DutchNews Podcast

Sinterklaas ophef comes round earlier every year, but there's a twist this time around: it's not about Zwarte Piet. A critical review of the government's coronavirus strategy comes out just as cases soar again and ministers promise to repeat the same mistakes as last year. Infections are certainly moving much faster than efforts to compensate for the victims of the child benefit scandal, with MPs, judges, the ombudsman and the Council of Europe all criticising the handling of the affair. And Rotterdam moves another 40 centimetres away from sea level as the new highest building in the Netherlands tops out.

This week the coalition talks moved into an exciting new phase as the four parties from the last government finally agreed to make up the numbers. Also making up numbers was junior justice minister Ankie Broekers-Knol, who was rounded on by all sides after she suggested 100,000 Afghans could be on their way to the Netherlands. Other numbers causing concern are the coronavirus infections, which are rising again, and the figures on your next gas bill. Can Wopke Hoekstra come up with a tax-free solution to the energy crisis? Or will we spend a desolate winter watching Stef Blok tell us to cook one-pot dinners through till spring?

Six months after the election, the coalition merry-go-round comes full circle as the four parties from the last coalition agree to form the next one. A vegan restaurant in Utrecht becomes a cause célèbre for protesters against the coronavirus check pass. Mark Rutte gets some unwanted attention from the criminal underworld and a former councillor best known for his part in a penile pastry scandal. Supermarket chain Jumbo hopes its 'kletskassa's' can help to combat the epidemic of loneliness and atone for its in-store playlist. And former world champion Raymond van Barneveld is implicated in some sharp practice during a lockdown darts tournament.

The pandemic put paid to the usual Budget Day pageantry again, but the economic revival gave parties plenty of scope to embellish the balance sheet with extra cash for teachers, healthcare staff and new houses. The abolition of the 1.5 metre rule failed to bring a rapprochement with the hospitality sector over the compulsory corona check app. Leonardo di Caprio became the latest celebrity to sign up to the Dutch fake meat revolution. And as a hen changes sex in Zeeland, we ask if there's more chance of a rooster laying an egg than the coalition talks producing a new government.

D66 leader Sigrid Kaag will be spending more time with Johan Remkes after she resigned over the chaotic operation to evacuate Kabul. Remkes's task of forming a new coalition became more complicated as the ChristenUnie and Labour played significant parts in Kaag's downfall. The cabinet abolished the 1.5 metre society and set up the Corona Check Club, despite loud protestations from the hospitality industry. Max Verstappen proved a pain in the neck for Lewis Hamilton at Monza while taxi app service Über was left with a headache after a court ruled it had to treat its drivers as employees. And we bring you some fake bird news and the tragic tale of a disastrous date between pachyderms in Drenthe.

There are three levels of crisis in the Netherlands: moderate, severe and 'call Johan Remkes'. The self-styled Plumber of Groningen has given himself a month to unclog the blockage in the coalition negotiations, which has grown fatter this week following Sigrid Kaag's gossamer-veiled attack on Mark Rutte. Despite warnings from viral experts that coronavirus infections are set to rise as we move into autumn, Hugo de Jonge still plans to relax the pandemic restrictions later this month. There's plenty of sporting success to cheer as Max Verstappen triumphs at Zandvoort, the Paralympic team comes home with a sackload of gold medals and Memphis Depay bags five goals in two matches for Oranje. And the podcast's own four-legged mascot became an unlikely celebrity after his expensive tastes went viral on Twitter.

Scientists were stunned this week when a stingray at Harderwijk's Dolfinarium gave birth seven years after its last sexual encounter, but it will take an even bigger miracle to form a new Dutch government by Christmas. With the coalition talks deadlocked, Mark Rutte and Sigrid Kaag have bowed to the inevitable and called in 'Mister Stikstof' Johan Remkes to fix the crisis. Elsewhere there is concern about the decision to abandon the 1.5 metre rule on university campuses, a mudfight over the Tweede Kamer's new decor and a row about MPs sitting in the caretaker government. And after a 36-year absence, the Dutch Grand Prix rolls into the Zandvoort dunes and kicks up a sandstorm of ophef.

