But For Real

We need to talk about suicide… like actually talk about it.Not in the polished, clinical, tip-list way. Not in the fear-based, “don’t say the wrong thing” way. But in the real, messy, human way that most of us have experienced—whether personally or through someone we love.Because here’s the truth: suicide is way more common, complex, and misunderstood than we’re comfortable admitting. And the way we talk about it? Often makes it harder—not easier—for people to feel seen, supported, or safe enough to open up.In this episode of But For Real, we’re going there.We’re talking about suicidal ideation (including the kind that doesn’t mean you actually want to die), the difference between passive and active thoughts, and why so many people feel ashamed of experiences that are actually more common than we think.We’re also unpacking the tension between holding the weight of this topic and still making space for humanity, humor, and connection—because healing doesn’t only happen in sterile silence.And yes… we’re bringing both the heavy and the real.We’re asking:Why is suicide still so stigmatized—even in mental health spaces?What actually counts as suicidal ideation?Is it “normal” to have passive thoughts about not wanting to exist?Why does shame keep people stuck in silence?And how do we talk about this in a way that actually helps?Because here’s the thing:Not every suicidal thought means someone wants to die.But every experience of suffering deserves to be taken seriously.So whether this topic touches your life directly or indirectly… we’re really glad you’re here.From there, we unpack: What suicidal ideation actually is (and what it’s not)The difference between passive vs. active suicidal thoughtsWhy passive SI can be more common—and human—than you thinkHow shame and stigma keep people from talking about their experienceWhy humor can be a legitimate coping skill, not avoidanceHow therapists actually think about and approach suicideWhy overly clinical conversations can feel disconnected—and what works betterHow to support yourself or someone else without defaulting to panic or silenceThe role of lived experience in shaping mental health workWe talk about:00:00 – Why this topic matters01:00 – Can we talk about suicide and still be human?02:30 – Humor as a coping skill (yes, really)03:00 – Content warning + how to take care of yourself while listening04:00 – Personal connections to suicide and why this work matters05:30 – Passive suicidal ideation: what it actually means06:00 – Tea & Crumpets: existential YouTube rabbit holes08:30 – The psychology of death, meaning, and “last meal” thinking09:00 – A movie that explores the afterlife—and what happens next10:00+ – The deeper conversation begins (suicide, stigma, and nuance)Resources Mentioned:Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): Call or text 988Find international support: https://www.findahelpline.comreasonstostay.co Connect with Us:Submit a story for The Lore segmentSubmit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segmentReach out: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

We need to talk about sex addiction — because culturally, this phrase gets thrown around a lot. And depending on who you ask, it’s either a legitimate disorder… or a moral panic wrapped in clinical language.Either way, it is certainly true that some people need expert support to realign their sexual behavior with their values and intentions, and heal any wounds that may underlie sexual acting out. But is addiction the one best model for doing this work?In this episode of But For Real, we’re diving into the messy, controversial world of sex addiction, porn use, and what clinicians actually mean when they talk about “out of control sexual behavior.”Because here’s the truth: the phrase sex addict gets used everywhere — in couples fights, celebrity scandals, religious communities, and treatment centers. But clinically, the picture is way more nuanced.We’re asking:Is sex addiction actually recognized as a mental health disorder?Why does the DSM not include it?What’s the difference between a high libido, a porn habit, and something that’s truly out of control?And how much of this conversation is shaped by moral judgment, religion, and cultural discomfort around sex?Because here’s the thing:Not every high libido is pathology. Not every porn habit is addiction. And not every relationship betrayal means someone has a disease.But if your sexual behavior feels compulsive, secretive, or deeply distressing, that matters — and it deserves real support, not