Dear Sugars

"Whatever" -- that's how the actress Maria Bello describes her sexual orientation. Her "love who you love" attitude toward sexuality, regardless of gender, is often referred to as fluidity. Maria joins the Sugars this week to discuss a couple of letters having to do with the confusion and complications that can accompany a shift in one's sexual preferences and partnerships. She wrote about the evolution of her own family structure in her 2013 Modern Love column for The New York Times, "Coming Out As a Modern Family," which she later …

What if the man you love wants to break up but keep hooking up? How should you handle jealousy toward a lover's friend of the opposite sex? What happens when a foursome between couples reveals hidden feelings? Questions about messy relationships come in to the Dear Sugar inbox all the time. This week, the Sugars revisit an episode in which they discussed a handful of these questions in rapid-fire fashion.

When we examine the influence our families have on us, we typically focus on our relationships with our mothers and fathers. But what about those with our brothers and sisters? Sibling relationships can be as powerful as any in our lives — and just as destructive. This week, the Sugars revisit their episode on sibling rivalry. They discuss with psychotherapist Dr. Jeanne Safer.

It's part 2 of "the year in Sugar," where Steve and Cheryl reflect on some of the most memorable letters and episodes of 2016. Plus, the letter-writer who called herself "Out of Ideas" in last year's "Wedding Drama" series makes Dear Sugar Radio history!

The Sugars look back on some of the most memorable letters and episodes of 2016. There are so many that they'll be doing this in two parts. This week, they discuss the feedback they received on "The Past is Present," they find out if the woman who called herself "Crazy and Confused Cat Lady" stayed with her boyfriend, they revisit the controversial two-part series on porn, they hear from "Minding the Gap" from the "May-December Romances" episode, and they talk to "Lost Somewhere in California," whose letter was the focus "…

The Sugars return for Part 2 of "Dear Sugar Radio: The Writers Resist" at The Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon. They discuss how to counteract post-election cynicism with Zahir Janmohamed, writer and co-host of the podcast "Racist Sandwich," and they answer questions from the audience in rapid-fire fashion.

On November 9th, 2016 -- the day after Donald Trump became America's President-elect -- the Dear Sugar inbox was flooded with emails asking some version of the question, "How do we move forward as a nation from here?" In this episode, the Sugars bring that question before an audience at The Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon, for Part 1 of "Dear Sugar Radio: The Writers Resist."

The Sugars take on a letter from a self-identified atheist, who doesn't know how to tell her deeply religious parents that she's no longer a Christian. She loves and respects her parents, but worries that she can't be herself around them anymore -- that their beliefs and values are just too at odds. The Sugars discuss with the Reverend Jacqui Lewis, who had her own reckoning with faith.

How many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."? There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So this week, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion.

The Sugars revisit an episode in which they explored the fraught relationship between body image and romance. They're joined by the writer Lindy West, who has much to say on what it means to be a fat woman in our society.

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and gratitude. But for many of us, they can be filled with anxiety and dread. This week, the Sugars revisit an episode in which they took on some of the big questions of the holiday season. They're joined by Heather Havrilesky, author of "How to Be a Person in the World" and of New York Magazine's advice column, "Ask Polly."

The Sugars continue their series on porn with a letter from a woman whose fiancé is "addicted" to porn. They discuss with Noah Church, a self-described former porn addict and author of the book "Wack: Addicted to Internet Porn."

Big news, Sugar fans: The Sugars have another live show coming up -- Dear Sugar Radio: The Writers Resist, Portland Edition, on Sunday, January 15th, 2017, at the Aladdin Theatre in Portland, Oregon. This week, we're giving you a taste of the "DSR Live" experience by revisiting one of the live shows we recorded at Revolution Hall in Portland this summer.

Pornography is more abundant and accessible than ever before. So it probably isn't surprising that it appears to be having a greater impact on romantic relationships. This week, the Sugars begin a two-part series on the topic. Part 1 focuses on some basic questions about porn -- is it wrong to use it? Why do people turn to porn? Is there such a thing as "healthy" porn use in a relationship? They discuss with the help of sex therapist Wendy Maltz.

"How's your husband doing?" That was one of the questions Cheryl kept getting after the publication of her memoir, "Wild." What people meant was: How's he handling your success? In this encore episode, the Sugars take two questions on the dynamics of gender, power, and love — a young man struggles with jealousy when his girlfriend gets a career opportunity he wants for himself, and a woman finds she's no longer attracted to her husband now that he's not the breadwinner. Joining them to discuss the subject is Cheryl's husband, …

When the Sugars answered a letter from a woman who felt trapped in the role of "wicked stepmother," dozens of listeners wrote in asking the same question: what about the stepchildren, who have no control over the restructuring of their family? This week, the Sugars respond with an episode devoted to the other side of the story. They're joined by Jane Alison, author of the memoir "The Sisters Antipodes," which tells the story of how her parents swapped spouses with another couple when she was 4 years old.