It's the last podcast before the summer holiday, but there's little respite in prospect for thousands of people in Limburg hit by unprecedented flooding in the Maas valley. The chances of anyone going abroad are diminishing fast as the surge in coronavirus cases turn the Netherlands red on the EU's travel map. The country is shocked by the murder of investigative journalist Peter R de Vries in broad daylight in Amsterdam. Mark Rutte apologises after clashing with reporters over the failures of the government's coronavirus strategy. And justice minister Ferd Grapperhaus unveils plans to make doxing a criminal offence.

Alarming news dominates this week's podcast as journalist Peter R de Vries is shot in the street and coronavirus infections spread like wildfire through the country's nightspots. Was De Vries targeted for his investigations into the Netherlands' drug gangs? And what measures will the government bring back to save everyone from long Cov- sorry, from having to cancel their holidays? MPs say goodbye to the Binnenhof for the last time before a renovation that's expected to last five years, so it might be finished before the next coalition is formed. A Dutch referee will need to be checking his carpets for Lego bricks after the Euro 2020 semi-final. And we tell you why the retired queen's bodyguard was court martialled for 'not paying attention' at Castle Drakensteyn

After Oranje checked out early from Euro 2020, the state broadcaster brought further shame on the nation by posting the wrong lyrics to the German national anthem. Fans looking to drown their sorrows had to move fast to beat the ban on cut-price alcohol promotions from July 1. Elsewhere it was a week of success in Dutch sport, with Max Verstappen and Mathieu van der Poel scoring victories on four wheels and two. In other motoring news, Sigrid Kaag got tied up in CGI seatbelts in a classic example of the Streisand effect. Farmers and fishermen caused a stink as 185 million kilos of manure went missing and the government secretly issued too many pulse fishing permits. And Amsterdam's mayor commemorated Keti Koti by apologising for the city's role in the slave trade.

Coronavirus infections are receding, Janssen vaccines are being snapped up like hot cakes and football fans are looking forward to watching Oranje on the big screen again. But will the Delta variant spoil everyone's party this summer? As the coalition talks get stuck in the mud, Mark Rutte gets stuck into Victor Orbán over Hungary's law banning the 'promotion' of homosexuality. And we explain how modern technology has cast fresh light on Rembrandt's Night Watch. - Support us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/DutchNewsNL - Ophef: King Willem-Alexander shaking hands - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0AjCc02cM4&feature=youtu.be - Complete Night Watch - https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/stories/operation-night-watch

Face masks are on the way out and tourists are on the way back as the end of the pandemic looms into view. But after 50 years of milking British stag parties, Amsterdam is looking to lure a different class of post-corona visitor. In other bad taste news, streets around the country are turning orange as the Dutch make a bright start to Euro 2020. Pieter Omtzigt splits with the CDA after his memo saying he has lost trust in the party is leaked to the media. And there's evidence that wolves are not such a menace to sheep as farmers feared, but they do make better jumpers. - Support us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/DutchNewsNL - Princess Amalia's handwritten letter to prime minister Rutte - https://twitter.com/RickEversRoyal/status/1403336150790643716 - Camiel Eurlings speech, CDA Congress 2010 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkUfHeZCqkM&t=94s - Complete 2010 CDA Congress (8 hours) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iI9hdHki2I&t=5135s - Anne Holligan’s Oranje Street video - https://twitter.com/annaholligan/status/1405431496870174724 - King visiting Oranje Street - Koninklijk Huis (@koninklijkhuis) • Instagram-foto's en -video's - King supporting Oranje - https://twitter.com/palpeet/status/1404179234025844737

The government is looking to speed up the end of lockdown as coronavirus infection rates hurtle downwards, but at the Binnnehof everything's grinding to a halt. Wopke and Mark can't manage to split up Jesse and Lilianne, Sigrid doesn't want to share with Gert-Jan and Pieter has served up a giant can of worms. Elsewhere, four men go on trial accused of murdering all 298 people on board flight MH17 seven years ago. The Dutch football team get ready to kick off at Euro 2020, Russia kicks off about Ukraine's shirts and two supermarket chains get into an off-the-pitch scuffle about orange tat. And we tell you how a pair of WhatsApp con artists got their fingers burned when they went back for a second bite.

