Dad Starting Over

Our pal "Wordsmith" is back with a new "Dear DSO" submission (https://deardso.com). He's perplexed by his soon-to-be ex-wife's erratic behavior. Why is she doing these things? Why is she suddenly liking and not liking certain things? Why is she hot and then cold? Very common questions!We also go into Wordsmith's difficulties with handling the stress of the split and his loneliness. Hang in there, Wordsmith! We're here for you.Join The HFM Brotherhood!

A "Dear DSO" follower reaches out to share his frustration. He's at a loss. His married sex life has stopped completely for the past two years. The reason? Menopause. The wife says that menopause is a "medical condition" that he needs to respect, and she has unilaterally decided that their married sex life is over. What is he to do?Join The HFM Brotherhood!

A follower from a live stream asks about advice when it comes to dating. He has just started dating two years after his divorce. He's seeing green flags for sure, but what about red flags? How do you know what to look out for?Join the HFM Brotherhood!

This is a clip from one of our private live zoom meetings we host for members of our HFM Brotherhood. We have anywhere from 6-8 live meetings every week, and they are all recorded for our members to listen back to. In this clip, we are talking about the age-old topic of "chore play": Men doing things in order to get sex from the wife. Many of us have been there and done that. It doesn't work... not as far as sparking sexual energy in a relationship is concerned. You still do chores around the house because you're an adult and they need to get done, but don't think for a second that it will result in more sex from your spouse. But, with that being said, it sure is the very first thing many women mention when the topic of fixing a dead bedroom comes up. "Perhaps if the man did more around the house!"Join the HFM Brotherhood!

From a DSO Live Stream, Ralph reacts to a follower saying that he has to lie to women about his kid situation in order to get dates. Guys, we have to stop lying to just get women. It's not doing anybody any good. It shows your level of desperation and scarcity when it comes to relationships, and it flat out doesn't work in the long run.Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph gets a "Dear DSO" submission for a guy named Joe... and it's a doozy! Listen to Joe's story and how one big, important life decision (taking his mentally ill ex-girlfriend back) derailed his entire life. This one is not for the faint of heart!Join the HFM Brotherhood!

For those who watch a lot of DSO videos and listen to the podcast, you have probably heard me mention the name "Wordsmith" more than a few times. Wordsmith is a follower who has written in to Dear DSO quite a bit, as well as commenting on live streams. After years, Wordsmith has finally taken time to sit and chat about his situation and where things have led him (hint: Divorce). This is a good one!Join the HFM Brotherhood!The Dead Bedroom Fix Video Course

Here are the most-asked questions I received in 2024. Thanks to all of you reached out to me, purchased a book, signed up for coaching, or signed up for our men's group (The HFM Brotherhood). Love all you guys, and I wish you the best for 2025!Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph addresses a common dilemma faced by many men undergoing relationship challenges; the question of whether and how to "get your wife back" after a separation. Using a listener's question as a springboard, Ralph dives into the complexities of attempting to reconcile when a significant other leaves. Throughout the discussion, he examines various relationship advice trends and the psychological dynamics that often underlie such situations.Join The HFM Brotherhood

Ralph delves into a thought-provoking discussion prompted by a listener named Paula, who challenges his advice that men should wait three years before marrying a woman. Ralph explores the complexities of relationship timelines, contrasting perspectives, and biological constraints, offering a nuanced view on navigating modern relationships. This episode provides listeners with a comprehensive look at both societal expectations and the natural aspects influencing relationship decisions.Ralph argues that while some women expect men to propose within six months, a thorough understanding of a partner requires more time. He underscores the importance of observing partners through various life stages over a period of three years for a more reliable assessment of compatibility. By using SEO keywords like "relationship timelines," "biological clock," and "marriage advice," Ralph addresses Paula's concerns regarding family planning, emphasizing the physiological realities women face with age. His insights encourage both men and women to approach marriage with patience and awareness, balancing desires for family life with the authentic knowledge of their partners.Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph delves into the intricate topic of infidelity among men, drawing from his extensive experience working with men and data from anonymous surveys. This discussion explores the nuances and complexities behind why some men cheat, categorizing them into two distinct types: the "former player" and the "anxious needy." Ralph provides a pragmatic understanding of the male need for sexual variety, the emotional struggle of maintaining monogamous commitments, and the emotional compartmentalization that accompanies affairs. He offers a candid look at how men justify actions outside their marriages and the psychological toll infidelity bears on their interpersonal relationships.Join the HFM Brotherhood

