EP369: The New Rules of Fertility #4: Radical Truth

 Hey, gorgeous. If you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve gotta have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy in the whole clown car of low vibe, fertility, journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility Mindset Master, former prosecutor and recovering type a, control freak, perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell. Yes.

For your fertility journey, it’s time to get fearless, baby fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this.

One of the most radical things that a woman can ever do in the name of her fertility success is adopt a simple policy. No more lies. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 360 9, the New Rules of Fertility. Number four. No more lies. Loves. I am absolutely excited to be here with you this week as we dig in further to the new Rules of Fertility success, and I’m gonna reveal myself to be a complete and total nerd in this episode because when I was thinking about what I wanted to share with you about this rule that I have observed in women over the past 12 years and more at this point.

I came across a quote from Dostoevsky, from his novel, the Brothers Karasov, that just hit me square between the eyes, and I could not help myself but want to share it with you because it just hit different within the context of the fertility journey and the way that so many of us. Uber responsible, successful, really smart women who are making a difference in the world, and then this journey comes into their lives.

It speaks directly to our tendency to hold it all in, not tell people the truth, not tell ourselves the truth and the price we might be paying because of it. Here’s the quote from Dostoevsky that I think you might need to hear. It’s quite a wake up call. Here’s what he said. Above all, don’t lie to yourself.

The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others, and having no respect. He ceases to love. Gulp. I’m gonna read that one more time just so you can take it in. Above all, don’t lie to yourself.

The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others, and having no respect. He ceases to love. Jenky ladies, think about what Dostoevsky is laying down right there. When we lie to ourselves, we lose respect for ourselves and for others.

The price we pay is we cease to love. Oh, I believe that so many of us living this journey choose to lie to ourselves out of convenience, out of fear, doubt, worry, shame, guilt. We worry about what our parents think, what our partners think. What our friends think, what our coworkers think. Like we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, to not be an inconvenience, to not let people down, to war game, every move that we make so as to not make mistakes, not inconvenience anyone, that it gets to the point where.

We lose our voice. We get so used to keeping everything neat, tidy, and packed in that we just lie to ourselves about what’s really going on. And when we consistently lie to ourselves, we find ourselves lying or omitting things from the people around us that it’s kind of the same thing as lying. It’s being deceptive.

Then we get to a point where we do this for so long and we build up resentment, we build up anger, we build up disappointment with the people around us when the reality is they, they might not have even had a chance to be who we want them to be to us on the fertility journey. I know that’s a lot, but if you take the time to begin to unpack the way that you might be lying to yourself on this journey and in turn.

Others, you give yourself a chance to build up your confidence, build up your self respect again, regain that swagger that you have every right to have as you move to a goal in your life of being a mom. That is your birthright. But when we can’t tell the truth to ourselves, how the hell are we gonna tell anyone else the truth?

How can we ever feel the closeness, the support, and the care that we long for? I don’t want this to be some weird academic exercise for you. Take a moment and write out, like if you’re driving, wait till you get home, but start to make mental notes to yourself right now. What are the ways that you are currently lying to yourself?

Maybe you’re not being honest with yourself about how badly you truly want this baby. Maybe you’ve taken on the, the lazy attitude of, well, we’ll see what happens. I’ll be okay either way, if, if this baby doesn’t come. Maybe that’s just the way it was supposed to be. When you know in your heart. I’m going all the way for this baby.

Maybe the truth is, is that you haven’t been honest with your partner about what you need, and because of that, the resentment is piling up. Maybe you’ve been tolerating questions that are wildly inappropriate from family members, and it’s just time that you are honest that those questions, they don’t feel good and you’d rather not have people ask about your fertility journey.

It’s like, get the hell outta my bedroom. What’s. Going on in my bedroom or in the street room. Room is none of your fucking business. Whatever the case may be. Maybe there are aspects of your pain that you’re not being honest about with yourself. And instead of just toughing it out, maybe the truth is it’s time that you stood up to some people in your life.