internet armchair diagnoses.In this episode, we break down the history of the sex addiction model, why many sex therapists challenge it, and what a more nuanced understanding of sexual behavior actually looks like.Plus, we explore the role of shame, porn culture, religion, attachment, and emotion regulation — because sometimes behavior isn’t the real issue. It’s the coping strategy underneath it.From there, we unpack: The origin of the sex addiction model and its roots in the 12-step worldWhy “sex addiction” has never been officially recognized in the DSMThe difference between sex addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, and out-of-control sexual behaviorWhy labeling someone a “sex addict” can sometimes pathologize normal sexualityThe cultural factors (religion, gender norms, and shame) shaping the conversationHow porn use actually fits into this discussionThe difference between sexual acting out vs. sexual offendingSigns sexual behavior might truly be compulsive or distressingWhy shame and secrecy often keep people stuck in the cycleHow sex therapy approaches this topic differently than addiction treatmentWe talk about:00:00 – Life hacks: hiccup cures & anxiety nausea tricks05:30 – Tea & Crumpets: internet rabbit holes and cultural commentary09:30 – Step Into My Office: porn, shame, and being labeled a “sex addict”14:00 – The DSM: is sex addiction a real diagnosis?17:00 – Val’s experience training as a sex addiction therapist20:00 – Why the DSM rejected hypersexual disorder22:00 – The shift toward out-of-control sexual behavior frameworks24:00 – Moral shame vs clinically significant distress30:00 – Porn, masculinity, and cultural narratives about sex36:00 – A healthier way to understand sexual behaviorResources Mentioned:The Myth of Sex Addiction by David LeyTreating Out of Control Sexual Behavior by Doug Braun-Harvey & Michael VigoritoConnect with Us:Submit a story for The Lore segmentSubmit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segmentReach out: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

We need to talk about child stars, y’all. 🎬 Not just in a nostalgic “remember when?” way. And not just in a “look at their meltdown” way. In a developmental, nervous-system, attachment theory-informed way.Because culturally, we’ve been sold a shiny story about fame, money, and success. But from a developmental perspective, achieving fame early in life can leave lasting scars, which are too often exploited as memes and clickbait headlines. In this episode of But For Real, we unpack the psychological underbelly of child stardom — from Britney in that revealing schoolgirl uniform at 16 to Bieber stripped down at this year’s Grammys— and from the Disney/Nickelodeon machine to TikTok kids with brand deals before puberty.We’re asking:What happens when identity formation gets too blended with performance?What does it do to a child’s attachment system when they’re the breadwinner?How does a nervous system develop under constant visibility and evaluation?Because here’s the truth:Money does not regulate a nervous system.Fame does not replace attunement.And followers do not equal safety.From there, we unpack: How identity formation gets disrupted when a kid becomes a brand 🎭Why being rewarded for compliance and performance warps self-conceptWhat happens developmentally when you can’t have your “weird phase” in privateHow attachment dynamics shift when the child becomes the breadwinner 💸The psychological pressure baked into parentificationWhy money and fame don’t regulate a nervous systemThe mental health risks tied to chronic evaluation, overstimulation, and performance conditioningHow substance use becomes an understandable (but costly) regulation strategyWhat parasocial relationships and hyper-visibility do to individuation 📱Why the lack of federal protections for child influencers should concern all of usPlus— rabbit holes (well, of course) exploring Jeanette McCurdy, Val’s QVC host childhood dreams, paparazzi and algorithm culture, the Coogan Law, Ruby Franke’s family vlog fallout, and why “but they had everything” completely misses the point.We talk about:00:00 – Intro03:00 – Jeanette McCurdy and the child star reckoning06:00 – A 10-year-old who wants to be famous (Step Into My Office)11:00 – Erikson, identity formation & losing your “weird phase”15:00 – Attachment theory & the child-as-breadwinner dynamic20:00 – Substance use, performance pressure & shame23:00 – Paparazzi culture vs. algorithm culture27:00 – Parasocial relationships & hyper-visibility30:00 – “They had everything” — and why that argument failsConnect with Us:Submit a story for The Lore segmentSubmit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segmentReach out: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Let’s be honest. We all love a little drama… as long as it’s not happening to us. 