Dad Starting Over

In this episode, DSO explores the possibility of moving from an avoidant to a secure attachment style in relationships. He emphasizes that both anxious and avoidant individuals have their own challenges to work on, and it takes professional help and effort from both sides to find a balance. DSO also discusses the frustration that anxious individuals may feel when their avoidant partners struggle to make progress. He shares personal experiences and highlights the difficulties of being with an avoidant person.

Jason, or "Coach J" as he is known by our group, is one of the founding members of the DSO Fraternity and acts as the director for our DSO coaches. J has recently retired from the U.S. Army and brings with him a wealth of life experience.In this very candid conversation, DSO and Coach J talk about what got him into the world of Dad Starting Over, his struggles, and his current extremely stressful life situation with divorce and his ex-wife's alcohol addiction issues. Thank you, J, for all that you do for us! Book time with Coach J: https://dadstartingover.com/coaching/jasonJoin our DSO Fraternity and get big discounts on coaching and A LOT more: https://dsofraternity.com

In this episode, DSO explores the sensitive topic of men feeling forgotten after having children. He shares the negative response he received from women when pointing out this issue and questions whether men are truly not helping or if their efforts are being overlooked. DSO emphasizes the importance of open communication and understanding between partners to bridge the gap and maintain a strong romantic connection amidst the challenges of parenthood. A thought-provoking discussion on the dynamics of modern relationships and the need for mutual support.Key Takeaways:Men often feel forgotten and sidelined in a partnership after children are born, which can spark negative reactions, particularly from women.The common critique from women retorts that if men were more involved in childcare and household duties, they wouldn't feel marginalized.The host challenges this critique, noting that many men are already significantly involved in domestic roles and responsibilities.Discussions highlight the importance of partnership and communication in tackling the changes that come with parenthood.The host suggests the need for empathy and understanding, particularly from women, when men express feelings of neglect or the desire for attention.

In this episode, DSO addresses a listener's concerns about their wife's suspicious behavior. From late-night phone use to financial infidelity, the signs are troubling. DSO advises the listener to prioritize their safety and consult with an attorney before making any decisions. The episode explores the importance of recognizing unhealthy patterns and taking action to protect oneself. With a focus on self-reflection and seeking professional help, DSO offers guidance on navigating a difficult situation.Key Takeaways:Financial and potential emotional infidelity can be grounds for ending a relationship even in the absence of physical cheating.Secretive behavior and drastic changes in routine or attitude may be indicative of deeper issues within a partnership.It's crucial to prioritize personal safety and well-being in the face of an unstable partner who exhibits rage and potentially harmful behavior.Consulting with an attorney can be a proactive step towards understanding one's rights and options in a troubled marriage.Addressing one's own reasons for staying in a damaging relationship is as important as dealing with the partner's issues.

In this episode, DSO addresses a common concern: how to explain a difficult divorce without resorting to labeling an ex as "crazy." He advises being open and honest about the challenges faced, without hiding the truth or trying to win favor. By sharing the reality of the situation, potential partners can make an informed decision. DSO emphasizes the importance of transparency and authenticity, even if it means potentially scaring away some people. Tune in for valuable insights on navigating post-divorce relationships.Key Takeaways:It's crucial to be honest about past relationships without using stigmatizing or dismissive language like "my ex was crazy."When speaking about contentious divorces and personality disorders, focus on being transparent about the situation while maintaining integrity.The truth of personal experiences is fundamental and should not be compromised for the sake of others' perceptions.There is strength in vulnerability and honesty, and it's okay if some people are not comfortable with your past or current situation.The judgment of whether to believe one's story ultimately lies with the listener, and it's essential to be okay with that.

In this episode, DSO delves into the topic of retroactive jealousy, addressing the insecurities and discomfort that can arise when a partner has had previous sexual encounters. He explores the dynamics of past promiscuity and the feelings of inadequacy that can arise when comparing oneself to a partner's previous experiences. DSO offers empathy and validation to those struggling with these emotions, emphasizing that their feelings are valid and not indicative of weakness. A thought-provoking discussion on navigating the complexities of past relationships and sexual histories.Key Takeaways:Retroactive jealousy can significantly impact one's perception of relationship dynamics, particularly concerning a partner's sexual history.Jealousy in this context may stem from notions of sexual conquest, effort, and reward within human mating rituals, paralleling disparate investment levels towards achieving intimacy.A person's past sexual explorations can be both a source of insecurity and growth in current relationships, depending on individual experiences and life stages.The emotional struggle with retroactive jealousy is valid and deserves consideration, rather than dismissal as mere insecurity.Communication and personal introspection are key when addressing discomfort related to a partner's past encounters and determining the future of the relationship.

