? Do you want a new life and a radical shift in your views of other human beings. Do you want great love, more friendships and deeper and more genuine connections? Then this is for you! JUST say YES! How much does it cost, you ask? It cost a great deal in terms of courage and the decision to change your life--but it's ridiculously cheap in terms of $.:All we ask is your $20 donation to one of the charities listed on the website. The location will be secret until you register, but it will be in Palo Alto, California. Seating, as in previous years, will be strictly limited, so ACT FAST to reserve your spot! How does it work? Well, you'll learn and practice many of the popular and powerful TEAM-CBT methods, in real world settings, such as Shame-Attacking Exercises, Smile and Hello Practice, Talk Show Host, Rejection Training, Flirtation Practice, Self-Disclosure, the Survey Technique, and much, much more. Thank you for listening today! Jacob, Michael, Rhonda, and David

Overcome Your Screen Addictions! Featuring Dr. Brandon Vance Today we interview Dr. Brandon Vance, the Founder of the wildly popular Feeling Great Book Clubs and many other psychoeducational groups for the general public as well as shrinks. Today, he tells us about his latest group designed for people with the newly named "screen addiction." Dr. Vance formed this group because of many recent research studies suggesting a link between the time spent with social media sites and increased feelings of loneliness and depression in teens and adults. Although correlational studies do not prove causality, many of these studies are compatibles with the hypothesis that excessive time on social media may reduce the quality of moods as well as personal relationships, to say nothing of the potential negative impact on work and productivity. On the podcast he gave examples of how technology has been built into our lives, and how eqsy it is to pick up your cell phone, even in the company of others. However, screen addiction can also involve tlevision binge-watching, video games, and more. We demonstrated an example of the Devil's Advocate Technique, one of many techniques help combat positive thoughts that suck us into screen addictions. For example, Rhonda loves and frequently gets tempted to binge-watch a show on wedding dresses (Say YES to the DRESS), because she tell herself things like this: This is really fun. Would i like that dress? Would it look good on me? Maybe my wedding dress wasn't as pretty. I'll only watch for a minute. I need to relax. This is not hurting anyone. My husband won't mind that I'm gone. I can talk about the dresses to some of my friends. I work night and day and deserve to watch. in the live role-play, 'Rhonda was able to defeat these tempting thoughts "huge." If you think this might describe you, or benefit you, or just be fun and educational, here's the coop about the Screen Addiction Group, as well as his next Feeling Great Book Club and his Five Secrets Deep Practice Group. Free Yourself from Mindless Tech Use (Jan22-Feb26, $180 for 6 hour-long sessions). Do you get on your phone every time you have a spare second? Do you think social media will make you happier and yet you feel more lonely or stressed? Do you stay up late fighting video game zombies and then turn into a zombie the next day because you're so tired? This 6-week online class will teach you powerful Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques (such as Self-Monitoring, Triple Paradox and Devil's Advocate) led by Brandon Vance, MD, all within the accountability and support of a group of peers to Free Yourself from Mindless Technology Use. The Feeling Great Book Club (two groups: Feb 24 - May 12 and Feb 26 - May14. $168 for 12 80-minute sessions, sliding scale). Join together with people all over the world in this popular online class in a book club format, to read the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy book Feeling Great by David Burns, MD, and learn and practice tools to break through depression and anxiety to live a more joyful and relaxed life. See live expert demos and join smaller breakout groups to practice what you learn in this sliding scale weekly online group. 5 Secrets Deep Practice (Jan 15 - Feb 19th and Mar 5 - Apr 9, $180-480 sliding scale, 6 90-minute sessions). David Burns, MD laid out 5 key ingredients that make communication highly successful to get closer to each other, even in conflict situations. Learn to use these 5 Secrets in your own life with expert demos and instruction and 1-1 practice in this 6-week online group. Rhonda and I strongly recommend these groups because active practice is the real key to learning and personal growth The support of others in the group can also lift morale and enhance accountability. If you want to change your life, this is a great option. Dr. Vance is not only a tremendous visionary and teacher, but he also has a huge heart. You'll find that these groups are ridiculously cheep but incredible treasures, and you can also contact him if any group looks appealing but you currently have limited means. Thank you for joining us today! Warmly, Rhonda, Brandon, and David

Do Negative Thoughts REALLY Cause Depression? An Answer--At Last!--from Research Featuring David Burns, Jeremy Karmel, Diane Spangler and Rhonda Barovsky Today, David and two dear colleagues--Jeremy Karmel, CEO of the Feeling Great Corporation, and Dr. Diane Spangler--share the amazing results of two types of research on the Feeling Great app that focus on two related and vitally important questions: How effective is the Feeling Great app? Research confirms it triggers incredibly fast and dramatic reductions in seven negative feelings: depression, anxiety, guil7, inadequacy, loneliness, hopelessness and anger. The speed and depth of these effects may substantially outstrip human therapists as well as antidepressant medications. How does it work? What is the mechanism of action? People have argued intensely about the chicken vs the egg problem for more than 2,000 years. Do negative thoughts REALLY cause negative feelings? Or do negative feelings cause negative thoughts? Or both? Or neither? The answers are exciting! Warmly,. Rhonda, Jeremy, Diane, and David

Ask David With Special Guest Expert, Dr. Matthew May Daily Mood Log: Does it have to be done perfectly? Somatic Complaints: How does TEAM Help? Passive Aggression: What distortions cause it? Roger, from Australia, asks: Do daily mood logs still work if you complete them 'imperfectly'? Roger also asks: Based on your clinical experience, what causes a reduction or complete elimination of in symptoms for people who present with somatic complaints or chronic pain? TOZ asks: Does passive aggressive behavior result from All-or-Nothing Thinking? The answers below were written prior to the show, based on correspondence with those who asked the questions. The live answers on the show will be different in many cases. 1, Roger, from Australia, asks: Do daily mood logs still work if you complete them 'imperfectly'? 2. Roger also asks: Based on your clinical experience, what causes a reduction or complete elimination of symptoms for people who present with somatic complaints or chronic pain? Dear David, Sure, I would love to have my questions be on an Ask David! It would be okay for you to use my real name and my location as being in Australia for the podcast and show notes. I've reworded the questions so that they get across what I was actually trying to ask in my previous email. You might now have a slightly different response based on the new questions. I have to apologise as my wording in my previous email was confusing, even for me. Here's a shorter version of the first question: "Dear David, I've got a question about doing daily mood logs as part of my psychotherapy homework. I tend to start a lot of new daily mood logs where I write my negative emotions and thoughts, as well as do positive reframing, but then get stuck when it comes to doing methods for challenging my negative thoughts, as I get caught up on trying to do the exercise perfectly. I get worried that I won't see as much benefit from the exercise if I don't do the steps perfectly or in order. Did you see improvements in patients who filled out their daily mood logs imperfectly? Perhaps they may have skipped steps or maybe they couldn't crush their negative thoughts completely, but continued to move on to working with new thoughts and seeing if they could crush those." An even shorter version of the question would be: "Do daily mood logs still work if you complete them 'imperfectly'?" A shorter version of the question about somatic complaints and pain is: "I've also got a question on treating somatic symptoms and chronic pain. Some clinicians have seen people improve by doing journalling or expressive writing about life stressors such as past stressors, current stressors, and self-limiting behaviours or beliefs. Other activities which seem to be useful include writing unsent letters to people who've hurt you, or doing behavioural changes for self-limiting beliefs like learning how to designate free time for yourself if you have a tendency to take on too much or feel guilty about spending time relaxing and not doing work. I was wondering what you've seen in your clinical experience and what you've seen patients do which helps them reduce or eliminate their somatic symptoms and chronic pain?" An even shorter version of that question would be: "Based on your clinical experience, what causes a reduction or complete elimination of in symptoms for people who present with somatic complaints or chronic pain?" Regards, Roger He David's reply Thanks, these short versions are a big improvement. Here are the quick answers: The critical thing is to come up with one or more positive thoughts that are 100% true, and that reduce your belief in the negative thought. If you send a specific example, it would help. There are several rules about getting workable negative thoughts as well. Perfection is never possible in the universe of daily mood logs, but excellence certainly is. A change in belief in neg thoughts is the goal. In my experience, somatic complaints, such as undiagnosed pain, dizziness, fatigue, and more, are often created or magnified by (or the expression of) negative emotions, as well as hidden emotions / problems. The average reduction of pain, for example, will be 50% if there is a dramatic reduction in negative feelings, or if the patient identifies and tackles some unexpressed problem, like anger, or unexpressed grief, or loneliness when the kids go off to college, and so forth. An average of 50% means that some people will experience a complete elimination of the negative symptoms, like pain. Some will experience no improvement. And some will experience some improvement. With regard to how or why this works, I don't really know, and don't think that anyone knows. But it seems like negative feelings, like depression, anxiety, anger and so forth have a magnifying effect on negative feelings. On the podcast, I can give a personal example of when I was in the Stanford emergency room, screaming in pain from a broken jaw. I can also give an example of what