😜From celebrity family feuds to wedding-day chaos to messy public statements, we can’t look away. But the second that kind of public-facing conflict hits our own nervous system? We’re either shutting down, spiraling, or plotting our escape into permanent invisibility.In this episode of But For Real, therapists Val and Emerson unpack the psychology of why we love drama and gossip— at least, of course, until it’s about us. We’re talking attachment wounds, tribalism, and the very human tendency to consume chaos as entertainment while avoiding it in our own lives.As always, we’re kicking things off with some pop culture tea (the Beckhams are fighting, y’all), but quickly zoom out to explore the deeper question: why does other people’s relational conflict feel juicy, but our own feels threatening?If you grew up in a family where repair wasn’t modeled…If conflict makes your chest tighten and your brain short-circuit…If you find yourself glued to reality TV but allergic to confrontation…This one’s for you, babe.Because of course drama hits different when your attachment system is involved.From there, we unpack:Why other people’s drama feels safe to consumeWhat happens in your nervous system when conflict becomes personalHow attachment wounds shape your reaction to relational tensionThe difference between curiosity and ruminationWhy public family conflict hits so hard culturallyWhen drama becomes avoidanceHow to stop intellectualizing and start embodying repairWhy healing relational trauma requires tolerating discomfortPlus: Snowmageddon survival stories, exploding trees and frost cracking, unexpected love for a Super 8 motel, Spice Girls loyalty debates, and the trainwreck-you-can’t-look-away-from of the Beckhams fighting in public.This episode is for anyone who:Loves a little pop culture tea but gets dysregulated the second conflict hits close to homeGrew up around tension, enmeshment, or emotional landmines and now feels hyper-aware of drama everywhereFinds themselves glued to other people’s relational mess while avoiding their ownIs realizing their nervous system reacts to conflict like it’s a five-alarm fireBecause sometimes we’re not obsessed with drama. We’re just trying to understand something our body never got to feel safe inside of.We talk about:00:00 – Snowmageddon 2026 & survival mode03:30 – Pop culture tea: The Beckhams are fighting07:00 – Why we love drama when it’s not ours11:00 – Nervous system activation & conflict15:00 – Attachment wounds and emotional reactivity20:00 – Enmeshment, boy moms, and wedding-day chaos25:00 – When curiosity turns into rumination30:00 – Conflict avoidance vs. relational repair35:00 – Why drama can be a form of avoidance40:00 – Doing hard relational things anywayConnect with Us:Submit a story for The Lore segmentSubmit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segmentReach out: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

If conflict makes your chest tighten, your brain freeze, or your instinct scream “AVOID AT ALL COSTS, ABORT, ABORT!,” this episode is for YOU, honey.In Episode 37 of But For Real, therapists Val and Em talk honestly about repair—not the Instagram version, but the real-life, messy, emotionally vulnerable process of repairing relationships after conflict. We recorded this episode fresh off a hard week, which means we’re not speaking theoretically. We’re speaking from inside it.We unpack what repair actually looks like when it wasn’t modeled, when uncertainty feels unbearable, and when your nervous system is convinced that conflict equals danger. This isn’t about fixing everything perfectly or tying things up with a bow. It’s about starting, staying present, and choosing connection even when you’re scared.From there, we unpack:Why repair doesn’t mean “everything is fixed now”Why starting matters more than finishingHow uncertainty is anxiety’s worst nightmare (and still unavoidable)What it looks like to live your values instead of just talking about themWhy doing the messy, uncomfortable thing is often the most ethical choicePlus: fragrances, phone maximalism, dairy-free Boursin supremacy, Hobby Lobby slander, and letting your inner toddler run the show occasionally.This episode is for anyone who:Never saw repair modeled growing upFeels terrified