164: How to Handle a Boss Who’s a Jerk, with Tom Henschel

Tom Henschel: The Look & Sound of Leadership

Is someone you care about – or maybe even you – working for a jerk? My guest Tom Henschel from the Look & Sound of Leadership podcast helps us to navigate this difficult situation.

How to know if it’s just you

• Test the waters, but be careful

How to address it

• When you decide to talk, leave the emotion out of it
• Frame the business concern, not you as the victim
• Don’t take it personally
• Don’t speak for others

You are not going to change your boss

• It’s not your place to get coaching for your boss
• Nothing you will do will likely change your boss’s behavior
• If you can accept that, what do you want to do?

If it’s really a business issue, give the feedback

• Avoid being attached to the outcome
• Once the feedback is given, let it go
• Rehearse the feedback with someone trusted before you give it

What to do when the boss is chaotic

• Calm down with someone who is chaotic
• Take tons of notes
• Get clear agreements
• When they change something, don’t take it personally
• Consider sending a note afterwards to summarize what is said

How to deal with the narcissist

• Be a good audience and ask how you can help them to succeed
• “Narcissists crave attention and there’s not enough room in the spotlight for both of you.” -Tom Henschel
• “With narcissists, in order to succeed with them, you need to not compete with them.” -Tom Henschel
• Have support outside of work too, since you won’t get it from your boss
• When you can do it honestly, throw them a bone
• Always approach situations with collaboration and support

What do you do with the screamer?

• Don’t engage, wait it out

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