Tahn Wanders . . . and Wonders A Young Monk's Search for Peace and Happiness Today we are honored by a second visit from Tahn Pamutto, who first appeared as a podcast guest on November 4, 2024, where he described his transition from a soldier in Iraq to an ordained Buddhist monk. He also gave us a taste of Buddhist teachings, and compared them to what we to in TEAM-CBT. There were certainly a number of areas of overlap. For example, as a psychiatrist, my goal is often to help bring patients as rapidly as possible from a state of unhappiness and depression to a state of joy and enlightenment, using a number of specific psychological techniques we call TEAM-CBT. But part of this is spiritual in nature as well. Tahn's role as an ordained Buddhist monk is similar, in part. His goal is help people who ask for guidance how to discover the cause of unhappiness, and the path to happiness, using a number of spiritual exercises, including meditation. But part of these exercises are psychological as well. Today, Tahn began by contrasting a spiritual vs a materialistic view of life, and emphasized that the materialist view cannot solve the problem of unhappiness or provide us with happiness. This is, in part, because material things are impermanent, and will all ultimately disappear. Negative feelings, like unhappiness, actually result from our thoughts--how we view the world. The world is the world, and you can accept that, or you can protest and shout angrily that things "should" be different or "shouldn't" be the way they are, but your feelings will always result from the way you think about the world. He said that when he was growing up, all his needs were taken care of, and happiness was fleeting, so he embarked on a search for answers. Who was I, and why was I struggling with so much unhappiness? He said, "To explore and really find out who I was, I'd have to depart from my comfort. When I joined the army, it sounded great. It was all about patriotism, loyalty, honor, service, and all kinds of positive values. . . But then at some point, they say that's time to invade this or that country, and you have to try to make that work, since you can't challenge the mission. The Iraq war was going on, and I spend 13 months there. But if your mission is wrong, you will keep suffering, no matter how hard you try. Did the people in Iraq really want us there? Are we really doing anything that's positive or good? And what is it that I really want to do with my life? One thing we have to recognize is two things that cannot be denied: our mortality and the existence of unhappiness. As I began to accept these two inevitable facts, I also realized that there is no quick solution, and that the reality is that our unhappiness may not end on its own. We may go to sleep, and escape for a while, but when we wake up, we will still be unhappy. We could even imagine being reincarnated and having a different body, a different religion, or living in a different time, but our suffering still won't change. I may be a different person, but I will still be unhappy. I asked myself if and how I could train myself to accept what life brings me. . . and wondered whether is would be possible to pursue unending happiness? And if so, how would I go about it? What I do? When I was in Iraq, I applied for conscientious objector status and eventually got out on an early retirement. Then, I began looking for an experienced, humble teacher who could share their knowledge with me. I bought a backpack and some hiking shoes, and began to search so I could learn what I needed to learn. I didn't have much knowledge of Buddhism at all at that time. I left my mother's house in New Jersey and started walking. I walked 20 miles, but realized I was going in the wrong direction, and had to walk 20 miles back and start over, walking in the opposite direction. The first night of my journey, I got exhausted and slept on a park bench. In the middle of the night, I thought I heard loud explosions, and woke up feeling terrified, but it was just acorns falling down from the oak tree I was sleeping under. In the Army I had learned the wrong way, and that's why I decided to search, but any old street in New Jersey probably didn't have what I was looking for. I decided to search for the answer in Asia instead, and wandered in India, Thailand, Korea, Japan, and Taiwan. I went into Temples and Mosques. I had the romantic notion that some wise bearded man would come out of nowhere and tap on my shoulder and say, "We've been waiting for you, Tahn! You have finally arrived!" But it doesn't work like that. In Thailand, there is a monastic level to society, as well as a commercial level. Thailand and Burma are certainly not perfect as countries, but have a higher than average level of happiness because the people are generous and help each other. If I wanted, I could just go and stay at a Temple. Much of their society is based on the joy of giving and receiving. People in the monastic

Live work with Joshua-- The Secret of Self-Esteem I was recently a guest on the "Philosophical Weightlifting" podcast with host Joshua Gibson (link). At the end of the interview, he asked if I could give an example of some of the techniques in TEAM-CBT, so I decided to jump right into a live demonstration, in real time, which we are publishing on today's podcast. I am very grateful to Joshua and hope you enjoy the session as much as we did! The session covers a number of topics that just about everyone can relate to, including a couple extremely common Self-Defeating Beliefs: The Achievement Addiction The Love Addiction The Inadequacy Schema ("I'm not good enough.") It also covers some familiar territory, including the question, "Am I good enough?" It also provides an answer to the questions: "What is the secret of self-esteem," and "what is the secret of sex appeal?" To kick things off, Joshua shares an upsetting event along with some of his negative thoughts and feelings. The upsetting event was feeling attracted to a young woman who waited on him in a restaurant, and then going to his car and wishing he'd asked for her personal information for a date. Then he courageously went back and did just that, but got shot down. Paired with this experience, his overwhelming thoughts and how strongly he believes each one are: I won't be successful. 85% I won't get to live the life I want to live. 70% I won't find love. 90% I'm not attractive. 100% This is a list of Joshua's negative feelings, and how strong each one was at the start of the session: Feeling % Now % Goal % End Anxious 95% Sad 90% Guilty 85% Inadequate 90% Lonely 90% Embarrassed 90% Hopeless 85% Frustrated 70% Angry (with self) 75% Two things stand out when you examine this list. First, Joshua is an attractive, friendly, and personable young man hosting a popular podcast. If we didn't have these estimates of his feelings, you would have NO WAY of knowing how he felt inside. These feelings are all very severe. So many people we greet in our daily lives are similar—looking terrific on the outside, but dying of loneliness and unhappiness within. Second, he is experiencing nine different types of similarly elevated negative feelings, and not just one negative feeling. This confirms statistical modeling I've done with data from the Feeling Great App. There appears to be an unknown "Common Cause" in the human psyche that activates numerous feelings simultaneously. This is like the "dark matter" of the human psyche. We can prove its existence, but don't yet know precisely what it is! However, our goal today will be to see if we can help Joshua change the way he's feeling, regardless of what's causing his pain. Positive Reframing Tool Feeling Positives Frustration It has motivated me to work hard It shows I have not given up Anxiety Keeps me from putting myself at risk It has inspired me to face my fears and grow Sadness Shows how much I care about others Helps me understand others who are suffering, like my mom Shows I have high standards and high expectations Guilt Shows that I want to live up to my expectations Shows that I have a strong moral compass Inadequacy Shows I'm honest about my flaws and eager to improve Show I'm humble Makes me approachable Loneliness Has helped my develop independence and autonomy Has motivated me to reach out to close community and to create my own Embarrassment Makes me behave in socially desirable ways Hopelessness This serves as a driving force Shows that I'm a critical and realistic thinker Protects me from disappointment Anger (at self) Shows that I have high expectations for myself and hold myself to a nigh standard You can see Joshua's goals for each negative feeling after we used the Magic Dial. The whole idea was to lower his negative feelings, not all the way to zero, since that would also wipe out all these positives, but lower them enough so that he would suffer less and still preserve all the many positives we listed, and more. Feelings Table with Goal column filled in Feeling % Now % Goal % End Anxious 95% 20% Sad 90% 10-15% Guilty 85-90% 15% Inadequate 90% 10% Lonely 90% 20% Embarrassed 90% 10-15% Hopeless 85% 20% Frustrated 70% 20% Angry (with self) 75% 5% As you can see, he decided to lower all of his negative feelings if possible. Now, we're ready for the M = Methods of TEAM-CBT. Joshua said he wanted to work on, "I'm not attractive" first. I asked Joshua how and why he came to this conclusion, since he is clearly a large and attractive guy. He confessed he had severe acne when he was an adolescent, and now has scarring that makes him look "disfigured". Although he probably does have some scars, I asked Joshua if he thought this thought might contain some cognitive distortions. He immediately mentioned All-or-Nothing Thinking (AON). I asked Joshua to "Explain this Distortion." Specifically, I wanted him to imagine that I was a fourth grade student, and to explain to me in simple terms WHY this thought is an e

The Story of My Life, Part 1 David is interviewed by Joshua Gibson, Host of the Psychological Weightlifting Podcast Hi! Today will be a bit different. I appeared as a guest on a cool podcast called Psychological Weightlifting, hosted by Joshua Gibson. I kind of described the trajectory of my career, starting with my post-doctoral depression research at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, with an intermediate stop at the former Presbyterian University of Pennsylvania Medical Center, where I had a run-in with a violent individual named Bennie, and culminating in my work refining TEAM-CBT in my years on the adjunct faculty at the Stanford Medical School. Joshua and I really hit it off, and at the end of the podcast, he asked me if I could briefly illustrate some of the techniques I've developed in TEAM-CBT. I asked if he had an negative thoughts that we might work with, and boy, was I in for a big surprise. In fact, you'll hear all about it next week! Thanks for listening today! Joshua, Rhonda, and David