Our loved ones are the people who are supposed to understand us. But what if they just...can't? Where do we turn then, and how do we fight the feelings of resentment that this lack of understanding can stir up? The Sugars discuss with writer and artist TaLynn Kel, author of The Establishment piece “My Husband’s Unconscious Racism Nearly Destroyed Our Marriage."

The Sugars' conversation on friendship continues with a handful of letters concerning male-female friendships. Is there such a thing as a platonic relationship between a heterosexual man and woman? Can male-female friendships be as emotionally satisfying as same-gender relationships? What do you do when a friend crosses a romantic line? The Sugars discuss it all in rapid-fire fashion.

Everyone has had a friendship quandary of some sort in the past, right? This week, the Sugars take on frequently asked questions in "rapid fire" fashion – from hating your best friend's significant other, to hating her politics.

Age is just a number in many contexts, but when it comes to finding long-lasting love, an age gap between partners can greatly impact the course of the relationship -- both in positive and challenging ways. The Sugars discuss those so-called "May-December" romances with the help of Lucinda Franks, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author of the memoir "Timeless: Love, Morgenthau, and Me," which tells the story of her marriage to New York District Attorney Robert Morgenthau, who's 27 years her senior.

Divorce is always a painful process, but it's especially so when there are children in the middle. This week, the Sugars discuss situations of parental alienation caused by divorce. They answer letters from a mother and a father whose daughters have cut off all communication with them after taking the other parent's side.

This week, we're revisiting an episode taped last November in front of a live audience at First Parish Church in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Recorded on the release day of Cheryl's book of quotes, Brave Enough, the Sugars discuss the importance of quotations in their own lives. They are joined on-stage by rock star Amanda Palmer.

The Sugars bring you another "rapid fire" episode, where they give brief answers to a handful of letters. This time, they challenge each other to make the call -- one way or the other -- on the questions they're discussing, rather than offer open-ended guidance.

The Sugars often discuss letters dealing with very specific problems or struggles. This week, they take on a broader, more existential question -- how to follow your heart. The Sugars discuss with the GRAMMY-winning singer/songwriter India Arie, who shares how she learned to be her own guide.

It's never easy saying goodbye to our loved ones, but it can be especially painful when a goodbye is drawn out by illness. This week, the Sugars answer two letters dealing with the guilt and heartache involved in a long goodbye to a parent. They're joined by Robin Romm, author of the memoir "The Mercy Papers," which tells the story of her mother's death from cancer.

The Sugars bring you another "Rapid Fire" episode, where they give brief answers to a handful of letters that are all centered around a theme. The theme for this episode is "stay or go" -- people who have a voice in their head telling them to leave their relationship, but who aren't sure it's the right move.

The Sugars read the letters of two transgender men who are struggling to find love and acceptance. They discuss with Cooper Lee Bombardier, a visual artist, writer and transgender man.

The Sugars get an update from a 62-year-old, divorced woman who was considering a reconciliation with her ex-husband, even after years of unhappiness inside their marriage. The situation was further complicated by the fact that he was engaged to another woman. Find out how the letter-writer and her ex-husband decided to proceed.

The Sugars revisit a letter from a woman who felt like a fairytale-esque wicked stepmother. When she wrote to the Sugars, she was feeling pressured to love her stepchildren "like her own," but she didn't want to be their mother. The Sugars find out how the self-proclaimed 'Wicked Stepmother' and her husband are doing today.

The Sugars get an update from "Head or the Heart" -- a woman who'd fallen in love with a man with a troubled childhood. She worried that the traumas of his past could surface at some point in their relationship. Nine months later, is she still with her boyfriend? The Sugars find out.

The Sugars catch up with "Two Truths and Many Lies," whose letter about her husband's infidelity generated significant interest and advice from our listeners. Did she stay with her husband or walk away? The Sugars find out.

The Sugars discuss a letter from a survivor of sexual assault who has just been told by her long-time partner that he raped someone when he was in high school. The writer wonders how she, as a survivor and self-proclaimed feminist, can justify loving a rapist.

