A Moment of Hope

The first look is free. You're responsible for the second one. This maxim came from my friend John Kasay and his wife, Laura. I once asked him, as an NFL kicker, what it was like to be on the sidelines with all the scantily clad cheerleaders dancing suggestively all around him. That's when he shared the quote from Laura with me. Laura told John that the first look is impossible to prevent. Temptations will come out of the blue, apparently from nowhere, but probably a demonically inspired temptation. We can't keep them from entering our minds. But the second look - that one, we are responsible for. How can we control the second look? Learn from Job: "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman" (Job 31:1 NIV). Our eyes are the window to our souls. We can't control thoughts coming to us. But we can control if we let them lodge there. The first look is free. The second is your responsibility.

Do you live to work, or work to live? God said work was good. As God created the earth and everything in it, he repeatedly called his work good (Genesis 1:4,10,12,18,21,25,31). He commanded Adam and Eve to dress, till, and keep the Garden. And their work was good. Work is a good gift from God. However, if we try to find our identity in our work - and spend an inordinate number of hours at our jobs - work is no longer good. It consumes us. Eventually it can kill us. When our work becomes an obsession, we deny ourselves - and our family and friends - meaningful time spent together. Think about it. No one has ever read a tombstone with the inscription, "I wish I'd spent more time in the office." Here's my point. Live your life now to the fullest! Enjoy every moment! Don't let work be your dominant reason for living. And when you are working, remember this: "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ" (Colossians 3:23-24).

Here's a tried-and-true parenting tip. The fewer the rules, the better! Why? Because the more rules you have, the more you need more rules to define the rules you've already made. Marilynn and I kept it simple and created two rules we expected our children to follow: 1) Don't disobey. 2) Don't dishonor. Obedience is fundamental. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (Ephesians 6:1). Godly parents represent God's oversight of their children. Meaning, children must learn that as they obey their Godly parents, they are obeying God as well. It's the beginning of a life-long process of being God's servant - obeying his will above all else. We are in fact commanded to honor our father and mother (Exodus 20:12). Used here, the word "honor" means to lift up. Prize. Value. It's the only one of the 10 commandments that comes with a blessing. For the family and the nation itself. Obedience and honor. We would call out our kids on these two issues alone. Over time, they consistently obeyed and honored us. And now, as adults, our children obey and honor God. That's all my wife and I ever wanted as parents.

When dealing with questions about faith, can one ever delve deeply into matters of faith without doubt creeping in? Probably not. Here's what's true. When you doubt - and do nothing with that doubt except let it stir within - then, yes, it is indeed bad. Doubt will settle in your mind like a malignant tumor. Eventually, it will grow into unbelief. In fact James, Jesus's brother, tells us to not doubt. "For the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind" (James 1:6b). But here's what I've learned. Doubt can in fact be good - if it forces you to ask questions. Seek answers in your faith. Deepen your belief. And your walk with Jesus. When that happens, your faith increases and becomes more meaningful to you. Use doubt positively. Let it be the ants in the pants of your faith, driving you deeper into Jesus.

Have you ever heard the adage, "Practice makes perfect?" Many of us have. But it's not true. Here's what is correct: Perfect practice makes perfect! This quote came from my son's high school coach, Jerry Faulkner. Most people tend to say, "Practice makes perfect." That's true in one sense. But if your habits are wrongly and repeatedly practiced, then your results won't be perfect. The apostle Paul told fellow believers to imitate him as he imitated Jesus (1 Corinthians 11:1). Every day, Paul practiced the right habits of the heart. Thus, every day, he became more and more conformed to the image of Jesus (Romans 8:29) - God's goal for all of us. And then Paul asked his disciples to follow him, as he faithfully followed Jesus. How we choose to live our lives each day will - over the course of our lives - make us into who we are. So make sure you are practicing following Jesus! As perfectly as you know how. Then you will look and live like him - his desire for all his disciples.

Praise the behavior you want repeated. It's a great leadership principle I learned from my college basketball coach, Dean Smith. Coach wanted his players to play hard, smart, and together. That was his mantra for success. But he also knew that to get us to play consistently as he desired, he needed to notice and praise the behavior he wanted repeated. It's a great parenting principle too. The Bible tells children to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1). But surely there is more to it than just demanding kids obey what parents tell them. More than just, "Do this because I said so." Perhaps obedience should be preceded with constant and consistent praise of the behavior we want them to repeat. Preceding miraculous healing, Jesus praised others for their great faith (Matthew 8:10; 15:28). The Savior of the world praised others for the behavior he wanted repeated. I would imagine their faith only increased with hearing the Savior's praise. We as people and parents should learn this truth from Coach Smith. And Jesus.

Boy, have I learned this one through the years! It's easier to get in than out. It's far easier to make a thoughtful, carefully considered choice than to find ways later on to get out of a bad one. Over time, the bad choice often becomes an entangled mess. It's like untangling spaghetti! As Scripture says, "The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance" (Proverbs 21:5). Therefore, before making decisions, seek wise counsel. Ask the Lord to make the choice clear. Do your due diligence. If the choice surrounds a person, look for traits like humility and a servant's heart. Work ethic, integrity and honesty. These are often predictors of future success. Your time is far better spent making a wise decision upfront rather than working regrettably afterwards to correct a bad one. That's because it's always easier to get in than out.