Waking Up Dreading the Day Mother-Daughter Problems Patients Who Are Afraid of Their Feelings Romantic Problems, and More Questions for today: Rose asks: I wake up dreading the day. What can I do?! Maggie integrates TEAM-CBT with prayer and asks for help with mother / daughter issues. Simon asks: "How can we deal with patients who are afrad of their feelings?" Amanda asks: "Help! I have a romantic relationship conflict! What should I do?" Aaron asks: Why are feelings of depression and anxiety correlated? In other words, why do they frequently go hand in hand? The following questions and answers were written prior to the live podcast. Make sure you listen to the podcast to get the full answers, including role-play demonstrations, and so forth. Rose asks: I wake up dreading the day. What can I do?! Hi David, I've been reading your book, "Feeling Good," for help with my anxiety ever since my 100-year-old mom moved in with me. Your techniques are helping, but every morning I wake up anxious, dreading starting my day. Is there a technique to help with this? I really am working to change my thoughts from negative to more positive thanks to you. I look forward to hearing from you. Rose David's reply In my book, Feeling Good, I urge people to write down your negative thoughts, and emphasize that it won't work very well unless you do this. Many people refuse. How about you? What were the thoughts you wrote down when you woke up feeling upset and dreading your day. Could use as an Ask David on a podcast if you like. Best, david Rose wrote: Thanks for your speedy reply. I'm new at this and just started reading the book yesterday, but I will start writing down my thoughts. Thanks for your help. Maggie integrates TEAM-CBT with prayer and asks for help with mother / daughter issues. Dear Dr. Burns, I want to begin by expressing my deep gratitude for your work, which has had a profound impact on my life. Your book Feeling Good: The Workbook helped me overcome a very dark period of depression after being diagnosed with infertility. It truly transformed my mental health, and I continue to rely on your techniques—especially your list of cognitive distortions, which I use often to stay grounded. Your podcast has also been a great resource for me, and I've noticed recent episodes touching on the self and spirituality, which caught my attention in a special way. I felt compelled to share something personal with you. While your methods gave me the tools to change my thinking, I also found solace and strength through my faith. Prayer was an essential part of my healing process, and for me, it provided something beyond my own power. In moments when I felt I couldn't make it through on my own, the belief that there is a God I can turn to brought me peace and comfort. Both your work and my faith were crucial in my journey. Your research and teachings helped me take control of my thoughts, but my relationship with God gave me hope when I needed it most. I believe that the combination of these two—your scientifically backed methods and the power of prayer—made a tremendous difference in my recovery. I'm also excited about your app, but as someone living in Honduras, I was unable to download it. I would love to know if there are plans to make it available outside the U.S. in the near future, as it would be an incredible resource for me and others in similar situations. Lastly, can I make a suggestion for a podcast subject? Mother daughter issues. I really need help in this area of my life. Thank you for your dedication to helping others. I hope that sharing my experience offers some insight into how both your studies and faith in something greater can bring peace and healing. With gratitude, Maggie David's reply Thanks, and we'd love to read part of your beautiful note, with or without your correct first name, on a podcast. If you can give me a more specific example of the mother daughter issue you want help with, it would make it much easier to respond in a sensible way! Warmly, david Maggie responded Dear Dr. Burns, Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and for asking me to clarify my suggestion regarding mother-daughter issues. I deeply love my mother, and I know she means well, but our relationship has become increasingly challenging as she gets older. One of the major difficulties I face is her tendency to offer passive-aggressive criticism, which leaves me feeling undermined. I've always known her to be this way—she was never very affectionate, and I've gotten used to that. However, lately, it feels like it's getting worse. She's hard of hearing, even with a hearing aid, and often adopts a "my way or the highway" attitude, which makes conversations with her exhausting. Simple moments where I hope to share something exciting are often met with dismissive or critical remarks. Here are three examples of the kind of interactions that affect me: I recently purchased tickets for a trip to Australia with friends, and her respon

How to Give Critical / Negative Feedback In a Loving, Constructive Way AND How to Avoid the Common Traps Today's podcast features Dr. Jill Levitt, Director of Training at the www.FeelingGoodInstitute.com in Mountain View, California and co-leader of David's weekly TEAM-CBT training group at Stanford. Rhonda and I are psyched, because every podcast or teaching event with Jill is almost certain to be fabulous. And this podcast is no exception! Rhonda asks members of her Wednesday training group (see below for contact information of you think you might want to join) to take turns teaching the group. One week she was puzzled because almost no one filled in their feedback forms, and when she asked them why, they said that they had some concerns about the teaching but didn't feel comfortable criticizing the person who taught. Some of the criticisms they share with Rhonda were: It was boring. I didn't learn anything new. The teacher didn't explain anything in a way that I could understand. Is this a problem that you have as well? Do you find it hard to criticize others, and keep quiet on the assumption that saying nothing is better than opening your mouth and saying something hurtful? If so, I have some good news and some bad news for you. First, the bad news. Tonight, you'll discover exactly why and how saying nothing is actually a pretty hostile and mean thing to do. But here's the GOOD news. You'll also learn the secrets of how to deliver criticism in a way that's loving, authentic, and helpful if—and that might be a big IF—that's something you're willing to do! A sage—cannot remember who—once said that "When you say nothing, you're actually shouting quietly. What in the world does THAT mean? And Robert Frost, in his famous poem, Fire and Ice, wrote: Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice. Essentially, Frost is saying that if you're angry, there are two classic ways of being aggressive; you can be fiery and agitated and attack the other person, verbally or physically, or you can be cold and withdraw, saying nothing, so as to freeze the other person out. These are opposite extremes but are equally destructive. And, for most of us, difficult impulses to resist. But there's a third alternative, which might be, according to Robert Frost, the "road less traveled by." You can express your negative feelings, including anger, in a respectful, or even loving way. And that's the focus of today's show. My show notes will only give an overview, but the richness of this particular podcast is in the actual dialogue and role-play demonstrations with critical feedback. We began with an overview of some of the key techniques when giving someone negative feedback, including stroking and "I Feel" Statements, but emphasized that your tone, goal, and spirit is the entire key to how you come across, and how the other person responds. Jill told a moving and dramatic story of an interaction with her mother, who has been quite ill, and she'd been having a really hard week. Her mom sent Jill a lengthy text outlining all of her problems and ending with, "you guys don't really know how I'm hurting," and the implication was, "you don't know--or care." This was understandably hurtful to Jill. Jill's about the most awesome daughter any mother could have. Jill wanted to clear the air and tell her mom how she'd felt, rather than keeping her negative feedback hidden. Her mom clearly felt lonely, so when Jill saw her in person, she said something along these lines: "I know you've been struggling, but I felt hurt and discounted when I read your note. I felt like the things I've done didn't matter, and I felt hurt." Her mom began to cry and said, "the last thing I want you to feel is that I don't appreciate you." This conversation was challenging, but brought them much closer together. The podcast crew discussed the important question of our mixed motivations about sharing our feelings, and our confusion about how to do this in an effective, loving way, if you do decide to open up. Rhonda confided that she'd never had those kinds of open conversations with either of her parents, and that these kinds of difficult conversations can come from a place of love. You can review the Five Secrets of Effective Communication if you click HERE. The Five Secrets are all about talking with your EAR: E = Empathy, A = Assertiveness, and R = Respect. However, there's a lot of intense resistance to using the Five Secrets, so I promised to include my list of 12 GOOD Reasons NOT to Listen (E = Empathy) Share your feelings (A = Assertiveness) Treat the other person with respect (R = Respect) That makes 36 reasons in all! You can link to the list HERE. People want to feel understood, and the best way to make that happen is by giving what you hope to receive. And you

