Bad Romance Podcast

We're kicking off 2019 with possibly the worst film we've ever done on the show. It's streaming for free on Youtube, but please don't watch it!We hope you enjoy the episode, Tony Cogan. Thanks for your request!

In this episode, we contemplate why movies like 2011's New Year's Eve exist. Get ready for a very corny speech about movies! Have a happy new year!

This is our Christmas gift to you. We're sorry.

Thanks, we hate it.

We... love this Lifetime Christmas movie? Give us a break, it's been a long year.

We have some questions:1) Why are men so bad at making romcoms?!2) Why is TJ Miller terrible in everything?!3) Why does blonde = flawless in these movies?!4) Have men ever chilled out?!

The film is 2004's New York Minute and the mood is tired. This is a very... New Yorker episode. Listen. Hang out with your family and friends this week and don't watch this.

This week it's a real hatefest. 1994's Threesome is one of the worst things we've had to watch for this show. Avoid at all costs. Listen to this episode, and then erase all knowledge of this film from your brain. You don't deserve to remember this.

This week both Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman return to the pod for 1995's While You Were Sleeping, a romcom about falling in love with a guy's family. It's basically the opposite of The Family Stone, which comes out 10 years later. And we've done it on the pod! Anyway, this movie is harmless and bad in all the obvious ways. At least Bill Pullman is very, very sexy.

We close out our 2018 Month of Halloween Romance with 1988's High Spirits, a wacky ghost romcom from the director of The Crying Game. Steve Guttenberg and Daryl Hannah are romantically mismatched in this "comedy" that makes light of death, depression, misogyny spousal abuse, and sexual harassment! And it underuses Jennifer Tilly! A cardinal sin!

This week Bronwyn and I uncovered a truly delightful 80s gem: 1985's Once Bitten, starring a fabulous Lauren Hutton and baby Jim Carrey. Hutton is an older vampire who needs virgin blood to maintain her youthful appearance and Carrey is a teen who can't seem to "score" with his very sweet girlfriend. Think of it as a much more sex-oriented spiritual cousin to Teen Witch and Teen Wolf, but with more unfortunately dated humor (including one scene that should probably be cut out entirely). Honestly, this is one we had fun talking about.

This week we have a strange yet familiar case: A story of a powerful woman constantly overshadowed by her male collaborator. That is the story of 2005's Bewitched both in front of and behind the camera. The uneasy collaboration between Nora Ephron and Adam McKay is much more fascinating to talk about it than it is to watch. But at least Nicole Kidman is a goddess! Also, we discuss the secret hotness of Will Ferrell (and how it does not make an appearance in this movie).

Bronwyn is back! Too bad it's for this odd dud of a film called Only You. Robert Downey Jr. and Marisa Tomei both do their signature schticks--he is a manic presence and she has her head in the clouds--failing to have chemistry but succeeding at annoying us. Bonnie Hunt deserves better. Shout out to Bonnie Hunt! We love you!

This week we're back with another religious(?) romcom--1983's Two of a Kind. Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta came together for the first time since Grease, in a romantic plot where the fate of the world hangs in the balance. That's right--the world will end if they don't fall in love. Also, Oliver Reed plays Pimp Devil.

This week, Jourdain and Kyle get morbid as they discuss 2009's The Invention of Lying, one of the most wrong-headed comedies to come out in the last 20 years. It's sexist, it's critique of religion is childish, the male cast is populated almost exclusively by creeps (on and off the screen) and it doesn't seem to have a single redeeming quality. Bingo?

This week we finally got to 2013's Baggage Claim! It's a film with a lead so awkward, we're surprised it made it into theaters at all. Paula Patton is woefully miscast, most of her love interests are duds, and it became clear about 10 minutes in that Jill Scott was the real star. Who is going to write Jill Scott a romcom???

This week Kyle Kallgren subjected us all to 2009's The Time Traveler's Wife: a film that may lead us to instate an Eric Bana ban (haha) on the show. This is a worse marriage and birth story than Breaking Dawn, and everyone owes those movies an apology.

When are we going to be done with the "business woman goes to a small town and gets cut down to size by a guy who wears flannel" plot? Please tell us! We are suffering! Please stop making these! Renee Zellweger is a beautiful, talented goddess among men and she did not deserve 2009's New in Town. No one did! Especially not us!

This week we (with our guest Kyle Kallgren) decided to tackle the perfect movie to fall asleep to: 2004's Garden State. Do you like The Shins, bland acting, boring cinematography and a grown man dating someone who dresses and acts like a teenager? Do you like to watch to talented actors slum it with Zach Braff? Is this really your idea of a good time? Are you okay? Subscribe to Kyle Kallgren's youtube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/oancitizenFollow kyle on twitter: @kylekallgren

Now that a very special milestone has passed, we're back to scraping the bottom of the barrel with this year's When We First Met starring Pizza Steve and Bad Romance All-Star Alexandra Daddario. Can you believe this is the second Netflix original film to rehash Groundhog Day? Do you think it will ever stop or do we all live in a Hell of our own making???