Ralph examines anxiety in relationships, focusing on the interaction between anxious men and their equally anxious partners. Ralph draws on his decade of experience to highlight patterns seen in conversations with men. He explores how generalized anxiety appears in marriage and parenting and affects personal relationships.Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph explores the often harsh reality faced by newly divorced individuals re-entering the dating world. He challenges the romanticized notion of "the one" by presenting the concept of serial monogamy, where multiple long-term relationships replace the quest for a singular lifelong partner. This video provides a thought-provoking examination of the shifting nature of relationships in a post-divorce world, emphasizing the discomfort many feel when confronted with this reality.Join the HFM Brotherhood

Ralph addresses a "Dear DSO" letter from a man named Steve, who shares the breakdown of his 15-year marriage due to his wife’s significant lifestyle and fitness changes. The story unfolds themes such as infidelity, personal change, and the impact of overlooking warning signs in relationships. Ralph provides advice and support to Steve and listeners facing similar issues.Steve’s story highlights how quickly life can change when personal growth leads to unforeseen and painful outcomes. Join the HFM Brotherhood!

This is my very first live call-in chat with a "Dear DSO" submission. You can submit your own question or story to https://deardso.com.In this one, Christopher talks about how he has been married three times, engaged once, dealt with his bipolar disorder... and now falling in love again with a much younger single mother of three that lives in his apartment complex. Lots to talk about in this almost hour-long live chat! Some things discussed:How much has his bipolar disorder contributed to the chaos in his past relationships?Does he just not like being alone?What if he were to tell the new gal that he wants to "pump the brakes" and take 12 months to try and live the life as a truly single guy? How would she respond? What does he feel about that?Thank you, Christopher for taking the time to chat!Join the HFM Brotherhood!

In this episode, Ralph examines the challenges men often face after divorce, noting that 70% of men are surprised by their partners' decision to leave. He discusses the emotional and physical loneliness these men experience, as well as their quick attempts to start new relationships. The episode looks at the reasons behind mid-life divorces, such as perimenopause and changes in focus once children are adults.The episode also addresses dating for men in their 40s, warning against rushing into relationships, especially with women eager to have children. Ralph cautions men to be aware of women focused on finding a provider rather than a romantic partner. He suggests waiting at least three years before moving in or marrying to ensure a proper understanding of the partner's intentions.Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph examines the emotional turmoil that follows infidelity, focusing on the psychological effects on those who have been wronged. The discussion highlights betrayal, trust issues, and psychological disorders, offering an in-depth look at dysfunctional relationships.Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Everyone seems to be talking about DUTY SEX right now. Why is this such a hot-button topic? What exactly is it, anyway? Should women do it? Should men accept it?This is a series of clips from our last HFM Brotherhood meeting. We hold several different live meeting Zoom meetings every single week and record all of them for our members to listen back to later. We also have private discussion forums, all my books for free, a members-only podcast, in-person conferences, and more! Join us: https://helpformen.com/joinJoin the HFM Brotherhood!

This episode of "Dear DSO" addresses a common couple's issue: reduced sexual intimacy. Ralph shares a letter from Jack, a 40-year-old struggling with a near-nonexistent sex life in his 10-year marriage. Jack notes that he and his wife have been intimate five times in five years. Despite his efforts to spark romance, his wife remains uninterested, which strains their relationship.Ralph examines the complexity of sexless marriages, focusing on Jack’s situation and suggesting practical solutions. He considers psychological reasons for Jack's wife's lack of interest, like childhood influences and parental marriage dynamics. Ralph recommends open communication between Jack and his wife to determine if they should attempt to reconnect or explore co-parenting separately. The episode provides insights into relationship dynamics and mentions Ralph's professional support services, including his book and private group for men with similar issues.Join the HFM Brotherhood!

In this episode, Ralph examines the changes men undergo when shifting from "nice guys" to more confident "alpha males." He discusses how a personal crisis often triggers this transformation, referencing Dr. Robert Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy." Ralph analyzes how today's dating world rewards confidence and extroversion, though sometimes at the expense of sincerity and emotional connection.Join The HFM Brotherhood!

In the latest episode of 'Dear DSO,' Ralph responds to a question from a participant called "Wordsmith." Wordsmith compares the decline of workplace wages to the decrease of intimacy in relationships, questioning why some women expect their partners to stay in a sexless marriage indefinitely. Ralph takes this opportunity to discuss relationship challenges, comparing professional and personal commitments.Join the HFM Brotherhood!

