Boners of The Heart Podcast

Alice and Rose are full of whiskey and feeling frisky in this risqué and revealing ep. Find out the origins of Alice's laugh, which Myers Briggs group the gals are AND which streaming speaker is the best for playing the sound of a rainy day while you pleasure yourself. Also an exploration of the relative attractiveness of celebrity chefs! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to a very special crossover event featuring the financially intertwined (and definitely not friends) hosts of Boners of The Heart AND The Male Gayz, bickering in one room together. Sponsors are out, Winona Ryder's acting abilities are in and Rose will not be attending Alice’s funeral. Secret hallways, sex on trampolines and a very special phone call await you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A couple of beers accompany this here episode of Alice Snedden trying to sell you shakti mats. Both Boners gals are salivating over Jane Lynch, St Vincent, Kate McKinnon and other ladies that'd do stuff with. The Matafan vs Snedhead fued is making a come back and a deep dive on whether or not the pair would bone Marc Maron in the 1970s? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Recorded in front of a live audience in Melbourne, Alice and Rose ask what's the best relief for period pain; Whether there's anyone worse than James Cordon and what The Clam is. Then it's off to assess some Aussie hotties or notties.Get 30% off Boners merch for a VERY LIMITED TIME with the code MOMHEART30 at our merch storeAlice's stand up show is in Auckland this weekRose has aded a date to her Auckland show this week too Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Recorded in front of a live Auckland audience, Rose and Alice have sourced an array of potential boners to discuss including but not limited to: The Wiggle, members of 1D, currently serving justices on the US Supreme Court and, the Star Wars universe. Turns out Alice can't handle losing at arcades (or possibly just seeing women succeed around her) and there's a phone call from a special guest! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's time to pit two successful women against each other for a pop show down special: Comparing the past lovers of Taylor Swift and Katy Perry.Rose is saying some pretty contentious stuff and Alice is keen to take her comments out of context. Alice is again attempting to explain the rules of Rapid Fire: Hot or Not and it is, once again, a bloody nightmare. The episode quickly devolves into an extended chat about the voice of comedians in an age of Trump before returning to some Bonerific musings on Russell Brand and Orlando Bloom and a pretty bad story about Tom Hiddleston. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alice's Melbourne show is here and her NZ show is hereRose's Melbourne show is here and her NZ show is hereRose and Alice ARE BACK, BBs! In an ep recorded several months ago and surfacing just now, Alice (live from New York!) is upset about her terrible Uber rating and Rose is eating dinner exclusively inside UK Ikea stores now. There's confusion about how exactly is sponsoring the Times Up movement and seriously misguided attempts at feminism at the Golden Globes. Also, screw only children (jk, love you all) and then it's Seinfeld is back on the menu! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In what was originally intended to be two epsiodes spanning Christmas and New Year, listen as Rose and Alice arrive at the conclusion in real time that this should be a single episode. Of course, we lead with apologies to you, the dear Boners listener for the accidental hiatus. Alice has been having singing lessons. Rose has reading up on women cumming (though not herself). Cameron Diaz is f***ing a car. It's all in there. Seasons greetings. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by Karma ColaAlice has bought some new period underwear and Rose cracks out a set at the Hollywood Bowl, live on the podcast. There’s another patented Snedden sex dream and this one is a doozy. We find out how much money it would take for Rose to have sex with Donald J Trump and then at some point, it's actual Boner time. This episode’s themed Hot Yes list features the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Frankenstein's Monster, Samara. There's also a (possibly) one-off Who Would You Have A Beer With featuring the world's most famous serial killers. Then Alice just starts yelling and upset Rose.All in all, a top ep. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLAThis Boners opens with Alice coming pretty close to getting punched by Rose after a few attempts at some accents that don't land particularly well. Then it's on to the real issues: ISIS' marketing woes, how cafes should treat supporters of Hitler and most importantly; Boy Bands. It's a subject close to the gals' hearts, and for many women, their first boners of the heart growing up. From Nsync to Blue and even 5ive and Franz Ferdinand - there's a lot of rating and ranking to do. