Episode 147: Creating Balance with Work and Life: Myth or Truth?

Today I want to talk about balance, this mystical creature that everyone thinks exists but doesn't necessarily exist. While I was preparing for this episode I recalled a video called Everything is Spiritual, in it Rob Bell talks about how perfectly balanced the world is and it's so interesting to hear how if even one thing was different how it wouldn't work, it makes me believe the earth may be the only truly balanced thing. I think that balance is something we all struggle to achieve and as a mom, I think we struggle with this the most. We want to be at every event, but sometimes it's just not possible and then we end up beating ourselves up over it. Balance is a fairy tale and I want to get real about it. Biggest Takeaway You Don’t Want To Miss It is okay not to be perfect. It's not about balance or being perfect, it's about being in the moment, celebrating the wins, and being grateful for what we have in life. Balance is actually boring, it does not exist. Let's embrace the messy and be happy that the clouds are coming through because we know the storm will eventually pass and the sun will still be there. Show Highlights What is it like trying to achieve balance in my business? [3:40] How have I struggled with balance in my personal life? [4:30] Is it really possible to achieve balance in business and personal life? [5:50] How can you start asking for help? [10:10] Links Rob Bell - Everything is Spiritual: youtube.com/watch?v=i2rklwkm_dQ Jump & Scale Webinar: jumpconsulting.net/scale Share The Show: Did you enjoy the show? We would love it if you subscribed today and left us a 5-star review! Click this link – Bella In Your Business Click on the ‘Subscribe’ button below the artwork Go to the ‘Ratings and Reviews’ section Click on ‘Write a Review’ Transcript: This is episode 147 of Bella in Your Business. Welcome to Bella in Your Business, where Bella will discuss anything and everything about your pet sitting business to help you land on target. So get ready — Bella's got your chute. Let's jump. Welcome to another episode of Bella in Your Business. My name is Bella Vasta and I'm your host today. Today I want to talk about balance — this mystical creature that's kind of like a unicorn that everyone thinks exists that doesn't necessarily exist. But while I was preparing to come to you with this show and building my show notes, I recalled a video. It's pretty powerful. It's called Everything is Spiritual. Go check it out on YouTube. It's by Rob Bell. And at the beginning of this about hour-long video, he says something where he talks about the balance of the earth. As I was preparing to talk to you guys today, I was just thinking about how I think the earth is one of the only things that's truly so perfectly balanced. If you moved any one of the knobs differently, it would be very unbalanced. Let me tell you what I mean. He says that we are 93 million miles from the sun, and if we were 92 or 94, we'd burn up. We are 23.5% tidally locked, so our earth is at that percentage of a tilt, and it’s so that one side of the earth doesn't just always face the sun and burn up. Forty percent of the gravitational pull is from the sun, and 60% is from the moon, therefore giving us the perfect gravitational pull. We have 0.007 hydrogen to sustain life. If we had 0.006 or 0.008, we wouldn't exist. There's 21% oxygen — again, if it was less or more, we wouldn't exist, like poof, out of existence. And there's 3.4% salt in the oceans, which oddly enough is the same amount of salt that is in our bloodstream, apparently. I just found all this really fascinating because when we're talking about balance in our life, balance is something that's very, very, very hard to achieve. Something’s always got to give at one point or another. I think that balance is something we add to all of our stress, and we just don't realize that things ebb and flow. And I really want to dive into that today. As a mom, and I know there are a lot of mompreneurs out there listening, I think we struggle with this the most because we want to be that super mom. We want to be the Pinterest mom, and we want to always have cookies for that bake sale, or we always want to be volunteering, or we always want to be able to be there for my daughter's swim school every week, or we always want to be there for pick-up and drop-off. But sometimes it’s just not happening, and then we end up beating ourselves up over it, feeling like, “My gosh, I need to make it a priority.” And it’s okay. I go through this all the time, and that’s why I wanted to talk about it. I think that balance is a fairy tale. I'm going to share a lot of personal stories here with you because I think one of the things is that because I have this platform, because I have this awesome podcast and all of you incredible listeners who are binging on Bella — I get emails about that at least monthly, which I am very honored that you do — I just wanted to