A follower reaches out and shares the typical "anxious man/avoidant wife" scenario we hear about so often, but this time with one twist: His wife does seem to want sex, but it's only in an apparent attempt to get her sexual need met. There's no connection with him, at all. She seems very much disconnected emotionally from him and doesn't seem interested in fixing the problem. Join the HFM Brotherhood!

A lot of people have been sending me the link to a video interview between Sadia Khan and Matthew Hussey. In this episode of DSO Reacts, I break down a couple of points that Sadia makes about women and cheating, and give my two cents (hint: I agree). Join The HFM Brotherhood!

In this episode of Dear DSO, Ralph discusses the topic of how men relax and how women perceive it. This subject was brought up by a contributor named Mr. Wordsmith 380. Ralph talks about why women might find men's leisure activities, especially when they're alone, annoying or misunderstood.He looks at the habits of male relaxation and how society views gender roles. Ralph explains that men tend to separate different parts of their lives, which allows them to enjoy doing nothing or being in a meditative state. This approach can be confusing to women, who often see things as more connected. The episode offers insights for those interested in better understanding and improving communication and relationships between genders.Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph examines the psychology behind men's perceived scarcity in the dating world and its effect on their interactions with women. He looks at how this mindset influences their reactions to women's choices, whether it's about promiscuity or opting out of dating entirely. Ralph uses real examples and hypothetical scenarios to show how these dynamics work and offers strategies for men to deal with feelings of scarcity.Ralph says many men feel they have limited options in relationships due to self-perceived inadequacies like looks, money, or social status. This sense of scarcity leads to heightened emotional reactions to women's behaviors, such as choosing to remain single or being sexually promiscuous. By addressing these reactions, Ralph wants to help men understand that these responses come from their internal fears and insecurities, not from the women's actions.In the end, Ralph stresses the importance of recognizing personal red flags and spotting potential issues early on. He provides practical advice for men to find compatible partners by matching their social environments with their interests and values. Ralph also critiques the overly progressive view that past promiscuity has no impact on future relationship stability, advocating for a balanced perspective.Join The HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph discusses pornography, sex work, and their psychological and social effects. He starts by examining the historical background of these industries, disproving the idea that they are recent inventions and instead showing they meet long-standing demands. He then addresses the psychological impacts on men who frequently watch porn, noting the risks of addiction and challenges in forming real-life sexual relationships.On a wider societal level, Ralph points out the negative influence of pornography on teenagers, stressing the unrealistic standards and fantasies it promotes. He includes stories from social workers and clinicians about how exposure to sexualized content can lead to harmful first sexual experiences for teens. Ralph also mentions his book, Real Talk: No Bullshit Life Advice for Young Men, which aims to give practical advice to young men on sexual issues, puberty, and relationships.Join The HFM Brotherhood

Ralph responds to a question from a YouTube viewer, Jason, about the dynamics of hooking up—not dating—after a divorce. Ralph explains the complexities of post-divorce relationships, especially for men who are anxious and how this can affect their decisions and emotions.Ralph goes into the mindset of newly divorced men, especially those who are anxious and focused on self-improvement. He highlights the risks and emotional pitfalls of jumping into new intimate encounters too soon. Using various examples and experiences, Ralph discusses common patterns of men quickly falling for new partners and the messy consequences that follow. He notes that even those aiming for only a physical relationship might end up emotionally involved, leading to unintended complications.Join The HFM Brotherhood