Mark Rutte and Hugo de Jonge joined the 10 million people to be vaccinated this week, just as museums, restaurants and the Droomvlucht ride at the Efteling reopened for business. The Janss— pardon, Johnson & Johnson vaccine was taken out of circulation over concerns about blood clots, while controversy raged about the face mask deal that netted CDA protégé Sywert van Lienden €9 million. Wopke Hoekstra spent the week tilting at windmills as he failed to prise apart the two left-wing parties in the coalition talks. And a poor result for the football team was offset by historic triumphs in cricket and rugby.

A mass coronavirus experiment, outrage over drugs tourists and pariah status for Belarus: this year's Eurovision Song Contest really had it all. Museums, bars and restaurants are set to open sooner now that coronavirus is on the wane, even in Rotterdam. In a landmark judgment, global super-polluter Shell is told it has an obligation under human rights law to stop climate change. While the coalition talks grind on at glacial speed, one cabinet minister signs off work with exhaustion, raising concern about politicians' workloads. And Amsterdam steps up its efforts to ban drugs tourists from the city, surprising some visitors who were unaware there was any other reason to be there. - Twitter thread with photos of the new temporary Tweede Kamer Building - https://twitter.com/TvanGroningen/status/1397893602634866688 - Video of Italian guitarist "snorting coke" - https://twitter.com/Agronveliu97/status/1396238279754887168 - Support us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/DutchNewsNL

At long last coronavirus infections have started to fall, but not soon enough to make this year's Eurovision Song Contest an even more tasteless experience than usual. Also falling rapidly is Forum voor Democratie's seat count as three MPs defect in the wake of the latest row and the Brabant coalition collapses. A village north of Amsterdam has its quiet afternoon rudely interrupted by a scene straight out of a heist movie. And we have the inside scoop on how our very own Molly Quell's horticultural mix-up ripped through social media like Japanese knotweed. - Dinge-A-Dong, Dutch Eurovision entry 1975 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI78Bqp6z6g - Molly’s plant gate thread - https://unrollthread.com/t/1394561601970266116/ - Jemini – Cry Baby, UK Eurovision entry 2003 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAJ62IG3gBo

The podcast team look forward to the mouthwatering prospect of bitterballen for breakfast as step two of lifting the coronavirus restrictions looms into view. One thing falling even faster than the infection numbers is Forum voor Democratie's seat count as the party splits faster than a uranium atom on steroids. Riots break out in Doetinchem as Go Ahead Eagles pip De Graafschaap in the battle to get out of the Keuken Kampioen Divisie. Afghan interpreters come under the spotlight as the VVD fights its own asylum policy, while an avian refugee turns heads in Zeeland. And we investigate how the Dutch became Europe's biggest fans of fake meat.

For the second year in a row the May 4 and May 5 ceremonies took place without an audience. Actor André van Duin and German Chancellor Angela Merkel marked the event with moving speeches about rebuilding after the war, while conspiracy theorists marked it with a tasteless poster about coronavirus rules. The Netherlands' largest online retailer bol.com was reeled in by an online phishing scam that cost it €750,000. Bees, cows and jackals all feature in our round-up of animal news. And after the weekend celebrations at the ArenA, we ask if you're more likely to catch a nasty disease from a pigeon or an Ajax supporter. - Marco van Basten pannenkoek moment: https://youtu.be/Bq3u7GHZLbA?t=56 - André van Duin on Dam Square: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiNeH1b58Lk - Angela Merkel May 5 speech: https://youtu.be/VPDY2ilNih0?t=380

Sighs of relief alternated with sharp intakes of breath this week as the coronavirus rules were relaxed just as the number of patients in hospital reached a four-month high. Minutes of cabinet meetings confirmed that ministers tried to stonewall MPs' efforts to expose the child benefits scandal. Another critical report shed a light on the culture of bullying and abuse in the world of gymnastics. And a Dutchman's dream of starting a new life in Belarus was scuppered when he was caught trying to cross the border from Lithuania on his bike.

