Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast

Trying to control someone is not the same as loving or caring for them. True compassion respects autonomy; it does not try to engineer outcomes. So, do not exhaust yourself trying to change what is not yours to fix. Peace comes from accepting what is, keeping in mind that acceptance does not mean approval, it simply means recognizing what is within our control, and gently releasing what is not.

Don't ignore the past, but don't cling to it, either. We are not what has happened in our lives, nor anything we have done, we are who we choose to become today. The Buddhist concept of Non-attachment is not about erasing who we were, it's about not being confined by it.

Imagine the inner-peace that comes from no longer trying to convince anyone of anything. What would happen if you choose NOT to argue? The mantra that keeps me silent 99% of the time is "The only thing I know for certain is that I don't know anything for certain, so I don't argue with anyone about anything, I just listen." Prioritizing inner-peace means diligently and consistently overriding the ego's desire to prove itself superior. As Wayne Dyer said, "Do you want to be kind, or do you want to be right?"

To avoid being self-obsessed and desperately seeking the approval of others, Buddhism invites us to remain focused on WHO we are (our character), and be less concerned with WHAT we are (our identity and all the labels we wear). Egocentric identities are performative and outwardly expressive in order to be noticed, recognized, and praised, while your character isn't loud, it isn't censored, filtered, or polished to imitate perfection, because it doesn't seek attention. Your character can't be labeled, photographed, or quantified. Character is what's left after you lose everything that can be lost. Character is who we are in the dark 🙏

To practice the timeliness of mindful speech, I personally use the W.A.I.T acronym, which stands for "Why Am I Talking?" It serves as a reminder to pause before speaking. WAIT can also stand for Why Am I Texting? Why Am I Troubled? Or Why Am I Triggered? I've learned the hard way that speaking even the most true and kind words can create conflict if the person speaking them or hearing them is not in their right frame of mind.

We all have bind spots, and I was recently made aware of one of my own. Since I'm committed to being honest and transparent, it's important that I not only share my "Ah-ha Moments" with you, but also my "Oh-oh Moments" when I fail to see things clearly. I thought exclusivity was the same as discriminatory, but now, thanks to you, I see how my own point of view was limited because of a blind spot. Thank you for walking beside me on this journey, even when I slip and fall. I appreciate you.

The reason we frequently argue, fight, and get so easily frustrated, is not because we don't understand each other, it's because we think we can. Even people who go through seemingly identical experiences emerge completely different on the other side. So, if it's inner-peace you are after, start by accepting that although empathy and compassion go a long way, you can't truly understand anyone else no matter how hard you try. Nobody is capable of seeing the full picture from anyone else's point-of-view. So, instead of making ourselves miserable by constantly trying to do the impossible, we can let go of our perceived "need" to know, and just let the mystery be.

Are you brave enough to see yourself without any of the masks you wear at work, at church, on social media, or wherever you claim to have moral standards and beliefs to which your behavior doesn't actually conform? Of the twenty or so obstacles on the spiritual path, hypocrisy may be the hardest to face, but it's the easiest to overcome. Eliminating the internal conflict of claiming to be one thing but being another is how we bring what we think, say, and do, into harmonious alignment. Without it, life can be unbearable, and true happiness unattainable. At least be brave enough to listen and think about it. Authenticity is both terrifying and liberating at the same time. As Kurt Cobain said, "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."

Even when we can't control our thoughrts, we can still control the quality of our thoughts. And since we are more deeply affected by our thoughts than by experiences, it's important to learn how our fascinating minds work.

Feeling overwhelmed is not a reason to overreact or act in a way that isn't in line with your core values. If you don't know what to do, it's okay to say "I don't know what to do," and perhaps all the reason to postpone doing anything until you have more clarity. With enough time, your core principles and moral compass help you find true north, the middle path, and peace with whatever decision you make.

If you don't define what "enough" means to you, you will never HAVE enough, and you will never feel like you ARE enough. You can't change the world in its entirety, but you CAN change someone's entire world, and that, my friends, is enough!

Just like all the water in the ocean can't sink a ship unless the water gets inside the boat, all the negativity and toxicity in the world won't bring you down unless you let it in. Mindfulness doesn't make other people less irritating, it makes us less irritable. So, if you are still irritable, then you still have work to do. Part of that work involves no longer waiting for the world to accommodate your preferences or reacting when things don't go your way.

It's in your best interest to increase your tolerance. Avoid wishing for things to be different than they are because comparison, attachment, desire, and resistance, are the causes of our anguish and suffering. All of life's challenges, difficulties, and hardships are part of the process. Don't be so quick to dismiss or resist them. In my experience, the obstacles I wish to avoid contain the valuable lessons I desperately need to learn.

Whether you are full of love and kindness or rage and judgment, that's what's going to spill out of you when life gets rough. So, be mindful of what you consume and fill yourself with, because that's what's going to determine what kind of day you will have, how you experience this year and the rest of your life... it's up to you, not anybody or anything else. So, what's in YOUR heart?

This is NOT about smoke detectors or scared birds, listen between the lines, it's not only about understanding other people, it's about understanding ourselves as well. Fear is a big motivator behind many of our actions, recognize it so it doesn't run and ruin your life.

Focus on your health, and watch all the opinions that we tend to fret and argue about become trivial in comparison because nothing is more important. Please don't wait until you are sick to realize this!

If we don't say YES authentically, we say yes resentfully. And whenever we say we "have to" do something, we identify as victims, instead of saying we CHOOSE to or, better yet, we GET to!

Are we only compassionate to an extent and then turn cold? Do we have a sense of compassion for wounds we can see but not others? Where do we draw the line? Is there a line? I believe compassion has no contingencies. The invitation is for us to open our hearts to understand why ALL people behave the way they do, and even empathize if they lack certain emotional capacities.