of conflict but longs for deeper connectionThinks they’re “bad at relationships” when really they were just never taughtIs learning how to do hard things scared, tender, and imperfectRepair isn’t clean. It isn’t linear. And it isn’t always possible. But when it IS possible? Even if it’s messy, it can be powerful as hell.We talk about:00:00 – Welcome back, sleep deprivation, and why we sound unhinged01:30 – Why we chose repair as today’s topic (and why it’s personal)03:00 – Emerson on conflict avoidance, repair not being modeled, and inner-child witnessing05:00 – Anxiety, uncertainty, and why “not knowing how this ends” is brutal07:30 – Living your values vs. performing them10:00 – Tea & Crumpets: fragrance recs, phone maximalism, and inner toddler joy15:00 – Food opinions we feel unreasonably strong about18:00 – Why repair isn’t about blame, villains, or being “right”22:00 – Val’s tower moment: things falling apart to rebuild stronger26:00 – Starting repair without knowing the outcome30:00 – Why doing the messy thing is the work34:00 – Repair when it’s possible—and when it’s not38:00 – Final reflections: doing hard things scared, togetherConnect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

If you’ve done “the work,” learned nervous system skills, gone to therapy… and you still get dysregulated, this episode is your permission slip to stop spiraling about it.In Episode 36 of But For Real, Val and Em break down what emotional regulation actually means—and why TikTok, pop psychology, and even therapy culture have wildly distorted it. We start the episode under-caffeinated, under-slept, and already dysregulated (relatable), then use that exact moment to talk about what being human really looks like.We answer a listener question from a self-described “dysregulated diva” who’s frustrated that anxiety spikes, shutdown, and emotional overwhelm still happen despite years of nervous system work. Spoiler: this does not mean therapy isn’t working.From there, we unpack:Why emotions are energy in motion, not instructionsHow emotional regulation has been hijacked by productivity cultureWhy the DSM doesn’t diagnose emotions—and why TikTok keeps trying toThe difference between emotional intensity and mental illnessWhy “never being activated again” is a scamHow DBT skills like urge surfing, TIPP, emotion naming, and opposite action actually work in real lifeWe also talk cicadas, kombucha shots, weaponized stoicism, BPD discourse on TikTok, why calm ≠ healed, and how regulation was never meant to make you quieter, easier, or more palatable.This episode is nervous-system education without toxic positivity, spiritual bypassing, or “rewire yourself once and for all” nonsense.If you’ve ever thought, “Why am I still like this?” — this one’s for you.We talk about:00:00 – Low brain power, re-recording chaos, and starting dysregulated02:00 – Real-life regulation: distraction vs. shifting state05:00 – Tea & Crumpets: unsettling movies, long-form content, and attention burnout09:30 – Step Into My Office: “If I still get dysregulated, is therapy working?”14:00 – Why “never being activated again” is a lie16:00 – What emotions actually are: energy in motion18:30 – Thoughts vs. emotions (aka: don’t believe every cicada thought)21:00 – How emotions get pathologized culturally23:00 – The DSM reality check (and why TikTok keeps misusing it)26:00 – BPD discourse, diagnostic criteria, and why labels are getting sloppy28:00 – What emotional regulation really means31:00 – Window of Tolerance myths & hot takes33:00 – DBT skills: urge surfing, TIPP, distress tolerance36:00 – Emotion naming & wise mind38:00 – Opposite action (what it is and what it is NOT)42:00 – Why skills work best outside of crisis43:30 – “But for real”: Regulation isn’t about being easier to deal with44:00 – Music picks & live reactions48:00 – Fire Dumpster Phoenix: restorative justice & peace monks53:00 – Final permission: you’re not failing, you’re respondingConnect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