The Feared Fantasy Festival! Featuring Jill Levitt, PhD Rhonda asked about the differences between the four Feared Fantasy Techniques and what each one is used for. So we're dedicating today's podcast to answering that question and bringing them all to life. We are honored to be joined by our beloved and brilliant Dr. Jill Levitt, the Director of Clinician Training at the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California. Below I have listed the four Feared Fantasy Techniques. As you can see, each one targets a different Self-Defeating Belief. Approval Addiction: I need everyone's approval to feel happy and worthwhile. Perceived Perfectionism: I must impress others to be love and respected. People will not love or accept me if they see my flaws and shortcomings. Achievement Addiction: My capacity for happiness and my worthwhileness as a human being depend on my achievements, intelligence, success, and productivity. Love Addiction: I need to be loved to feel happy and worthwhile. Submissiveness: I must make others happy, even at the expense of my own needs and feelings. Here are the Feared Fantasy Techniques used for each SDB: Approval Addiction / Perceived Perfectionism: "I judge you." Achievement Addiction: "High School Reunion." Love Addiction: Rejection Feared Fantasy Submissiveness: No Practice During the live podcast, we did a deep dive on each of the four Feared Fantasy techniques, and emphasized that the goal is actually enlightenment, and it's based on the teachings Tibetan Book of the Dead that when you finally challenge and confront the monster you've feared and run away from in all of your previous reincarnations, you will discover the the monster has no teeth, and that your fears throughout all of those reincarnations were based on a cosmic joke. This can create something called "laughing enlightenment," so you no longer have to go through the life death cycle, but can go instead to Nirvana--or something along those lines! You really must listen to the podcast to "get" the impact of these Feared Fantasy role plays, and role-reversals, to see how simple, easy, and obvious self-acceptance, and enlightenment really are, and you will see and hear how we fight to protect and defend ourselves from attack, and end up feeling trapped yet again in our needs to be "special" or "worthwhile." David pointed out that when you let go of the idea that you have a "self," your suffering can disappear because you will no longer have to wonder whether your "self" is good enough, or worthwhile enough. Jill complemented this line of thinking by pointing out that the technique, Be Specific, is one important key in most of these techniques. We can be flawed in all kinds of specifics, but that will never hurt unless you generalize to your "self." No self, no problem, as some mystics have said. And that is SO TRUE! David also discussed throwing away the idea that you are worthwhile, or that you need to be more worthwhile, and described how he and his wife saved a mouse that had somehow gotten into their house, but the poor thing was terrified and heroically tried to survive, hiding out in their kitchen. Instead of trying to kill it, they fed it nuts and grapes. Eventually, they caught it in a safe trap, and set it free, and left a last meal for it outside, which it found and happily ate. It was a deep dive on Feared Fantasy and lots of spiritual and philosophical topics, and we hope you enjoyed it! Although we did not cover this topic in the podcast, there are quite a number of additional role play techniques in TEAM-CBT, too, as you know, including: to help with Self-Critical Thoughts: Paradoxical and Straightforward Double Standard Externalization of Voices to help with Uncovering Techniques, like the Individual Downward Arrow Man from Mars To help with Tempting Thoughts Devil's Advocate Technique Tic-Tok Technique to help with Resistance Externalization of Resistance How Many Minutes? to help with the Five Secrets / Relationship Conflict Intimacy Exercise One Minute-Drill Perhaps you can think of more, too! The generous use of role-playing techniques is one of the unique features of TEAM, but for whatever reason it seems like few therapists use them. This is perhaps unfortunate because they tend to be more potent, emotional, and fast acting than many if not most other techniques. Warmly, david

Ask David: Getting Off Benzos How Does Music Stir Our Emotions? Combatting Negative Thoughts about the World Treating Schizophrenia with TEAM The Four Feared Fantasy Techniques and more! Questions for today: Mamunur asks: What's the best way to withdraw from benzodiazepines? Gray asks: How does music evoke such powerful emotional reactions? Josh thanks David for techniques that have helped in his personal and professional life. Harold asks: How do you respond to negative thoughts about the world, as opposed to self-criticisms? For example, "The world is filled with so little joy and so much suffering." Moritz asks: How do you help people with bipolar, schizophrenia, etc.? John expresses gratitude for our answer to his question on Positive Reframing, which triggered an "ah ha moment." Rhonda asks: What are the four Feared Fantasy Techniques? The answers below were written prior to the podcast. Listen to the podcast for the dialogue among Rhonda, Matt, and David, as much more emerges from the discussions! Mamunur asks: What's the best way to withdraw from benzodiazepines? Ask David, Bangladesh question Dear Sir, I am writing to you from Bangladesh. Your book Feeling Good is a phenomenal work, and it has greatly helped in promoting the development of a healthy mind through logic and reason. Sir, I have a question regarding benzodiazepine withdrawal, which is often prescribed for mental health disorders. Is there a specific CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) approach that can help in withdrawing from benzodiazepines? Your guidance on this would be invaluable, as many people have been taking it for years, either knowingly or unknowingly, without being fully aware of its severe withdrawal effects. Thank you, sir, for your kind contributions to humanity. Sincerely, Mamunur Rahman Senior Lecturer David's reply Dear Mamunur, Thank you for your important question! I am so glad you like my book, Feeling Good, and appreciate your kind comments! As a general rule, slow taper off of benzodiazepines is recommended. This might involve slowly decreasing the dose over a period of several weeks. When I was younger I used to take 0.25 mg of Xanax for sleep, because it was initially promoted as being non-addictive, which was wrong. It is highly addictive. The dose I used was the smallest dose. When I realized that I was "hooked," I tapered off of it over about a week, and simply put up with the side effects of withdrawal, primarily an increase of anxiety and difficulty sleeping. These disappeared after several weeks. Abrupt withdrawal from high doses of any benzodiazepine can trigger seizures, as I'm sure you know. That is the biggest danger, perhaps. I do recall a published study from years ago conducted at Harvard, I believe at McClean Hospital. The divided two groups of people hooked on Xanax into two groups. Both groups were switched to Klonopin which has a longer "half-life" in the blood and is supposedly a bit easier to withdraw from than Xanax, which goes out of the blood rapidly, causing more sudden and intense withdrawal effects. After this initial phase, both groups continued with slowly tapering off the Klonopin under the guidance of medical experts. However, one of the groups also attended weekly cognitive therapy groups, learning about how to combat the distorted thoughts that trigger negative feelings like anxiety and depression. My memory of the study is that the group receiving cognitive therapy plus drug management did much better. As I recall, 80% of them were able to withdraw successfully. However, the group receiving drug management alone did poorly, with only about 20% achieving withdrawal. My memory of the details may be somewhat faulty, but the main conclusion was clear that the support of the group cognitive therapy greatly enhanced the success of withdrawal from benzodiazepines. I decided early in my career not to prescribe benzodiazepines like Ativan, Valium, Librium, Xanax, and Klonopin for depression or anxiety, because the drug-free methods I and others have developed are very powerful, and the use of benzos can actually make the outcomes worse. Years back, a research colleague from Canada, Henny Westra, PhD, reviewed the world literature on treatment of anxiety with CBT plus benzos and concluded that the benzos did not enhance outcomes. Here is the link: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12214810/. I hope this information is useful and I will include this in a future Feeling Good Podcast. Gray asks: How does music evoke such powerful emotional reactions? Subject: Re: Podcast question: love songs Hi David, That's a really tough question. Music has a unique way of cutting straight to emotions for me, and it makes it especially hard to identify the thoughts behind them. My best way of explaining is with these two thoughts, which have to be viewed as a pair to get that emotional reaction: My life would be perfect if I had that I'm so far away from that These thoughts don't resonate quite right for me, bu

Meet Tahn Palmetto Theravada Buddhism--the Thai Forest Tradition Our dear colleague, Jason Meno, generously invited five high-profile Buddhist monks / teachers, to appear on our Feeling Good Podcast, hoping we could feature one every week during our "Enlightenment Month." He included his dear friend and ordained Buddhist monk, Tahn Palmetto. Happily, Tahn accepted Jason's invitation, and we are thrilled to chat with him today about his feelings of depression as a young man in the army to his search for happiness and peace through meditation. Tahn began his journey when we was young, 20 or 21 years old. After he enlisted in the army, he was lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling and realized he was depressed. He also realized that he didn't actually want to go to war, and saw that the best of good intentions often lead to pretty terrible outcomes. Jason and David described the basis of cognitive therapy, confirmed in Jason's recent research on meditation, that the degree of upset from any negative thought depends on how strongly you believe it to be true. Tahn said he also realized that his negative feelings did not depend so much on what he was doing, but how much he believed his thoughts. He got out of the army and searched for spiritual teachers, and eventually settled on Theravada Buddhism, also known as the Thai Forest Tradition. He said, "I found that you can have a lifestyle that triggers feelings of unhappiness, and committed my life to achieving happiness and peace." He said that some people who come to the monastery discover that they don't want to commit themselves to the monastic life, and some commit to it but do it poorly. He said that your commitment will depend on how strongly you want to feel happy and enlightened. Believing that this is possible requires a paradigm switch. It is possible to have a mind that is clear, but even on a clear day, there will be clouds. The clouds, however, are only temporary. Our suffering comes and goes. If you twist your knee, it may hurt for life. But if you have a cold, you can recover completely. Even in a monastery, people have their squabbles. Within the Buddhist practice, Than explained that it is important to try to identify the disease and only then prescribe the effective treatment. Jason mentioned that some people come to the monastery but leave feeling hopeless. Others stay and are successful. Tahn explained that in Asia it is common for someone to enter the monastic life for a brief period, for example when they are experiencing grief. He said that if you grieve over the loss of a loved one, time alone will heal your grief, and once the suffering is relieved, they leave the monastic life. Rhonda asked if mindfulness meditation could be harmful to some people. Tahn explained that mindfulness does not cause negative feelings, but often reveals the presence of negative feelings. If you have a condition that prevents you from experiencing enlightenment, the condition is getting in the way. Sometimes the practice will give you the stability and the peace of mind to deal with it. If you come to the practice of mindfulness or the study of Buddhism for the wrong reasons, you might stay for the right reasons. If it does not work or help, you can always seek some other type of treatment. Tahn explained that mindfulness or Buddhism addresses unhappiness caused by mental or physical pain, and that people are often surprised by how it helps them. He believes that mindfulness meditation is "the thing" that treats someone's stress. It treats the "dukka," which is a fundamental Buddhist teaching that refers to (according to the internet) the "suffering" or "unhappiness" of life. It is one of the first "noble truths" of Buddhism; namely, that suffering cannot be avoided. Apparently dukka comes in three flavors: Physical and emotional pain and discomfort Suffering from the inability to accept change The profound dissatisfaction of existence. Tahn said that you develop greater resources when you meditate. Then you may have extra resources to help others: You learn to deal with everybody's stuff. You learn to be aware of your body. This is your perspective for everything you do. It makes me happy to think about my eyeballs. When I meditate on this, it becomes funny, and I laugh. Tahn suggested that when you meditate, you learn to be aware of your body, because that is the center point of your world. This is your perspective on everything that is going on in the world. When you become aware of your body and what it is doing, you know the context of everything in your life. What does his day look like? Tahn said: I answer emails, I troubleshoot problems. Lately we've had a problem with scorpions. But we don't try to kill them. Tahn talked about how Buddhism defines Truth as reality, and that the definition of happiness is "non-suffering." There are three patterns that lead to unhappiness: Attachment, which he defined as greed and desire, especially when you seek some

