The Diary Entry from the Day a 24-Year-Old SF Virgin Met her Husband

Join us as we dive into my wife Simone's diary from 2012, where she recounts our wild first date! From her initial infatuation and nervousness to our strategic dating approaches and instant chemistry, this unfiltered look into Simone's thoughts will give you a glimpse of how our relationship began. We discuss the importance of transparency, confidence, and shared interests in dating, and how our core values and goals have remained consistent over the years. Discover how two methodical, driven individuals found their perfect match and ended up married, despite the odds. Get ready for some cringeworthy yet adorable moments!

Simone Collins: Look, look If only I told myself that I might end the evening making out with this dude I would obviously say I was crazy.

 Total braggadocio, this Malcolm, but he's also refreshingly blunt and open. He got involved for a reason. He is exceedingly driven. The term world domination came up a couple of times. God, he's like me, but a year older, male, and not innocent and guileless. So cringe. So he wants to put it before us. In place, a power system that guarantees that his interest in protecting individuality is perpetuated.

, hence the quote, taking over the world, unquote, part of his equation. God, how delicious is that, right? He's cute, he's smart, he's sociopathic, and he's driven, he's future oriented, he's tech oriented, and he's power hungry? SWOON! I still am sorry.

Would you like to know more?

Malcolm Collins: Hello, Simone! So, with your upcoming pregnancy and the lengths it [00:01:00] takes to do the tracked videos, We mean delivery.

Simone Collins: With my upcoming delivery. Delivery, what are you saying? I'm already pregnant. I've been

Malcolm Collins: pregnant. Pregnancy, delivery, yes, you know. We've decided to stop doing those on Fridays for a while and I might, and I was like, okay, what can I do that's like special on Fridays that would be really fun and different?

And what we're going to do is go through At least this day, and we'll see how it does, her diaries from when she first met me, you can call this, we'd actually adapted this into a book at one point but we never ended up publishing it, which was like an annotated version of her diaries from the year she met me as a, what, a 21 year old virgin or whatever.

Simone Collins: It was frankly too cringe, and this is going to be incredibly cringe. Yeah, your

Malcolm Collins: sex quest.

Simone Collins: It was not a sex quest. I was on a quest to fall in love and have my heart broken in one year. And okay, yeah, sex is part of that, but still.

Malcolm Collins: Yeah, I think it's more, yeah, but I hear you. So you, you were this person. So first talk about the quest and then get into your writing, starting with when you met me, I [00:02:00] guess.

Simone Collins: In 2012, I turned, 24 years old. And I decided that in that year, my new year's resolution, the big one would be to fall in love and have my heart broken all in one year, because I intended to live alone forever. I intended to not have any kids, never get married. I really never encountered anyone who I could even stomach the idea of Dating, the idea of someone associating themselves with me, even, even saying that we were dating made me literally sick to my stomach.

So I knew that marriage wasn't for me, obviously, but I still wanted to fall in love and have my heart broken so that I could tell people I tried it and it was massively underwhelming. So hence this goal, I created a very keyword stuffed and optimized. Okay. Cupid profile, just to make sure that I got very qualified leads.

I spammed any guy who might be a potentially interesting match [00:03:00] on. Okay. Cupid, which gives a woman a huge advantage because. Guys never get messages from girls. And I also had a competitive dating game going in my office where we got points for, you know, the number of people we dated, first date, second date, how long the date lasted, all sorts of things to just make this something that encouraged me to get out because dating is terrifying and I didn't actually want to spend time with people, but I needed to achieve my goal.

And it really helped that there were other single people in the office, my age. So yeah, thank God startups don't really have we actually had an HR person who at the same time was part of this whole dating thing.

Malcolm Collins: So, oh my God, I love it. Simone

Simone Collins: initially hired as an interior decorator. So, you know, she probably

Malcolm Collins: didn't know that you shouldn't have competitive dating games where you get points for doing stuff with people in an office.

Fine. Okay. Okay. Now go to the

Simone Collins: Well, so anyway I will, I will get to reading my diaries just for context by this point, it's March, [00:04:00] so I'm three months into my dating journey. I'd been on a bunch of dates at that point. So this is just a point at which I am starting to. encounter some momentum.

So this entry that I'm about to read is me analyzing two previous dates I'd gone on, I think that week, cause I just scored them. I had a scoring system determining if someone was worth a second date. So just for context, cause that's going to seem otherwise really weird. Friday, March 16th, 2012. 10 0 8 p.

m. Yeah, both of those were new high scores. The third highest Dr. Trevor and Francois is Nick with 36. How promising. Just yesterday I was feeling totally dejected on the dating front. Now there's this plus I have more potentials lined up. As of now I have a dinner plus drink state scheduled with one underscore dash M dash underscore of Redwood city for Sunday night.

