Episode 225 Running a Business Through Divorce or Major Life Changes

How Relationships and Emotions Impact Your Business? Bella talks about a common thread she sees year to year in business owners. This includes the depth of emotions and how paralyzing they can be when it comes to going about your daily work and your business. Bella opens up about her own experiences in a painful divorce and trying to keep her business running at prime levels. CAUTION: This episode is very raw and transparent. We are including a trigger warning here for anyone who may be sensitive to this type of material. Biggest Takeaways You Don’t Want to Miss Emotional Abuse, Blatant Insults, Isolation, Coping, Loneliness, Embarrassment, Anger. If you’ve gone through emotional trauma, breakups or divorce, you may recognize some of those emotions. Bella lays her heart on the line. If you think you are alone, you’re not. She stresses it over and over. Her heartfelt identification with these emotions comes through. We are not alone. The Importance of Emotional Intelligence. In this section, Bella discusses how the popular book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman helped her through some of her more difficult times. Goleman popularized the concept of emotional intelligence (EI) and its use to help manage your emotions and guide your behavior and thinking. You can improve your EI with regular practice of controlling your emotions and staying calm when they overwhelm you. Why It’s Important to Deal with Emotional “Baggage.” It’s so critical that we deal with the emotions that are crippling us and holdings us back in life, business and relationships. The trauma that Bella relates to us doesn’t always happen in divorces or romantic relationships. It comes in all forms. It can happen in friendships, family relationships - even in some business relationships.  Getting the Right Help From the Right Sources. Remember, you are NOT alone. A failed relationship doesn’t mean you are a failure. But it is critical that you surround yourself with the right people and that you get help from sources that are qualified and that are also GOOD for you. Bella shares resources that were helpful to her during some of her most soul crushing moments. SHOW HIGHLIGHTS DON’T MISS the opening. If you’ve ever doubted yourself or felt like you were alone in your feelings and emotions or what is/has been happening, you will know you aren’t alone after hearing the intro. Emotional Intelligence and why you need to know about it. [7:20] Importance of Dealing with Emotional Baggage [9:48] Emotional Intelligence and how it can set you free [13:00] Sources for getting help and ideas to get started [16:00] Emotional “flags” to look for [18:40} Tweetables: [Tweet "A dissolved relationship doesn’t mean you’re a failure"] [Tweet "It will all be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end."] [Tweet "So far you’ve survived 100% of your worst days. You’re doing great."] [Tweet "Always Keep Jumping!"] Links: https://amzn.to/2LOM90Yx - Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman Downloadable Offer: Don’t forget to check out all the free resources in Bella’s free Facebook group. /group Share The Show: Did you enjoy the show? We would love it if you subscribed today and left us a 5-star review! Click this link –Bella In Your Business Click on the ‘Subscribe’ button below the artwork Go to the ‘Ratings and Reviews’ section Click on ‘Write a Review’ Transcript: This is episode 225 of Bella in Your Business. Hi there, I'm Bella Vasta from Jump Consulting. You might know me from CBS, NBC, Fox, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur, or maybe you've seen me speak on stage or read my book, The Four Dogs That Every Business Owner Needs. In any case, get ready because you're about to get your hashtag Bella Butt Kickin’ in this next episode of Bella in Your Business. So what do you say? Let's get ready and jump. Today's episode comes with a disclaimer. I want to warn anyone who may have gone through a tumultuous breakup, whether romantic or platonic, there might be some triggers here. So this is your trigger warning. This year, I am dedicated to talking to you, the human—the person that’s doing the business—because we are all not machines. I have dedicated years and years and years to telling you how to get new clients, how to market better, how to get a better website, mindset, and processes. And the one thing that has been recurring from a lot of you, even before my own divorce, has been big life situations. Up until a couple of years ago, my biggest life situation was something that I’ve been very open about and shared with you guys, and that’s my daughter being born at 12 ounces as one of the smallest female babies to survive on the planet. She’s now six and a half years old. But what I haven’t talked about is how our relationships—our romantic relationships—really affect our businesses. I have clients that have gone through divorces and had to pay a healthy four figures to