#41 - Boundaries Quick Tips #3 | Demands & Requests: What's the Difference?
Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries · Victoria Priya, LCSW (formerly Vicki Tidwell Palmer)
January 9, 201921m 33s
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Show Notes
Thanks to all the listeners for the great feedback and questions you've been submitting. This episode is a response to a listener's question about the difference between demands and requests. Tune in to learn about the difference between the two, and whether it's possible to create a boundary with another person without making a request.
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #41:
- Almost everyone struggles around knowing the difference between demands and requests. Even if you feel you understand the difference intellectually, it can be easy—and tempting—to use demands rather than requests.
- A request involves asking politely, respectfully, or formally for something. A demand is a forceful statement in which you say that something must be done or given to you.
- If you confuse creating a boundary with making demands or making a request, you will be in trouble. Creating a boundary with another person requires that you have an agreement with that person.
- Even if you have very good reasons to be concerned about your spouse, every adult has a right to make the choices they want to make, even when their choices are behaviors that may not be healthy for them.
Highlights from Episode #41:
- Welcome to a quick-tips episode that was inspired by a listener's question, which Vicki paraphrases. [00:40]
- Vicki starts her answer to the listener's question by defining requests and demands, and shares an example of a request that her husband made of her. [04:54]
- We learn why confusing boundaries and demands is problematic. [07:43]
- Demands are often made when a person is feeling anxious or very attached to the outcome, Vicki explains. [10:16]
- Vicki makes a couple of comments about specific aspects of the listener's question. [12:01]
- What do you do when your spouse is engaging in unhealthy behaviors like eating too much, eating junk food, or smoking. [14:48]
- Vicki offers advice for when your spouse thinks they're a victim when you are not in fact breaking an agreement. [19:25]
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