Plus I'm sussing out plans [00:05:00] with I'm not going to give this person the D head of design at startup. As well as dos underscore toy, AKA not giving his real name a who describes himself in his profile as amazingly good in bed and has a twin.

Malcolm Collins: Okay. So I love the. I'm obviously am here the one person whose name she didn't fully give because she didn't have it yet.

And I find this very interesting because it's different than the way you remembered it. You had remembered being infatuated with me from the first moment you saw my profile. And it's very clear here that she does not become infatuated with me until later. Yeah, I'm

Simone Collins: infatuated with my lead list at this point.

Malcolm Collins: Right. But it also shows how you were handling your leads. You weren't really getting invested in profiles or personas was in these profiles until the guy got back to you, which shows that you really were doing a spamming technique at the time, which is actually pretty impressive for a woman. In terms of the arbitrage game that that allows

Simone Collins: you.[00:06:00]

Yeah, good for me, right? I

Malcolm Collins: Yes, good for you. That's exactly what I'd expected from the type of woman I ended up marrying. I'm a little

Simone Collins: bit proud of myself. Yeah, I don't, I don't tend to remember anything that happens in my past because I don't really care. So it's fun to go through this. All right. March 17th, 2012.

St. Patrick's Day. 1225 PM. So far so good to keep on track. I've opted out of feed catch up on the elliptical that this is when I used to, you know, remember RSS feeds Malcolm anyway and have instead taken the past two hours to make my first donation of the year, 208 via donors choose for math supplies to be used in an Oakland classroom, decide which videos to shoot today and thinking one about trends, one about letter closings and two about insults and begin formatting.

Previously unpublished trendspotting college papers on HubPages, which is the startup I used to work at.

Malcolm Collins: I was there. I think it's funny that we're hearing about these videos that are still on this channel. Like you can see the videos she was making at this time on this channel. This was the last year she was really [00:07:00] active and that initial big video spurt on this channel.

Simone Collins: Yeah. And this is Malcolm's choice to keep them there. I'm really I love them. I hate you so much. Earlier this morning, M sent me a message with a link to his Facebook profile, asking me to friend him so he knows who to look for and that I'm a real person. I sent him a flippant Facebook message about being 100 percent genuine and having a user manual and then proceeded to fall into a fundamental crisis after looking through his Facebook profile.

Facebook photos, which reveal him to be a sort of visual hybrid of Daniel Radcliffe and Charlie McDonald. Charlie is so cool. Like who is well traveled studied for at least a year in England and is in always Simone catnip.

Malcolm Collins: I love this. So there's a.

Few things to note here that are really interesting. One of these, because of this is when you were making these videos on YouTube people want to get an impression of like who I was meeting back then or who this person is. They can go look at those early videos on your [00:08:00] channel. That's what this is.

Another one, Charlie McDonald ended up transitioning, right? Yeah,

Simone Collins: he is now a woman. So times have changed, man. Yeah. And I had a total YouTube crush on him at the time.

Malcolm Collins: And the other one is so I really did do this Facebook thing because it really lowered the probability of catfishing. People's Facebook pages are, you know, you have way more photos, so it's much easier and photos uploaded by other people.

So it's much easier to find unflattering photos. And we actually ran into somebody at a party after this who like, Took umbrage to the fact I had done this. And she was like cause this is later covered in her diary when I was going back through it, I saw this and I had forgotten about it, but yeah, somebody at a party was like, Oh yeah, I didn't end up dating you because you demanded that you see my Facebook profile before you end up meeting me.

And it's like, well, yeah, like, I don't understand. You would meet a human being in person. Like you think that that is less revealing than showing them. You know, your Facebook profile. Well, and what [00:09:00] I

Simone Collins: forgot about this too is how two way it is. You're not just requesting access to their profile. You're, you're giving them access to your history and you were active on Facebook and still are very active on Facebook.

That's when I really fell for you is when I looked through your Facebook profile, I see all these photos and you're 100 percent my type, but then you're also so fancy. I was just. Utterly, utterly.

Malcolm Collins: I love it. Well, yeah. And I also wonder why somebody would deny access to a Facebook profile. I think it was probably that she was dating someone like that's a really easy way to see if somebody is cheating on a partner because it's pretty hard to list yourself as single on Facebook if you are not actually single.

But yeah, so apparently I am, if we're using this video as like a guide How to secure a partner. You know, obviously I'm working on disability here by disability. What I mean is I have a handicap, like a big advantage. Because she already finds me very attractive but it is [00:10:00] worth noting.

Simone Collins: But here's my hot take just real quick on why I think that that particular young woman decided that she wasn't going to share her Facebook profile with you, because I listen to, to fall asleep a ton of really shitty romance novels, and it's very common for the female to be.

