The Cat is Trying to Kill Me (and Other Domestic Hazards)

Reality is a construct of perception. Carl is a construct of coffee and bad life choices. Here they meet in Carl versus Reality.

Salutations! Today, you’ve caught me mid-chore. I’m doing the washing up, so if you’ve got a pile of crusty plates staring you down, grab the Fairy Liquid and we’ll do 'em together. A job shared is a job halved, or so they say. Probably someone who didn't have a cat trying to trip them up on the stairs.

Speaking of which, we need to talk about Biscuit. He’s my cat, and I’m 90% sure he’s an assassin. Between the "staircase trip-wire" manoeuvres and the 4:00 AM throat-kneading, I’m living in a domestic thriller. I thought it was affection; turns out it might just be a slow-motion coup.

I also get into the absolute state of my workplace because I dared to wear glasses and—heaven forbid—blue jeans. Turns out, if you change one minor detail about your appearance after twenty years, people lose their minds. It’s been a week of "Oh, new glasses?" and "Where are your black jeans, Carl?" Honestly, it’s a lot to take in when you’re just trying to get through the day without being choked out by a feline.

In this episode:

• Chore-core: Doing the dishes together for moral support.
• Feline Assassins: Why Biscuit is the Wiley Coyote to my Roadrunner.
• The Great Spectacle Debate: Transitioning from contact lenses back to frames.
• Wardrobe Malfunctions: The social consequences of wearing blue denim.

If you want to support the madness, get among it at carlvsreality.com. All the links for TikTok, YouTube, and the rest are there.

Take care of yourselves. And watch your step on the stairs.

Ta-ta.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.