Ralph addresses a letter from a listener named Dunk, dealing with the aftermath of his wife's infidelity. The episode explores the challenges of handling betrayal, mental health issues, and co-parenting with a difficult ex-partner. Ralph gives practical advice to help Dunk set boundaries, communicate effectively, and focus on personal growth.Dunk's situation is complex, as his wife started a relationship with her younger boss, showing narcissistic traits and causing turmoil. Ralph stresses the importance of not engaging with the ex-wife's emotional attempts. He emphasizes that Dunk’s main responsibilities are to his child and his own mental health. Join The HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph discusses a listener-submitted story from Thomas about relationship issues and maintaining intimacy in marriage. The episode, titled "Wife not worried about being left," covers a relatable situation for many men. Ralph provides clear advice, addressing themes like religious constraints, emotional detachment, and personal growth.Thomas talks about his marital problems after a lack of intimacy and an eye-opening experience from reading "The Dead Bedroom Fix." Despite self-improvement efforts, his wife remains emotionally distant and sexually uninterested, suggesting deeper issues. Ralph's analysis encourages Thomas and the audience to consiJoin the HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph discusses the widespread issue of scarcity mindset among men, especially in relationships. He explains the harmful effects of a scarcity mindset and how it manifests in negative comments and a pessimistic view of life and relationships.Ralph talks about the need to shift from a scarcity to an abundance mindset, particularly in relationships. He explains how negative self-talk and a defeatist attitude keep men trapped in a cycle of negativity and failure. Through relatable stories and direct truths, Ralph points out behaviors that show insecurity and low self-worth, urging men to focus on personal growth and self-improvement instead.Join The HFM Brotherhood!

In this episode, Ralph delves into the controversial topic of "lesbian bed death" and the unusually high divorce rates among lesbian couples compared to their heterosexual and gay male counterparts. Ralph uses statistical data from the Office for National Statistics and explores the psychological underpinnings and societal expectations that might contribute to these phenomena. He discusses the role of neuroticism—a major personality trait prevalent in women—that impacts relationship satisfaction and stability.Join The HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph delves deep into the emotional traumas many men face due to infidelity and broken relationships. He critically examines the burgeoning trend of male victimhood and the echo chambers that fuel it. Ralph emphasizes the importance of sticking to factual data rather than sensationalized statistics when discussing issues like divorce rates and paternity fraud.Join The HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph addresses the stigma surrounding infidelity and provides a nuanced perspective on why it might happen. He kicks off by debunking the myth that most women in relationships cheat, presenting scientific evidence and personal experiences to show that cheating is actually less common than some might believe. Ralph emphasizes that certain subsets of men, particularly those he identifies as "anxious dudes," are more likely to encounter infidelity due to their tendency to partner with individuals who have chaotic backgrounds.Join The HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph delves into an intriguing message from a Facebook follower that serves as a perfect illustration of the typical challenges faced by men in today's dating and relationship landscape. The follower, whose message Ralph dissects, shares his frustrations and experiences with relationships that have led him to a place of cynicism and resentment towards women. Ralph takes this opportunity to provide insightful commentary on the follower's mindset and the broader issues that plague modern relationships.Join The HFM Brotherhood

Ralph delves deep into the distressing world of infidelity, targeting the psychology behind why women cheat in relationships. Through a blend of data, anecdotal evidence, and expert insights, Ralph addresses the quintessential question plaguing many men who discover their partner has been unfaithful: Why? He pulls no punches in his explanation, setting the stage for an honest, potentially provocative discussion on the emotional and psychological dysfunctions often underpinning infidelity.Join The HFM Brotherhood

Ralph addresses a poignant letter from Jay, a long-time listener seeking advice on how to revive the dwindling romance in his marriage. The letter, filled with raw emotion, highlights Jay's struggle with feelings of inadequacy and longing after discovering his partner's emotional affair seven years into their relationship. Despite attempts at couples therapy and personal efforts to rekindle their connection, Jay finds himself stuck in a monotonous routine, with his partner seemingly disengaged and distant.Ralph delves into the complexities of emotional affairs, the impact of time, familiarity, and parenthood on relationships, and the steps required to rebuild trust and intimacy. He emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, open communication, and the willingness to confront difficult truths about the relationship. Ralph also discusses the potential necessity of an ultimatum to spur real change and the need for both partners to actively participate in the healing process. He encourages Jay, and listeners in similar situations, to seek professional help and utilize resources that can offer support and guidance.Join The HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph dives into a unique and complex relationship concern that's been submitted by one of our listeners, who goes by the pseudonym "Could be worse." In this episode, Ralph tackles the anxiety and insecurity surrounding permission-based intimacy in long-term relationships, especially in the face of health-related challenges.In our listener's scenario, his wife suffers from unspecified health issues that inhibit frequent, fulfilling intimacy. Despite this, she enjoys and permits him to "use" her between their infrequent, yet mutually satisfying sessions. This episode centers on understanding the psychological and emotional dynamics at play, including feelings of guilt, consent-based fantasies, and addressing the complexities of orgasm-related insecurity in men. Ralph delves into whether these feelings are rooted in genuine discomfort or societal pressures around sexual satisfaction.Join The HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph addresses a deeply personal letter from a listener named Jay, who is grappling with significant intimacy issues in his ten-year marriage. The common theme throughout this episode revolves around navigating the intricate web of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and its implications on marital intimacy, emotional disconnect, and the potential for infidelity.Jay's story revolves around his wife's OCD, which creates barriers to physical affection, leaving him feeling unattractive and unsatisfied. Ralph dives into the intricacies of living with a partner who has OCD, explaining that OCD falls under the category of neurodivergence, and often comes with other traits from the autism spectrum. Ralph emphasizes that these traits are deeply ingrained and unlikely to change, posing the critical question, "Should Jay stay in this marriage or move on?"Additionally, Jay's budding feelings for a coworker add another layer of complexity to the situation. Ralph touches on the perils of infidelity and urges deep self-reflection. He advises Jay to evaluate why he stayed in a disconnected relationship for so long to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Confused Husband seeks advice from Ralph on handling a toxic marriage where his wife despises his daughter and exhibits abusive behavior. He reveals deep-seated issues including threats, accusations of infidelity, and financial concerns tied to potential divorce. Ralph provides critical advice, highlighting the importance of cutting ties with the abusive spouse, seeking legal and emotional support, and reflecting on his own patterns that led to this relationship. Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph addresses John’s heart-wrenching predicament: his wife’s affair led to their separation, and now she wants to come back. Ralph sheds light on different types of affairs, emphasizing the deeply ingrained issues often underlying such actions. He suggests that John’s wife may be seeking a safety net rather than genuine reconciliation. Join the HFM Brotherhood!