Whatever the case may be, take a few moments and make a list of the ways that you are currently lying to yourself. Mama, I know this doesn’t sound like much fun. But you may as well get it out because you could not possibly hope for a solution if you can’t be honest about what’s going on. We think that we’re doing the right thing by triangulating everything and scheming and.

And trying to war game things out, we think that’s better for the people around us. But what if that’s the very thing that’s keeping you from being successful? What if all of that fear, doubt that shame, negativity, and not enoughness is sending messages to your nervous system, that it’s just freaking not safe?

For you to conceive right now. What if this is keeping you from seeing yourself as the woman who is worthy of respect? Think about the wisdom of what Dostoevsky said. When you lie to yourself, you lose respect for yourself. So when you don’t respect yourself, how could you possibly see yourself as a woman who is worthy of success on the journey?

Self-worth is a critical. Thing on this journey. So many of the, the blocks and the obstacles that we create go directly to the way that we see ourselves, not just within the context of our fertility, but in the context of our lives overall. You’ve gotten to this point in your life because you’ve been able to hold it in, you’ve been able to be disciplined, all these things.

If those are great, but at the end of the day, the truth has no agenda. It will catch up with you and you may have gotten away with it at work. But this journey is emotional. It’s spiritual at the same time as physiological, biological. But when we’re struggling and when we’re not getting the result that we want, we can’t just look at the physical.

Because if you’re listening to this podcast and you are the woman that I am pretty sure that you are. You’ve got the physical nailed. That part is easy. It’s the other stuff. It’s the stuff that wakes you up at two in the morning and has you getting into an illicit conversation with chat GPT and and looking for reassurance.

But at the end of the day, you still feel powerless. Your power, your self-respect is going to come from the truth. This is why I wanna pull it out of you. Just be freaking honest. What are the ways you are currently deceiving yourself? What are the lies that you’re telling? Write what it is costing you. To not be truthful about this, what are the things that you’re feeling as a result of holding this in?

Be lovingly ruthless. Mama. I know some smart ass is gonna probably say something like, well, how do I know if I’m lying to myself? What if this is true? You know when you are lying to yourself because that tiny little voice that we consistently suppress is gonna be barking at you the whole time. And this is an exercise not to expose you, but to truly empower you.

There’s no way that we’re ever going to repair. Our self-respect, our self-esteem on this journey until we freaking tell the truth and when we can tell ourselves the truth, we can summon the courage to tell the truth to others. If you don’t do it. The resentment, the fear, the doubt, it’s just gonna pile up.

So see this as a first step in positioning yourself for fertility success. You’re not alone. So many of us have not told ourselves the truth on this journey because sometimes the truth is really scary, but at the end of the day, the truth remains the truth. I don’t expect anybody to write down this list and all of a sudden run around to every single member of their family, friends, coworkers, treatment team, whatever the case may be, and, and have this catharsis conversation.

But it does start with awareness. Your awareness is going to be your path to peace. Your awareness is going to be your path to self-respect your, your path to the kind of confidence, the kind of calm that can only come from living by the truth on this journey. Every single woman who is created outrageous success on this journey had to.

First come to grips with the truth within her. And when you come to grips with that, there is a peace, there is a surrender, and there is a resolve that will come out in you that no lie could ever begin to approximate. Take a stand for no more lies on this journey and watch what begins to unfold. Taking on a policy of truth on your fertility journey isn’t easy.

There are so many conflicting ideas and there’s old programs that we’re having to unlearn. This is the exact thing that women come to fearlessly fertile for. My methodology has helped women around the world make their mom dreams come true through the tools, the strategies, and the ways of being. That can help you reframe your identity, calm your nervous system, and put you into a place of incredible receptivity so that you can finally get and stay pregnant.

You want to do the best that you can to cover your bases, mind and body. Go to www.frommaybetwobaby.com. This is a logical, linear. Structure for changing the way that you think, believe, and take action on this journey so that you can create the kind of success that you know deep down you deserve. Go to www.frommaybetwobaby.com.

Till next time, change your mindset. Change your results. Love this episode of The Fearlessly Fertile Podcast. Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.