January is just… weird, y’all. Not awful necessarily, but also not really the motivation-charged era we’re culturally conditioned that it should be. In this episode of But For Real, we’re naming the post-holiday emotional hangover that sneaks up on so many of us every January. The irritability. The numbness. The low-grade existential dread. The urge to hibernate while the internet screams “new year, new you.”We’re calling it Seasonal Feelings Disorder, not a diagnosis, not a pathology, just an honest name for the cocktail of nervous system burnout, disrupted routines, winter darkness, and cultural pressure that makes January feel like liminal purgatory.We talk about why your body crashes after December, why motivation disappears, why everything feels heavier, and why none of this means you’re broken, behind, or failing at life. We break down the difference between winter blues and Seasonal Affective Disorder, how capitalism fights biology every January, and why neurodivergent folks often feel this season more intensely.This episode blends therapist brains, lived experience, listener questions, nervous system education, music, trash panda joy, and variety-show chaos, because mental health conversations should feel human, not like homework.If January has you staring at your calendar wondering what happened to your personality, this one’s for you.We cover:Why January feels emotionally flat, irritable, and existentialWhat we mean by “Seasonal Feelings Disorder”The difference between January blues and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)The nervous system crash after December overstimulationWhy winter biology and productivity culture are always fightingHow routines, motivation, and identity get scrambled in JanuaryWhy neurodivergent nervous systems feel this season harderThe myth of “new year energy” and why it backfiresGentle ways to support your nervous system instead of forcing growthHow to re-enter structure without shame or self-punishmentWhy you’re not lazy, ungrateful, or behind, you’re defrostingWe talk about:00:00 – We’re back, end-of-year chaos, and why January already feels weird03:05 – Ins & outs, movement, therapy, identity, and letting go of over-rotting06:40 – Burnout, rest, and learning what actually restores us09:45 – Civic engagement, goblin core, and letting ourselves evolve messily12:30 – Tea & Crumpets, vagus nerve care and nervous system survival tools14:50 – Step Into My Office, the spiritually dehydrated January question18:20 – Why January feels existential and disorienting 20:15 – Seasonal Feelings Disorder, what it is and what it isn’t22:10 – SAD vs winter blues, clinical vs situational25:00 – Post-holiday adrenaline crashes and nervous system burnout28:40 – Circadian rhythms, darkness, and winter biology31:10 – Capitalism, productivity pressure, and January whiplash33:45 – Neurodivergence, masking fatigue, and routine collapse36:30 – Gentle structure instead of aggressive self-reinvention39:00 – Defrosting slowly instead of forcing bloom mode41:50 – Music that understands winter sadness44:20 – Fire Dumpster Phoenix, trash panda hope48:10 – Final thoughts, permission to move slowly into the yearConnect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Ever tried hypnosis and thought, “Cool… nothing is happening,” while everyone else in the comments claims their soul left their body?Same.In this episode, we’re pulling hypnosis out of the movie version and into real life. No clucking like a chicken. No blacking out. No dramatic “going under.” Just an honest, funny, science-backed conversation about what hypnosis actually is, why it often feels subtle, and why your brain isn’t broken if you’re still aware of everything.We talk about blinking aggressively during guided sessions, noticing every swallow, wondering if you left the dryer running, and why all of that is way more normal than you’ve been led to believe. From stage hypnosis myths to clinical hypnotherapy reality, we break down what’s actually happening in your brain and nervous system when you’re in a trance state.This episode blends clinical insight, nervous system education, pop culture references, and variety-show chaos, because learning about mental health shouldn’t feel like homework.We cover:What hypnosis really is (and what it definitely is not)Why hypnosis often feels calm, subtle, and very awakeThe myth of “going under” and where it came fromWhy overthinkers, anxious minds, and neurodivergent brains are not bad at hypnosisHow hypnosis overlaps with meditation, NSDR, EMDR, and brainspottingWhy watching TV, driving on autopilot, or losing your keys is already a trance stateThe difference between stage hypnosis, clinical hypnotherapy, and coaching-based hypnosisWhen self-hypnosis can be helpful and when working with a trained practitioner mattersWhy ethical practice and scope of care actually matter in this spaceWe talk about:00:00 – New setup, unhinged hypotheticals, and stage hypnosis chaos03:15 – Why hypnosis fascinates us (and confuses everyone)06:05 – Listener question, “Why does hypnosis feel like nothing is happening?”09:10 – Am I