get real for a minute. I'll be real honest: this past quarter, the first quarter of 2019, was the very first quarter that I did not achieve even half of what I set out for. Now, for someone who's an overachiever and a performance person like I am, that was really hard to swallow. I was trying so hard to get everything balanced as I allowed space to open up for my team, as I allowed new technology to come in. It seemed like the more I tried to achieve balance, the less things were balanced. Have you ever felt like that before? I think imbalance is needed in our life for life changes. I'll tell you another personal experience. When I was in the NICU, the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit — and if this is your first time listening, I have one of the 50 smallest surviving female babies on the planet. She was born at 12 ounces — that’s two-thirds of a pound and 10 inches, which is an inch shorter than a Barbie doll. We were in the NICU for six months. I will tell you that my relationships with my parents suffered big time. I pushed my parents out of my life. My parents and I were really close for a long time, and I pushed them completely out, creating a lot of hurt. But it was the way I was able to sustain myself and get through the trauma I was going through in my life — trying to fight for my daughter’s life. She’s a happy, healthy four-and-a-half-year-old now, but I definitely did not have balance in my personal relationships because I had to balance myself. I had to get myself through it. So I’m saying this because I want you to understand that I really feel like we’re never going to have balance, and if you just embrace the fact that things ebb and flow, it’s okay. And with that, we have to really celebrate things when they are good. I don't think we take enough time to celebrate things. Another personal example: when my business was going really, really great, my marriage wasn’t. And I've never really talked about this before, but after going through that whole NICU thing, it was a big struggle — a really big struggle. Because even though our daughter is here and alive and happy and healthy, there was actually a lot of grieving and anger and therapy that both my husband and I had to go through separately and together so that we could come back and make our marriage stronger. Of course, that’s never perfect. It’s something that you’re always working on. I know many of my listeners — you guys are single, divorced, happily married, unhappily married. Everybody’s in all different kinds of situations. But I want to just blow the roof off the idea that you’re supposed to have the perfect business that’s growing greatly and a perfect relationship with your kids, parents, and spouse. It doesn’t work like that. So let’s stop pretending. Let’s get real. It’s okay not to be perfect. Rarely does everything work out all at once. And you know what — if it did, if everything was copacetic, that would be boring, wouldn’t it? There’d be no ebb and flow, no celebration, because everything would always be good. When I used to drive back and forth to the NICU, I was really missing you guys. I was missing my community. I did a series in the parking lot — actually, no, forgive me, it was behind the steering wheel at a stoplight — and I called it Stoplight Confessionals. I would film myself only while the light was red. In one of those recordings, the message was “The sun is always behind the clouds.” Because that day I was looking outside — and I’m in Arizona, where there are blue skies all the time — even when you want a rainy day to just lay in bed, Arizona does not allow you that. But this day, there were clouds in the sky, and I said, “You know what, the sun is always behind the clouds, no matter what.” It was so indicative of life, and it’s true. The clouds come through, but the sun is always there. And not to wrap this up into what I originally started talking to you guys about, but you’ve got to keep perspective. It’s not about balance and it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being in the moment. It’s about celebrating the wins, no matter how small they are, and being grateful for what we do have in life. Balance is actually boring. Why do we want to be boring? It sounds like it’s a walk in the park, right? It sounds like, “Ah, I can breathe a sigh of relief.” But you might be saying, “Bella, you don’t get it — I’m doing 14-hour days, I’ve got kids, a husband, I need to lose weight, I don’t eat right, and I just feel like crap all the time.” I get it. I totally get it. But I want you to be intentional about what you’re going after. Everyone says, “I want to be able to balance things.” Balance is boring. Balance does not exist. I really feel strongly about this because I just feel like there are so many buzzwords out there constantly making us feel like we’re not good enough. If you don’t have failure, there’s no learning, and there’s no growing — and then you get stagnant, and then it is boring.