Rude. And very confrontational with male prospects, even, and perhaps, especially if she likes them, like who gave you the right to do that? You know, you don't tell me what to do. You're kind of bossy, aren't you? And that is

Malcolm Collins: a Sunday type. No, the

Simone Collins: moment, but it's not even, it's not even that, I don't know what, it's just being a b***h, but it's, I, it, it is a common trope and it seems to be widely societally accepted that being sassy toward a man, especially if you like him is.

It's going to be,

Malcolm Collins: I don't know. And if you're a guy and you're dating, you need to shut that down the very first time it happens and filter out anybody who doesn't take being shut down for that. I mean, not like in an emotional way, but just be like, I'm sorry, [00:11:00] I won't take somebody who does this. And that's likely what happened with her where I was just like, no,

Simone Collins: bye.

Well, it was a good filtering effect. So anyway, all right. Back to my diary entry. My reaction to this discovery, of course, was to assume already that he detests me, slash, finds me somewhat disgusting, and to rue the moment I ever decided to reach out to him on OKC in the first place. Yes, I made the first move.

This reaction is a natural consequence of my general belief that disliking Simone is a general sign of good taste. I suppose it's bonkers that I should make this assumption, especially because he responded to my initial message, DESPITE A HORRID TYPO, with And here's your message.. Ah, I was going to email you, but you had all the nerdy stuff on your profile. So I figured you got flooded with emails and that mine would get buried. Honestly, this is Silicon Valley. How do girls think they will get dates by being prissy, but virtually all of them do it.

Anyway, answering those questions would take about 20 minutes, so I would rather do it in person than waste morning typing them out. Would you be up for meeting sometime in the near [00:12:00] future? But ugh, I hate my life. End of entry,

Malcolm Collins: so. I love, well one, you're stressing about like typos. Did you even check mine for typos?

I'm sure it had typos.

Simone Collins: Well, and you even write in your OkCupid profile that you make tons of spelling mistakes.

Malcolm Collins: But I think the message is also like, I masterclass on dating someone, but it is. So you had reached out to me with a bunch of questions about the company I was starting at the time because

Simone Collins: you mentioned that in your profile.

And that seems like

Malcolm Collins: you didn't want to look like, you know, you were only interested in me sexually and you wanted to, which is smart to do. But also it was me, you know, making myself look somewhat unavailable and important, which is all true. Like I wasn't misrepresenting myself, but it is. But also let's meet as soon as possible.

You know, I am not dicking around in terms of the engagement with this message or in any ways being disingenuous which I think is also, you know, of high utility and also don't waste time. You know, if you're doing [00:13:00] high throughput dating, like, as I said, at the time, I was trying to do five dates a week, at least you don't have time to fully respond to every one of these individual questions.

And if someone, someone showing interest in you, then, then move forwards

Simone Collins: with it. Yeah, no, and a theme throughout this is your transparency is one of the things that really stands out and is super underrated and dating. Okay, back to the diary. Sunday, March 18th, 2012. O bus. And I say that I would sometimes put the location of where I was.

I didn't have a car, so I had to use public transport to get everywhere. 2. 22 PM. I also really hope that Malcolm does not flake out tonight. I really want to get the lowdown on his life, if nothing more. We shall see what happens. 2. 33 p. m. Oh s**t. Just looked at Malcolm's profile again and am reminded of exactly why he is like Simone Katnipp.

Look, look, and then I copied and pasted your entire OkCupid profile which I'm really glad I did because it's amazing. I'm [00:14:00] not going to read it all because it's quite long. This was, these were back, this was before OkCupid was broken. When you had long form profiles with lots of information and could really show a lot of wit and other things aside from just your looks to make yourself attractive to other people, which is.

Total loss. But yeah, I was getting really nervous

Malcolm Collins: about meeting you. We might do a different video analyzing the OkCupid profile if people want that. But we, you know, we talked through it beforehand. We're like, Oh, we don't know. Maybe people want it. Maybe they don't. Yeah.

Simone Collins: Request it in the comments if you really, really want it.

But you know, so anyway, after pasting your profile, I type must keep expectations exceedingly low. He will flake if he does not flake, he will what could possibly go wrong? I will look horrid and not at all be his type. And he will do whatever he can to make the meeting as short as possible. He will find my personality and habits to be narrow and pathetic.

I will come across as a complete dunce and he will feel uncomfortable hanging out with someone who does not drink. Cause I didn't drink at the time. We will not be able to decide on someplace to eat. He will make up an [00:15:00] excuse to have to leave right away. The wind will make my hair a haggard mess. He will make me look like a poorly traveled simpleton.

I will reveal far too much about myself. I will bore him. His car will be stolen. I will vomit for no particular reason. All of those things are not so bad. I suppose. Whatever happens, happens.