Three months after introducing a curfew to drive coronavirus infections down, Mark Rutte said it was 'responsible' to lift restrictions now that cases are 25% higher and hospitals have started cancelling heart surgery. There's another setback in the efforts to form the next government as it emerges ministers pre-cooked the evidence they gave to parliament about the tax office scandal. There's shocking footage of a journalist's car being attacked by a shovel truck in Gelderland. And we investigate whether curfews are cool for cats. Photo of the Tweede Kamer Trump Brothel: https://twitter.com/sterestherster/status/1384415717391482881

As infections rose again this week, the government agreed to organise a series of mass events for people who are sick of lockdown, so they can get sick with coronavirus instead. We also explain why a D66 MP gave up his seat after just 15 days while Geert Wilders was uncharacteristically silent on the subject. Newly published tape recordings shed light on the case against the four men accused of shooting down flight MH17. And police are trying to trace a Mr Blessings in disguise, who devised a ploy to catch a hoard of valuable Pokemon cards. Manhattan tweet: https://twitter.com/palpeet/status/1382662813722816513 Jiggyjig song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCVjw1Qzh9o&t=186s Koningslied: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEUKyKb4g6k

In an Easter week of remarkable comebacks, none was so spectacular as Mark Rutte's career diving and resurfacing like a Dutch submarine catching a glimpse of barbecue sunshine. Forum voor Democratie's prodigal pensioner Theo Hiddema returned as a senator and veteran negotiator Herman Tjeenk Willink came out of retirement to head the coalition formation talks. We ask what could possibly go wrong as Hugo de Jonge unveils a cunning plan to hold mass public events in the middle of a pandemic. If you prefer to stay indoors, we explain how you can help fish navigate the Dutch canal network from the safety of your laptop. And the Dutch art world's answer to Sherlock Holmes helps track down a suspect in the case of two stolen paintings by Van Gogh and Frans Hals.

While Dutch salvage experts worked to free a 200,000 tonne cargo ship blocking the Suez canal, back home everything ground to a halt this week. The coalition talks were stalled by Kajsa Ollongren's positive coronavirus test and then torpedoed by her documentary faux pas. Hugo de Jonge struggled once again to convince MPS he was turning round the Netherlands' vaccination strategy. And the football team's World Cup dreams were marooned in the doldrums as Turkey inflicted a 4-2 defeat in Istanbul. One thing that is flowing freely is your personal data, as hackers obtain the details of 7.3 million car owners. Rita Verdonk campaign video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUYaRTYQ4w8 Tweede Kamer seats and change: VVD: 34 (+1) D66: 23 (+5) PVV: 17 (-3) CDA: 15 (-4) PvdA: 9 (+0) GroenLinks: 8 (-7) SP: 9 (-5) FVD: 8 (+6) PvdD: 6 (+1) ChristenUnie: 5 (+0) Volt: 3 (+3) SGP: 3 (+0) JA21: 3 (+3) DENK: 3 (+0) 50PLUS: 1 (-3) BBB: 1 (+1) BIJ1: 1 (+1)

The podcast team asks all the important questions in the wake of the election results. Who will be the fourth wheel on Mark Rutte's fourth cabinet? Where did the vote for the traditional left-wing parties go? Why did Sigrid Kaag's footwork succeed while Wopke Hoekstra stumbled? Will anyone ever wear a turtleneck to a television debate again? Plus we pick over the latest coronavirus figures, the problems with the AstraZeneca vaccine and a stand-off between health minister Hugo de Jonge and the nation's favourite grumpy grandpa.

We react to a dramatic exit poll that the election campaign scarcely deserved, with big wins for D66, disappointment for PVV and CDA and devastation for GroenLinks and the SP. Can the coalition 'motorblok' go it alone or will they try to bring a fourth partner on board? And we look at the four new parties entering parliament - with the Farmers' Citizens' Movement bring bringing the total to a record 17.

In a week dominated by elections, infections and corrections, Mark Rutte engaged some elaborate verbal trickery to justify extending the coronavirus curfew that he's been promising for weeks to abolish. Less than a week before election day, we ask why Rutte's VVD seem unassailable in the polls and what their rivals are doing to bridge the gap. The Dutch pick up plenty of gold in the sporting arena, with Suzanne Schulting sweeping the board in short track speed skating. And we bring you news of a pregnant wolf and some nomadic petrified lions.