The Mindfulness Mystery Tour! And Two Mind-Boggling Discoveries about Meditation! Featuring Jason Meno Today, Jason Meno, our beloved AI guy on the Feeling Great App team, shares some incredible and innovative research he recently did on the effect of meditation on how we think and feel. As you know, basic research is a high priority of our app team, and our major focus is to make basic discoveries in how people change, and especially on what triggers rapid and dramatic change. We use that information to develop and refine the app on an ongoing basis, and also to contribute to basic science. Jason recently created a "New Cool Tools Club" which has 160 members who Jason can notify whenever he has a cool new app tool that he wants to test. If you are interested in joining, you can find his contact information at the end of the show notes. There is no charge if you'd like to join this group! Jason had a strong background in Buddhism and has been working with our company for several years, focusing in the last year on the AI chat bot portion of the Feeling Great App. He has meditated for many years, and uses TEAM-CBT as well to deal with his personal moments of stress and unhappiness, something that most if not all of us experience at times! Introduction Jason was interested in evaluating the short-term impact of meditating, and did a literature review but found that most or all of the published studies had a focus on the effects of daily meditation over longer periods of time, like two months for example. He was also interested in how long and how often people should meditate, and what types of meditations, if any, were the most effective. So, he decided to test a one-hour meditation experience consisting of five ten-minute recorded meditations, including A body scan meditation, systematically relaxing various parts of your body, beginning with your feet and toes. A breathing and counting meditation, where you focus on your breathing and count the breaths going in and out. A loving kindness meditation, starting with sending feelings of love, happiness, and health first to someone you love, then to yourself, then to someone you aren't especially close to, or don't particularly like, and on and on until you are projecting love and kindness to the entire universe. A mindfulness exercise where you notice if you are thinking, hearing, watching, remembering, and so forth as various thoughts pass through your mind. A "Do Nothing" meditation where you are instructed to simply "do nothing" for ten minutes. Because previous research on meditation did not use scales that assessed specific kinds of negative feelings in the here-and-now, he decided to use the highly accurate 7-item negative feelings sliders as well as the 7-item positive feelings sliders prior to the start of the medicine, after each meditation, and at the end of the app. He also asked many questions about motivation and expectations prior to the start of the meditation experiences, all answered from 0 (not at all) to 100 (completely), including How familiar are you with David's work? How familiar are you with meditation? How strongly do you believe that meditation will make you feel better? How strongly do you believe that meditation will be rewarding? How strongly do you believe that meditation will only have a small effect? How strongly do you believe that meditation will be a waste of time? How strongly do you believe that meditation will make you feel worse? How strongly do you believe that it will be painful or difficult? You can find these data at this link. He also asked every participant to generate an upsetting negative thought, like "I'm a loser," and use 0 to 1000 sliders to indicate how strongly they believed that thought, and how upsetting it was. 60 individuals started the experiment, and 35 completed it, with 25 dropping out prematurely before they completed some of the meditations. He presented the data as a two-group analysis, those who completed and those who failed to complete the hour of meditation. Here, are just a few of the preliminary findings, and more refined analyses are planned so we can look at causal effects. Both groups were moderately to very familiar with David's work and with meditation. The completers had higher scores on the questions about positive expectations than the dropouts, although the differences were not great. The dropouts had substantially higher scores on four questions about negative expectations for the experience, like "it will be a waste of time" or "it will be painful or difficult." The initial scores on the belief in the negative thought were similar in the two groups (76% and 74%, respectively), but the Upsettingness of the thought was a bit higher in the completers (83% and 79%. The mean of the initial scores on the 7 negative feelings sliders was significantly higher in the dropouts (37% and 46%, respectively), while the initial scores on the 7 positive feelings sliders was somewhat lower in the dr

Ask David How Can I Change an SDB (Self-Defeating Belief)? How Can I Cope with Intense Public Speaking Anxiety? Featuring Rhonda Barovsky, Psy.D., Matthew May, MD, Jason Meno and David Burns, MD (Jason is an AI Scientist on our Feeling Great App Team) Anonymous asks: How can I change an SDB (Self-Defeating Belief)? Hiranmay asks: How can I deal with my intense anxiety before public speaking. Answers to Your Questions Note: These answers below were written BEFORE the podcast, and the live discussion always adds new and different angles. Today, Jason Meno, our beloved AI guy on our app team, also chimes in on the many super questions submitted by Andrew (#3 - #10.) 1. Anonymous asks: How can I change an SDB? Dear Dr. Burns, I'm an avid listener of the Feeling Good podcast and for the past few weeks, an avid user of the Feeling Great app. Thank you for your incredible work and dedication to making people everywhere feel better about themselves. I have a question about self-defeating beliefs that I'm hoping you can address, either on the show or on your website. You have mentioned on several occasions that SDBs are the root cause of negative thoughts and consequently of negative feelings. Yet, to me it doesn't feel like SDBs are really addressed enough on the podcast. There seem to only be a handful of episodes covering the topic. It also seems there is a very limited toolbox of methods to use on SDBs, almost like dealing with them is considered an afterthought. If SDBs really are the cause of it all, shouldn't the primary focus be on defeating them first and only then, on defeating negative thoughts? I'm just a little bit lost when it comes to defeating SDBs, which seem to be way harder to deal with than negative thoughts. Any insights or thoughts on the subject will be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Anonymous David's reply Dear Anonymous, Will start a new Ask David with your excellent question. Thanks, david First, you can look up Self-Defeating Beliefs in the search function on my website, and you'll find many great examples. Here's what I got just from "Self-Defeating Belief." You could also search for a specific type, like Perfectionism, Perceived Perfectionism, Achievement Addiction, Love Addiction, Approval Addiction, Submissiveness, etc. In general, there are two approaches to any SDB. Four approaches can be used in this order: Do a Cost-Benefit Analysis of the SDB. If Disadvantages outweigh Advantages, use Semantic Technique to modify the SDB. Do an experiment to see if the SDB is actually valid. Use the Feared Fantasy Technique to put the lie to the SDB at the gut level. Here's our latest thinking, which is a step beyond the four steps above. Do a Daily Mood Log on one specific moment when you were struggling with your SDB. We will discuss these ideas in greater depth on the show, of course! You can also find a great deal on SDBs in my books, like Feeling Good, the Feeling Good Handbook, and more. But right now, I don't even know what SDB you might want help with / more information about. Also, in the Feeling Great App, there's a terrific class called "Your PhD in Shoulds." It includes a lesson on perfectionism. 2. Hiranmay asks: How can I deal with my intense anxiety before public speaking without working on the negative thoughts I have afterwards, like "I am going to mess this up" "People are going to notice something obviously wrong in my presentation that I missed, and I will look like a fool." "This talk is important, it must go well! Here's his email: Dear Dr. Burns, I love your books and the feeling good podcast. They have made such a huge difference in my life (in a good way of course). I have an "ask David" question on acute anxiety: If I have to play a badminton match or give a presentation, I usually get some or a lot of anxiety the day before the big event as well as the morning of. I then use all the methods you have taught, and the anxiety reduces. However, it usually comes back with a bang just before I give the talk or play a match. Cognitive techniques are not very helpful to me 30 minutes or 5 minutes before the presentation or match. I don't have the time to sit down and write my thoughts or cannot focus at all on my thoughts. Are there any strategies to reduce this form of acute "relapse" or nerves. Here are some more details: Event: 30 minutes before my presentation. I just entered the seminar room, and the first speaker is about to start their talk. I am next. I can feel my heart starting to pound and I am getting the familiar sense of anxiety and nerves. Thoughts: "I am going to mess this up". "People are going to notice something obviously wrong in my presentation that I missed, and I will look like a fool". "This talk is important, it must go well". Although to be honest, this is my analysis of what my thoughts were after the fact. 5-15 minutes before the presentation, I usually just notice my thoughts racing. To reiterate: I am not looking for help with working on these thou