DSO comes face to face with a conundrum that plagues many married individuals – the struggle for consistent, fulfilling intimacy. The host addresses a listener's question concerning the frequency and nature of intimacy within marriage, offering his insights on the complexities of physical and emotional connections. With raw candor and a touch of humor, DSO delves into the nuanced challenges of igniting passion in a relationship marred by a disparity in sexual desires.The listener, adopting the moniker "Conan the Barbarian," reveals his endeavors in boosting physical fitness and providing romantic gestures, yet finds himself unsatisfied with the sporadic sexual encounters and hand jobs offered by his wife. DSO emphasizes the importance of understanding that attraction and intimacy encompass more than just physical appearance, hinting at possible deeper issues within the marriage. The episode addresses the dangers of communication breakdowns and the impact of emotional rifts on intimacy, urging listeners to explore the complexities lying beneath the surface of marital discord.Key Takeaways:Physical fitness is crucial for self-confidence and attractiveness, but it's not the sole factor in improving intimacy.Expressing discontent about intimacy through texts risks coming across as crass or immature, potentially fueling conflict.The lack of intimacy can signify deeper issues, including resentment or emotional disconnection within the relationship.Overcoming a "dead bedroom" situation requires more than addressing the physical aspects; it involves understanding and attending to both partners' emotional needs.Communication is key, but it must be approached sensitively and thoughtfully to avoid causing further harm to the relationship.

DSO tackles a sensitive and commonly encountered issue in many marriages: the dynamics of sexual desire and satisfaction. Delve into Daniel's story, a listener who, despite having worked on improving his relationship and experiencing an uptick in bedroom activity, is grappling with the feeling that his wife's participation may not stem from genuine desire.DSO, with his blend of straightforward advice and empathetic insight, dissects the complexity behind the listener's concerns, pointing out the multifaceted nature of sexual desire and the psychological impetus driving our expectations. He addresses the delicate balance between increased frequency and the authenticity of sexual encounters within a marriage. Through real-life examples and an understanding of human sexual behaviour, DSO provides a nuanced overview of why, even with positive changes, some men, like Daniel, yearn for a more spontaneous and voracious sexual connection.Key Takeaways:Sexual desire within a marriage can be complicated, affected by changes in life stages, stress, and individual nature.Increasing sexual frequency doesn't always equate to satisfaction if the perceived level of genuine desire from the partner is lacking.Our biology might be programmed towards 'serial monogamy', seeking newness that inherently comes with a new partner.Realistic expectations and communication are essential in understanding and managing the complexities of marital sexual relationships.Exploring adventurous and shared sexual experiences may help ignite a stronger sexual connection between partners.

I had the pleasure of sitting down for a nice chat with Carla Crivaro from the UK. From her website at carlacrivaro.com:"I started out as a sexually repressed, stay at home mother and wife with chronic anxiety, low self-worth and deep-rooted insecurities in all relationships from working to familial to romantic. I went on to experience a 'sexual awakening' which took me on a path of self-discovery. I consensually dabbled in play parties and dating while still married to my then husband and we have since transitioned into a co-parenting partnership.​I have learnt to ask for what I want in relationships, state my boundaries and maintain them and I continue to learn and grow. I'm now in a monogamous 'living together apart' relationship with my partner in what is considered a 'Power Couple' relationship."Carla and I chatted about one of her favorite subjects to tackle: The Forgotten Father.