A 50-year-old man, Mister In Between, seeks advice from Ralph on rebuilding his life post-divorce. Diagnosed with depression and mild bipolar disorder, he grapples with isolation, a dead bedroom from a 28-year marriage, and navigating new social dynamics. Ralph discusses the risks and benefits of casual sexual encounters and the potential pitfalls of rebound relationships. He emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and caution in exploring new connections. Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph tackles a heartfelt query from a listener named "Help," who is grappling with the challenges posed by his wife's debilitating condition, POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). The listener's frustration over a sexless marriage, compounded by the daily struggles of managing a child with autism, paints a vivid picture of marital strain and the desperate need for guidance.Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph addresses a poignant message from Lana, a 42-year-old woman facing a significant marital dilemma. Despite being attractive, fit, and highly sexual, Lana struggles with her husband's distant and emotionally abusive behavior. Over their 25 years of marriage, Lana has grown weary of her husband's lack of affection and wonders if the time has come to leave and seek a fulfilling life elsewhere.This scenario should sound familiar to many of you!Click here to join the HFM Brotherhood!

Ralph addresses Adnor's dilemma about seeking counseling for relationship issues without making it feel like an ultimatum. Drawing from real-life examples, Ralph emphasizes the importance of genuine effort and patience in resolving relationship problems. He discusses the complexities of seeking couples counseling and the necessity of finding a competent counselor who can mediate effectively. Ralph also explores the challenges of changing deeply ingrained behaviors and expectations in a relationship, urging listeners to consider long-term commitment and effort. Tune in as Ralph provides valuable insights into navigating the tough terrain of relationship counseling and personal growth.The third edition of The Dead Bedroom Fix is out!Join the HFM Brotherhood!

Can a couple's sex life be sustainable over a the life of strict long-term monogamy? In this episode, Ralph explores the challenges of maintaining a fulfilling sex life as a couple ages. From the honeymoon phase to dealing with disease and aging, he delves into the concept of serial monogamy and why it may be a more realistic solution for many. He also discusses the role of genetics and societal constraints in shaping our behavior. Discover the importance of understanding your partner's background and emotional tools before committing to long-term monogamy.Click here to join our private group for men only, The HFM Brotherhood!

A follower on Facebook reached out to me with his point of view about getting in shape. In his mind, it is NOT a good idea! His wife, after all, feels insecure about how he looks, and it has proven to be a negative influence on the relationship. Join our private group, the HFM Brotherhood!

In this episode, Ralph responds to a question from a listener named Candice about the modern dating scene, which veers dramatically from what many parents recall from their youth. Ralph shares a vivid account of his recent experience at his 20-year-old daughter's university homecoming event. What he observes is a stark contrast between hyper-sexualized young women and noticeably underdressed young men, a dynamic he finds both perplexing and illustrative of today's dating culture.