What is consent?

What is consent? Thanks for asking!

Public discussion around the issue of consent has been greatly increased in recent years, thanks to the MeToo movement, and the resulting Harvey Weinstein trial. So when can we consider that a woman or a man has actually consented to having sex? 

It’s often blurry isn’t it? When there are lots of signs that make you think you have consent, how are you supposed to know if you actually don’t?

Whenever that question comes up, I like to share this little analogy. Imagine you offer someone a cup of tea and they first of all say “Yes please”. However, when the tea is then ready, they may decide they don’t actually want it. OK, it’s a little annoying because you went to the effort of preparing the tea, but that’s not a good reason to force them to drink it. They may have thought they wanted it, but they don’t want it anymore. People can change their minds from one moment to the next, even in the short time it takes for a kettle to boil. And importantly, they are perfectly within their rights to do so. Sex isn’t really worth having if you’re not in the mood for it or don’t take pleasure. Even if a person is a drunk, or they’ve said yes and then changed their mind, or it’s with their regular partner, nothing justifies forcing someone into a sexual act without consent. And if a person withdraws their consent at any point during sexual activity, you must stop immediately. So make sure to get consent verbally and by checking your partner’s body language, so you are sure they are participating freely and willingly.

So when do we consider that a rape has been committed? Are there situations in which people are not able to consent? In under 3 minutes, we answer your questions!

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