their spouse who never believed in their business but still was considered community property. I’ve had other people who have been so crippled by breakups with boyfriends or girlfriends that they’ve had to sit out for months. Guys, this is life. Of course, we all want Prince Charming or Cinderella to come save us, but no one’s saving us. I just felt really led to do this. I don’t know how it’s going to go, and honestly, it’s a little scary for me to put this out there. But I have a whole bunch of notes, more than I normally have for an episode, because I wanted to make sure I spoke from my heart and got everything across. So here come the triggers. Fair warning. You are not the wife I thought you would be. You’re worthless. I don’t love you anymore. Take off that ring. You don’t deserve to wear it. You’re crazy. You’re a liar. You aren’t listening to me. The feelings of being afraid to speak or that anything you say will be used against you or ridiculed. Being afraid that you’re going to get yelled at. Trying to survive—just survive the hour, sometimes the minute—let alone build your business and make goals and do all this amazing stuff that we always talk about. Being worried about the future because your present is so unstable. You feel like you’re constantly on quicksand and have to keep moving so you don’t sink. Stressing about how you’re going to take care of your kids. Wondering, will I die alone? I’m so lonely. I just want someone to hug me and tell me everything’s going to be okay. Feeling like a total failure because the one thing that matters most in your life is slipping through your fingers and there’s nothing you can do about it. Feeling like nobody understands or that you don’t want to open up to anybody for fear of judgment or ridicule. Maybe you’re embarrassed. How could I—a business owner, motivator, and community leader—be in this situation? Maybe you feel responsible for your current situation and don’t want others to judge you. Or maybe you’re just so isolated and scrolling on social media looking at everyone else’s highlight reels, wondering why you can’t be like that. Maybe you get caught up in posts that say “men suck” or “relationships suck,” trying to convince yourself you’re strong, but deep down, you’re crying inside. You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. Trying to run a business and still show up online, on camera, to clients, when you’re breaking inside—guys, I get it. Not a lot of you knew, but I went through it. And this message is for all of you because I want you to know that you’re seen, you’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. Daniel Goleman says that there’s an overreaction to stress called the “amygdala hijack” in his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Matters More Than IQ. It happens when a situation causes your amygdala to hijack control of your response to stress, disabling your frontal lobe and activating fight or flight. Without the frontal lobe, you can’t think clearly or control your response. Emotional intelligence refers to recognizing, understanding, and managing emotions—yours and others’. You can improve it with regular practice, controlling emotions, and staying calm when overwhelmed. You have to fight. It’s going to be tougher than building any business. But if you feel, deal, and release it, building your business will be easy. Your business can only be as good as the captain steering the ship. Sometimes we’re on top of our game; sometimes we just want to jump off the deck. You can’t outrun your emotions—they’ll follow you into your next relationship or your next project until you deal with them. You’re not alone. Be brave enough to reach out to people who can help. I’m not that person, but I will support you. I’ve cried with so many of you. I’ve gone through it myself. It doesn’t have to be a divorce—it could be a breakup or a family situation. Sometimes those are even harder. Once you get a divorce, you think it’s over, but healing is just beginning. Sometimes two people can co-parent peacefully, but sometimes, every interaction triggers pain again. Remember: there’s only one person you can control—yourself. Emotional intelligence will set you free. It helps you understand why you feel what you feel and how to solve it. You can create your own safety, your own security. It’s not easy. It takes time for your brain to realize you’re no longer in survival mode. But you are in charge. A relationship ending doesn’t make you a failure—it releases energy for you to rebuild. Surround yourself with the right people. Build a support system, even if they’re far away. I had friends all over the country who helped me through it. Be careful who you let speak into your life. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, not those who add stress. Pay attention to how you feel after you talk to someone. Guard your ears and your eyes—what you watch, read, and listen to affects you. Therapy helps—talk therapy, EMDR, energy work, books, motivational videos,