Are We There Yet?

Parents, there's a bit of profanity in this one but it's a great episode. My friend Mark Lightcap was a young punk when his best friend and bandmate was diagnosed with cancer. Listening to Mark share this amazing, often funny story, I was struck that losing a friend is less destabilizing than losing a family member and allows grief to feel more liberating in some ways. Losing his friend made Mark aware of death and respectful of the immediate aftermath as a unique opportunity for spiritual and intellectual growth. It's a great story. And listen all the way to the end if you like early punk as defined by suburban kids in the early 80s.Here's a clip of Mark playing music during Covid if you're interested: Mark Lightcap performs You've Been Inside by AcetoneIf you'd like to comment on the episode, you can do so here: "I'm Listening."Intro and outro music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall."Bonus music by Chocolate Crankshaft Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Kids make you better," Heather said, talking about how much she's learned from parenting her kids after their father died. Heather's husband died a year before the pandemic hit, so she was in survival mode, trying to support her family, be there for her kids and deal with all the uncertainty of Covid. Fear was the undercurrent until she eventually realized she needed to slow down and take care of herself in order to be able to support her kids in the best way possible. It's a great conversation about how Heather carved out her own path, relaxed the reigns around her kids, and discovered all the ways our kids make us better people.If you enjoy the conversation, I'd love to hear your thoughts. You can leave a review on Apple Podcasts or find me on Substack at "I'm Listening."Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week I'm talking to Austin Liston who entered parenthood fast when he started dating Chad, his now husband, who already had two kids. Then they decided to have more kids and ended up with four foster children. Austin co-hosts the wonderful podcast Best Wives Club with his best friend, Amanda, who happens to be Chad's ex-wife. We talked about how the loss of their birth parents affects his young kids and how he and Chad try to make space for all the feelings that come with that. For someone who had little experience parenting before he found himself co-parenting six kids, Austin has an amazing attitude and sense of humor that makes talking with him extra fun. I really appreciated his unique perspective on the challenges of parenting kids through changes and transitions, especially when you don't have much control over the circumstances.Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode I talk to the first of several professionals in the field of childhood and adolescent grief, Jana DeCristafaro from The Dougy Center in Portland, Oregon. Jana is also the host of Grief Out Loud, a great podcast about grief and early loss. The Dougy Center was founded on the idea that grieving teens know how to support each other, in ways that adults might find challenging. Jana explains how this works from the perspective of working directly with adolescents, in their peer-to-peer support groups. "How do we know if a teen is grieving? We know someone in their life died," says Jana. She also talks about how she and her colleagues help adults understand that grief can take many forms and look very different in different kids. She also talks about how parents and community members can gain confidence in their ability to support grieving teens. We talk about grief in the larger culture right now, how that's changing, how it isn't, and how finding the language to talk about it is so important. On that point, Jana mentioned the book "Finding the Words," by Colin Campbell.Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week I talk to Kimberly about how she did her best to navigate her kids' grief, as well as her own, in the wake of her husband's death. Having lost her mother to cancer a few years earlier, Kimberly knew how to deal with medical insurance and doctors, treatments, and surgeries. But as her husband's prognosis worsened, Kimberly and her husband had to do a constant calculus to prepare their kids as much as possible, without overburdening them. It wasn't easy, but she and her kids got through it. After her husband died, Kimberly began the process of becoming a therapist which gives her a great perspective on parenting her kids through multiple losses as they grew into adults.Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, I talk to Nancy and Eric, a couple who didn't realize (or don't remember knowing) that they were in the same club when they met. The club of parent loss is one that no one asks to be in but its members often enjoy lasting bonds. For Nancy and Eric, it has resulted in a long marriage that has endured many hardships. Even though every early grief experience is unique, the impression it makes on young people is often similar. Eric, Nancy, and I had fun discussing the contrasts and the parallels between our histories and how they affected our lives and romantic relationships.Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, I interview my sixteen-year-old son, Skops, who has a lot to say on the subject of grief. He reminded me that I'm doing a show about adolescent grief, so I should have younger guests on, sooner than later. I was intending to save that perspective for later in the season but decided to listen to him. This podcast is all about making adolescent grief more visible by talking about it and listening to all kinds of perspectives on it. Skops had a lot to share about the loss of his older sibling, Keirnan, who died before he was born, and what it was like to be born into a family that was still grieving. He also had a lot to say about media and how social media is helping to open more conversations about grief. I find all of that fascinating and it gives me a lot of hope for his generation.Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My close friend, Vivian (Trimble) Lewine died this month so I am dedicating this episode to her.This interview with another close friend, Raequel London, was the most meaningful one, for me personally, to date. Raequel lost her mother to breast cancer when Raequel was in her twenties. Because she was older, she had the opportunity to see her mother's death coming and to be with her at the end. This brought up old feelings of regret for me since I didn't have that experience. The result is a very moving and healing conversation for both of us. Raequel also talks about her own experience with breast cancer and how it led her to become certified as a health coach. I can attest to her amazing talent as an intuitive and supportive health coach. Our sessions have improved my mental and emotional health in countless ways.You can find Raequel at https://www.coachraequel.com/Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode I talk with Trilby, a former schoolmate, about the aftermath of her mother's murder in 1980. We go into depth about how she tries to support students, as a teacher, when they are going through something hard. We also talk about what it was like to deal with people's responses to her family's traumatic loss and how she and her siblings managed to support each other as they grew up.Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, I talk to Diane, whose father died on Veteran's Day, 1963, eleven days before the assassination of President Kennedy. Diane was born in the aftermath of World War ll so she is from a different generation and grew up in a different culture than I did. She also had to help support her family right away so there wasn't much time for grief. We talk about the difference between our generations and what happens when we have no choice but to put off the grieving process. Diane shares openly about how she coped and how present her grief remains today.Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, my friend and fellow artist Ivette and I go deep into our earliest experiences with shame, grief, and art. For Ivette it was theater, and, for both of us, music, clubs, and dancing. Ivette also talks about the culture of grief in her large, Mexican-American family which was quite different from mine. We also get into shame and how it weighs on kids who have an early grief experience.Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My older brother Shep talks about how he managed to escape his grief by traveling and becoming a foreign correspondent. But it all came back when he began his new life as a father and faced a personal crisis. We also talk about the responsibility older siblings feel toward younger ones in the wake of losing a parent. Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As I get my feet wet recording interviews, I decided to start with the people most familiar to me: My siblings! In this episode, I interview my sister Quinn Faison about her experience with adolescent grief and how it has affected her as a friend, a parent, and a parenting coach. Quinn and her wife Sarah have a coaching business called Plan P where they support parents through the challenges of raising responsible, caring, young adults. Although Quinn and I have talked throughout our lives about grief, there were a lot of questions I had never asked her before. If you listened to the first episode, you'll notice that our stories are quite different, even though we agree on a lot of the benefits of adolescent grief.In this episode, we discuss Hope Edelman's books: "Motherless Daughters" and "After Grief." Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For the first episode of this podcast, I will lay the groundwork by talking candidly about my most significant losses and how they intertwine. It's a surprising story about how losing my mother at a young age helped me decades later to grieve a child and mother my other children as openly and honestly as I know how.I also discuss my book, "Dancing with the Midwives: A Memoir of Art and Grief" which is available on Amazon.Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Are We There Yet?" is about gaining a better understanding of grief by looking at the consequences of an early loss. It's also about helping kids and their communities better understand the short and long-term consequences of grief. Ann Faison is an artist and grief specialist who has read, researched, and written extensively about grief since losing her mother to cancer when she was fourteen. In this trailer, she discusses why grief still fascinates her and why she interviews other adults who have grown through and thrived from an early loss. There are dozens of podcasts about grief, but not many that look at adolescent grief from an experiential adult perspective. Are We There Yet? is for anyone looking for a different take on grief, or who would like to better support teens and young adults who are suffering a loss. Music by Josephine Wiggs from her Album "We Fall." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.