DSO addresses a message from a listener who is experiencing a disparity in libido with his postmenopausal wife. The listener explains that his wife's libido has significantly decreased since entering menopause, while his own libido remains high. DSO discusses the complexities of menopause and its impact on women's libido and explores the listener's concerns about his wife's past sexual experiences and her lack of desire for sex. Additionally, DSO offers empathy and understanding to the listener, acknowledging the challenges of being in a relationship with mismatched libidos and suggests exploring therapy and potential hormone replacement therapy as possible solutions.Some key takeaways from the episode are:Menopause can significantly decrease a woman's libido, which can create a disparity in desire between partners.The listener's wife's past sexual experiences should not be a factor in their current sexual relationship.Alcohol can sometimes help reduce anxiety and increase desire in postmenopausal women.Open communication and therapy can help address the mismatched libidos in the relationship.

In this episode, DSO responds to a letter from Nate, who is feeling drained and frustrated in his marriage. After a long military career, Nate has come to realize that his wife is lazy, unambitious, and constantly negative. He has recently started focusing on self-love and personal growth, but his wife's behavior is wearing him down mentally. DSO offers two options for Nate: either his wife needs to join him in his positive mindset and make an effort to improve the relationship, or Nate may need to consider moving on to a new chapter in his life without her.Key Takeaways:Military deployments can cause couples to grow apart, especially if one partner struggles to cope with the challenges of being left behind.Hyperachieving individuals often thrive as entrepreneurs and may struggle in traditional employment settings.Discarding negative influences from your life can lead to significant improvements in mental and physical health, as well as personal and professional success.Quotes:"You're Mr. Winner, and you're looking over your wife saying, 'You going to join me?' And her answer is, 'Nope.'""When you discard negative people from your life, things really start to click for you.""You owe it to her to give her a chance to work through this, but if not, it's time to call it quits."

DSO discusses the statistic that married people have more sex than single people, and whether this means that single individuals should get married to improve their sex lives. He examines the reality of sex in marriages by looking at survey data, which shows that a significant percentage of married couples are in dead bedroom relationships. DSO also explores the societal benefits of marriage and how it can serve as a solution for men who are not having any sexual encounters or causing chaos in society. However, he emphasizes that marriage is not for everyone and that the idea of a hypersexual and fulfilling sex life in marriage is not applicable to the majority of couples.Key Takeaways:Statistically, married people have more sex than single people, but this does not mean that single individuals should rush into marriage for the sake of their sex lives.A significant percentage of married couples are in dead bedroom relationships, where they have infrequent or unsatisfying sex.Marriage serves a societal purpose by providing stability and reducing chaos caused by men who are not having any sexual encounters or relationships.Marriage can be a fulfilling and hypersexual experience for a select few, but for the majority of couples, the reality is different.It is important to assess one's own sex life and personal desires before considering marriage, as it may not be the solution for everyone.Quotes:"The majority of men out there on the prowl looking for a mate in the singles market are not having frequent sexual encounters with women.""The majority of marriages are in dead bedroom relationships or, at the very least, undersexed relationships.""Marriage serves a purpose. It's good overall for society. It's certainly better for our kids to have a man and woman under one roof.""The reality is that marriage is not a hypersexual, awesome thing for the majority of couples.""Marriage is not for everyone. It's important to assess your own sex life and personal desires before considering it."

In this episode, DSO responds to a question from a listener named John Rambo, who is feeling anxious about his wife attending a bachelorette party in Vegas. John has been with his wife for almost 13 years and they have three children together. He describes his wife as beautiful and trustworthy, but he still has concerns about the party and worries about potential infidelity. DSO explores two possible explanations for John's anxiety: insecurity and a gut feeling that something is not right. He encourages John to examine his own behavior and communication patterns in the relationship, as well as his level of trust and security. DSO also suggests that John and his wife set clear boundaries and communicate openly about their concerns and expectations.Key Takeaways:Insecurity and anxious behavior can create tension in a relationship and lead to feelings of mistrust.Open communication and setting clear boundaries can help alleviate anxiety and build trust in a relationship.Trusting your partner and having a sense of abundance can help overcome anxiety and fear of infidelity.Quotes:"There's no right or wrong here, dude. Let's be honest.""If she does something stupid enough to let me down, that's on her. Then she loses her husband. That sucks to be her.""Insecurity and anxious behavior can create tension in a relationship and lead to feelings of mistrust."The DSO Fraternity

Karen and Catherine offer a service that they call "My Divorce Solution". It's an excellent method for gathering all pertinent information and uncovering all the facts you may need when going through a divorce. From their website at mydivorcesolution.com:"We specialize in supporting divorcing couples in effectively managing the division of their marital estate. We strive to demystify the complexities involved, ensuring our clients have a crystal-clear understanding of their financial situation. By providing comprehensive insights into the long-term impact of their choices, we empower individuals to make well-informed decisions that will shape their future and that of their family. Our goal is to help each client achieve the most favorable outcome, ensuring their financial security and peace of mind during this challenging time."