418 The Fear of Driving Featuring Werner Spitzfaden, LCSW and Rhonda Barovsky, PsyD Today, we feature Werner Spitzfaden, LCSW, a Level 3 certified TEAM-CBT therapist who recently treated Rhonda, who's driving phobia returned during the pandemic because she did very little driving at that time. After you overcome any fear or phobia, it has a way of returning if you don't continue confronting your fear. Werner describes his skillful and compassionate work with Rhonda! Werner is a dear colleague and friend with over 35 plus years of clinical experience treating phobias, such as the fear of flying, claustrophobia (the fear of being trapped in small places), and driving (especially over bridges and overpasses). He also treats depression, panic and other forms of anxiety, and works in corporate environments to improve communication and teamwork. Let's dive right in, Please take a look at Rhonda's completed Daily Mood Log, As you can see, the upsetting event was thinking about driving over an overpass, and she rated her initial anxiety cluster at 100%, indicating extreme anxiety. She was also 90% ashamed, and 80% Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, and incompetent. She was also feeling 99% embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, and self-conscious, and 85% hopeless, despairing, frustrated, stuck, angry, annoyed, irritated, upset, and devastated. Her sadness was only modestly elevated at 25%. There are several teaching points. First, most of Rhonda's negative feelings were severely to extremely elevated. Second, although she is asking for help with a phobia, anxiety often goes hand-in-hand with a wide variety of negative feelings, including shame and inadequacy. This is because anxious individuals often feel like there's something terribly and shamefully wrong with them. Rhonda's feelings of shame are not unusual. Shame is a central feature of anxiety, whereas a loss of self-esteem is a central feature of depression. Werner added that the fear of driving often goes along with the fear of heights as well as claustrophobia. Rhonda admitted to engaging in many "safety behaviors" which typically make anxiety temporarily better but worse in the long run. Rhonda's "safety behaviors" included going out of her way when driving to avoid scary overpasses as well as asking her husband to drive her many place. As you can see, these totally understandable "safety behaviors" relieve your anxiety in the here-and-now because they are forms of avoidance, but that's why they makes anxiety worse in the long run. The urge to avoid of the thing(s) you fear is universal among individuals struggling with all forms of anxiety. Werner emphasized the importance of empathy in the initial phase of treatment, and throughout the treatment, since trust and the courage to face your fears is so central in the treatment of all forms of anxiety and, of course, depression as well. Rhonda invited Werner and another TEAM-CBT colleague, Lee Flowers, to stay with her in Berkeley during the recent TEAM intensive that David and Jill Levitt directed at the South SF Conference Center near the airport. She drove the group to and from the workshop to face her fears and get some motivation and support at the same time. You can see many of her negative thoughts about driving on Rhonda's completed Daily Mood Log, including these: The bridge will collapse. 95% Other cars will make the bridge unstable. 100% I'll have a heart attack. 95% I'm so dumb for not driving on this overpass. 1005 I'm an ass. 100% I can't do this. 100% I'll die. 100% Lee and Werner will see me at my worst. 100% I need to study the exact route before I start. 100% I'll get into an accident. 100% As you can see, the list includes a mixture of fear-inducing thoughts as well as self-critical thoughts and shame-inducing thoughts, like "Lee and Werner will see me at my worst." Whenever you are working with anyone with anxiety, you have to emphasize first, to create trust, warmth, and understanding. This won't cure anyone of anything, but will give your patients the courage to face their fears when you get to the M - Methods portion of your TEAM session. After you get your A in empathy, you can move on to A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting. That where you bring Outcome and Process Resistance to conscious awareness. Then you melt them away using a variety of TEAM-CBT techniques. Outcome Resistance means that Rhonda may have mixed feelings about a "cure" for her driving phobia. In other words, although she WANTS to get rid of this fear, she may subconsciously NOT want to get rid of it. Can you think of why? Take a moment to think about it, and make a guess. You'll find the answer at the end of the show notes. Process Resistance means she may WANT a cure for her driving phobia, but may not be willing to do what it takes to defeat this fear. What will she have to do? Take a moment to think about it, and make a guess. You'll find the answer at the end of the show notes. Werner and Rhonda described a number

Podcast 417 Bullying Featuring Manuel Sierra, MD (pictured above) Today, we welcome an old friend, Manuel Sierra, MD, who practices pediatric psychiatry in Idaho, and Dr. Matt May, a familiar and beloved colleague, to discuss bullying. Below you'll find a great list of questions Dr. Matt May submitted just prior to today's podcast, along with some links you may wish to explore for more information. We addressed some of the questions, but certainly not all, during the podcast! Manuel described bullying, and said the ¼ of children and adults have experienced bullying. The consequences can be severe, including suicidal urges or completed suicides, along with shame and a severe loss of self-esteem, and more. He pointed out that bullies are good at zeroing in on aspects of ourselves that we feel insecure about, including how we look, our ethnicity, our aptitudes, and more. He provided links to resources on bullying. The bully picks on someone who is weak, so there is a power imbalance, and does the bullying to gain popularity and power, at the expense of the victim. David and Manuel emphasized that the bullying per se cannot cause the depression, shame, and so forth, but rather the victim must buy into the bully's mean-spirited statements, like "you're weak," or "you have an ugly zit on your nose," "your mother is a dirty whore," and more. Then, the inner dialogue of the victim often goes like this: I must be a terrible and horrible person to get bullied like this. I'm worthless. All the kids are looking down on me. Everybody hates me! Everyone is laughing at me. I'm just a loser. And that, of course, is the voice of the "inner bully" who does all the emotional damage. Manuel and David both emphasized that the goal of treatment is to help the victim see that the "badness" is not with them, but rather with the kid (or adult) who's doing the bullying. Because the victims nearly always feel ashamed, they will often suffer in silence, keeping the bullying a secret. David described what he calls the "abuse contract" that many, and perhaps most, humans buy into when being hurt or exploited. It's really a contract between the abuser and the abused, and there are there parts to the agreement. I get to hurt you for my own pleasure. This might include sexual, physical, financial, or psychological torture or abuse. You, the victim are entirely to blame for this. You are the bad one. I am superior and totally innocent. You deserve what's happening to you. We have to keep this a secret, even from ourselves. You cannot even hint that I am doing something wrong. If you try that, I will REALLY hurt you. David emphasized that the tendency to "accept" this type of horrible contract is not limited to children, but includes adults as well. He emphasized that sometimes the child who is being bullied will tell parents, who then tell the teacher or school officials, who will tell the bully to stop. This is rarely effective, and often makes the situation worse, since the bully tells the victim that they are a snitch and now they will REALLY get what they "deserve." Matt described many types of bullying, including physical, psychological, and cyber bullying. Manuel described some of the signs to look for if you suspect a problem with your child, including: Not wanting to go to school. Saying things like "everyone thinks I'm terrible." Changes in sleep, eating habits, and energy. Somatic symptoms such as stomach aches and headaches. Manuel emphasized that the goal is not to eliminate negative feelings entirely, but rather to reduce the time you spend feeling anxious, humiliated and upset after being bullied. He also emphasized that ongoing practice talking back to your own negative thoughts is an important key to change, in exactly the same way that athletes must commit to ongoing daily practice to boost their physical skills and stamina. Manuel emphasized the importance of empathy and support, as well as asking victims if they'd want some help combatting their automatic negative thoughts and feelings. He shared that he endured considerable bullying as a kid, and was bullied because he was poor, of Mexican heritage, short, wearing glasses ("four eyes"), and young, and sometimes called "a fag" and other hurtful things. He said that reattribution is one useful strategy, among many, for combatting automatic thoughts and negative feelings. Instead of automatically blaming yourself for the bullying, you can ask questions like this: "What is it in their life that makes them want to do things like this.?" And "They are trying to hurt and embarrass me. Why are they doing that." The goal is to help the victim see that the "badness" and shame really reside within the bully, and not with them. The bully is trying to tear you down. Ask yourself why? The bully thinks that this is the best way for them to gain popularity, power, and importance. Toward the end of the podcast, I, David, again emphasized that the Outer Bully can hurt us physically, by hi