not hypnotizable? Overthinking, awareness, and myth busting12:40 – What hypnosis actually is (clinical explanation without the snooze)16:30 – The brain science, trance states, and nervous system regulation20:10 – Why watching TV, driving, and losing your keys is already hypnosis23:15 – Stage hypnosis vs clinical hypnotherapy (and why movies lied)27:20 – Hypnosis, ADHD, anxiety, and neurodivergent brains31:05 – Self-hypnosis, YouTube videos, and what actually helps35:40 – When hypnosis is helpful (and when it needs clinical support)40:10 – Pain, gut health, IBS, and what the research actually shows44:30 – Common myths, fears, and losing control concerns48:20 – What hypnosis usually feels like (heavy, light, time distortion)52:10 – Why subtle doesn’t mean ineffective55:00 – Final thoughts, nervous system wisdom, and reframing “nothing happened”Connect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Music is literally the soundtrack of our lives – and music can be incredibly healing when used in the right way. In this episode of But For Real, Valerie and Emerson dive into the ins and outs of music therapy, how and why it works, and how you can start your own music therapy journey.This episode covers:04:12 - Tea & Crumpets: Virginia Giuffre’s memoir: Nobody’s Girl + Take Back Your Marriage by Bill Doherty09:47 - Step Into My Office: Could music therapy be right for me, even if I’m not “musical”?15:03 - The DSM: What Even Is Music Therapy?40:02 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY!43:34 - Val Pick: "Does Not Suffice" by Joanna Newsom46:40 - Em Pick: "29" by Demi Lovato47:11 - Wait...What? Is this gonna ruin the tour?49:01 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: Fishing as an option for mental health treatment + A stray dog that turned into a service dog has just been crowned the 2025 Hero Dog Award by the American Humane Society!Resources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:Nobody's Girl by Virginia Roberts GiuffreTake Back Your Marriage by Bill DohertyAmerican Music Therapy AssociationHow to find a certified MT-BCDoes Not Suffice by Joanna Newsom29 by Demi LovatoFishing as an option for mental health treatment A stray dog that turned into a service dog has just been crowned the 2025 Hero Dog Award by the American Humane Society!Connect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

If you feel like adult life is just full of responsibilities, to-dos, meetings, and seriousness, you’re not alone. With busy schedules and the weight of the world, it’s easy to feel disconnected. In this episode of But For Real, Valerie and Emerson explore the relationship we have as play as adults, why it’s actually integral to your well-being and how to start inviting in joy again 🫶This episode covers:03:17 - Tea & Crumpets: Freaky Friday + Freakier Friday and Emerson’s screen free sauna/steam Sunday routine07:08 - Step Into My Office: How can I get over the fear of looking stupid so that I can find fun?12:57 - The DSM: The Serious Person’s Guide To Getting Silly Again36:33 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAY!38:11 - Em Pick: "Girl of Your Dreams" by Eli39:19 - Val Pick: "H.Y.C.Y.BH?" by Tom Cardy39:37 - Wait...What? - WTF does 67 mean?42:52 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: Tiffany Haddish’s She Ready Foundation + Henry the 1200 lb polar bear eating a giant pumpkinResources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:Why We Play Jack PankseppEli, pop’s new stage girl, is living her teenage dream | The FADER"Girl of Your Dreams" by Eli"H.Y.C.Y.BH?" by Tom CardyTiffany Haddish’s She Ready FoundationHenry the 1200 lb polar bearConnect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

In a world full of uncertainty and pain, life can feel devoid of meaning and hope—but what if life could also feel incredibly rich by showing up for it fully? You don’t have to have it all figured out to live with depth, and existential humanistic psychology can help you reconnect with life meaningfully.This episode covers:03:33 - Tea & Crumpets: Rewatching Nashville + The Lowdown07:21 - Step Into My Office: Okay, I’ve learned to cope… but now what?11:25 - The DSM: Existential-Humanistic Psychology43:30 - Now That's What I Call....OKAAAAY!44:43 - Em’s Pick: "End of Beginning" by Djo45:22 - Val’s Pick: "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie45:42 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: A 95 year old man started a Taylor Swift fan club + 80-Year-Old Grandma Who Learned to Swim at 59 Just Became Oldest Ever Female Ironman FinisherResources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:Nashville (TV Series 2012–2018) - IMDbThe Lowdown"End of Beginning" by Djo"What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie95 year old man started a Taylor Swift fan club80-Year-Old Grandma Who Learned to Swim at 59 Just Became Oldest Ever Female Ironman FinisherConnect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