DSO addresses a common issue faced by many men in long-term relationships: feeling neglected and pushed to the back burner after having children. He explains that this shift in attention and priorities is a natural result of motherhood and the demands of raising children. However, he acknowledges the valid need for intimacy and connection in a relationship and offers advice on how to address this issue.DSO emphasizes the importance of understanding the biological and societal factors at play, such as hormonal changes and cultural expectations. He suggests that creating a supportive social circle and seeking outside influences that prioritize maintaining intimacy can be beneficial. DSO also highlights the need for open communication and a willingness to address the issue as a couple.He cautions against relying solely on time to resolve the issue, as the demands of parenting and life can continue to impact the relationship. Instead, he encourages taking proactive steps to bridge the gap and reconnect as a couple. DSO advises men to assess their own behavior and ensure they are fulfilling their role as a supportive partner and co-parent. He also emphasizes the importance of championing the effort to rebuild intimacy and seeking professional help if necessary.Key Takeaways:The transition from being a partner to becoming a parent often leads to a shift in priorities and attention, which can leave men feeling neglected.Understanding the biological and societal factors at play can help navigate the challenges of maintaining intimacy in a long-term relationship.Building a supportive social circle and seeking outside influences that prioritize maintaining intimacy can be beneficial.Open communication and a proactive approach are essential in addressing the issue and rebuilding intimacy.Taking responsibility for one's own behavior and role as a partner and co-parent is crucial in bridging the gap and reconnecting as a couple.Quotes:"You are basically identifying something that a lot of men, myself included, have seen in relationships with women who become mothers to our children.""Guys that I speak to in my own personal family friend circle and guys I speak to in the dad starting over world. They will all say, oh yeah, I went from number one to number like 92 on the list of things that my woman is concerned with.""You need your own culture and your own friend group and your own family around you, those people that have shown you over the years, this is how you stay connected to your spouse.""You clean up your side of the table, you do everything that you're supposed to be doing. Take a good, hard look at yourself.""You and me, we're going to work on this starting now. And you, from what I've seen, need to be the champion of this."The DSO Fraternity

DSO responds to a question from a man named Nick who is frustrated with his wife's lack of contribution to household chores and responsibilities. Nick works long hours and comes home to clean, cook, and take care of their four children while his wife spends her time on the couch or surfing the web. DSO explains that this situation is not uncommon and suggests that Nick has inadvertently trained his wife to behave this way by not setting boundaries or demanding equal participation. He advises Nick to put his foot down and insist on change, as well as consider the possibility that his wife may be suffering from depression. DSO emphasizes the importance of seeking professional help and being patient throughout the process of addressing these issues.Key Takeaways:Lack of boundaries and inaction can lead to one partner taking on all household responsibilities.Depression may be a factor in a partner's lack of motivation and contribution.Seeking professional help and setting clear expectations are crucial for resolving these issues.Quotes:"You have trained this woman to do this stuff. Why? Because she did a little at a time, and you basically, with your inaction said, that's cool.""Depression can manifest or present itself in a lot of different ways. And one of the most common ways is glued to the couch in action, not doing a damn thing.""Put your foot down and say, enough is enough. We're going to get help with this.""You have years of training. You've trained this dog to act a certain way, and suddenly tomorrow you're going to be like, you know all that training I gave you? Pet dog. Well, it's terrible.""Don't just throw in the towel right away. Put in the old effort, the effort that goes beyond just being a yes man and trying to smooth things over and avoid conflict."The DSO Fraternity

Lloyd is obviously not too happy with his love life to his wife of twenty years. He labels her as "avoidant", and their scheduled once-per-week intimacy sessions aren't panning out. What can he do?