The Sugars take a question from a young woman who takes great pleasure in socializing. Her fiance, on the other hand, dreads group settings and gets very agitated every time she wants to go to an event together. She wonders what is so unpleasant for him about spending time with her and her friends.

The Sugars record the show in front of a live audience at Revolution Hall in Portland, OR. In Part 2, they take on alcohol addiction with Sarah Hepola, author of the memoir, "Blackout: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget." She talks about her years of heavy drinking and denial, and helps take on a question from a letter writer who is earlier on her journey.

The Sugars record the show in front of a live audience at Revolution Hall in Portland, OR. In Part 1, they talk reinvention with the writer Lidia Yuknavitch, asking: "How can we treat our mistakes as opportunities for growth, rather than moments of total self-destruction?"

In Part 2, the Sugars turn from the holding of a secret to its discovery. What happens within a family when a secret is revealed? They take a letter from a woman who is reeling after learning that the two men she trusts and adores — her father and her husband — have both been keeping big secrets.

Every family has its secrets, but it's how those secrets are dealt with that determines the power they hold. In Part 1, the Sugars consider the implications of keeping a secret within a family system. They take a letter from a woman who, since her early teens, has kept a dark and powerful secret from her mother about her stepfather.

Father's Day is a fraught and complicated day. In this episode, the Sugars take two questions on fatherhood — from a new father who fears that his depression will be felt by his baby daughter, and from a young woman who yearns for a deeper connection with her distant father.

Most of the questions the Sugars receive about weddings are about the drama that precedes them — the expectations in the build up to the big day. But that doesn't mean Wedding Day is drama-free. There just isn't much to be done about it at that point. As Cheryl says, it's like a ball rolling down a hill. The Sugars bring in the ultimate witness to wedding-day drama: Lois Smith Brady, the founding columnist of the Vows section in The New York Times.

It's wedding season, and the Sugars have been getting all kinds of letters that reflect the anxiety and expectation that accompany preparations for the big day — from a difficult in-law demanding extra invitations to a homophobic mom at a gay wedding to a dramatic friend of the bride who's making it all about herself.

The Sugars take a letter from a 62-year-old divorced woman who is shocked to find herself considering a reconciliation with her ex-husband, after years of unhappiness inside the marriage. The situation is further complicated by the fact that he is engaged to another woman.

The Sugars wonder if romantic relationships can survive profound political differences. They take a question from a young woman who prides herself on being a strong feminist, and worries her boyfriend doesn't share her views. They also hear from a progressive Democrat who has married into a conservative Oklahoma family and is finding it increasingly difficult to stay silent about her true beliefs.

It's election season, and while politics may not seem like the domain of Dear Sugar Radio, it can become deeply personal. In Part 1, the Sugars look at how politics can get in between our relationships with friends and family—whether it be our parents voting for a candidate we despise, or our friends sharing views we find abhorrent on social media.

Being a mother means feeling conflicted in some way about the balance between raising one's children and the rest of life. The Sugars take two letters from women in the midst of such conflicts—one from a career-driven young woman who cannot fathom going back to work after the birth of her son, the other from a daughter who feels caught between the needs of her dying mother and her newborn baby girl.

We revisit an episode about compulsive lying with guest Leslie Jamison. The Sugars take on a letter from a young woman telling her friends about imagined experiences of rape and loss.

The Sugars return with another installment in the Infidelity Episodes — looking at the often-overlooked experience of the other woman. After the Sugars had taken on the Betrayed and the Betrayers, they received dozens of letters from women struggling to make sense of what it means to be involved in a cheating situation, while being neither the one who cheats nor the one who is cheated upon.

The Sugars take on jealousy — the fiery, irrational kind we feel toward our lovers and friends. They read a letter from a woman struggling with her competitive instincts toward an attractive new friend of hers, and from a man having trouble with his wife's close friendship with an old lover.

The Sugars take a letter from a young woman who was raised in a deeply Christian household. As she has grown older, her beliefs and values have become increasingly at odds with those of her parents. She loves and respects her mom and dad, and doesn't know how to tell them that she is no longer a Christian — which to them will mean her eternal damnation.

What if the man you love wants to break up but keep hooking up? What if he wants to see other people? How should you handle your jealousy toward a long-distance lover's friend of the opposite sex? What happens when a foursome between couples reveals hidden feelings? If someone isn't over an ex, should you stay close or walk away?

There's a long tradition in fairy tales of the wicked stepmother. And the archetype endures in contemporary life. The Sugars take on two real-life versions of the tale — a mother whose ex-husband's new wife wants the children to call her "mom," and a stepmom who feels trapped in the role of the storybook villain.