Episode 317: Are Toxic Cycles Ruining Your Business Relationships?

We have all been there, toxic relationships. The kind that leaves us feeling defeated and knocked down when it is all done and said. The toxic cycles that repeat over and over again, ultimately making us lose trust. Whether you have been affected by someone toxic or been the toxic person yourself, this is something we have all experienced. But how does it affect our lives when we allow this toxicity? What are the effects it has on your business life? Can your business really thrive and grow with this toxicity looming over it? Or maybe the effect on you is so heavy your focus can't even begin to help your business flourish. This is deep. Thankfully, there are approaches to take to fix toxic cycles in your business relationship but it requires reevaluating these toxic relationships and taking these necessary steps. This week I am getting real with you, challenging you to take a deep look into those toxic relationships and giving you insights on what you can do to fix these toxic cycles. Subscribe to Bella In Your Business on your favorite podcast streaming site today! Biggest Takeaways: 1:00 Mind Explained on Netflix 4:13 What happens if we allow it? 6:09 How it affects your work business 9:12 How do we fix it? Recommendations: Toxic cycles in relationships, both business and personal, can leave us feeling untrusting. That is why having a support system behind you and your business is so important. Who you surround yourself with makes a huge difference. As business owners, we want a group of supportive people we can rely on, lean on in times of need and grow with. The Mastermind Group is a community of like-minded business owners looking to grow and scale their businesses. With years of HR questions answered, business guidance, community calls, and 1:1 mentoring, the Mastermind is where business owners grow. Toxic cycles can attribute to the downfall of your business, you owe it to yourself to invest in a place where you can flourish. Links: Better Marketing With Bella Bella Vasta Instagram Mastermind Group Transcript This is episode 317 of Bella in Your Business. Hi there, I'm Bella Vasta from Jump Consulting. You might know me from CBS, NBC, Fox, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur, or maybe you've seen me speak on stage or read my book, The Four Dogs That Every Business Owner Needs. In any case, get ready because you're about to get your hashtag Bella Butt Kickin' in this next episode of Bella in Your Business. So what do you say? Let's get ready and jump. So my eight-year-old got me sick. She had a fever for like a day, and then I was knocked out for three days. Hi, Bella Vasta here again. While I was sitting there on the couch, Netflix and chilling, I saw this series and it kind of inspired this podcast episode: Are the toxic relationships in your life ruining your business? Yeah, stay with me. Ooh boy, we’re gonna get into it today. But first, the show that really sparked this for me—it was called The Mind, Explained. There are two seasons on it, and just to give you an idea of what they talk about, they're like about 20-ish-minute episodes, so good bite sizes: how to focus, teenage brain, personality, creativity, brainwashing, memory, dreams, anxiety, mindfulness, and psychedelics. Like I said, there are two seasons, and it was really interesting because I watched maybe four or five of them, and I just kind of really started thinking about how our brain is affected by our environment. I also started thinking about toxic relationships because we have all either been the toxic person in a relationship—let’s be honest—or we have experienced a toxic relationship. And then depending on, of course, how we were brought up or how healed we are, it depends on how we’ve tolerated them. And unfortunately, in being a nurturer and empathetic pet lover, a lot of people that I come across are people pleasers and don’t have strong boundaries, kind of like we alluded to and talked about on the last episode. So I thought this was really important to kind of explore together. And so today we’re going to be talking about just that because I think it’s really important for you to just start thinking about, are the toxic cycles ruining your business relationships? So first, if you’re looking for something to Netflix and chill on, I highly recommend it—they have so many great documentaries on there. There’s also Money, Explained. It’s a whole series of a series, all different types of things. But it got me thinking, and I told you a little bit about a coaching call I had last episode. But I wanted to go into that and bring it up a little bit because I think every single one of us can relate to that situation. It’s the reason why I tell you guys not to be held hostage in your business. And it’s why I want you to always be the boss in charge. I want you to always be hiring. I want you to always be able to remove someone off your team and