Episode 161: Durian, Decompression, and the Nervous System: Nikki Smit
In this episode of Everything and Anything in a Bit Gay, Zach Randles-Friedman welcomes his first-ever guest from Singapore: occupational therapist and neurodivergent wellness practitioner Nikki Smit. What starts as a laugh about durian (and a shared love of chili crab) turns into a grounded, validating conversation about what it actually means to feel okay in a world that rarely slows down. Nikki breaks down what occupational therapy really is (spoiler: it’s not just about work), why so many of us hit burnout trying to “fix” ourselves, and how wellbeing is less about constant ease—and more about building the capacity to meet each moment. They also talk about how COVID reshaped our tolerance for socializing, why decompression days are more normal than we think, the toll of masking, and what nervous system care can look like in real life (especially on work trips when you just need one night alone). Plus, Zach and Nikki dive into the Telepathy Tapes phenomenon, intuition, “attunement,” and how much we still don’t understand about the mind, communication, and nonverbal connection.
Everything & Anything...and a bit gay Podcast · Zach Randes-Friedman
Audio is streamed directly from the publisher (dts.podtrac.com) as published in their RSS feed. Play Podcasts does not host this file. Rights-holders can request removal through the copyright & takedown page.
Show Notes
What you’ll hear in this episode
Zach’s Singapore memories: chili crab vs. black pepper crab… and why durian is a hard no
Nikki’s clear explanation of occupational therapy: “occupation” = everything meaningful you do (self-care, relationships, leisure, work, and more)
Nikki’s personal story: growing up neurodivergent before there was language for it—and how her parents intuitively accommodated her needs
The burnout turning point: leaving “fix people” systems and rejecting a rigid medical model of wellness
Nikki’s definition of wellbeing:
fluctuates over time
rooted in strengths
less about “fixing” and more about capacity to meet the moment
The myth of “permanent ease” and why believing it exists can create unnecessary suffering
Why Nikki’s work is relationship-based: healing happens in safe connection and community
A body-first approach: how emotions live in the body and why somatic + sensory strategies matter
Zach’s big question: did COVID reset our nervous systems—and our social bandwidth?
needing downtime after holidays
being “done” by day four of family time
the post-trip decompression crash
Nikki on masking and why it’s exhausting (and often invisible)
A practical metaphor: stress as a balloon—why we need to release pressure along the way instead of bursting
Work travel reality: how constant meetings + dinners can overload even highly social people
The rise of neurodivergence awareness: progress, nuance, and why “it’s your superpower” can sometimes oversimplify real challenges
Workplace wellness culture:
why “unlimited vacation” can be a trap
why rest is treated like it’s “not productive”
Nikki’s point on the brain: why creativity and solutions come from nothingness (default mode network)
The Telepathy Tapes conversation: what it suggests about non-speaking communication and how often competence is underestimated
Intuition, attunement, micro-expressions, and “feeling someone’s intent” before words
How nonstop news cycles and social media whiplash hit the nervous system (cute puppy → catastrophe in seconds)
Hope as a survival tool: using history as proof humans endure, adapt, and rebuild
Nikki’s favorite part of her work: the quiet “integration moments” with clients that feel like real change happening
How to connect with Nikki: Instagram: @nickismittherapy (Zach notes he’ll link it in the episode description)
Guest
Nikki Smit — Occupational Therapist & neurodivergent-focused practitioner (Singapore)
Instagram: @nickismittherapy
Nikki's Website https://projectplay.sg/
Podcast song by SIXFOOT 5: https://www.sixfoot5prod.com
Apple: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/sixfoot-5/1551774977
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5rHMzoU0G0fLhaBsrQiOOY?si=laSZ5hiKTYubJJyhrzf2JQ
Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.