Malcolm Collins: So I love this for two reasons. One is, is I think it was very good psychological technique that you used here. You were stressed about some sort of social situation, and so you just went through everything that could go wrong and then internalized.

It's really not that bad. Even the worst potential outcome. It's all just some form of inconvenience or social rejection. But the second thing is. is this is a person who you ended up marrying. So for all those people who are out there stressed, or you're on a date with someone who you think is impossibly beyond you, or you're on a date with someone and you just see them as like a, another person, you know, there's so much emotions behind every one of these interactions.[00:16:00]

And you know, you can read the rest of her diary. Well, not you can, but I have, and you're going to publish it at one point, an edited version. This is a completely unedited version. This is the raw actual diary. And you in this version you don't, Well, in all versions, you don't talk like this about any of the other guys.

Like this date was very different from the other day. I don't, I don't think you got stressed about any of the other guys or anything.

Simone Collins: Yeah. Always this paragon of everything I was into and you still

Malcolm Collins: are gorgeous. And I, and I did mention in the notes when we had done it to, to make it the book that I actually did like turn around and walk out of the room one day after seeing what the girl looked like, because she looks so different from her pictures.

And I was just like, no.

Simone Collins: And that's why you do Facebook.

Malcolm Collins: Yes. That's why I check Facebook. You know, I, I was a mean ish thing to do, but she should have looked more real in her pictures.

Simone Collins: So. Well, and I bet it's even worse now with all the filters people are using. It's insane. So [00:17:00] you can also. The even more manipulative, like you can really show real pictures of yourself.

You don't have to like Photoshop anything. You don't have to be technical. You can just use

Malcolm Collins: them. You know, I also want to elevate why I hadn't emailed Simone on the app because I mentioned it in the email, but it's actually important. Her profile, she was in Stormtrooper armor in most of her pictures, which is Two problems.

One is it's a way she could be hiding how she really looks and two, it's incredibly nerdy, so I expected arbitrage wise, she was gonna get tons of extra outreach, and she was also posting all the memes and everything on her profile, and so she just seemed like absolute Like a player of the arbitrage game of Silicon Valley to the extent that I thought that this is a woman who must be getting made, you know, passes on all the time.

And so she's going to overvalue herself. And she's probably also hiding that she's not that attractive which. We're both really wrong in terms of my assessment but it, it, it does show why you didn't get outreach to me because I had seen your profile before and I was just like, Oh, it's one of [00:18:00] those, you know, e thought pages, basically the perfect girl who everyone's reaching out at, but like, well constructed gamer girl, you know what I mean?

I'm actually

Simone Collins: surprised because I. Don't remember getting a ton of inbound interest on OkCupid. And I wonder if that's because algorithmically they figured that any woman who actually contacted men is either trying to scam them or sell them something or not real. That could be the

Malcolm Collins: case. Yeah. Cause I just didn't get that much

Simone Collins: message.

I was like, Oh gosh, am I that ugly? It was bad. Anyway. So yes, let's see. Okay. So that was the last diary entry before the date. Now we have the first diary entry after our first date. 10 43 PM. Holy s**t. It's like, it's like He's my kryptonite. If only I told myself that I might end the evening making out with this dude on some random floor of the Four Seasons, I [00:19:00] would obviously say I was crazy.

God. Oh man. Wow. Ha. This is hilarious. He is a total egomaniac, a total sociopath, a totally self involved, overly confident, rule breaking bundle of perfection. Oh God. I was really. You got me, Malcolm. I can, God, where do I start? I waited for him in the middle of the field at Yerba Buena Gardens. He was very easy to spot when he showed up since he was wearing what is apparently his signature vest, shirt, and tie.

When I waved and started walking over to him, some other guy thought I was waving to him, and as Malcolm reached out to shake my hand, that guy was all, Oh, I thought, wow, that there's this beautiful girl waving to me, which was favorable because it painted me in a totally flattering light. Anyhow, I kind of giggled and smiled to that man, then reached out and shook Malcolm's partially retracted hand, and he introduced himself, and I introduced myself, and we walked off the [00:20:00] field.

I'm so glad that that man said that I was a cat.

Malcolm Collins: Do you remember I had said something about it at the time? Like, can you believe he

Simone Collins: thought Yeah. I remember you saying that. Yeah. You were saying something like, man, can you believe he thought you were going to meet with him? But yeah, he was my wingman.

My stranger,

Malcolm Collins: he

Simone Collins: was my social proof. I'm sure it works for women to red pillars talked about it all the time. Right. That they had a word for it. Whatever. But yeah, having a lot of people make you look like you're desirable. I'm so glad he did that. All right. 11. 45 p. m. home in bed. Dad picked me up at BART, but I have to write that s**t down before going to bed.

Jesus. Remember I didn't have a car and I lived on the island of Alameda, which is outside San Francisco where we met. So I had to take the public transport of the Bay Area called BART back home. And then my dad picked me up. It was really late. My dad's so nice. Thank you, dad. I was a kid. We were kids back [00:21:00] then.