A mixed week for boutique entrepreneurs as hairdressers and beauticians went back to work while cafe owners and sex workers protested against the lockdown. The first leaders' debate featured a painful confrontation for Mark Rutte, a pointed exchange between Sigrid Kaag and Geert Wilders, and an own goal by Jesse Klaver. We explain why cut-out penguins popped up in Drenthe, how researchers read a 300-year-old letter without opening it and why Rutte raised hackles in Groningen again. And with less than two weeks to go, we give you a bluffer's guide to the election so you can dazzle your friends with your knowledge of kiesdelers and informateurs.

The third wave of coronavirus rolls in just as deliveries of the vaccine grind to a halt and Amsterdam becomes the superspreading capital. Shipments of heroin and cocaine are also disrupted by police, while one of Germany's most wanted men is tracked down to Amsterdam. Finance minister Wopke Hoekstra slips up in Friesland, where ice stadium bosses are accused of engineering overblown results. In pot and kettle news, Hugo de Jonge accuses AstraZeneca of reneging on its promises. And we tell you why a group of homeless badgers are being passed from pillar to border post in Limburg.

Alarm bells rang in The Hague this week as a judge struck out the coronavirus curfew, prompting a mad scramble to get a new version through parliament. There was also a mad scramble across the country to find old skates as the coldest temperatures for eight years turned the Netherlands into a winter wonderland. Scientists call on people to send in their dead mosquitos and PVV MP Dion Graus faces more allegations of domestic abuse. And as election day approaches, we speak to polling specialist Tom Louwerse about the way opinion polls reflect and shape the political landscape.

Coronavirus plays second fiddle to skating fever this week as temperatures plunge and politicians call for the Elfstedentocht to go ahead, whether Friesland is ready for it or not. While the snowstorm rages outside, Thierry Baudet is caught up in a fresh racism storm as the FVD's WhatsApp chats leak out. Amsterdam eclipses London as Europe's share trading hub, overshadowing some bad news on the jobs front. And we tell you why three Dutch lions got the cold shoulder from a French zoo.

The Netherlands is bracing itself for its biggest freeze in a decade, but it still won't be as cold as the relationship between health minister Hugo de Jonge and hospital bosses after last week's row over vaccination numbers. Also in a frosty mood is Ajax coach Erik ten Hag over the omission of €22.5 million signing Sebastian Haller from his European campaign because somebody refused to fill in a form. Speaking of incomplete paperwork, all four coalition parties need to get their skates on to meet the deadline to file their list of candidates for the election. We celebrate a home grown winner in one of the few sporting events to go ahead this winter. And we speak to NRC's London correspondent Melle Garschagen as he prepares to set sail for his homeland after five years dominated by Brexit and coronavirus.

First the government collapses, then law and order breaks down on the streets of Zwolle. January 2021 is shaping up to be quite a month. The podcast team looks back on a turbulent week of rioting, vaccine gridlock and a massive data leak in the coronavirus testing system. Yet despite imposing the first curfew since the end of the war, polls suggest the caretaker government is more popular than ever. Elsewhere, Tour de France hope Tom Dumoulin takes a break from the bike and civil servants rattle a few cages with their advice on how to watch sport in a pandemic.

The government caved to pressure this week to bring in a 9pm curfew, after five hours of furious debate about what time it should begin. All fingers were pointing at Mark Rutte in the aftermath of the child benefits scandal as his practice of holding meetings in secret came under scrutiny. The entire world of speed skating moved to Friesland for winter, while the big names in chess descend on Wijk aan Zee. And we speak to Ben Coates about the state of the Dutch coronavirus strategy.

A special edition of the podcast following the collective resignation of Mark Rutte's cabinet on Friday. We ask what this means for the families involved and how it will affect the government's pandemic response. We examine Lodewijk Asscher's role in triggering Rutte's downfall, how the question of racism was marginalised during the inquiry and what effect it might have on the election campaign. And we reveal why Rutte took a wrong turn on his bike as he set off to tend his resignation to meet the King. Link to Episode 49: https://soundcloud.com/dutchnewsnl/the-defenestrated-bond-villain-edition-week-49-2020#t=1:05:02

This week's podcast was recorded while the cabinet was deciding whether to resign over the child benefits scandal, so we're unable to respond to the possible collapse of he government. But we can bring you up to speed on the coronavirus lockdown, the vaccination schedule and what sandwiches you can bring with you from the UK. Despite predictions of economic meltdown, fewer businesses went to the wall than at any time in the last 20 years and one home delivery firm saw its profits soar. And the Dutch wolf population is thriving, to the chagrin of Frisian farmers who want to erect a giant border fence to protect them from invaders from Drenthe and Overijssel.