Podcast 416 Ask David is it reckless to question the existence of the "soul?"' How can I make myself accountable? Do we have a "personality," or is that just another illusion? Do questions about the "self" and "free will" involve All-or-Nothing thinking? The answers below were prepared prior to the podcast, and simply based on email exchanges. Be sure to listen to the live podcast discussion to get a variety of opinions and comments! Questions for today's podcast. #1: Weren't your comments on the self a bit reckless, given that the existence of / or belief in the "soul" is a prerequisite for most religions? #2: How can I make myself accountable for doing the exercises in your books? #3. Holy asks if the concept of having "a personality" is the same as the question of having "a self?" #4. Could questions about the "self" and "free will" involve All-or-Nothing Thinking? Question #1. (not question, just a comment worthy of a response) Your comments on the "self" were shallow, mocking and restless. The recent episode on 'Do I have a self?' (Episode 406) was very shallow and mocking of people who thought there was a soul/self. Given a soul is a prerequisite for most religions, dismissing it out of hand without meaningful discussion seems reckless. David's response Thanks, there's a lot of truth in your comment and we'll definitely include this on an upcoming Ask David! To give a brief response prior to the show, I would say that I am not trying to defend or attack any religion, but don't want to give up my right to freedom of thought. I, David, am not saying that the "soul" does not exist, but what I am saying is hard to convey, and I probably won't be successful now, either. But, when you talk about a "soul," I do not have any idea what you mean by that word, or what you are referring to, if anything. To me, words like "self" or "soul" are simply language that is "out of gear," as Wittgenstein might say. Meaning can only occur in a specific concept. It is not the case that there are "pure meanings" for abstract concepts. Thinking along those lines was the huge error that Plato and Aristotle made. Now, let's say I go to YouTube and listen to some really kick-ass music that I totally love. I might say, "Wow, that guy (like James Brown, for example) really has soul!" What I'm saying is that I tremendously admire and appreciate his talent, his energy, and so forth. I am not referring to something metaphysical. My concern about your comment is that it sounds scolding, at least to my ear, like the "morality police," perhaps. Personally, I have seen a great deal of evil done in the name of this or that religion, and I have no doubt that you have, too! Still, I am sure you have strong religious beliefs, which I respect, and apologize for having offended you. But I admit I am ambivalent, and partially happy that you are offended, and speaking out, because I believe that critical thinking is also tremendously precious, just as your religious beliefs are precious to you. In a selfish way, I have to confess I am also happy for the criticism, because controversy stirs up interest, and I am trying to interest people in our podcasts, which are ultimately dedicated to healing and relief of suffering. Still, I cannot deny the truth in your comment, that my "critical thinking" can be a disguise for a put down. When I wrote Feeling Good, I was very aware already (in the 1970s) that the chemicals categorized as "antidepressants" had few or no clinically significant effects above and beyond their placebo effects, and subsequent research has validated this. But I did not emphasize this in that book because I did not want to pull the rug out from anybody, and hurt anybody's feelings. After all, if you are getting a nice "placebo effect," that's a good thing, at lest to some extent. Now, I'm older, so I'm more willing to speak my mind, and let the chips fall where they may. And you have bravely spoken your mind, too. Kudos to you! And that's the end of my prayer! Keep those good thoughts rolling along. Amen Best, david (PS I'm sure you'll get way better answers from the others on the podcast tomorrow!) Question #2. How can I make myself accountable for doing the exercises in your books? Good to have Fabrice back. Regarding your books I have a question. I have trouble holding myself accountable doing the exercises in the book. Do you have any advice on how to prioritize doing the homework and being disciplined with it? How did other depressed people get better using your books? I already filled out multiple notebooks but appear to be stuck. Any help appreciated! David's Response Thanks, we will address your question on a future Ask David podcast, if that's ok. Question #3. Holy asks if the concept of having "a personality" is the same as the question of having "a self?" @HolyLoveQuest • 1 day ago Thank you for this video on this topic, it was very clear to me! It's a shame that this chapter of your Feeling Great book was removed, becau

Question #1: John asks: Can you do TEAM on your own? Question #2: John asks: Can you provide more insights or instructions on how to do Positive Reframing on your own? It seems to be an incredibly important key to TEAM-CBT. Question #3: Ann asks: What can I do when I blush and my face turns bright red? Question #4: Dylan asks: Can you have a delayed reaction to the CBT exercises? #415 September 23 Ask, New questions Question #1: John asks: Can you do TEAM on your own? Oh, one other point that occurred to me, the people doing personal work on your podcasts are generally TEAM CBT therapists or people familiar with the TEAM model. They are obviously very familiar with the steps and techniques in TEAM, and yet they seem to require the insight and guidance from yourself and Jill. Why do you think that is if they are so well versed in TEAM already? Does that mean that a person from the general public doing their own work using your books without the guidance of a TEAM therapist is futile? Or would you always recommend someone using a therapist? Kind Regards John David's response Can we include it in another podcast? Would love to just read it and jam on it with R and M. Warmly, david Question #2: John asks: Can you provide more insights or instructions on how to do Positive Reframing on your own? It seems to be an incredibly important key to TEAM-CBT. On Mon, Aug 5, 2024 at 9:24 PM John Macken [email protected]> wrote: Hey there David and Rhonda, I hope you're keeping well, this is John from Ireland, we had a previous correspondence on Should statements! David, thanks very much for asking for access to the beta app, I'm really enjoying the modules! I heard you say on one of your apps that you are planning some workshops in relation to the app, will they be available online do you think? Would love to tune in if possible! I am always grateful for your inspiring work! I love your passion for the work that you and Rhonda do and that comes across from both of you during every podcast episode. Your FG community sounds amazing! Who knows, maybe one day I'll ditch the corporate career and join the cult! I have another question on Positive Reframing! As someone who is still trying to find my own journey to enlightenment following many months of anxiety and depression, I feel I am falling at this positive reframing step. I still find I am bumping up against resistance and I feel that my positive values and benefits don't count. It's almost as if there is some kind of discounting the positive going on like my negative points vastly outweigh my positive points. It's like there is such a negative filter there is no space for recognizing positive qualities. I was listening to the beginning of Episode 310 where a listener had an excellent contribution on Positive Reframing from your live work with Nasli. That got me thinking, would it be possible to hear more insights and detail on how to perform your own Positive Reframing work? Or do you have guidelines or a worksheet anywhere? It feels like the most powerful of all the steps! Among the many incredible tools that have been created under TEAM it seems the Agenda setting piece is probably the most powerful and innovative. I have listened to many of your Live Sessions intently and it seems that your gift and that of Jill Levitt is in convincing the patient of the beauty of their depression and anxiety. It feels that they are almost recovered or very nearly once you go through that step. On the face of it, it looks like what you're doing is very simple but there is a nuance and complexity to it that is incredible and without sounding too grandstanding or over dramatic this "gift" seems to be where the healing power lies. If you could bottle that gift you would change the world or be a billionaire or both! It is astounding to listen to. I would love to hear more about your insights into this area and how people can unlock this for themselves. For example, I found podcast 387 on Acceptance and Daring to be average incredibly powerful and insightful and convincing and these are pieces I'm trying to implement in my life. Love and admire your work and would love to make it over to one of your in person workshops someday when they are available to the general public, Warm regards John David's response We will address positive reframing on the show. Question #3: Ann asks: What can I do when I blush and my face turns bright red? Dr. Burns, I hope you're both doing well. I wanted to share with you that you have changed my life dramatically. I have always thought that everyone else had a problem as far as attitudes and behaviors. But you have taught me through all three of your books and podcasts that my thoughts are why I've been so anxious and depressed. I have been on medication since I was 20 years old. Now, I'm weaning off of my medication because of all of the work I've done with your book and a therapist trained in TEAM therapy. My relationship is much better with my husband and

Feeling Down? Try the Feeling Great App for Free! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it out at FeelingGreat.com! Life Coaching: A New Dimension in Counseling Today we discuss the recent upsurge in life coaching, and feature one of the leaders in this emerging field, Angela Poch, and one of her wonderful students, Lorna Bird. Lorna Bird Angela Poch (see featured photo) is a Registered Professional Counsellor (RPC) with the Canadian Professional Counselling Association, certified Master Life Coach, and TEAM-CBT Level 4 Advanced Therapist and Trainer. She has been teaching health and wellness for over 30 years and was Vice President of Education with the Adventist Association of Health & Wellness Coaching. She has written several articles and books on health and wellness including, "The Truth Will Set You Free." She has a YouTube channel (@talkingteamcbt) interviewing clinicians about their journeys with TEAM-CBT. She also has a channel on psychology and health (@bodymindhealth4u). Lorna Bird holds a Diploma of Counseling from Australia and is a certified Life and Health Coach. She is also a Level 3 certified TEAM-CBT therapist https://www.yestohealth.com.au/ Angela and Lorna will give us the true scoop on coaching. To get started, what IS coaching, and how does it differ from psychotherapy? I am aware that our podcast goes worldwide, so the answer may differ depending on the country or state where you live. According to AI, "In California, the term "psychotherapist" is defined in the Civil Code to include a number of mental health professionals, including psychologists, psychiatrists, and clinical social workers. In general, anyone who provides psychotherapy or counseling in California, whether in person, by phone, or online, must be licensed.in California." Coaching is quite different. Again, according to AI, "In California, there are no specific state-mandated requirements for individuals to use the term "coach" or practice life coaching, meaning anyone can technically call themselves a coach without obtaining a specific license." Angela Poch resides in Canada, and she has been a leading and beloved member of the TEAM-CBT community. She emphasized several differences between a "coach" and a licensed mental health professional: Diagnosis: A coach does not diagnose clients into the familiar DSM categories of "mental disorders," such as "Major Depressive Illness," "Bipolar Disorder," "Schizophrenia," or any of the hundreds of "mental disorders" listed in the DSM. In the same vein, licensed mental health professionals will typically screen for suicidal thoughts and urges, and will treat suicidal individuals, but this is forbidden territory for coaches. Purpose / aims of coaching: The purpose or aims of coaching do not, as a rule, involve delving into your past to search for the "cause(s)" of your problems, such as adverse childhood experiences or traumas. Instead, the focus of coaching is primarily on making changes in the here-and-now in how you think, feel, and relate to others. This might involve learning to challenge distorted negative thoughts so you will think and feel more positively about your life, as well as how to relate to others more skillfully. Coaching is goal-oriented and forward-moving rather than dwelling on the past. Of course, good counsellors and licensed mental health professionals may also provide tools to move forward as well, so there can be overlap. Training / credentialing: Because coaching is so new, there are not yet any widely accepted standards or requirements for calling yourself a "coach." There is a varying degree of training to be "certified," which might just consist of watching a couple videos to 100's of hours of supervision with the ICF (International Coaching Federation), and everything in between. Here's a generalized diagram Angela created to help with further clarification. NOTE: many TEAM-CBT therapists also are client/goal focused as well as and will often use coaching-style tools. Angela described a 20-hour "Feeling Great Coach" certification program she has developed. Her program is based almost entirely on TEAM-CBT and includes a final exam you must pass to get certified. She also offers a TEAM-CBT Masterclass & Mentoring Program for both coaches as well as therapists that includes live training twice a month, online practice groups, case consultation in small groups, one-on-one mentoring sessions, and personal work as well. She said this integrates seamlessly with FGI's Fast Track program, any of David's intensives, or the Tuesday group for those who want more individualized support and training. Lorna enthusiastically described her experiences learning from many of Angela's training programs. I (David) have had the pleasure of knowing and working with Angela for many years now, starting with her attendance at a number of my intensives an

