Marriage in Islam

Auto-generated transcript:In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. All praise belongs to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. And peace and blessings be upon the honorable Prophet Muhammad and upon his companions. My dear respected brothers, sisters, elders. The topic of my khutbah today is marriage in Islam. And there are two reasons for that. One is that this month and next month we seem to have a spate of those who are who seem to be absolutely determined to commit matrimony. So I thought maybe it's a good idea to give them some idea of what it means. And secondly, this khutbah is, and the one in Baitul Salam, is part of a global khutbah for this Jummah on the subject of Islam, which was started by the Jum'ah Talma South Africa. And for the same reason, which is the amount of absolute proliferation of marriages going bad. And marriages breaking up. So this is a very important part. It's not simply essential for the young people that every time they see a sheikh, they say, sheikh, please make dua, I should get married. And then one month later, they say, sheikh, please make dua, I should get married. And then one month later, they say, sheikh, please make dua, I should get married. And then one month later, whatever. Marriage is perhaps the most important relationship that you are likely to enter into in your life, but also the most complicated. So the first thing to get out of your mind is that marriage is simple. It's not simple. It's very complicated. And you can make your marriage and your home a heaven on earth, or a living hell. That choice is in your hands alone. By you, I mean the husband and the wife. Nobody else. It is your choice alone. And it is a choice. So choose wisely because you will have to live with it. Not anybody else. Allah said in His Kitab al-Qur'an al-Kareem, Wa min ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusih, wa min ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusih, And from His verses, Allah said, Allah said in His Kitab al-Qur'an al-Kareem, Wa min ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusih, kum azwajah, li taskunu ilayha, wa ja'ala baynakum mawaddatun wa rahmah, inna fee thalika la ayatin li qawmin yatafakkaroon. In Surah Ar-Rum, Allah said, among His signs, and Allah called this one of His signs, Jalla Shah Anhu, and among His signs is this that He creates for you mates out of your own kind. So that, and Allah is now, mentioning three reasons for this. So that you find contentment, sukoon with them. And then He said, and therefore He puts in that relationship, mawadda wa rahmah, love and mercy between you. Inna fee thalika la ayatin li qawmin yatafakkaroon. And behold in this, there are signs and messages for people, And behold in this, there are signs and messages for people, who receive the blessings of Allah, who reflect and think, people who have intelligence. As I'm sure most of you know, if you don't know, you should be aware that in Islam, marriage is a legal contract. The khutba for the marriage and all of that is icing on the cake. The marriage is valid even if there is no khutba. It's a legal contract between two people in the presence of two witnesses after the payment of mahram. It's a legal contract between two people in the presence of two witnesses after the payment of mahram. The witnesses, the best of the witnesses is Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Himself. And the ones making that contract will be accountable to Him. It is therefore essential to understand what they are contracting to do. The ayat of the Quran, which I recited before you, speaks about the institution of marriage and mentions specifically three features that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala blessed it with. Allah used three words in this ayah. The first word that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala used is sukoon. And Allah says, وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْقَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُونُوا إِلَيْهَا And among His signs is this that He creates for you mates out of your own kind, so that you may find sukoon with them. Sukoon is a word which we also use in Urdu. So those of you who know Urdu, you know what it means. In Arabic, in the diacritical marks, the symbols on the letters, which are added to the letters to modify their pronunciation and meaning, they indicate how the letter is to be pronounced. Fatha, dhamma, kathra and sukoon, these are called haraka. The word haraka means the word that is used in the Quran. It is the word that is used in the Quran. Haraka in Urdu, harkat means movement. So fatha, dhamma, kathra shows whether the letter is to be pronounced as A, E or O. Sukoon is the opposite of haraka. Sukoon is the absence of movement. So when there is a sukoon on a letter, that letter is going over. That letter is in the same place. Sukoon is the opposite of haraka. Sukoon is the absence of movement. Sukoon is the absence of movement. Sukoon is the absence of movement. Sukoon Jeffery is you. Sukoon is