In a world that’s both metaphorically and literally on fire, it can feel nearly impossible to figure out how the hell to live without either feeling like you’re gaslighting yourself into “normalcy” or getting so paralyzed by eco-anxiety that you can’t function. In this episode, Valerie and Emerson dive into all things Eco-Anxiety & Planet Grief, as well as steps you can take to navigate a burning world without getting STUCK in the apathetic loop of grieving our Mother Earth.This episode covers:04:40 - Tea & Crumpets: Katrina: Come Hell and High Water + One Battle After Another09:04 - Step Into My Office: How do I care about the planet without drowning in guilt or apathy?17:01 - The DSM: Eco-Anxiety & Planet Grief43:11 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY!45:21 - Valerie’s Pick: "Peace Train" by Cat Stephens 48:11 - Emerson’s Pick: "Send It On" by Disney's Friends for Change48:36 - Wait...What? The Great Lock In of 202553:09 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: Man is Shocked to Find His Dog Giving a Baby Koala a Piggyback Ride and The triumphant return of Francine the catResources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:Katrina: Come Hell and High WaterOne Battle After AnotherYale Experts Explain Climate AnxietyHickman et al., 2021, The Lancet Planetary HealthChapman et al., 2021, The Journal of Climate Change and HealthClinical Ecopsychology: The Mental Health Impacts and Underlying Pathways of the Climate and Environmental Crisishttps://playingforchange.com "Peace Train" by Cat Stephens"Send It On" by Disney's Friends for ChangeThe triumphant return of Francine the catMan is Shocked to Find His Dog Giving a Baby Koala a Piggyback RideThe Great Lock In of 2025Connect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Conversations around self-growth are all over every media platform these days – and while introspection and commitment to growth and change is important, it’s easy for it to be an all consuming trap that’s actually the opposite of growth.In this episode, Valerie and Emerson take a deep dive into the history of the self-growth industrial complex, explore what’s useful, debunk what’s not, and give you real advice on how to tackle self-improvement without spiraling.This episode covers:05:26 - Tea & Crumpets: Bob Trevino Likes It + the Abbey Yung hair method10:42 - Step Into My Office: How do I know when self-growth is actually healthy vs. when it’s becoming too much?21:55 - The DSM: The Self-Growth Industrial Complex43:09 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY!44:46 - Em Pick: "Love Myself" by Olivia O'Brien47:41 - Val Pick: "Adventures in Success" by Will Powers48:19 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: 9 year old aspiring pediatric neuro-surgeon Aiden Wilkins very well may become the youngest doctor in the world + The Greenagers group gets youths to love the outdoorsResources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:Bob Trevino Likes ItAbbey Yung hair methodLove Myself by Olivia O’BrienAdventures in Success by Will Powers9 year old aspiring pediatric neuro-surgeon Aiden WilkinsThe Greenagers group gets youths to love the outdoorsConnect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

In a time where it feels like 2000s diet culture is back in full force, this week’s episode about eating disorders and body image is important now more than ever. Whether you’re currently struggling with your body, have struggled in the past, love someone who struggles, or are just interested in a deep dive on these complex challenges, this episode is for you.This episode covers:02:32 - Tea & Crumpets: Sabrina Carpenter’s new album and The Practice of Groundedness by Brad Stulberg05:08 - Step Into My Office: Do I have an eating disorder or is just lifelong body shame?10:08 - The DSM: Eating disorders, disordered eating, and body image56:36 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY!58:50 - Val Pick: "Ana's Song" by Silverchair1:00:38 - Em Pick: "Fat Funny Friend" by Maddie Zahm1:02:33 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: A man crossed 26 miles in a kayak made from