We were so, you know, I mean, because these days, like yeah, 20 year olds are kids. Anyway, we grabbed a dinner and drinks at Amber India. I've walked past there tons of times. This was my first time actually inside. He was very deliberate about everything, getting us seated, ordering us drinks, et cetera. How adorable.

This was Simone's first dinner and drinks date. I should add that. On all my previous dates, I'd only gone for like walks or gotten coffee with

Malcolm Collins: people. Because you couldn't eat in public back then. Like, you were breaking major Simone rules. People don't, like, Simone has a lot of rules about how she interacts with the world.

That's us recording in different rooms. Because it stresses her out to be around somebody when she's talking. Just like, you know, she's autistic, right? Like, she struggles with this stuff. And at the time, you didn't eat out at all, you were just conceding because I had asked you to and I spoke about this authoritatively, and I'd also say, if you're a guy and you're dating, everything I'm doing here is what you need to do, like you need to know the place that you're going to, you need to know [00:22:00] what you want to order, you need to not be indecisive, you need to show that you can plan and have everything under control.

And you can tell that this is not something that she experienced on her other

Simone Collins: dates. Nope, not at all. No, you were amazing. And also you had this routine where you would choose a restaurant and tip well at that restaurant so that you always got good service. Like this wasn't just. have a plan. It was know your, know your place, know your route, know your territory.

Malcolm Collins: All my high value dates in San Francisco at the same restaurant. Well, not the low value ones because it was a media, you know, expensive ish restaurant. And so, I couldn't afford to do all the dates. They're just a really high value prospects. And then other than that, I'd just be doing sort of screening dates somewhere else for us, like a coffee shop or

Simone Collins: something.

Yeah. Okay. I will continue right off the bat. We ordered drinks. Oh, I should also add, I, I didn't drink. Yeah. No, I remember

Malcolm Collins: we sat down and you go I don't drink. I'm [00:23:00] sorry. As you heard from one of the beginning things that she was afraid of, but I think she was dull because she didn't drink. And I just told her, I'm sorry.

I. I'm not going to date you if you don't drink.

Simone Collins: Yeah, well, I wrote, I was honest and I said, I never drink, but also said I was amenable to giving it a go again. Like I'm so desperate for you, Malcolm.

Malcolm Collins: I remember the drink we got was like a pink elephant or something or some sort of pink drink. Anyway,

Simone Collins: we need to order it again when we go back.

It's Amber India is still alive and well. Thank God. Already I knew that this was the sort of guy who could lift my OCD rules. At the time I thought all I had was OCD. I didn't get diagnosed with autism until our son was diagnosed. He ordered me something pink with muddled strawberry and we chatted for quite a while before ordering dinner.

He did most of the talking and the conversation was all over the place. He talked about St. Andrew's where he went to school. God, what an incredible place. Old castles and cathedrals. Thedrals, tons of traditions, blah, blah, blah. Apparently he took on extra courses and got involved with multiple academic houses.[00:24:00]

Total braggadocio, this Malcolm, but he's also refreshingly blunt and open. He got involved for a reason. He is exceedingly driven. The term world domination came up a couple of times. God, he's like me, but a year older, male, and not innocent and guileless. So cringe.

Malcolm Collins: It's not cringe, it is incredibly sweet.

This is what every guy wants in the girl they meet. Yeah,

Simone Collins: yeah. Yeah, you were certainly well, maybe not every

Malcolm Collins: guy, every guy who's like

Simone Collins: me. Yeah. Well, you're no one's like you because you're amazing. And I love you. He talked about his childhood a bit, got kicked out of school a couple of times. Apparently liked breaking the rules might've gotten to military school, got in fights.

He shared fantastic, a side of point at. He shared a fantastic aside at one point about the art of fighting in those settings. It is not all about fighting dirty. It's about knowing where to hit to make a good show. Causing, causing blooding noses and black eyes and stuff. He also went to three or four sleepover summer camps a [00:25:00] year in which he would study social dynamics and try to the best extent possible to gain becoming popular, which he concluded, and I entirely agree, is not something one can break down to a science because the social dynamics of a group change every time. In addition, he was super open about his policy with girls. That brilliant jerk. He would actually try out different conversational approaches with girls over AIM, you.

Aim for you people who are too young was an early chat site. And would record the successful ones throughout high school. He would actually engage in trial and error with different tactics. And he said in so many words that he can basically have any girl he wanted. He's so full of himself, but he's also added that it's convenient that he's attractive.

I'd call him full of s**t if he weren't the epitome of my type.