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLAAlice and Rose have intended to throw down on war heroes but the theme is (once again) quickly disregarded to dig into Rose's potential hypochondria/lupus and Alice's sexual attraction to Julia Roberts. Matafans and Snedheads gather round because your hosts are also rating each other as people. This itself, is quickly railroaded by a deep dive into Shania Twain's bio which is truly, incredibly sad. Enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLARose and Alice are back and by their own admission, this isn't their best work. In this week, your pals discuss the horrificness of famed a'hole John Cleese and ponder whether the pair have been missed while on podcast hiatus. Alice has obtained a new TV and dish washer, meanwhile Rose discovered time travel and has had a set of bored older people attend her live comedy shows at Edinburgh. Kate Winslet is a recent addition to the sh*t list and someone doesn't know both Biff (Back To The Future) and HAL (2001). Find out who in this exciting return Boner ep! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLAAn episode filled with animus, unknown body liquids on leather seats and Rose and Alice going at it harder than ever before. Snedden claims to have an inhumanly acute sense of smell and Matafeo isn't going to take that BS. A rousing round of Hot or Not follows a stupid amount of time digging through the rulebook of the old game and frankly, it gets a bit abusive toward the end. Enjoy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLAOh god, what is going on with Alice's back pain? Most likely endometriosis, surely. Rose gets stuck into her favourite websites this episode and there is some truly dark entries. But then it's on to the big questions; How old is too old to have kids? Are children simply a personal vanity project anyway? Would you want your offspring to be hotter than you? Also, a fantastic new caller enters the fray. And you can call him Al. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wimbledon 2017 has died down but the boners rage on, with Alice and Rose spilling the deets on their favourite tennis playing crushes. Alice speaks on her love of hairy/angry men of the court, the girls figure out if Enrique Iglesias' small penis is #fakenews and in a BoTH first, Rose sheds actual genuine tears while retelling an Oprah makeover video she saw on YouTube. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLAThis week the girls choose which movie villains make them weak at the knees/pussies. Alice discusses her attraction to a Charlie's Angels era Crispin Glover, while Rose goes quite deep into a relationship fantasy with Hans Gruber from Die Hard. Hot-Yes and Hot-Not is back (along with all updated rules) and Rose receives a letter midway through this podcast (not an exciting one). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rose and Alice are back after a hiatus to chat about getting wrinkles and starting neighbouring Bed n Breakfasts by the sea. Also blood in stool, how do you deal with that? Possibly not how Alice did! Author Fran Lebowitz, actor Catherine Keener, perennial activist Susan Sarandon and Mexico's most hated daughter; who among them would Snedden and Matafeo settle down with? Only one way to find out. And that is wading through this almost hour long catch up ep. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLARose and Alice are back, floating a pretty explicit sound women everywhere should be using to signify their appreciation of a good lookin man. Alice doesn't know how to ask for a butt massage but boy, does she need one. And the fight of the hour is: architecture enthusiast Brad Pitt v the evergreen Robert Redford. Undercard match: Sex and The City v Sex in The City.Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLANo attempt at a description could do this epiosde justice so just enjoy a very sauced Alice and Rose talking about stage actors and their buttholes.Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLA and COMEDYFESTIVAL.CO.NZRecorded live in Q Theatre in Central Auckland, this episode was taped hot off of Rose reading a pretty mixed review for her Comedy Festival show. NZ comedy darling Madeleine Sami sits down with her and Alice to council Rose on this review and then discuss the comparative sexual proess of the cast of the TV series FRIENDS.Trailer: The Male Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLA and COMEDYFESTIVAL.CO.NZWelcome to this live episode of Boners of The Heart recorded live in Auckland's Basement Theatre, live. There's a bunch of great visual gags, several phone call and a whole bunch of audience suggested boners to assess. So let's get to it!Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rose and Alice are back to ID-checking the age appropriateness of their TV crushes as they explore the teen heart throb laiden world of the Archie Comics inspired Netflix series, Riverdale. Also in this ep; leaving a legacy through Instagram, much more gas-lighting and a phone call from a time travelling Rose Matafeo. Lots of chatter about death plus a brand new game to find out who the leaders of the Snedhead and Matafan Armies would bone!Trailer: The Male Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by COMEDYFESTIVAL.CO.NZThis is Quality Content. Recorded in a hotel room in Melbourne, Rose is sick and Alice is concerned she keeps beating up on successful women. Amongst the angst and sniffles, the gals chat about the unmistakable greatness of Toni Collette, the strange allure of Steve Busscemi in a backbrace, and run through a not-so-rapid fire round of Hot or Not of stand up comedians. Plus Alice has a fab story of a man crapping his pants on the D Floor. A+ stuff, really.Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