We made it to 50 episodes! Can you believe it?! And we're celebrating with the 2000 Nancy Meyers joint What Women Want, starring an awful man (Mel Gibson) and a woman who is way too good for him (Helen Hunt). Can you believe a gender-flipped version of this movie is currently being made? It is! It's called What Men Want, because apparently we're supposed to care about that?

This episode we went to Hell and barely returned to tell the tale. We have no idea why anyone likes this movie, but it's possible that they all saw a secret cut of it with only Rupert Everett. And if that's the case... where is it? How do we get ahold of it? Why would you hide it from us? We went to Hell, for you! FOR YOU. So we hope you appreciate our struggle.

This week, it's my birthday! And we also recorded an episode on 2004's Win a Date With Tad Hamilton. It's an oddly old-timey movie about how Flashy Guys are the natural enemy of Nice Guys in the battle for The Almighty Blonde Woman. In a world where Topher Grace would actually turn down Kathryn Hahn and Josh Duhamel would be anyone's dream guy... this movie... exists.

This week we couldn't even make it to the hour mark discussing 2000's Down to You. It's a college romcom where everyone talks like they're 30, and not in the clever way. Freddy Prinze, Jr. exudes negative sexual energy. Julia Stiles is too good for him. Selma Blair is one long sex pun. Rosario Dawson is the only one who seems like she's in college. Oh and, Ashton Kutcher is the funniest person in the movie. This is a movie with a comedic porn subplot and we're still begging you: don't watch it.PS: Sorry about the mic jiggling! We are getting new mic stands.Our theme song is "58008" by Clutch Douglass!

We've done multiple horror romcoms on the podcast, but none as scary as 1996's Mr. Wrong starring Ellen DeGeneres and Bill Pullman as the scariest villain since Michael Myers. It's a film where there is absolutely nothing to like and you feel bad for everyone involved. Heterosexuality has never been this bone-chilling.

This week we took a deep dive into the new Netflix romcom The Kissing Booth. It's adorable and sexist! Sweet and horrifying! The leads are dating in real life, so that's kind of cute, right? Almost makes how scary their dynamic is in the film okay because there's no way it's like that in real life... right? Also: It's a stage, not a booth! The title doesn't make sense!

This week we groaned through 1996's The Pallbearer, a Graduate knockoff with the misfortune of starring a sentient wet paper bag. The love triangle doesn't work. The themes don't hit. Toni Collette, Barbara Hershey and Carol Kane are wasted. But hey, at least Matt Reeves doesn't make romcoms anymore. A blessing!

This week we tried to tackle 2005's The Family Stone. It really is the romantic comedy holiday movie TO THE EXTREME. See also: Love Actually (which we'll cover eventually, maybe). We've got familial conflict, romantic conflict, culture clashing and a sick relative! The Stone family is a liberal with a capital L, everyone hates Sarah Jessica Parker for some reason and Dermot Mulroney is the secret villain. This is one you have to see, folks.Oh and, this is our first episode with a theme song! Enjoy "58008" by Clutch Douglass!

This week we finally dipped our toe into the Mary-Kate and Ashley Empire with 1998's Billboard Dad. Surprise! It's actually a plausible romantic story for adults trapped inside a movie for kids! The leads are attractive, look good together and mesh well as a couple. The main thing lacking in the film is... Mary-Kate and Ashley. It pains us to have to say this... but we wanted more adults in this movie. Not the fake British guy, though. We could have done without him.

This week we took it easy with one of Hilary Duff's more forgettable vehicles-- 2005's The Perfect Man. It's a weird movie where a teenage girl makes up a fake dream man for her very beautiful and shockingly desperate mother. Chris Noth looks bored and lost post-Sex and the City. Heather Locklear has to pretend she isn't gorgeous. It's all strange. But at least Ben Feldman is in it, and he's very cute.

This week we tried to tackle 1999's Simply Irresistible. This sort-of musical and sort-of romance stars Sarah Michelle Gellar at the height of her power and that one guy from The Boondock Saints. It occurs in a mirror universe where Patricia Clarkson would lust after Dylan Baker, Sarah Michelle Gellar would be jealous of thin blondness of Amanda Peet and anyone would care this much about a giant forehead wearing a suit. Cooking romcoms are a strange subgenre.

This week we tackled a new release: I Feel Pretty. I know our listeners probably expected us to hate it... but that's not actually the case. It's really naive and broad--but pure of heart. And we really appreciated that. The script is mediocre, but the performances are great. Michelle Williams BROUGHT IT. And the romance we discuss is actually... good and healthy? On this show?! It's wild times, truly.