Malcolm Collins: I feel like that was interesting. There's a lot of people. So, so a couple of things, you know, we've mentioned on episodes before that, like, I'm generally considered attractive in the world of women, not in the world of men. And by that, what I mean, yes, [00:26:00] you're not a man.

Women know that I'm what is considered attractive. Super hot guy looks like, where a lot of men hear me say that and they go, but you're not an ultra masky man, man. And it's like, that's not what women are

Simone Collins: into here. Oh, thank God you're not gay, Malcolm. I'll just say that. You'd be

Malcolm Collins: screwed, I guess. Well, yeah.

One how you like obviously how you physically look, but a lot of this, and you can tell this from, from the way that you're writing, this is just confidence in who you are. Mm-Hmm. self knowledge and not hiding anything, you know? Yeah. When someone like Simone, I clearly like. While I had techniques that I had built up to try to

Simone Collins: date better.

You were 100 percent transparent about them.

Malcolm Collins: Yeah. And I wasn't using them just to like sleep around a lot anymore or anything like that. You know, at this point, I think I made very clear on our date early on that it's interesting that you didn't record it, that I was looking for a wife. Oh, it's, it's

Simone Collins: later in the century.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. He said he used to have More of a need for sex and all that jazz, my words, not his, and I slowed down a bit because, and yes, he really did say this. He [00:27:00] has learned the difference between good and bad masturbation. He actually said, and mentioned later that he is currently looking for a wife since it is an efficient decision.

They can combine friend sets so we wouldn't have to work hard at socializing. He doesn't have to go hunting for sex. And there was another reason, but I can't remember it. I love that little slip there, by the way. So we wouldn't have to work hard at socializing. I've already inserted myself

Malcolm Collins: into the, Oh gosh.

I

Simone Collins: didn't notice. You're so sweet. I don't, I don't think I noticed that either when I was writing. I think it was a little, a little sip.

As to what I meant by the masturbation comment Once you get really good at seducing women and you really no longer find it a challenge that you can basically sleep with whoever you want whenever you want. You'll soon realize that the only thing that gave sex value or over masturbation. Was that it was difficult in high status.

Maybe not everyone feels that way, but I think a [00:28:00] lot of the population, if they were honest with themselves would be like, yeah, sex is a ton of effort. And masturbation is just easier outside of any bonding effects. It has. Then feels about as good because I mean, of course, why wouldn't it? You couldn't literally choose every aspect of the experience for yourself. , and optimize it for whatever you are specifically interested in.

Simone Collins: Oh, he's so on it. So strategic. Why am I not him? It's so f*****g unfair. That's in all caps. We didn't just talk

Malcolm Collins: actually. Hold on. I want to comment on that statement because I've noticed with girls, this is what infatuation often looks like or love often looks like or like love at first sight with girls is they want to be the person.

Simone Collins: Yeah, they look at the person and

Malcolm Collins: they're like, I want to be someone like that. And that's what creates the romantic connection. Whereas guys don't have this same

Simone Collins: Yeah. But I mean, in terms [00:29:00] of, you know, we talk in the pragmatist guide to relationships about this one relationship format we think is best personally, which we call the Pygmalion relationship in which one are both partners.

Helps you become the person you always wished you could become. And I think women find that type of man really attractive, especially if they want this kind of relationship, because what better person to advise you on becoming who you want to be, if they are like what you want to be, you know, the advice that you get from someone is only going to get you.

Approximately to where they are. Right. So you can see why I was so excited. We didn't just talk about the more crass things in life. He also got into this business idea he's working on and recruiting support on it's past midnight and I need to go to sleep. So this is the gist. He basically sees human consciousness as a really valuable thing.

And he basically sees his purpose in life as protecting it. He also assumes. , through NeuroSky, who you worked for at the time. And, Current technological trends that humans will be able to essentially connect their brains and therefore their consciousnesses to [00:30:00] computers within 200 years, and that soon thereafter, they will be able to form networks.

It is at this point that the sense of self will soon begin to degrade. People will begin to form what I recall being referred to in Accelerando as the Borganism. He refers to this hypothetical network consciousness as the omega network. Malcolm, much like myself, is highly independent and values human independence.

He also believes that distributed decision making and individuality is what allows human society to both progress and defend itself. Don't you love how consistent we are? Malcolm therefore believes it is of extreme importance that someone prevent the human computer technology to come from allowing this networked consciousness to emerge.

He sees himself as that someone. This is why Malcolm wants to be at the forefront of this business. So far, as he is concerned, that is not enough. He acknowledges that this technology might not be fully developed in our lifetimes. So he wants to put it before us. In place, a power system that guarantees that his interest in protecting individuality is perpetuated.

 Hence [00:31:00] the quote, taking over the world, unquote, part of his equation. God, how delicious is that, right? He's cute, he's smart, he's sociopathic, and he's driven, he's future oriented, he's tech oriented, and he's power hungry? SWOON! I still am sorry. But isn't that interesting that like, how things have moderated?