replace someone. I don’t ever want the excuse of “I don’t have anyone to replace them” to prevent you from making healthy decisions. That right there—Jillian, can we make that a graphic? That quote: I don’t ever want your lack of opportunity or ability to hire to limit your healthy decisions. Because that will not only be miserable for you, but it will be miserable for everyone else that works for you or that’s in your life. Because these are relationships—whether they’re romantic, platonic, or business-wise—they affect you. They basically strap you onto a roller coaster and make you go up and down and all the way around and upside down. You get sick and dizzy, and it affects every single other thing in your life. It’s like a poison, and I want you to think about it. Think about where you’re spending your time and who you’re spending it with—again, whether it’s romantic, platonic, or business. What happens if we allow it? In our life, it can lead to anxiety and depression. It could be anyone from one of the tightest relationships we have in our life, like our spouse, all the way down to the new person that we just hired. It could mean bad business—keeping someone on our team that is just like a cancer, that has a negative effect on people. Or maybe they’re constantly testing your boundaries, and maybe you’re working on getting better boundaries like I am. Maybe other people that work for you see them walking all over you and see how you deal with it, and they actually start having less respect for you. “Well, if she’s going to let that person do it, then I don’t really have to do my best job.” That’s what’s going through their mind. Or maybe even customers: “Well, they don’t really care. I could just go to another company.” This kind of stuff affects us. And I know it’s not always easy—God forbid you’re in an emotional or physically abusive relationship. I understand the depth and dynamics of how hard that is. It’s not an overnight decision. It’s not just a switch you can turn off. The change starts inside of you. And I hope that no one listening is affected by that, but I know the statistics show that many of you are in those types of relationships. One would even argue that emotional is more damaging than physical, right? But not to get too deep into that, because this is like me talking to a lot of you—and it’s very hard because I don’t have that feedback from you—I want you to consider: are the relationships in my life healthy or toxic? So in your business, your clients or your staff will stop trusting you if they see these relationships. It will bleed over there. People might not believe you when you say something. They’ll know that you’re a pushover or a walkover because they see other people taking advantage of you. Or maybe one day it’s happy-go-lucky and awesome, and the next day it’s like—smack—you were just hit by a Mack truck. But then the person is remorseful and they’re sorry, and you know that deep down they want to be good, and they’re not intending to be bad. And so you allow it again. And here we go around the merry-go-round—you’re back on the toxic cycle. When is enough enough? Why did you start this business? Why did you get in a relationship—again, romantic or platonic—with these people? How is it truly affecting your life? Because it’s kind of like a slow death. It might not feel like it’s that heavy or that hard, but that stuff pulls your vibration down. It pulls your spirit down. It puts clouds in what would have been a sunny day. You carry that with you and it affects others. I want to encourage you to think about the relationships in your life. Are they filling you up or are they dragging you down? If it’s in the business realm, you have the opportunity to fire them. You have the opportunity to mold a culture that is so happy that people love working for you and they’re a team and everything’s great. You know who I’m talking about right now—there’s someone in your head. If there’s a staff member that you’re just like, “Oh, I just don’t know what to do,” reach out to me. Let’s talk about it. Especially if you’re in the mastermind—post about it. Let’s get you through this because it is going to lead to so many more sunny days. How do we fix this? I want you to be aware of it. I want you to be aware of people who breadcrumb you. That means they just give you tiny little good things and that’s what you hold on to. They could be a pill to you and then something good happens and you’re like, “See, they’re not all bad.” You have a glimmer of hope. “I’m just going to hold on to this little breadcrumb even though I’m starving.” Or gaslighting—when they literally tell you the sky is red and you’re looking up there like, “No, it’s blue.” And they’re like, “No, it’s red. Why don’t you understand that it’s red?” Or you go and paint the house blue and they’re like, “I hate that you painted the house purple.” And you’re like, “Okay, I understand that you hate purple, but the house is actually blue.”