Ask David Disturbing Intrusive Thoughts-- where do they come from? Alone and Liking It--is that Okay? Help with those darned Shoulds, and more! The following show notes were written before the show. The actual live discussions will vary somewhat from the answers you will find here, which simply included David's email exchanges with those who asked the questions. . Rodolfo asks about disturbing and unwelcome intrusive thoughts. Brittany asks if it's okay to enjoy / prefer being alone. John, from Ireland, asks, "Help! I'm shoulding on myself again! What can I do? Please do another podcast on Should Statements." Rodolfo asks about disturbing and unwelcome intrusive thoughts. 1. Rodolfo asks about ADHD & Intrusive Thoughts Hello Dr. Burns, my name is Rudy. First and foremost, your writings and podcasts have been life changing for me. You're AMAZING! I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I started experiencing intrusive thoughts around November of last year. I thought I had OCD, but apparently intrusive thoughts are a common companion in ADHD. What would be the best course of action in defeating them? How would I apply TEAM to them? David's Response In all my books, like Feeling Great, I outline a step by step approach to writing down and challenging thoughts. You can also listen to the podcast on the four models for treating anxiety. Can we use your great comment on a podcast, and add your question to our next Ask David podcast? Can you send me an example of the types of intrusive thoughts you're having? Sometimes writing them down and challenging can be helpful, but need to see what we're talking about. Best, david Rodolfo responds Thank you for the swift response! Ok, so writing down my intrusive thoughts, regardless of their nature, and challenging them. I don't, however, know which method/route to challenge them with. I have Feeling Great, so I will read through it again. I will also check out the podcasts. My intrusive thoughts have been disgusting violent acts involving my wife and son. ***I HAVE NO INTENTIONS OR DESIRE TO COMMIT ANY OF THEM***. I've had images of my wife getting shot, not necessarily by me. Sometimes I'll see my arms give out and my son will fall. I've seen my wife sitting down, and she gets hit in the back of the head. When they appear, I begin to freak out immensely because they are the complete opposite of who I am and what I want to do, which is protect them. I know I'm not doing something right when it comes to your methods because I still freak out. David Responds Thanks! Although disturbing, this is a very common and often easily treatable OCD type of problem. Best, david Rodolfo responds What a relief. I thought I was going insane here! I would be honored if you all covered it in a podcast. All I listen to in my car now is the Feeling Good podcast! David Responds Often, intrusive OCD thoughts reflect suppressed problems / feelings people have, especially when the person is exceptionally "nice," and used to sweeping feelings under the rug, so to speak. I cannot treat you in this medium, obviously, but I'm wondering if you have some negative feelings, like anger or frustration, toward your wife and child? When these are "squashed," they can come out indirectly, disguised as anxious thoughts and feelings. This is called the Hidden Emotion Technique, which you can look up using the search on my website, if curious, or read about it in my book, When Panic Attacks. Best, david 2. Brittany asks if it's okay to enjoy / prefer being alone. Hi Dr. Burns, I was listening to your podcast on self-acceptance, and it was really interesting hearing the results. I like how you said that just because we accept something about ourselves doesn't mean we aren't still working on it. I think people confuse that a lot. One thing I've accepted about myself is that I really do enjoy being alone. I think in the past I would try to find a buddy in uncomfortable situations like the first day of work or orientation or going to a baby shower alone etc. but now I find that I am most comfortable when I'm not included with everyone else. However, I think it can come across as off putting to some. Sometimes I get the feeling they see me excluding myself as rejection to them. That's not my intention and nobody's ever actually said that but it's a thought that pops up. Just wondered if you think this form of acceptance is good or bad? I mean it's been good for me. Just maybe it's bad for others? -Brittany David's response This is a cool question and nice comment, too, about our podcast. Can we read this on a podcast and use it for an Ask David? Personally, I am trying to say "no" more often when asked to do things with other people, and sometimes it's hard. But if I don't say no, I get way too much on my plate and can't keep up! Warmly, david Brittany's reply That makes perfect sense to me. I've kind of taken the position where I don't really want to make more friends because I feel like I'm already falling short w

Feeling Down? Try the Feeling Great App for Free! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it out at FeelingGreat.com! What's a Give-Get Imbalance? What's the Best Treatment for Anxiety and Dysthymia? Can you do Externalization of Voices on Your Own? The show notes for today's podcast were largely written prior to the show. Tune in to the podcast to hear the discussion of these questions by Rhonda, Matt, and David. And keep the questions coming. We enjoy the exchange of ideas with all of you. Thanks! Suzanna asks: What's a "Give-Get" imbalance? And how can you get over it? Martin asks: What's the best treatment for anxiety and dysthymia? Eoghan (pronounced Owen) asks: Can you do Externalization of Voices on your own? 1. Suzanna asks: What's a "Give-Get" imbalance? And how can you get over it? Description of Suzanna's problem. Suzanna is a woman with a grown daughter with severe brain damage due to a severe brain infection (viral encephalitis) when she was an infant. Suzanna was constantly giving of herself and catering to her daughter. She explains that her daughter can be very demanding and throws tantrums to get her way, and kind of controls the entire home in this way. She can only talk a little and has the vocabulary of about a two-and-a-half-year-old. She can mostly express the things she wants or doesn`t want on a very basic level. She mostly understands what I want from her, but mostly does not want to do what I ask her to do. She can be very stubborn. And I cannot reason with her because she has her own logic and, in her eyes, only her logic is valid. Maybe all a little bit like a two-and-a-half-year-old. Suzanna struggles with negative feelings including guilt, anxiety and depression, because she is constantly giving, giving, giving and feeling exhausted and resentful. And she tells herself, "I should be a better mum." Can you spot any distortions in this thought? Put your ideas in the text box, or jot them down on a piece of paper, and then I'll share my thinking with you! What are the distortions in the thought, "I should be a better mum"? There are many distortions in this thought, including All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Mental Filtering, Discounting the Positive, Magnification and Minimization, Emotional Reasoning, Self-Directed Should Statements, and Self-Blame. There may be one or two more, too! The first step in change nearly always includes dealing with motivation and resistance. Suzanna decided to do a Cost-Benefit Analysis, as you can see below, and a revision of her Self-Defeating Belief, as you can see below. Another helpful step might include "No Practice," which simply means saying "no" so you don't constantly get trapped by "giving," as well as "giving in." A third critically important strategy involves the mom and dad making the decision to work together as a loving team in the management of a troubled child, rather than fighting and arguing with each other, as we've discussed on previous podcasts. However, in many, or possibly most cases, the parents are not willing to do this. They are more concerned about being "right" and so they continue to do battle with each other, as well as the child who needs a more loving structure. David Cost-Benefit Analysis Self-Defeating Belief: I should be a better mum to my daughter Advantages of this belief(How does believing this help me?) Disadvantages of this belief(How does believing this hurt me?) This thought motivates me to: Put myself out. Push myself to give what I have. Find ways to advance her development. Find ways to involve her in everyday life. Invest myself into her and her life as much as I can, physically, emotionally and time wise. Try to find ways that my daughter can have a fulfilling life. Try hard to connect to her, her pain, her needs, her sadness and her frustration. Try to make her life as easy as possible. Try my hardest to see her world through her eyes and gain deeper understanding of how she feels. Try to understand what is upsetting her when she throws a tantrum. Stay healthy and fit to have energy for her. Try to make her life rewarding and meaningful. Fulfill my duty as a mum to my daughter who needs my support. I can feel good about myself. I satisfy other people's expectations of me. Protects me from criticisms from my husband I am a prisoner to my daughter. No matter how hard I try I don`t seem to make a meaningful difference to her life and to her development. I am a "Siamese Twin" to her. I cannot move or do anything if she doesn`t want to. I reason with my emotions instead of thinking rational at times. I let my daughter get away with "murder". I find excuses for her behaviour. I find excuses for her why she cannot behave differently. I beat up on myself when I feel I failed her. I take all responsibilities away from My daughter and make them my own. I blame myself when I cann