A follower, JD, reaches out and shares a story that is, unfortunately, pretty common. His wife seems to have flipped out after enduring a pretty normal but negative life situation. Her father passed away. What does she do? She copes by getting attention and having sexual relations with people outside of the marriage. Not good! What JD does is a common thing: He frames the situation as, "Everything was fine up until the big life moment happened". With some honest reflection, he'll probably look back on their life together and uncover ALL KINDS of red flag moments throughout their history together. That's why JD needs to do the extra hard work of determining why he was initially attracted to and stayed attached to such a person. If he doesn't figure that out... he's going to do it again with the next one!

A follower shares the story of being stuck in a long-term dead bedroom relationship. He has worked on himself and tried like hell to repair the relationship, but the wife doesn't seem to care. And now, with this high status as a business owner/boss and with his newfound physical fitness, he has caught the eye of a younger woman. He's obviously already head over heels for the woman, but doesn't want to destroy his marriage. Or does he? Like most men in this situation, he is very conflicted.

A follower reaches out and tells the story of his wife who wants nothing more to do with him. It's time that he listens and stops hanging on...You can ask DSO a question by filling out the form here: https://dadstartingover.com/dear-dso

A follower asks if I have ever heard about an affair saving a marriage. "John" says that he has been in a dead bedroom relationship for a while, tried all kinds to rekindle his marriage, but it wasn't until he actually stepped outside of his marriage that things seem to improve. Interesting! Let's talk about it. You can submit your own question to Ralph/DSO here: https://dadstartingover.com/dear-dso

Something a little different for the Dad Starting Over world! I had the pleasure of chatting with one of my favorite business people, Daniel Priestley. Daniel is an entrepreneur, best-selling author and international speaker. Starting with nothing, he built successful multi-million dollar businesses in Australia, UK and Singapore.Daniel and I chat about entrepreneurship and all the opportunities that are available to men out there who are looking to start up their own business.Learn more about Daniel: https://danielpriestley.com/

It seems that everyone and their cousin has sent me the link to this video! This is a clip from a UK television show where a therapist sits down with a VERY typical dead bedroom couple. He wants more. She is too overwhelmed and busy with the new baby. As always, they both have a point. The man is completely clueless about how his old game plan for getting physical intimacy is done (just show up), and the wife doesn't realize that actual work is needed to stay connected as a couple. It's ok to prioritize your relationship.

As they often say, stereotypes don't just fall from the sky. The whole notion of "my wife changed as soon as we got married" is not the NORM, but it's certainly not unheard of.For most of the men that I talk to, their stories of "my wife completely changed" usually involves marriage, cohabitation, years together, kids, stress, jobs... you know, all the normal life stuff that can really CHANGE a person. BUT, for some guys and gals, their partner absolutely changed on the day of the wedding. As soon as things got "real", the person they know and loved just shut down completely. That's when they realized, "Oh, this person was not marriage material." This person thrives in uncertainty and chaos. These are the women that jump from bad boy to bad boy. These are the guys that run to prostitutes and alcohol. Their childhood baggage is such that seeing "normal" scares the crap out of them.

With the loosening of social mores and a broader acceptance of casual physical intimacy, especially in younger adults, it's not a surprise that these relatively new worlds and opinions may collide with more "traditional" monogamous people. When those with "high body counts" try to enter into the world of strict monogamy, they are sometimes outright rejected because of their past behavior... and this hurts feelings! Is a high body count indicative of mental issues? Compulsive/impulsive tendencies? Does it have zero effect on their ability to maintain a marriage to one person for life?

Dr. Psych Mom and I do an impromptu live chat for our social media followers on October 5, 2023. We had a great discussion and lots of great questions from the viewers. Give it a listen!

Heather Ray is a licensed Sexologist based in Texas, but she is able to help clients from all fifty states. Click here to learn more about Heather Ray and her services.In this interview, we talk about everything from her own dead bedroom marriage to an older man, her physical transformation, her second divorce, and her experience working with clients that are trying to repair the sexual intimacy within their marriages. Thank you for your time, Heather!

This is a recording of a live DSO Fraternity meeting that was held on October 4, 2023. We opened this meeting to the public and had some great conversations! Click here to learn more about the DSO Fraternity.