Think about words like "hell" or "damn." They're spoken so often in our culture with little - if any - thought of the implications behind them. Their biblical roots. What they really mean. These words are startling and significant, yet they're often spoken thoughtlessly and casually. What's the lesson? Don't trivialize eternal realities. When we use severe words casually, we lessen their meaning. In fact, we are expressing doubt that these realities and destinations actually exist. We are trivializing eternal realities. And cutting the nerve cord of a passion for evangelism. Jesus came from heaven to earth - to seek and save the lost from hell (Luke 19:10). He taught us more about hell than heaven. It is very important to him. Also, Jesus taught us not to fear man, but to fear God who has the power to throw both body and soul into hell (Matthew 10:26-28). If you really believe this, might it change your choice of words? Jesus understood the seriousness of speaking about eternal destinations. As should we.

Coach Dean Smith won two national championships. He was an incredible man and leader. The many lessons I learned from him continue to impact my life today. Years ago, I was watching one of Coach Smith's national championship games. At a key point in the second half, Coach put in a reserve player for a superstar at a key moment in the game. I couldn't believe his decision. What was he doing? Until I remembered this quote, something he said repeatedly: A rested reserve is always better than a tired superstar. Coach Smith knew that as great a player as someone may be, if he's tired - he's tired! And can't perform to the best of his abilities. So Coach put in a rested reserve for a few minutes, and guess what happened? The superstar reentered the game refreshed - and led the team to victory. The Lord knows we need rest. He is our Shepherd. And sometimes he makes us lie down in green grass before still waters because he knows we need some time off. To rest (Psalm 23:1-2). And it would be much wiser for us to choose to rest than the Lord make us rest. We can't play life's game well if we are tired. God knows that. As should we.

Do you know what is going to happen in the next moment? Tomorrow? Weeks? Or years to come? Of course not. No one does. But here is a timeless truth that will always prevail: We don't know what the future holds, but we do know who holds the future. God is the Creator of all. He began the world (Genesis 1:1). And he will end the world (Revelation 1:8). Therefore, we put our trust in God. The mighty One. The sovereign One. The only One who sees all. Controls all. And knows all - including his plans for our lives, "plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Three important words I've learned to live by: Life goes on. Think of your life as a river. It keeps going. Moving on and on and on. What happens if you throw a huge rock into it? First, there's a splash. Then ripples. And then nothing. The river continues to flow and move on. You may have had some tough and big rocks thrown into your life's river. Most all of us have. Those rocks likely caused a huge splash and many ripples that lasted for a while. But then, the river calmed and life moved on. Learn to flow with the river. Learn what you can from life's rocks. Learn valuable lessons. Then move on. My dad used to laughingly say that his favorite verse in the Bible was, "And it came to pass" (Genesis 4:3,8; 6:1, and many more). It's repeated over and over again throughout Scripture. Dad was right. Bad times pass. And life goes on!

When I was a college basketball player, I played in many games. But there was one game I'll never forget. I'd been playing poorly in a game and my coach, Dean Smith, took me out. When I reached the sidelines, I slammed my towel on the floor. Coach Smith quietly approached me, the game continuing. He knelt before me and asked, "Did you slam that towel on the floor because you were upset with me for taking you out of the game, or because you made some bad mistakes and didn't play well?" I responded with the latter - because I hadn't played well at all. That's when he said these words to me, "Never embarrass me publicly and I won't embarrass you publicly." It's a leadership and relationship lesson I've never forgotten. After that game, any questions or problems I had, I would go to Coach Smith and talk them out privately. Between coach and player. And I'd leave the office better informed and with our relationship still intact. It was a way I learned to honor my leader as we honored one another (Romans 12:10).

We all have big decisions to make in life, many of which will affect us for years to come. Once when I was going through such a decision, someone told me to practice the rule of the comma, "When in doubt, leave it out." It's what you are to do in writing - if you don't know if you should use a comma, you probably should not. It's a rule that applies to life as well. God's direction will eventually become clear to us. His will is that important to him. And if it's that important, he won't allow us to make a decision in a fog. He will give us clarity. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning" (Psalm 130:5-6). So, if you are facing an important decision, wait on the Lord to reveal his will to you. Seek clarity. Doubt is not his will. It's like the shifting sands on the seashore (James 1:6). Practice the rule of the comma: When in doubt, leave the decision out. When and if it's God's will, it will become clear.

How do you feel when a coworker gets a promotion? Your neighbor's child earns a college scholarship? A good friend buys a beautiful beach house? Excited? Or jealous? My wise friend Coach Dean Smith said this about such situations, "Good people celebrate when good things happen to others." He was speaking to the danger of envy and jealousy. Two hidden diseases of the heart that force us to compare our insides with others' outsides. But when your heart is filled with good, God's goodness fills you (Psalm 136:1). And one of the ways you know your heart is filled with God's goodness is when you celebrate when good happens to another person. You cease comparing. You enjoy God's goodness to you. And to others as well.