mushrooms + a dog’s wholesome last mealResources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:Sabrina Carpenter’s new albumThe Practice of Groundedness by Brad Stulberg"Ana's Song" by Silverchair"Fat Funny Friend" by Maddie ZahmHe crossed 26 miles in a kayak made from mushrooms – and lived to tell the taleA dog’s wholesome last mealThe Body Is Not An ApologyThe Center for Body TrustIntuitive EatingChristy HarrisonHealth At Every SizeASDAHConnect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Today we have such an exciting episode and a special guest. Santasha Wright-Comer, LMSW, is a Sex-Informed Therapist here The Gaia Center who believes healing and pleasure go hand in hand. A proud wife and mom of two, Santasha brings both warmth and realness into her work, especially when supporting LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC communities in finding safety, joy, and intimacy in their relationships. When she’s not in session, you can catch her in dance class, laughing with her family, or researching the latest mods for The Sims 4.In this episode, SanTasha shares so much wisdom related to sex therapy, sex positivity, and kink.This episode covers:03:13 - Tea & Crumpets: Listers: A Glimpse Into Extreme Birdwatching - from Owen & Quentin Reiser, Unknown Number: The High School Catfish on Netflix, and The Sims09:10 - Step Into My Office: How do I bring up kink with my partner?13:57 - The DSM: Sex Therapy & Kink45:55 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY!47:24 - SanTasha pick: "Persuasive:" by Doechii48:30 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: Mile long table in Denver CO sat thousands of people who wanted to connect and be in community with one another, and Who Gives a Crap, 52:49 - Rapid Fire Q&AResources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:Listers: A Glimpse Into Extreme BirdwatchingUnknown Number: The High School CatfishThe SimsConnect with SanTasha:gaiacenter.co/meet-santashainstagram.com/santashawcConnect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

Alcohol culture is pervasive—and while alcohol isn’t unhealthy for EVERYONE, the discourse can be pretty inescapable. Whether you’ve been alcohol free for years, curious about your relationship with alcohol, or trying to stop, this episode is for you!This episode covers:00:03:08 - Tea & Crumpets: All Rhodes Lead Here by Mariana Zapata and delaying gratification by doing things slowly00:08:20 - Step Into My Office: How do I set boundaries with family related to alcohol?00:13:25 - The Lore: Val’s journey to an alcohol free life00:26:55 - The DSM: Alcohol in 202500:57:36 - Now That's What I Call....OKAAAAY!00:59:41 - Val Pick: "Reasons I Drink" by Alanis Morissette01:02:06 - Em Pick: "Escapism." by Raye01:03:24 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: Two 10 year old girls beat 2 chest grandmasters & the annual Gallup Life Evaluation indexResources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:Gallup poll studying American’s consumption habitsWhat Is a Standard Drink? Measurements of Alcohol Explained | LoveToKnowSunnysideReframeHello SomedayThe Killjoy AfterpartyCreative SobrietyThis Naked Mind PodcastThis Naked MindQuit Like a WomanTired of Thinking About DrinkingThe Unexpected Joy of Being SoberConnect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.

In this episode, Valerie and Emerson dive into an always controversial topic: infidelity. They explore what infidelity actually is, statistics, why people cheat, cultural considerations, and the role therapy can play.This episode covers:03:28 - Tea & Crumpets: The Osbournes and Shrinking Season 206:08 - Step Into My Office: HELP! My friend is cheating…10:04 - The DSM: THE hottest debate in all media ever and IRL relationships… let’s talk about INFIDELITY38:29 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY!41:52 - Emerson’s Pick: "My Mind" by Yebba46:45 - Valerie’s Pick: "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" by Panic! At the Disco47:53 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: A former chef helping street dogs after they gave him hope in his darkest days & Dan Pelzer’s legacyResources + Stuff  Mentioned in This Episode:Prolific reader, former Marine and social worker Dan Pelzer Street dogs gave him hope during dark days. Now he’s returning the favor"My Mind" by Yebba"I Write Sins Not Tragedies" by Panic! At the Discohttps://what-dan-read.com/Connect with Us:Send a story or ask for advice: [email protected] But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.