From Scharzad's website: "After 25 years of marriage, Schahrzad Morgan, mother of three, files for divorce and embarks on a powerful journey of desire, love and sexual liberation. Since then, her views on sex have inspired people around the world. Ms. Morgan has a B.S. in Computer Science from the University of Nebraska - Omaha, and an MBA from Arizona State University-West. She was born in Düsseldorf, Germany, and moved to Omaha, Nebraska as a child. She practices Transcendental Meditation, speaks German and Farsi, and enjoys pilates, friends, good food and wine, and being outdoors. She is single and lives in San Diego, California."

"Women need an emotional connection" -- How many times have we heard this? Is it true? Do women absolutely NEED that deeper emotional connection in order to experience true sexual desire? Let's ask our friend Dr. Psych Mom.

In this episode, I pontificate about how time carries on with or without us, how change is inevitable, and my recent trip to Germany.

DSO and DPM tackle a popular topic: What happens to the average woman's libido after marriage?IMPORTANT LINKS:https://www.liinks.co/dadstartingoverFOLLOW ME ON💥 Facebook https://facebook.com/dadstartingover💥 TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@dad.starting.over

Here is the recording from the live chat DSO and Dr. Psych Mom did for Facebook and Youtube on 6/16/23. Enjoy!Dad Starting OverThe DSO FraternityDr. Psych Mom

Here is a recording of the TikTok Live that I (DSO) and Dr. Psych Mom did on May 19. We chat about a variety of different topics that we hear about from our clients. Enjoy!Dad Starting OverDr. Psych Mom

Coach Scott G. sits down with Andrew (DSO Fraternity member) and his wife Sabrina to talk about how they turned their marriage around.Click here to join the DSO Fraternity!

If you follow Dad Starting Over or other male-related relationship talk accounts on social media, you've undoubtedly seen Lauren "The Dadvocate". Lauren has over 1 million followers on TikTok and tens of millions of views across all of social media. She puts out a wonderful pro-men message that connects with lots of guys.I'm so glad to have finally met Lauren, and I look forward to future collaborations.The Dadvocate WebsiteDadvocate on TiktokDad Starting OverThe Dead Bedroom FixDivorce Panic

What a great chat! Our own coach Scottie G and Coach Gus get together and talk about Gus' story and what brought him to the world of Dad Starting Over. This is the type of audio that is available to our DSO Fraternity members. We have over 400 hours of meeting audio recorded and archived for our members.Work with Coach GusWork with Coach Scott G.Join the DSO Fraternity and get lots of great benefits, including discounts on coaching!

Mrs. DSO is back on the podcast and she and I sit to talk about all kinds of good stuff. Video of our conversation is available to our DSO Fraternity members. Click here to join today!

What do I often hear from men? "Ever since we had kids, my wife has become SUPER anxious. She seems way too involved in the kids' lives. She is constantly worrying about them and almost seems addicted to being a mom. Everything about her life revolves around the kids." Sound familiar? This one is for you.Dad Starting OverThe DSO Fraternity

Once again, we conducted an open meeting for the public to come in and learn more about our private group we call the DSO Fraternity.

I had another opportunity to chat with our very own Coach Vance - the PhD fitness and health expert and member of the DSO Fraternity coaching team. In this episode, we chat about the complicated topic of working out.

If you're familiar with the world of "relationship talk for men," then you know Dr. Robert Glover. Considered by many to be the Godfather of the self-help space for men, Dr. Glover has sold MANY copies of his book, "No More Mr. Nice Guy". In this chat, we talk about his popular book, the current state of dating/relationships, and other great stuff. Excellent talk!

My increased exposure online (Tiktok and Facebook Reels) has led to more people coming out of the woodwork to accuse me of being anti-marriage. Here are my thoughts.

From the Dads Dating After Divorce podcast. In this episode, Ralph and Jude sit down to chat with popular author Dr. Shawn T. Smith. Great conversation!

I've been blowing up on TikTok recently. Millions of new people are discovering DSO on the platform. It's dwarfing all of my other social media platforms COMBINED! So, I'm repurposing some of the videos and putting them up here in the podcast. Enjoy!