In times of despair, it is important to remember that our current situation is not our final destination. To get through the darkness, I have often had to use the mantra "This is a bruise, not a tattoo." If you find value in these videos, please show your support at https://www.buddhistbootcamp.com/support — Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love.

What is the meaning of Integrity? How do you define it? And do you have the courage to build your life around your answer?

Once we understand the difference between Judgment and Discernment, we understand the difference between Equity and Equality. Whenever I find myself thinking something is unfair, I urge myself to think again using a wider lens that doesn't place me at the center of universe.

We claim to fully understand what we have only partially experienced, and we dismiss other people's reality as invalid if it contradicts our own. That's our ego playing tricks on us until we argue and fight to prove that we are right by making someone else wrong. Yogananda called it "Feeling tall by cutting of the heads of other men." The entire concept that you are somehow separate from others is an illusion. We are here to snap out of our self-importance.

Understand your feelings and keep track of patterns that influence your emotional responses in life. Over time, you will learn to regulate your feelings in healthier ways, and stop blaming others for your state of mind.

As long as I think there is a war inside of me, the battle will continue, but struggle is not a requirement. We can call a truce, enter a peace agreement, and stop fighting. If we want inner-peace, we must be peaceful.

What would life look like if we stopped beating ourselves up with guilt and shame, and started loving ourselves unconditionally?

Spiritual practice is not what happens at church or on the meditation cushion (that's spiritual ritual), Spiritual Practice is how you behave throughout the day. Here's a 6-minute episode kick-in-the-🍑 :) Enjoy and share with others.

Don't believe everything you think because the mind can play tricks on you. Familiarize yourself with some of the mind's shenanigans, and you'll stop believing everything you think.

When you can't understand why people do what they do (whether it's someone you know or atrocities on the news), try this shift in outlook, and I bet you'll immediately see yourself in everyone else. Don't try to use your logic, use your heart instead!

Your home and your friendships, relationships, or marriage, are to be your safe haven and happy place, not another battle you have to fight. May we all Live In Peace.

My nose was congested when recording this on the first day I finally felt well enough to tape this episode. If you don't make time for your wellness, you will be forced to take time for your illness. Case in point! Life is not a race. People say they want a life of leisure but rarely do anything leisurely... slow down!

Can Buddhists be activists? How? And to what end?

This is a coping skill when we are overwhelmed by a strong feeling that overshadows everything else. My takeaway: if it's not time to hit the Panic Button, don't hit the Panic Button! :)

We are all wounded in ways we don't always understand or even know about. You sometimes can't even see the wound, but you still experience its symptoms: your reactions, aversions, opinions, preferences, and biases, are often indicators of trauma, so don't ignore, escape, deny, or try to numb the symptoms, pay attention to them; awareness is the first step to healing.

Everything is in a constant state of change, and sometimes it can be very difficult for many of us to keep up. Resistance creates suffering, so acceptance is the only way forward, but some learning curves are steeper than others. Be gentle with yourself and with everyone else.

Some people will like you, others will hate you, and neither would have anything to do with you. All Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast episodes are available with captions on YouTube: https://youtu.be/4J225QZyF0o

A worry that comes up in your mind is like getting a phone call from an unknown number. When you don't have all the information, you can just hit the red button to make it go away. They will either leave a voicemail and you will deal with it later, or they will hang up. Either way, there is nothing to worry about.

I found myself surprisingly motivated by pessimistic thoughts, driven to action by what I previously thought was a "negative" perspective, but I now realize is neither "good" nor "bad," it's just another voice that needs to have equal say during the decision-making process. Now pessimism has a "seat at the table," so to speak. What motivates you?

That which we don't like about someone else is often what we dislike about ourselves. So, next time someone triggers you, think to yourself "Thank you" instead of "F-you" because they are reflecting a side of you that you try to ignore.

What you DON'T do is as important as what you do (if not more so). So, instead of thinking you need to do MORE of something in order to be more mindful or spiritual or healthy, what do you need to STOP doing because it's working against you?

Does the way you cope with one challenge cause another problem down the line, sometimes even bigger than the initial difficulty with which your coping mechanism was designed to help? It's important to have multiple tools so we don't try to solve everything with food, for example, which would be like trying to build with only a hammer.

You get upset with people as if life has a script and they need to play along. There is no script. And nobody is under contract to act according to you. When I get upset with someone, this is the 3-minute episode I bring to mind to calm down.

If we chase happiness by seeking sense pleasures and avoiding unpleasant sensations, attachment to wealth and praise, or aversion to loss and blame, we may gain temporary happiness, but it will be accompanied by fear, restlessness, and concern, all of which make us miserable. But there is another way...

Nothing hurts the same way forever, though sometimes it seems right that it should. Gauge your pain by monitoring its intensity, frequency, and duration.

When we are emotionally triggered, we get tunnel vision and only see things from our perspective. We feel so wronged that our brains actually rationalize irrational behavior (like aggression) when we most need to remain calm and patient.

It's not literally about the people upstairs, it's about the few who make decisions that affect the many.

Is it possible to pay too much attention and lose perspective? Let's not miss the forest for the trees, nor the trees for the forest.

Understing what's going on with people who don't walk the talk. Are they hypocritical or reasonable? Is it possible for us to be driven by conflicting intentions, or is it our old friend Cognitive Dissonance? Does doing this create turmoil within? Only you can answer that for yourself.

Get curious about the many paths up this mountain of life, not just the trail most traveled. Neurodivergents are also known as being on the autism spectrum, processing data and feelings in ways that neurotypicals don't always understand, let alone accept. It's an operating system that works just fine, though not always compatible with others (like Android and Apple). This was one of the most difficult episodes for me to record, thank you for receiving it with gentle grace and kindness, I appreciate you.