2021 begins with a muted bang and the prospect of a long, cold winter lockdown. Health minister Hugo de Jonge showed his disdain for 'symbolic' gestures as the Netherlands' vaccination programme was finally launched at a televised press conference. The mayor of The Hague, Jan van Zanen, came under fire for a New Year protest that bore an uncanny resemblance to a street party. And speaking of parties, a record number signed up to take part in the March 2021 election. Plus, live and exclusive, we announce the soaraway winner of our Ophef of the Year Awards for 2020.

Let's face it, most reviews of 2020 are going to be about as appealing as eating a burned kaassoufflé at an André Hazes concert in Zoetermeer. So why not escape the pandemic and binfire of democracy, pour yourself a glass of droplikeur and enjoy our Ophef of the Year Awards. From king Willem-Alexander being framed by a window cleaner to the alternative news station's interview with the ghost of Pim Fortuyn, we've got all the news it was fit to get fleetingly enraged about. There's also Thierry Baudet's tweet about Moroccan train inspectors, musical seat-stealing in the Tweede Kamer and Mark Rutte's viral handshake with Jaap van Dissel. Vote for your favourites by clicking on the link below and get a chance of winning a very special Dutch News Podcast mug. We'll announce the winner in our New Year show, once we've rigged the results. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/11xxoxdZUfXFXqkNYj5D7XHF0WBQDCv7k1Gs3bn2M_gk/edit

Let's face it, most reviews of 2020 are going to be about as appealing as eating a burned kaassoufflé at an André Hazes concert in Zoetermeer. So why not escape the pandemic and binfire of democracy, pour yourself a glass of droplikeur and enjoy our Ophef of the Year Awards. From king Willem-Alexander being framed by a window cleaner to the alternative news station's interview with the ghost of Pim Fortuyn, we've got all the news it was fit to get fleetingly enraged about. There's also Thierry Baudet's tweet about Moroccan train inspectors, musical seat-stealing in the Tweede Kamer and Mark Rutte's viral handshake with Jaap van Dissel. We've posted an excerpt of the full episode publicly, but if you want hear the full ophef list first, help keep the podcast going by supporting us on Patreon. Want to support the DutchNews podcast and keep our stocks of dog food and stroopwafels healthy? Click here to become a Patreon backer. www.patreon.com/DutchNewsNL

Our special Ask Me Anything was recorded in the summer in the innocent, carefree days before the second wave. We tackled your questions on why the Dutch were being so mean to the Italians, the price of Trouby's dog food and Belgian architecture. We also try to rank flavours of drop and Dutch ice-cream flavours, which makes us wish coronavirus would take away our sense of taste. And you can enjoy Paul's reflections on going to see the worst Dutch movie ever made.

We've got a Christmas games and puzzles edition of the podcast to wrap up the year. Hugo de Jonge leaves the rest of the CDA playing Exploding Kittens for a new leader following his unexpected departure. The government continues to play whack-a-mole with the coronavirus pandemic as infections increase. The ChristenUnie tries a new opening gambit by including contraceptives in the basic healthcare package. And there's the riddle of the metal monolith that materialised from nowhere in Friesland.

We throw the spotlight on the bureaucratic vices of incompetence and intransigence in this week's podcast. We take an in-depth look at the parliamentary inquiry into the child benefits system, which left thousands of families financially and emotionally ruined when they were wrongly tagged as fraudsters. There's a whole lot of voting going on as Forum voor Democratie hold a referendum on Thierry Baudet's leadership and the annual celebration of shopping-mall wallpaper that is the Top 2000 begins. And we ask if Dick Lawyer is really retiring to spend more time with his chickens and who will win the tug-of-love contest for the Netherlands' last surviving circus elephant.