This week we try to make sense of The Heart Specialist, a film that premiered at the Boston Film Festival in 2006 but didn't hit theaters until 2011 (to capitalize on Zoe Saldana's rise to stardom in Avatar). It's unfocused, disjointed, oddly-edited and yet... it made us laugh? We're probably both going mad, and this is probably the worst film we've done so far, but we actually didn't hate this very, very weird ride.

Jenny's Wedding is ALLEGEDLY a lesbian romantic dramedy from 2015, and is APPARENTLY on Netflix, and SOMEHOW has a cast that includes Tom Wilkinson, Katherine Heigl, Grace Gummer and Alexis Bledel. It's also been told to us that it does in fact take place on planet Earth, but it's tough to confirm these speculations.Somehow, someway, Macklemore is to blame for this

Wow, just wow. This is a rare case on the show where a film lived up to its expectations. It's really just as bad as everyone says it is, and all the dragging that's gone on through the years is entirely justified. Kelly Clarkson doesn't want to be there. Justin has very little screen presence, despite being a better actor than her. Anika Noni Rose is the only actor in this that comes out unscathed. She deserves better. I want justice!

This week on the pod we talked about the sexism that holds Life or Something Like It back from being a good film. Angelina Jolie plays a delightful human being who everyone seems to hate because she's... thin, blonde and goal-oriented. That's it. She's not a secret racist or anything. Just an evil blonde. Hiss! Edward Burns plays the "love interest" who negs her into losing her confidence. Swoon!

This week we decided to go back to the early 90s with 1992's The Cutting Edge, starring the very strange pairing of Moira Kelly and D.B. Sweeney. As a film, it's pretty okay. But as a romance, it doesn't work at all. This film is a great example of how a male director and male screenwriter can put their heads together and still not understand women to save their lives. Moira Kelly deserved better. D.B. deserved exactly this, though.

This episode we tried to find depth in the very shallow Leap Year.It's a film that answers this question: What if Claire and Bender from The Breakfast Club were older, very boring, and met in Ireland for some reason? It's a story about a woman being bullied into love and we don't even have an 80s sheen and iconic soundtrack to mask the cringe and make it feel cool. It's very, very bad.

This week we experienced the very strange 2001 remake Sweet November. Now, we haven't seen the 1968 original, but the 1968 original doesn't have a completely off-the-wall Keanu Reeves performance, so it probably succeeds more as a romance. Don't get us wrong--Keanu did a great job. We're just not quite sure what movie he thought he was in.

This week we decided to dip our toe into bad melodrama with 2000's Autumn in New York. It's the classic tale of a patronizing middle-aged man dating a terminally ill 22-year-old young woman who is most definitely too good for him. Someone in 2000 really thought Richard Were and Winona Ryder were a good romantic pairing. Someone in 2000 was wrong.

We're just not that into this movie. Fun Fact: The moment we finished recording, I actually did throw up. The only good thing about 2009's evil demonic egg that is He's Just Not That Into You is that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Aniston are good in tit. Everyone else is terrible.

This week we watched 2015's Playing It Cool aka The Marvel Off-Time Hangout Movie. Captain America has to write a romcom script for The Falcon. Cap is in love with a woman, but she's engaged to Mr. Fantastic. Caps best friend in this universe is Venom for some reason (along with Peter Parker's teacher and Legion's bud Lenny). And somehow, with all this talent... it's about as romantic as an iPod commercial.

Just in time for the most upsetting holiday of the year, Bronwyn and Jourdain decided to tackle their most-requested film: 2011's Something Borrowed. It's a romcom that hinges on the idea that blonde women oppress brunette women and that it's justifiable to steal a blonde woman's fiancé as reparations! Yes! Seriously! This is one of the few cases where we totally understand why everyone hates this movie. You guys were right.

Joined again by Kyle Kallgren, we looked into Tina Fey's most misbegotten starring vehicle to date. It's a film all about how war is hot and sexy and fun and everyone is white.

This week, it's a weird case. We took a deep dive into 2009's Bride Wars and how it's bad... but not as bad as everyone says it is.

William H. Macy's The Layover is possibly the worst film we've ever discussed on the show.

We decided to kick off 2018 by doing a good romance for once! This week we gushed about 2017's The Big Sick, a great romcom made by one of the cutest married couples in the entire world.

Tis the season for Jourdain and Kyle to discuss the creepy holiday romcom The Santa Clause 2. It's the wackiest take on The Taming of the Shrew ever put to film.

This week we revisited an old favorite that didn't age well. It's 2002's Sweet Home Alabama, a romantic comedy that is... obsessed with the Confederacy and explosives.

A nightmare.