I mean, one thing that I think you've discovered since we first met and as things have evolved in society is that you don't need people to actually have full out brain computer interfaces to start thinking. Like a monolith, which is scary.

Malcolm Collins: It is also interesting. You see here a few things. And actually in the book, I had edited out this part because I was like this is the completely unedited diary.

Cause I was like, well, you know, it's a little too specific, but back then I was working in brain computer interface. So direct connection with the human brain to technology, similar to like Neuralink and stuff like that. And I really saw this as the. future. And I don't disagree with anything I [00:32:00] said all the way back then was in 200 years, we will have the capacity to directly communicate with other people's brains.

And this does create a genuine risk of some sort of well, Omega network or homogenization, homogenization, the erasure of human individuality, which I would see as a negative. And I think I really haven't changed my core philosophical position, maintaining here. I'm talking about diversity of the individual, like the individual mind.

Whereas today I'm talking about diversity of cultural groups, right? But it's still the core value proposition of maintaining human diversity and empowering that to work together to make us stronger. The things which become these monoliths in, in, in a way people could say, well, this is actually his secret goal along to create some sort of intergenerationally stable power structure that can prevent the Omega network [00:33:00] from consuming all of humanity.

I wouldn't say

Simone Collins: that. That's what the modern prenatalist movement is also about. It's about preventing the pervasion of a couple of dominating cultures that don't permit the existence of. Diversity or other views or preventing the, like a complete takeover of the urban monoculture.

Malcolm Collins: And when we went over this in private, you know, you, you really highlighted it as something that you've sort of mentioned in a roundabout way here a few times is, you know, Meganet has already come to exist.

That's what the urban monoculture is. Yeah. People didn't need direct brain interfaces. To homogenize all of their thinking and perspectives, which is scary to see. But yeah, it's also interesting to see that we've been so future oriented and always had them sort of like big plan that takes place across multiple generations to try to protect our species.

And the plan hasn't really changed that

Simone Collins: much. It really hasn't. Yeah. I thought it had more. Honestly, I thought that we had changed more. We've [00:34:00] learned a lot. But our mooring points are quite similar. Okay, let's see. Before I continue, I should also point out that he might actually have what it takes to achieve his goal of setting in place some sort of power system.

He literally referred to building a religion at some point, after which I slipped an unnoticed cake reference into the conversation. And while it's, it's true. A laughable proposition for most people. This guy's drive, charisma, and smarts isn't going to hurt his prospects. And that is something that I loved about you from the very beginning.

And I think it's something that women really love about men in general is not just that they dream big. And I think dreaming big is not enough. Being confident is not enough. Those, those are really big factors in attractiveness. It's recognizing that that person actually has. Agency and from the beginning, it was so clear that you had a ton of agency and ability to actually act on what you cared about

Malcolm Collins: when I think the founding, the religion thing and everything like that.

So much of what I'm doing today. A lot of people act like because they're just beginning to meet me now that I'm sort of [00:35:00] like a loose cannon that's acting in ways that planned out from my early childhood. It's just not the case. Yeah. Everything I'm doing now was planned out from my early childhood, it's just the core threats to our species are different than I predicted at this time period, but it's not that the threats that I predicted at this time period aren't real or don't exist, or that my timescale was wrong, it's just the Some threats that I didn't anticipate basically came out of nowhere.

Like I really didn't think the urban monoculture would be this aggressive at stamping out free speech. I really didn't think that fertility collapse would happen back when I was writing all this, you know, or at least be the level of threat that I think it is today. Especially within our lifetimes, which is why it's become the new core focus.

Yeah.

Simone Collins: Let's see. What's more, he shared that from early on, he's been interested in studying and infiltrating subcultures. Seriously, we're just scarily similar. And it had a particular interest in cults in high [00:36:00] school. So this kid read and studied the heck out of them. To build on that front, he also started digging into local subcultures.

As soon as he came here, he got in with the singularity folks who apparently live in a very cult like situation and are highly tied with the sea studying movement. Plus are obsessed with healthy diets, have more men than women and have polyamorous tendencies, transhumanists, more equally distributed gender wise and makers, several subsets of maker culture.

Actually, I feel like such a total failure next to him. It's so unfair. Why did I not do all that? How does one even find these people? I really did love weird subcultures and I was so impressed by how. You'd spent very little time, relatively speaking, in the Bay Area and yet you grew up there. I grew up there and I didn't know half of any of the weird subcultures that you had encountered.

Malcolm Collins: I think this is such a good indicator that you should marry someone, is that they live a life. that you are envious, not because of their success or [00:37:00] whatever, but of the things that they're just going out and doing, or that somebody is envious of your life because it shows that they want to do more of the type of things that you want to do.