It began in the spring, died away during the summer and came back with a roar in the autumn. No, not coronavirus, but the disintegration of right-wing populist party Forum voor Democratie, which burst apart this week in a shower of resignations, poison-pen letters and video tirades, with a backing track of 80s disco. We do our best to make sense of it all and pick out the highlights, as well as ask what happens to the FVD vote. We also update you on more serious political matters, such as the ongoing global pandemic and the inquiry into the tax office scandal. There's more ophef as the most famous circus act in the Netherlands encounter their arch-nemesis in court. And we ask who's been out rustling steel horses at midnight in Katwijk.

Sinterklaas is working from home, the New Year fireworks have gone out with a whimper and the Elfstedentocht has been abandoned even earlier than usual as coronavirus kills off Dutch seasonal joy. On the positive side, there's a vaccine and the League Against Swearing have published a handy guide to which children's books to buy this Christmas. Coronavirus is also blamed for the government's failure to process thousands of asylum applications in time. And we bring you the story of how a Swedish insomniac helped solve a 25-year-old mystery on the island of Texel.

A good news week as coronavirus infections start coming down across the kingdom – except in Curaçao, where Dutch tourists are touching down with their fake test certificates and piling into the beach bars. An awkward week for education minister Arie Slob, who is forced to switch sides over anti-gay school charters in the Bible Belt. Amsterdam city council has some distasteful suggestions for celebrating Sint-Maarten, while police in Limburg are surprised to find a cellar that hasn't been converted into a drugs lab.

Disaster was averted this week in 'city of bridges' Spijkenisse when a metro train came to rest atop a sculpture. The government imposed a two-week 'hard lockdown' to try to stop the coronavirus second wave turning into a healthcare disaster. And a disastrous performance by a Rotterdam academic on Thierry Baudet's TV channel went viral. All this calamity and we haven't even mentioned a certain electoral contest. Meanwhile, Mark Rutte concluded a political saga that out-ran Soldaat van Oranje by announcing he will run for re-election as prime minister.

In a week of fake news and dodgy data, the Dutch government adopts the Niksen approach to disease control. As Covid-19 spreads through the Binnenhof and two ministers go into quarantine, the friendly folk at Farmers Defence Force turn up on Rob Jetten's doorstep with a box of meat products and a camera. Coronavirus also starts to hit the football world, while in Venlo VVV put up the weakest defensive display since Ferd Grapperhaus's wedding. There's uplifting news too as Rhenen's baby giant panda is no longer gender neutral and the first flying car is (almost) cleared for take-off.

It's been a week of blaming and shaming as the king and queen flew into a storm of outrage over their pandemic-busting trip to Greece. A Dutch hacker hijacked Donald Trump's Twitter, AZ snatched an unlikely win in Naples and the egg-pilfering gay penguins were up to their usual tricks. Further lockdown measures loom larger as coronavirus infection numbers continue to climb. And there's concern that up to 6,000 British people may become illegal immigrants at the stroke of midnight on January 1.

Mark Rutte was in no mood to celebrate his 10th anniversary as prime minister this week, but there was a party outside Parliament as drinkers packed the bars for a last round before lockdown. We ask if the new restrictions will be enough, why Germany is bailing out the Dutch ICUs again and whether circle parties will ever return. In crime news, the chances of being murdered go down but the stakes for illicit gamblers are raised as police break up a blind pig casino in a Brabant basement. Plus the KNVB gets a VAR review and a red card over its shutdown of the women's football league.

After months of delays, the coronavirus tracker app gets the green light just as the country's infection map turns a deep shade of red. The disease even manages to get sucked into the black hole of ophef that is the renovation of the Binnenhof. In another long-running saga, Willem-Alexander is thwarted again in his quest to become the Sun Energy King. And in sports news, Kiki Bertens is accused of contempt of court at the French Open and PSV snap up a World Cup winner.

They can cover our faces, but they can't mask the awkwardness of performing a full U-turn in a matter of days. Mark Rutte grudgingly agreed this week to mask up at the grocery store and advised everyone else to cover their faces wherever the sun doesn't shine. That prompted an even more startling U-turn from Geert Wilders, who suddenly decided he didn't like the government telling people what to wear in public. Elsewhere, the Covid recession started to bite as major companies unveil job loss plans and a suspect in a long-running murder investigation went on trial. Plus we ask how Sergino Dest will cope with the traffic in Barcelona after growing up in the parallel universe that is Almere.