the absence of movement. Sukoon is the absence of movement. Sukoon is the absence of movement. Sukoon is in the possibilites. Sukoon is the absence of movement. Sukoon is the absence of movement. Sukoon is the absence of movement. Sukoon-a-tha. Sukoon Bachit ja p vedereho. Sukoon is the absence of movement. Sukoon is the absence of movement, which changes. Sukoon is the absence of movement, which is different from movement. Sukoon Bharata, trid-i-ni. Sukoon in the Divine shows the absence of movement. So such a passage about Sukoon is the context of movement. Sukoon will go on, or it will go on in our lives too. with them so that we may find contentment and tranquility with them. The first condition of the contract is that the spouses are promising to each other that they will henceforth lead their lives in such a way that they will make their companionship, their home, their being together and their support for one another a source of contentment and sukoon for each other. They are making Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala the witness that henceforth they will not look elsewhere other than towards each other for the fulfillment of all the requirements of marriage. That their eyes and ears and hearts and hands and feet will not stray away from their spouse. That is the meaning of faithfulness and fidelity and loyalty and devotion to one another in a marriage. A relationship that is devoid of these qualities is not only not a marriage, it is not even a relationship. I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to give all those who are here and all those who will listen to this khutbah sukoon with their spouses. I submit to you and remind you that it's never too late to start a new page in your life. That is a sign of emotional maturity and it is a sign of taqwa. Marriage also means that both spouses will try to create a home which is a place of sukoon, which they look forward to returning every day. The home must be like a harbor into which the ship which has sailed the high seas, braved storms, withstood the battering of waves and winds finally finds safety. How would it be if instead of saying, safety, tranquility, healing, comfort and consolation, the ship meets a storm which has not only been brewing in the harbor, but it is custom made for that ship. A storm that knows all the weaknesses of the ship. Because in the harbor, all defenses are down, all shields lowered, all weapons sheathed. If that is not happening, if the weapon must remain drawn, the shield still raised, and eyes darting in all directions trying to detect threats, and ears listening for sounds of alarm, then what kind of sanctuary is that? That is a wolf's den. It's a lion's cave. It's not a safe harbor for a ship. It's not a family home. Let us ask ourselves, What is the purpose of this? What we have in our marriages and in our homes? Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala intended for us to have peace and harmony and mutual respect. It is for us to protect it if we have it, and to bring it back if we lost it. And as I said, the rest of your life begins now. That is what shukun means in a Muslim marriage. The second word that Allah says, the third word that Allah used in this ayah is al-mawaddah where He said, wa ja'ala baynakum mawaddah and He puts love between you. This refers to the love that spouses have for one another. This love is both physical and emotional. Love is an outcome of respect. We cannot love someone for whom we feel no respect. It is essential therefore for the spouses to pay attention to the good from each other. And to forgive mistakes. The spouses are like mirrors to each other. They reflect what they see, but they must be mirrors with selective memory. Remember the good, forgive the mistakes. Write the good from your spouse in stone, and write their mistakes in dust. One memory remains lifelong while the other is blown away by the first breeze that comes. I believe this is the single most important secret of a good marriage. To have this selective memory for good and amnesia for bad. Learn the lesson, but forgive the action. Unfortunately, many people have the opposite attitude, which is the root cause of all problems. Good is taken for granted as your right, while any mistake is seen as a premeditated crime and treated accordingly. It is stockpiled. And it is brought out at the first possible instance. Islam advises the opposite. To forgive not once, but seventy times every day without reservation. For the spouse, their companion must be their best friend. Their best friend must not be some outsider. Not the mother-in-law, not the father-in-law, not your best friend from your family. Not the teacher from school, who is made privy to all secrets, and whose advice is sought in the dead of the night, or from password-protected screens, about how to deal with the one who should have been the closest confidant. It is strange how the illogicality of password protection in a relationship that embodies trust is not glaringly obvious. When there is trust, there is no need for secret passwords.