Right? Like, it's so funny when people were talking recently, when they're like, I can't imagine working with my spouse, like you two do Being around them 24 seven. How do you deal with that? And it's like, because we all, we like the same things. We like being around each other. Even in these early days, you're seeing the things I'm doing and you're thinking, I wish I could do those things too, which is a great thing to meet somebody who's interested in.

Yeah.

Simone Collins: I asked him how he managed to get out so much. If he isn't much of a people lover and he pointed. Back to his purpose in life and how he deferred his attendance at Stanford business school, because he wanted to take time to build a network before starting, he wants to start this business venture ASAP.

It seems he also referred off handedly to the various societies joined in school. Some of which are allegedly secret quote. I [00:38:00] love secret societies, unquote that jerk, which helped give him an in in many cases. I realized while sitting across from him that, well, if I want to get a peek at some of these deliciously fascinating groups of people, Malcolm is my in, which is both tremendously promising and very troublesome.

To your point, Malcolm. And

Malcolm Collins: you ended up becoming the, the managing director of dialogue, which was a secret society funded by Peter Thiel. And now you're like really in with all the secret society networks. We built one out for shrimp futures. So even that interest, like none of my interests have really changed.

It's remarkable how consistent I am and your interest in these interests hasn't changed. Yeah,

Simone Collins: it is really well because we feel like so much has changed, but not so much, but I'm glad I'm glad. All the while we're eating, he ordered a total of three drinks, plus two for me, and an appetizer for us to share, and we each got an entree, and he kept goading me to drinks, saying all that crap about having low tolerance is totally off, blah blah blah.

I totally knew what he was up to. But rather didn't care. [00:39:00] What the heck? I thought, I know I want to get back into drinking at least socially eventually, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity at one point he started trashing water saying some b******t about how fish s**t in it, to which I responded with a sarcastic, Hmm, but it's so tasty to which he responded with what I imagine was a perfectly calculated and suggestive, suggestive, and to think I will might can't remember which be kissing those lips.

It was at that point that I pulled out my whole, I haven't been kissed in five years zinger and asked him if he found that disappointing to which he responded in the negative and . began proposing various reasons why I might have made that decision. And I basically explained to him that I found emotions and relationships to be highly inconvenient.

I may have also explained this briefly before, but if not, I also told him I decided not to even consider unboxing my sexuality until this year and already found it highly troublesome. So it was all out on the table, which to be quite honest, [00:40:00] was refreshing.

Malcolm Collins: So a few things to note here. One is the suggestion I made to you, if I might be kissing those lips later, is used to reduce sort of miscommunication because I am signaling my intentionality to you, and you could have said, I'm not interested in that or not on the first date or, and instead what you said was, well, I haven't kissed someone in five years.

Which is saying, basically, not I consent, basically I consent, like, yeah, okay, you know, I'm not

Simone Collins: saying no. I consent, but I'm what's the word?

Malcolm Collins: Yeah, I can sit, but I'm insecure. That's the, the underlying thing that's being communicated in that response. And then me engaging was the response in an analytical format, you know, basically not talking down to her for it, not talking up to her for it being like, well, I can see why somebody might do that for X, Y, and Z reasons.

shows that I accept her position without accidentally [00:41:00] denigrating her which is very easy to do in a situation like this or making her more

Simone Collins: stressed. Yeah, no, you, great game, Malcolm. Around this time, I was finally starting to feel the buzz from, from the alcohol. I felt all tingly and kind of dizzy and cheery, which is the best boozy feeling I've felt yet.

So this was a great reintroduction. Malcolm paid the check and said he wanted to show me something. We stepped outside and then basically walked right into the Four Seasons. I was just going with the flow at that point and wasn't, well, and wasn't pretty surprised when he demonstrated his aforementioned love of pushing boundaries and breaking rules by stepping into a subsidiary staircase, leading up to a couple flights of stairs, and pointing out that it's surprising how few doors are locked.

We ended up in a hallway belonging to the business portion of the hotel. It was dimly lit. We stopped in the middle of the hallway and I realized that this was totally one of his hilarious little tricks. Lo and behold, there he was standing just about an inch from me. [00:42:00] Yep. So of course we kissed and then we kissed again and then he pushed me against the wall and we kissed even more and we started kissing pretty deeply.

I was surprised by how normal it felt. I recall saying something like, well, that's fine. There goes that five year hiatus. He totally pulled every cliche move in the book. Not just the leading me to a dark hallway thing, but also the slamming me against the wall thing, the unbuttoning my coat thing, the lifting me to the floor thing, the reaching up my dress thing.

I kept laughing the whole time because it was so gamed, so scripted. Quote, I totally see what you're doing. Unquote. I said, not that. I stopped him. I really only drew the line when he started reaching for my nethers. But yeah, he definitely had a massive heart on and I'm not going