An amazing one-off Little Empire event, live from Melbourne - Rose and Alice join forces with Tim and Guy from The Worst Idea of All Time to watch the Zac Efron movie WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS and talk about in front of 150 paying strangers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLAThe fight club is: EVERYONE IS WELCOME. Alice and Rose spend an extended amount of time discussing who would win in a physical fight between the pair and things get HEATED. Rose celebrates someone else's celebration of her feet, and to be clear, that's in a fetishy kind of way. Matthew Broderick, John Stamos, Scott Baio, Michael J Fox are pawed over and Alice delves into scientology. This some dicey content on this one, get while it while the takes are hot.Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sponsored by KARMA COLAWelcome to Trump's Podcast, sponsored by Breitbart.com and the rest of the Alt Right. Hot or Not is a disaster straight out the gate, the girls are at each other’s throats but Nat King Cole almost brings the girls together (but doesn't). Rose and Alice compete for title of Most Powerful Ovaries before heading into the real meat of this ep – a 4 way phone call with Rod Stewart and Michael Bublé.Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAThere's a bit of passive agressive energy coming in early on this one, folks. Rose is feling very depressed after a night of drinking, Alice is terrified after catching herself topless in the mirror. A new host drops into the show by the name of Steph or Margo or Ronda or something. Eventually, your #1 gals discuss the relative merits of late night talk hosts and David Letterman's intern intercourse.Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAA live episode recorded at the Poddy Fest 2017 in Auckland's Backbeat bar. Featuring Male Gay(z) Eli Mathewson and Rose live (at the time) via Skype on her birthday! The girls get to quiz a real life boy on what a real life boner feels like. Eli joins the Hot or Not, Yes or No, Magnetic or Shamgatic Rapid Fire Round and Alice recounts celebrity stalking stories including waiting outside Lady Gaga's hotel. Rose gets inspired and puts black tape on her boobs, Gaga-style. Plus What is up with Chris Martin's wardrobe and who did Alanis Morriset go down on in a movie?Trailer: The Male Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAOriginator of Fake News herself, Alice Snedden is joined by Musical expert and pro-lonely person Rose Matafeo to dissect their fav musical crushes. We've got Egyptian hottie Omar Sherif. We're got the epic tush of Gene Kelly. Discussions of sleeping with David Attenborough don't go as expected and there's a chance to sympathise with the No. 1 #SneddHead (Rose) via a charming a ancedote about f'ing up going to a live musical in London's West End with a friend. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAOh boy, grab your rosary beads and say your Hail Marys because this is one seriously blasphemous boner! Featuring phone calls from the big guy upstairs Herself(I guess) and questions about Jesus' net worth. Rose is trying to pash the Virgin Mary at a house party and we're all going to hell. Enjoy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAYa girls are back in a Freaky Firday switcharoo where Alice is to the Pro and Rose is causing trouble! They're discussing dead dudes they'd like to bone and no tomb is left untouched as the pair traverse talents from Jim Morrison to James Gandolfini, Paul Walker to Paul Newman. Enjoy and please don't report us to the authorities. It's all meant with love.Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello listener! We hope you've had a happy new year and are looking forward to bringing you more Boners for 2017 but for right now, here's a sample of some of the other shows you may not have heard yet... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLATrigger warning: There are Home Improvement spoilers in this episode. Also: Please note this was recorded before Alan Thicke passed away.Sitcom daddies are in the burning hot spotlight of Rose and Alice this week. Kicking off with a rapid fire Hot or Not of TV Dads, the pair get offtrack almost instantly before comparing the sexy merits of Jim Belushi (According To Jim era) v Elliott Gould (Friends era). The perils of gambling and a call from Janet round off a ep so intense, you’ll want the producer to leave the room!Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAElliott Gould, Steve Buscemi, Pierce Brosnan's eyes - oh boy! It's an old man extravaganza with the gals this week. Rose has her first period in AGES and cat posters are telling her to burn her apartment building down, cool eh?! Her and Alice discuss the critical flaw with the male pill: You have to trust men to tell the truth about it and the gals establish some rules for approaching parenthood. Also, what every teenage girl should be taught (1. masturbation 2. buy a viberator on your 16th birthday) plus Alice's conflicted relationship with porn and the girls' need for free range adult films.Trailer: The Male Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLARose is concerned she may be murdered during the recording of this podcast and Alice is grapling with her rage issues. A declaration of war against another Little Empire podcast is announced and a discussion on the sexual habits of the elderly ensues. But ultimately, this is a show dedicated to the hotness of The Obamas. Please enjoy.Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAYour girls are BACK, BABIES! Season Three kicks off by returning to the Boner roots - human beings that Rose and Alice would like to bone. This week, political targets. Former US Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, US Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, that teacher from Glee (OK, not 100% political). Also up for discussion - Does this podcast pass the Bechdel Test yet? Has Alice been brainwashed by the feminist agenda and what crazy diet is she on? How did Rose get on when trying to befriend some random Chicagoans? (Spoiler: not well). If you're favourite pair of self-esteem challenged podcast hosts bringing you the good word in the world of Boning.Trailer: Worst Idea of All Time Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAIn this final episode of the Boners of The Mind season, Rose and Alice are sharing their greatest fears on the poddy. Heights, air travel, dogs, regretting not having kids, regretting HAVING kids - It's all there. We also are privy to Rose's mum's celebrity crush, Alice's extensive medical history and a lot of talk about anuses. Shout outs to Harry Styles, the team who made Bridesmaids and the concept of farting one's self to death.Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAAfter an unintended interruption in the flow of episodes, ya gals are back. Rose is hot out the gate with a big ol’ sleepy humble brag before launching into insecurities she has with her face. In an ill-considered move for the audio podcast, there’s a lot of analysis about our hosts’ faces look like while smiling. Alice proudly wears the mantle of being described as ‘intimidating’ while leader of the Matafans makes her choice between being seen as ineffective or angry. Shout outs to Lara Flynn Boyle, Calista Flockhart and Cher – plus a drop in phone call from Joey!Trailer: The Worst Idea of All Time Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAAlice attempts desparately to hold in a fart while trying to match Rose's vocal range (both singing and accent work). The gals are looking for Australians who've been fingering their girlfriend at a bar. Is that you? Call now! Rose and Alice move into more high brow territory to discuss the possibility of gas effecting serious court decisions (To Kill A Mocking Bird) and great speeches (both MLK and Lincoln). Plus the myriad issues of Ted Bundy's good looks.We al get a bit smarter from some case law via Alice a very scary story to boot.We interrupt this podcast recording to bring you A MURDERER AT THE DOOR (maybe). Rose and Alice then get so grimmed out by all the murder talk that they transition into chats about high school, teenaged boozing and also, childhood boozing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA (NOW IN CHILLI COLA FLAVOUR)How are your nipples? No time for that because we have some huge philosophical questions to discuss. And by discuss, we of course mean mangle the articulation of and proceed to veer wildly off track from answering. Here's what is important though; We shouldn't be listening to Ayn Rand, Rose will kill Subway employees given half a chance and Alice would love to open an anarchic village bakery. Also, a in this ep, Philosophy Lightning Round featuring Bill Gates wallet and pig whipping.Trailer: The Male Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAIn this third episode of the Boners of The Mind series, Alice and Rose set out to answer whether human nature exists. Is there such a thing? Does nature or nurture form you? Let's not spend TOO long on that because we need to find out if Rose is a psychopath or just a lateral thinker, whether the $8 magic potion Alice drunk from a crystal loving 'spiritual woman' is legit and what Tom Hanks' little known medical condition is. Plus how young is tragically young to be on a diet? Is beauty objective? And finally, will your body plug itself if you have a period and go into water? LET'S FIND OUT in the latest Boners of The Mind.Trailer: The Males Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAAlice and Rose jump head first into one of the biggest questions of all: Does God exist? Along the way, we learn about Alice's drug trial days (wherein she ignored literally every safety rule they set), find out what the coolest religion is, discover what Rose's farts sound like and get a reasonable offer for the heavenly Father to attend a potluck dinner. Plus Joey's on the blower! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAWelcome to season two of Boners of The Heart: Boners of The Mind. Rose and Alice are back and better than ever as they get distracted in record time while trying to tackle heady issues. This episode: Capitalism v Communism gets quickly railroaded in favour of a chat about conspiracies from Rastafarians, how Rose will be remembered when she dies and wild guesses at how long humans have left on the planet. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAIt's been a good run but now in this final episode of season one, Rose and Alice tried to make up on lost time spent talking about men with a selection of lovely ladies that get them hot under the collar. Susan Sarandon, Eva Mendes and Julia Roberts enter the fray, as does a light hearted discussion on the nature of motherhood and whether or not you actually need to have kids anymore. Can't Alice just be a maternal figure to her nieces and nephews? Is she allowed to call the WiFi whatever she wants? Should a woman have a child out of politeness to her partner? All these issues and more are tackled by two infinitely unqualified souls who are just trying suss out their b*ners. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAIt's a Spade off, David vs James (...Spader)! The original SneddHead (Alice herself) is being distracted finger blasting her own bun anus while head MataFan (Rose) drools over Joe Dirt, sex scenes from Pretty Women and men with iron deficiencies. There's a full roster of callers to the podcast this week including returns from Jenny AND Joey plus a new trucker driving man on the scene, Tommy. Also featured this week; An incredible lack of self esteem from your favourite show's hosts (this is your favourite show) and some very strong opinions about therapists and their terrible, terrible relationships. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA!Gather round the living room because it's time for another Boners listening party. This week Rose and Alice tackle the real issues; namely who would you wanna bone within the parametres of Men Who Have Fictionally Seduced and Had Sex With Meryl Streep. In a movie. Kevin Kline (at a spritely 68 years young) goes head-to-head against Dustin Hoffman (79, but who's counting?). Special drop ins from Jeff Goldblum and caller, Tommy, who joins us for an alternative point of view on things.Some great character work in this ep. Thank you to all the celebs who turned in. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLAThe 1993 Mike Myers romcom 'So I Married an Axe Murderer' seems to be the loose-fitting theme for today’s discussion of unexpected celebrity hotties. In this exciting third instalment, we learn a little more about our podcasting bossom buddies (introducing three things Alice will always tell you about herself, as told by Rose) and get a highly conditional endorsement of #FreeTheNipple.Rose’s Mike Myers poster that she’d kiss goodnight and Alice’s one-on-one basketball sexual fantasy is accompanied by a lot of accent work in this episode. Hope you like Anthony LaPaglia and Al Pacino's hair - those these gals sure do! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SPONSORED BY KARMA COLA!This week Rose and Alice are tackling crushes of their awakward teenage years. We're talking first ever on-screen titties, suprisingly heart throb (and family fav) Juge Reinhold and the boringness of Leonardo DiCaprio being a choice of the teenage heart. Today's callers to the show include Bob and Judy as the battle of the #Snedheads v #Matafans really starts to heat up. There's some big revelations this week, including Rose's phone number and both our hosts' early email addresses. Listen with an open teenage heart. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Boners of The Heart, brought to you by Karma Cola. NZ comedians Rose Matafeo and Alice Snedden are here to chat about... well, a few things.With an intention to tackle their weird celebrity crushes (is Rick Moranis a legit heart throb?) and unlikely sex dreams (Danny DeVito), this set of very funny gal pals explore a lot about themselves. Did you hate university cause people actually wanted to learn there? (Rose did) Did you ever accidentally go to The Prodigy instead of Neil Young cause you were on too many drugs? (Alice did) Have a listen, subscribe and for the love of god, follow Alice on Twitter to get her some numbers (@AliceSnedden). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Congratulations, you've found Boners of The Heart. An about-to-be-launched podcast hosted by Rose Matafeo and Alice Snedden. Subscribe now! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.